


Metamorphosis

by beforethedawn, ConstructFairytales, Destinyawakened



Series: When in Romania... [3]
Category: Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom, The Big C (TV), The Path (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Bottom!Cal, Character Development, Cults, Hand Jobs, Identity Issues, M/M, Manipulation, Marriage Proposal, PTSD, Past Sexual Abuse, Rimming, Sex as Therapy, Smut, Spain, Spontaneous Marriage, The Path: Season 2 divergent, Therapy Dog, beach wedding, bottom!Nigel, cal/nigel, changing, meyerism, tagged hannigram for rarepair au, talk of past childhood sexual abuse, top!Cal, top!nigel, veggiedogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-10-25 13:40:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 133,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10765365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beforethedawn/pseuds/beforethedawn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConstructFairytales/pseuds/ConstructFairytales, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destinyawakened/pseuds/Destinyawakened
Summary: Nigel finally convinces Cal that the Movement is not out for his best interesting, especially after learning some deep dark secrets Cal has kept hidden and to himself about Doctor Steve Meyer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Boy, you all are in for a treat, as we've had this idea up our sleeves for a while. It's a long process, so this could take a while. Along for the ride? We hope so. Watch the tags as we progress, things might get a little tricky here.
> 
> Have comments or questions? Please see our [TUMBLR](http://constructfairytales.tumblr.com) ask/send message page!

At the end of the day, when the clouds cleared and the sun shone overhead, everything Cal Roberts did was taken with very little heed. His work in Romania was overlooked, time and again, despite his gaining leadership. It was when the news came to Cal via a letter, of all things, that Steve was on his way to see the progress that Cal's calm veneer began to crack, like spidering glass, small at first, but spreading slowly until even his thoughts felt splintered. Panic infused inside Cal, twisting in his chest as he placed the letter on the desk and leaned over, head in hands. He hadn't seen Steve since he was on his deathbed, months and months ago, before Nigel, before Romania. He wasn't ready, he wasn't.... Cal swallowed it down and looked at his phone and then picked it up.

No, no… he couldn't call Nigel, he couldn't let him see him like this. Whatever _this_ was, honestly. Cal rubbed his hands over his face, into his eyes, and back over his shorn hair, fingers finding nothing to grip, noting to pull and take this out on.

So, he calmed. He relented and focused, pushing that panic down with a few deep breaths that calmed his shaking, and cooled his core.  

Steve would see what good he was doing, Steve would come and congratulate him, and offer him higher leadership. Steve would praise him, as he always had.

After he calmed, Cal read the letter once more, it was short and to the point, signed in Steve's  scribble at the bottom. He let the letter sit on his desk, a reminder for days to come that he had to get things _perfect_.

And so, Cal spent the rest of the day at the Compound, working out the kinks, settling issues and letting his phone ring-- he didn't need distractions.

***

Nigel did not usually come to the compound. He stopped his car in the middle of everything and glared at the hippies staring at him as he climbed out. “Unde dracu e Cal?” he demanded, in Romanian, and a man pointed at the little house where Cal had been, all day.

Nigel stormed up to the door and pushed it open, looking around with dark eyes, jaw set.

After spending time in the gardens for a while, Cal had gone back into his tiny house, which felt smaller and smaller the longer he was in there, the longer he let himself dwell on things he really ought not to be.

He glanced up when Nigel burst in, bright blue eyes wide. “Nigel?”

“So. Not answering your fucking phone?” Nigel asked, bluntly, relief in his dark eyes despite his harsh tone.

Cal cringed, and reached for his phone out of the drawer, laying over the top of the letter. “I turned it down. I… didn’t want to-- I didn’t need distractions. I’m sorry.”

“That’s what I am? A distraction?” Nigel asked, with a frown that clouded his expression. “I thought something fucking happened to you. This is Romania, crazy shit happens.”

“No! No. You are a… a wonderful distraction. I… Steve’s coming and nothing is perfect, and-” Cal looked ready to hyperventilate, paling slightly as he tried to explain. He set his phone down and stood, and walked over to Nigel. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m fine.”

Nigel’s eyes softened when Cal got closer, and he touched his arms, a little alarmed. “You’re shaking.”

“It’s a very big thing to have Steve come here,” Cal said, quietly, almost like he was smaller.

“What the fuck is he going to do? Fire you? Fuck that guy. This place is great, everyone will fucking say so,” Nigel said, proudly, even if he hated the damn place, and wanted Cal away from it.

“He’s… he’s our leader,” Cal whispered, though he hardly expected Nigel to understand. “I want him proud of me.”

“He’ll be fucking proud of you. If he’s not, he’s a fucking moron,” Nigel said, and rubbed Cal’s shoulders. Cal seemed small, fragile, even childlike and in need of … something. “Let’s get some food, huh?”

Cal’s hands pressed down his khaki pants slowly, nodding. “Yeah. Food sounds okay. I haven’t… eaten.”

“At all?” Nigel asked, and walked out with Cal, arm around his shoulders, eager to.get him the fuck out of here so he would calm down.

“Preoccupied,” Cal sighed, leaning in against Nigel solid strength, opting to rest one hand on Nigel’s stomach, the other around his waist.

Nigel turned his head to kiss the top of Cal’s head, and grunted his disapproval as they walked out. “I’m just going to fucking make you something at home,” Nigel said, as he unlocked his car and glared at anyone staring at them. These fucking people were creepy as shit.

“Taking me all the way to your place?” Cal asked, but let go of Nigel long enough to get into the car. He buckled in and only then did he check all the message he had. Not just from Nigel, but Sarah, too. He grimaced and put it back in his pocket.

“Yeah, you need a break,” Nigel said, as he got in the driver’s side, shut the door, and peeled out of the compound, kicking dirt back at it with a spin of his tires.

Honestly, Cal did need the break, but he never allowed himself to take one, but right now he felt like the seams were coming apart, and if he didn’t stop, Nigel would start to see them. “Thanks.”

Nigel reached over the gear shift and held Cal’s hand in his. “You’d work yourself to death if I fucking let you,” he said, with rough affection.

“I’ve always done that. Keep busy, recruit, teach, preach. I feel like I’m lagging in all of those out here,” Cal admitted, taking Nigel’s hand.

“You’re not. There’s always going to be more to be done, I’m not going to let you fucking kill yourself over it or over what some idiot named Steve fucking thinks,” Nigel grumbled, and laced his long fingers in with Cal’s as he drove with one hand.

“He’s not-” Cal started to say, sighing heavily as his chest wrenched tight enough to make it hard to breath. “He’s not an idiot.”

“He fucking is if he’s going to say you’re doing a shitty job,” Nigel said, gruffly, and gave Cal’s hand a squeeze.

That was the least of Cal’s worries honestly, though to be fair, he’d not been with Steve while he was healthy in a long, long time. “Yeah…”

“What’s wrong?” Nigel asked, able to hear in the tone of Cal’s voice that he was still wound up inside, like a rope twisted until it started to fray at the edges.

Cal was quiet, not really listening, as he gazed out the window, letting things flitter to the top of his memories and then pushed them right back down again, bile bubbling in his stomach. “Have you ever had a childhood memory come back that you’d forgotten about and pushed down so long ago and so hard, that it just… hits you right in the face?”

Nigel looked over at Cal, eyebrows drawn together, a sense of impending doom creeping over the Romanian. “Yeah … yeah, that’s happened. Usually something pretty bad,” he said, quietly, watching Cal more than the road, now.

Cal wiped his free hand over his face slowly, and sighed, raggedly. “So, it’s… normal.”

“I wouldn’t fucking say either of us was normal,” Nigel said. “But, I’ve had that happen, yeah. What did you remember?”

The knot in Nigel’s stomach tightened.

“It’s… nothing,” Cal said, quietly, not sure he was ready to really voice that part of his memories yet. “Stuff with Steve when I was kid. He raised me more than my own parents.”

“So, it’s nothing? Nothing doesn’t make you act like this,” Nigel pointed out, sensibly.

“I’m-” Cal sighed out slowly, eyes closed, lips pressed together in a thin line as he rubbed his free hand against his thigh.

“You’re what?” Nigel asked, as he stopped at a light when they reached the city. He rubbed his thumb over Cal’s hand, concerned. Cal looked like he was about to be sick.

“I’m fine,” Cal whispered, eyes opened again as he looked at their conjoined hands. “The past is the past, right?”

“You don’t look fucking fine, blue eyes,” Nigel said, softly, and started to drive again at the green light.

“I don’t want to think about it anymore,” Cal stated, like an automatic response, hackles raised, doors closed.

“Okay, okay,” Nigel sighed, dropping the subject as he drove, even if he didn’t stop thinking about it as they wove their way through the narrow streets of the city, and stopped outside of Nigel’s place.

Cal was quiet until they got there, when he got out of the car and wound his arm around Nigel. “I missed you.”

“Yeah, I missed you, too,” Nigel said, softly, and wrapped both arms around Cal, holding him. “Had to come see you.”

“I’m… s-sorry I worried you,” Cal replied quietly, resting into the stronghold of Nigel there, head against his shoulder.

Nigel rocked Cal a little in his arms, more worried now than he had been before he arrived at the compound. “It’s okay. Let’s go in.”

Cal took a deep breath and let go enough to just take Nigel’s hand while the older man let them into his heavily guarded penthouse. “How was… _your_ day?”

“Fine,” Nigel said with a sigh as they walked in, and took the elevator up. “Took care of a few things, came to get you, so it’s looking up.”

“That’s, uhm… that’s good,” Cal said, palm sweaty against Nigel’s as he held it tighter on their way up, the elevator seeming smaller today.

Nigel leaned over and kissed Cal’s cheek. “You’re hungry, still?”

“I could eat,” Cal said with a little shrug, leaned into Nigel, side eyeing him a  bit, if only to be sure Nigel wasn’t doing the same to him.

“Okay,” Nigel said, giving Cal a similar look as the elevator stopped, and they stepped out together.

Cal didn’t stray an inch from Nigel’s side, much like a child would, scared to be alone. “Do you… even make vegetarian dishes?”

“I can, just leave the fucking meat out. I’ll eat the meat instead,” Nigel said, moving to the kitchen, his arm around Cal’s side.

Cal licked his bottom lip once and nodded. “Okay…” No use arguing.

Nigel watched Cal, carefully, and opened the fridge, then the freezer and started to heat up a pan on the stove. “Coffee?”

“Tea,” Cal said, and went to find where he’d stashed his favorite bag of it in Nigel’s cupboard, and spooned some into a steeper, and then set the water in the kettle on the stove to heat.

Nigel pulled a long knife out of a drawer, and chopped an onion roughly before he tossed it in the pan with a little butter, then some frozen perogies. Still watching Cal the whole time. “You should stay the night.”

“Don’t I usually when you’ve come to get me and drag me back here?” Cal asked, looking over at Nigel as he set his mug on the counter. He smiled a little, for the first sincere time since Nigel came to the compound that evening.

“Yeah, just don’t want you sneaking back to work in a fucking panic,” Nigel said with a little smile, and walked closer to Cal. He wanted to wrap Cal in a big blanket and keep him here forever, honestly, away from that fucking cult.

“You drove me, how would I get back?” Cal pointed out and moved closer to Nigel, both at the stove now, Cal waiting for his water to boil.

“Who knows? Call someone? I’d convince you to stay with me,” Nigel hummed.

“You usually do,” Cal pointed out, leaning up to kiss Nigel’s cheek softly. Truth was, he preferred to be here, but he wasn’t quite yet ready to admit that.

“I’d just take my fucking shirt off,” Nigel laughed, and turned his head to kiss Cal’s lips, to distract him.

Cal grinned against Nigel’s lips, one hand skirting up his shirt to touch him, to feel something _real_. “Am I so shallow?”

Nigel smirked at that, dark eyes going as warm as bourbon in a glass. “Yeah,” he teased, and slipped a button undone.

“You missed one,” Cal said, reaching over and undoing another button of Nigel’s shirt with a little bit more of a smirk.

“Did I?” Nigel asked, his silvery hair hanging in his eyes as he looked down at his half-open shirt with an alluring smirk on his lips. “Good fucking thing you’re here to help with that one.”

The distraction was helping, as Cal warmed to his boyfriend easily, slipping his arm around his waist, and undoing another button with his free hand. “You’d be stuck in this shirt forever without me.”

Nigel laughed at that, and nodded, “I’d fucking die in this thing,” he agreed with a smirk, and kissed Cal on the mouth, solidly.

Cal gripped the rest of the buttoned up shirt in his hand at Nigel’s chest and kissed him hard, chuckling lightly. “That would be terrible.”

“My fucking hero,” Nigel purred against Cal’s mouth and pulled him against his body with both hands, and tangled their tongues as they devoured each other in the kitchen. Nigel wasn’t sure what Cal needed, except not to think about whatever it was that he remembered before, and to feel like nothing was going to get to him. Nigel could give him both of those things.

The movement leader groaned and nipped at Nigel’s lips, reaching over to turn the kettle and pan burners off and then undid the rest of Nigel’s shirt. “Better…”

Nigel shrugged out of the shirt, and tossed the thing behind him, then pulled Cal to him by his belt, and kissed his lips again, hotly. “Mhm,” he agreed, against Cal’s mouth, and started to undo Cal’s shirt.

“Only fair,” Cal said, relaxing his arms so the polo could come off once the buttons were undone.

Nigel pulled the shirt off, over Cal’s head, and kissed him again when it was on the floor. Their chests pressed together, bare and warm, and Nigel pulled Cal toward the couch as they kissed. “Love undoing you, you’re so fucking buttoned up,” he whispered.

“You pull all the right strings,” Cal whispered back, gently pushing Nigel onto the couch, following after him, straddling his hips  as every last terrible memory faded to nothing but the man below him.

“I know how to fucking handle you,” Nigel purred, and pulled Cal over him as he kissed his neck.

The statement made Cal shudder with delight, swallowing hard as he palmed down Nigel’s perfect chest to his jeans, undoing them with deft fingers. “How could I forget?”

“Better fucking not forget,” Nigel whispered, and arched up under Cal’s fingers so that he could slip his jeans off of his ass.

Stripping Nigel clean of all his clothes, Cal undid his khakis and slipped them off with his striped boxers, slowly, and kicked them to the floor, straddling Nigel once more as he bit kisses into his lips. “I won’t.”

Nigel pulled Cal down over him, hands on his hips as they kissed and rubbed against one another, nude from head to toe. “Fuck,” he moaned, always blown away by the feeling of Cal’s skin.

Kissing the words off Nigel’s lips, Cal made a soft pleasurable noise as he started to rut down, sliding cocks together as nothing but this moment flitted across his mind. “I missed you.”

“Always miss you,” Nigel groaned, and reached down to hold their cocks together while they rutted, his other hand cupped over Cal’s ass.

“Good,” Cal raggedly panted, reaching over Nigel to the stand by the couch, fumbling for the lube Nigel kept there, never knowing where they’d end up.

Nigel had lube hid everywhere in the apartment, sick of searching for it in the heat of the moment. “Want me to fuck you?”

Though lost in the lust of the moment, Cal still had the desperation of control in his eyes and shook his head slowly, brows raised as he licked his bottom lip once. “Let me fuck you… please.”

Cal rarely asked for that. Nigel wouldn’t let just anyone take him, but Cal? Yeah, Cal was allowed. “Yeah, fuck me,” he breathed,raggedly.

For that, Cal kissed Nigel hungrily,  reaching between them to lather up his cock, and then slipped one and then two fingers into Nigel, working him open with lustful abandon. “You won’t regret it,” he managed, aware he’d not done this since he took care of a healing Nigel back at the New York compound.

Nigel moaned, and arched up, his heels digging into the couch as he pressed down over Cal’s fingers, breathing hard. “Christ-” he gasped, blushing.

Cal bit a kiss into Nigel’s jaw, down to his pulse, scissoring and working his entrance open, taking in every beat of his heart he could feel against his tongue, every word and groan out of his mouth, spurring him on.

“Cal-” Nigel whispered, his pulse hammering as he watched Cal’s lean, sharp face above him, and wound his legs around Cal’s waist. “Bite me harder-”

Cal did, letting sharp teeth pierce into Nigel’s skin, just over the tattoo on his neck, panting there as he laved his tongue over the tinge of copper. He pulled his fingers out and replaced them with his cock, slowly--always slowly-- working his way into Nigel. “Nigel…” he managed with swallow.

“Fuck-” Nigel breathed, and took a ragged gasp of air as he clung to Cal’s flexing shoulders, and squeezed Cal’s hips with his thighs. “Good, that’s fucking good-”

“Yeah?” Cal asked, one hand carded in Nigel’s hair to grasp, the other on his shoulder to leverage himself in to the hilt, sheathed in his boyfriend’s hot body.

“Yeah-” Nigel moaned, and reached for Cal’s hip, clawing at it with his blunt nails, greedily.

It was all Cal needed as affirmation, and started to pivot his hips down into Nigel harder, faster, leaning over him with one forearms on the couch arm, their faces close, breathing together.

Nigel clawed Cal closer, gasping with every thrust. “Harder- Come on, harder-” he moaned. If he was going to be taken, he wanted it rough.

“Fuck-” Cal managed, pushing Nigel’s knees to his chest, thighs apart, pushing and thrusting down into the other man, faster, harder, skin slapping skin between ragged breathing.

Nigel felt Cal bend him almost in half, and reached up to clamp one hand over the back of his neck as Nigel’s body started to burn hard, even the soles of his feet. “Fuck, _Cal_ , fuck, fuck … yeah-”

Eyes half closed, Cal gazed down with a feral look on his face, jaw slackened as he pushed and pumped harder into Nigel, working his body to the edge of pleasurable completion. “Nigel-”

Nigel’s eyelids fluttered as his eyes rolled back, behind them, and he came, hard. Nigel shook, violently under Cal, his insides clenching and squeezing around him as he clung to Cal’s shoulders, properly _fucked_ for the first time since New York.

Cal came, hard, and sputtered to stop, leaned into Nigel, sweating dripping off his neck and shoulders. Panting, he touched their foreheads together, letting Nigel’s knees down. “You know I love you… right?”

Nigel came with Cal, and heard Cal’s voice through a blissful haze of hormones and endorphins that was almost better than anything he’d ever shot into his veins, or snorted. He opened his eyes, and brushed his hand over Cal’s cheek, staring up at him. “Say it again,” he whispered, with a little smile.

Cal smiled back, unable to help the way Nigel made him feel wholly accepted and loved. “I love you, Nigel.”

Nigel felt himself light up when Cal said it like that, and leaned up, to kiss him on the lips. “I fucking love you too, Cal,” he whispered back. “Always will. No matter what,” he promised, and bit the inside of his cheek. The moment was strangely perfect, and intimate, another one of those moments between them that made Nigel want to ask Cal to fucking marry him, then and there, and leave the fucking cult to burn down without him …

“Yeah? No matter what?” Cal asked, needing that reassurance, needing to know Nigel wouldn’t look at him like he was garbage some day, or useless, or unneeded, unwanted.

“No fucking matter what. I fucking promise. I’d get it tattooed on me if you fucking wanted me to,” Nigel whispered, with an alluring smile.

Cal kissed Nigel for that, believing him for now, while he mind was in a better place than it was earlier, full of endorphins. “Right on your ass?”

“That’s where you fucking want it?” Nigel laughed, and smiled at the idea. “Right across my ass? ‘I promise to love Cal Roberts, no matter what?’ One cheek or two?” Nigel asked, chin out, defiantly.

“Both, since they both belong to me,” Cal said with a cheeky little half grin.

Nigel burst out laughing at that, and kissed Cal again, slowly. “Oh, yeah? You’re fucking sexy when you’re a little possessive, you know that?”

Cal knew he couldn’t lose the one good thing left in his life, as everything else felt like it was starting to fall apart. “As long as I’m only a _little_ possessive.”

“I’m a _lot_ possessive,” Nigel smiled, and ran his hands down Cal’s back. “Not letting you go anywhere. Anyone tries to steal you? I’ll fucking throw them off a building.”

Pulling out of Nigel, Cal straddled his hips once more, needing that skin to skin connection most of all, afraid to let go. “No one will steal me.”

“Better fucking not,” Nigel whispered, and held Cal close, with both strong arms, then kissed his cheek, softly. “You’re mine. Always gonna be mine,” he purred.

Cal’s arms tightened around Nigel’s shoulders, resting their faces together as his eyes closed, taking in their moment. “And you mine.”

“Good,” Nigel sighed, and rubbed Cal’s bare back with one hand. “I have to go turn the fucking food, or it’s going to burn.”

Cal smiled, a little mischievous. “I turned it off on our way in.”

Nigel laughed at that, and leaned up to kiss his boyfriend again, slowly. “You knew we weren’t going to be quick,” he whispered, and wrapped his legs around Cal again, not giving a fuck about how messy and sticky they were. He loved it.

“Not quick enough to not let the food burn,” Cal replied, quietly, against Nigel’s lips, smoothing a hand through his long hair.

“Evil genius,” Nigel laughed, and tilted his head into Cal’s touch before he kissed him again, slowly. “Still throbbing inside…” he groaned.

“We went way too long not letting me do that to you,” Cal whispered biting Nigel’s lip softly.

“Yeah, we fucking did,” Nigel chuckled, “not that I let anyone fuck me, often,” he said, confidentially, looking into Cal’s stunning blue eyes.

“I’m not just anyone, and who else have you been fucking that it matters?” Cal asked, brow raised.

“Since I met you? Nobody. Before you?” Nigel shrugged, “Nobody that mattered.”

Cal hummed, shortly, and kissed Nigel once more before slipping off his lap. “I don’t bore you do I?” Nigel had a lot before Cal, and Cal had… very few he could actually count on one hand. Experienced... he wasn’t really.

“Not for a fucking second,” Nigel said, honestly, and sat up, then stood to kiss Cal, addicted to him.

“You sure?” Cal asked, he knew how people got tired of him, once they saw past his shiny veneer.

Nigel had seen past the shiny veneer five minutes after meeting Cal, and fell in love with what was underneath. “Do I need that tattooed on my ass, too?”

“I don’t think there’s room,” Cal answered, hands on Nigel’s bare chest.

“I’m not bored of you,” Nigel said, as his hairy arms circled Cal’s waist, and he looked into Cal’s eyes, intensely, locking their gazes. “I’m not going to get bored of you. I fucking love you.”

Cal knew Nigel’s only expectation was that Cal call him, check in, every day, if not more. Cal didn’t have to jump hoops, or walk on fire, or _prove_ himself. Cal only ever felt real peace when he was right here in Nigel’s arms. “I fucking love you, too.”

“Yeah? You sure?” Nigel asked, as their noses bumped together as the sun shone through Nigel’s windows, over them both.

“You are my paddle in a very, very rocky sea  that I feel I might otherwise drown in,” Cal whispered, being perfectly, and astutely honest.

Nigel licked his lips, and held Cal a little tighter. “I’d fucking die before I let you drown,” he promised. Nigel was not a nice man, or a sweet man, but he was more loyal than anyone most people on Earth had ever met.

“Good. Because I need that,” Cal admitted, slowly letting his guarded walls down again for Nigel.

Nigel rested their foreheads together for a silent moment. “You’ve got it. You’ve got _me_. No matter fucking what,” he said, able to hear the vulnerability creep back into Cal’s voice.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” Cal asked, hands spreading out over Nigel’s chest to his shoulders.

“No,” Nigel said, softly, loyally. He had shit to do, but he’d cancel it.

“Steve’s coming in tomorrow afternoon, if you want… to meet him?” Cal asked, hopeful.

“You want me there? I’m there,” Nigel answered, his hands rubbing Cal’s back again, as he kissed his neck, adoringly. Nigel found himself devoted to Cal, addicted to him.

“I’d like if you were,” Cal whispered, squeezing Nigel in his arms a little tighter. “It’ll be easier to see him.”

“Then I’ll be there,” Nigel promised, relieved at the idea. He wanted to meet this fucking Steve, and be there if he tried to pull any shit. He’d welcome him to Romania, _properly_.

Cal kissed Nigel for that, and let go. “I’m starved,” he said, a bit more at ease now. He could handle himself just fine, but when it came to Steve? Cal wasn’t sure what to expect.

“Oh, so now I can go cook you some food?” Nigel chuckled, and pulled Cal toward the kitchen, his own stomach rumbling.

“I’ve worked up a better appetite,” Cal answered, following, both of them gloriously naked.

Nigel smirked and turned the stove back on, then looked back at Cal, admiring his form. Cal was compact, and strong as hell. Nigel loved the way he looked, and felt, like he was constantly coiled, solid and slim. “Damn right you did,” he said, and started the coffee.

Cal poured the hot water from the kettle over his tea, to let it steep, and then hugged Nigel from behind as he cooked. He curled his arms up and over his shoulders, chest to back. “Thank you for coming to get me.”

“You didn’t answer,” Nigel said, simply, as he stirred the contents of the pan while Cal embraced him, hanging on like he was a buoy in deep waters.

“I’m lucky to have you,” Cal whispered, kissing Nigel’s back, between his shoulder blades.

“Maybe we’re lucky to have each other,” Nigel murmured, and looked back at Cal, over his shoulder, fondly. Their guards were down in here, neither of them defensive, or tough. It was … home. It was safety.

Cal kissed Nigel’s shoulder, resting his chin there. “We are.”

“If you get sick of those assholes at the compound, we don’t have to go see them. Just … stay here,” Nigel suggested, with a half smile.

Dread about the compound made his stomach coil, and Cal held onto Nigel tighter. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Nigel leaned back against Cal, a little. “You can stay here, I’ll stay with you. We can do whatever the fuck we want and they can do whatever the fuck they want, _without_ you.”

“The Movement is my life,” Cal whispered, half to say it out loud, half to remember that’s exactly what he’d been working so hard for.

Nigel turned in Cal’s arms, and looked at him. “This could be your life,” he said, bluntly, but honestly, as the smell of their dinner wafted around them and the sun shone through the windows, over them.

“What would I do?” Cal asked, gazing up at Nigel. “All I know is the Light, the Movement.”

“You’d be … Cal. We’d figure it the fuck out. You could still help people, there are lots of fucking people in Bucharest who need help,” Nigel said, with a bitter chuckle. “Rest, work, wake up with me, walk to a cafe for lunch, sometimes. There’s a whole fucking life waiting, you could have it. I’d help you.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Cal said, voice a little smaller than he intended it to be, and he swallowed, clearing his throat.

Nigel wrapped his big arms around Cal’s shoulders, looking him in the eye, reading him. “Why? Steve’s gonna come here and say no? He’s sure as fuck not going to bother you after he meets me. I fucking guarantee that, blue eyes,” Nigel said, softly, dangerously.

“Nigel…” Cal sighed, resting their heads together. “I only know my life there, my work. I worked for what I do, I put up with… I- I mean, I earned it… it’s… it’s  mine.” Cal’s brows furrowed a little, creasing the lines in his forehead deeply.

Nigel swallowed, and bit his own lip as he stared at Cal. He’d known addicts. He’d been an addict. Nothing was worse than seeing Cal’s addiction. He was nearly ready to let it go, but … not today. “Okay,” Nigel sighed, through his nose, “offer stands, if you change your mind.”

Cal’s fingers clenched at Nigel’s sides, sweaty palms on smooth skin. “I’m sorry… I’m…” Oh God, he was a mess, he knew he was a mess, and he really didn’t want Nigel to see _that_.

Nigel just held Cal a little tighter. The cracks were starting, Nigel knew Cal could start to see himself, from the outside, not just through the eyes of the people he led. “Don’t be fucking sorry.”

“You are very patient,” Cal noted, quietly, knowing that it was only with him that he was this way, for whatever reason that may be, Cal was still trying to figure that out.

“You’re patient with me,” Nigel said, “you moved to fucking Romania to stay with me. You don’t give a shit what I do for a living.”

“You’ve accepted me, so I’ve accepted you,” Cal replied, foreheads pressed together. He hoped someday that acceptance with Nigel would be enough.

“I want you to be fucking happy,” Nigel whispered, his hands against Cal’s waist, “not fucking miserable, drained, that place sucks the life out of you.”

“If they shut me down here, the compound, I’ll stay here with you,” Cal offered.

Nigel had to admit, that stung. He just came in second, behind the cult. “Yeah,” he nodded, and turned to flip the food that was sizzling in the pan.

Nigel wanted Cal to changed his whole life, turn it completely upside down, and Cal wasn’t sure how to do that, or if he could _handle_ doing that. His day was very routine, his mind mostly the same way, or so he tried to make it be.

“Not good enough though, right?” Cal said with a swallow, hearing a lot of that lately from everyone.

“What does that mean?” Nigel asked, over his shoulder, and turned to face Cal again, food sizzling, almost done.

“My offer, it’s not what you want, it’s not enough,” Cal explained, though he was sure Nigel knew very well. It’s all he had, right this second, to offer, which everything in the air until Steve arrived.

“I wish you’d just come live with me because you want to, not because you have nothing else,” Nigel said, honestly.

“Can’t I do both?” Cal asked, nervously a frown ticking away at the smile on his face. “I… I can come live here and go back to the compound to work…”

Nigel blinked at Cal, thinking for a moment before he stepped closer. “Yeah, yeah, you can fucking do that, of course,” he said, with a swallow. Cal here most of the time instead of there was a huge fucking improvement. “I fucking miss you, all the fucking time.”

“Yeah?” Cal asked, quieter, but his shoulders sloped as the tension left his body. “I can pick up everything tomorrow when we’re there.”

“Yeah, I’d fucking love that,” Nigel whispered, and cupped Cal’s face with both big hands, and pulled him closer for a kiss, so relieved all of a sudden that he was shaky on the inside. Maybe living in the ‘real’ world would help Cal see the fucking cult for what it was, help him want more.

Cal melted into Nigel’s arms, kissing him back slowly. “Me, too.”

“Okay, this is _our_ place now,” Nigel declared, when their lips parted, and he nipped Cal’s lower lip with a gleam in his eyes before he turned to dish up their food, and put it on _their_ table.

Smiling at how happy Nigel was, Cal got his tea and Nigel’s coffee for him and set them on the table with a two forks. “Our place.”

Nigel put the plates down and sat to eat. They were still naked, he didn’t give a fuck. They lived here, after all, they were home. “Yeah, you fucking live here. Your mail will come here, you’ll keep all your shit here, after a bad day, this is where you’ll come, throw your jacket on the fucking couch and be done.”

“Most importantly, you’ll be here with me,” Cal pointed out, and sipped his tea after removing the infuser.

“Yeah, I will. Hairy, and big, and not about to let anyone come through that door and fuck this up,” Nigel promised, and took a bite of his food.

Cal chuckled at that and picked up his fork to eat the veggies on his plate. “No one is going to do that.”

“Exactly, you’re safe here. You don’t want someone in, they don’t fucking come in,” Nigel said, protective and affectionate all at once.

“Far more secure that the compound,” Cal mused, forking food into his mouth. “You’ve lived with me before, you know how I am. You’re sure?”

“I lived with you before, and I fucking liked it,” Nigel said, through a mouthful of food.

“Starting now I live here, I just don’t have my stuff yet,” Cal said, taking a sip of tea.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Cal and Nigel arrived at the compound to find  a rental car sat in the drive, and Cal’s office door was open. Two men had their backs to the opening, and Cal quickly made his way over in long, fluid strides. Once he was up the steps, both men finally turned to look at him. 

“Cal, my boy,” Steve said, still growling his hair back, he clapped a hand on Cal’s shoulder, but he was too busy looking at Eddie next to him. “I brought Eddie along. We need to talk, Calvin." 

Cal felt woozy, like a surreal dream had taken over him, and nothing felt real or right. Suddenly all of Sarah's missed calls and texts seemed important, and yet he had still not checked any of them. “Talk?”

Eddie smirked, “Yeah, Cal, talk. You know how to do that, but can you _listen_?”  

Oh, already with the attitude. Cal's face fell into a grim expression, foreboding shadowing his thoughts now. Eddie wore the necklace Steve used to wear, and was promised to Cal when the time came. He worked for that goddamn thing, he put in his time, he _earned_ it.  

Steve's hand never left Cal's shoulder as he trembled, but said nothing, waiting. 

“Eddie came to me as a denier, and it was when we met and talked, that I realized he was the true chosen son. His visions, his path, everything. The Light has shown me, Calvin.” Steve turned Cal and put both hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look at the older man. “I'm so sorry Calvin.” 

Cal reeled back on his heel, pushing off Steve's hands, eyes blinking erratically as he started to see the monster and not the man. 

“No! No, I earned _that_. I earned the right, the title, the privilege-- all of it,” Cal said, his voice breaking as he felt smaller and smaller, despite nothing physically changing. His eyes bore into Eddie, the lesser threat. “Is this your way back to Sarah? You always were a leech!”  

Steve tried once more to reach out and touch Cal, but Cal stepped back, right into a solid wall of muscle behind him. Nigel. 

Nigel stood in the doorway, a full head taller than Cal, and a few inches taller than Steve. He’d heard Cal’s voice raised and that thing that lived coiled deep in Nigel’s chest woke up, and started to bare it’s teeth.  

Nigel knew a monster when he fucking saw one, and he saw one in the man with arms outreached toward Cal. “Who the fuck is this?” he asked Cal in a deep, rumbling voice, and put his left hand on Cal’s shoulder, protectively, eyes locked with Steve’s. 

“Steve Meyer,” Cal said, unevenly, and then gestured to the blond. “This is Eddie.” Cal didn’t bother to introduce Nigel, he knew his boyfriend would make himself known very quickly. Eddie started to back up, knowing when to pick a fight and when not to. 

“Look, Cal, Steve just wanted to come tell you he was wrong, and apologize. You still have place in the Movement,” Eddie said, though he hardly sounded as if he believed it.

“You’re taking away my compound?” Cal asked, eyes ablaze, shoulder tense.

“You’ve done a good job, Calvin, but… we need another direction and you’re not on board-” Steve started to say. 

“No! No! I put up with so much… _shit_ to get here and now you want to take it away? Fuck you!” Cal seethed.  

“You’re taking his fucking job!?” Nigel asked, eyes hard and dark, as he tilted his head to the side with a step forward, behind Cal. Nigel’s chin was down, jaw shifting, shoulders tensed and his right hand free and flexing. “After everything he’s fucking done for you lazy _cunts_ , you’re taking his fucking job, huh?” 

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Steve asked, holding his hand out to greet Nigel properly. 

“None of your fucking business,” Nigel seethed, and stepped in front of Cal, “touch me, or him, and you’re going to lose that fucking hand,” he promised, in a low, eerily calm voice. 

“Calvin, who is this man?” Steve asked, and Eddie shook his head with some disbelief. 

“Sarah told me, but I didn’t believe her. That’s Cal’s miracle, his _boyfriend_ ,” Eddie explained. 

“You have a _boyfriend_ , Calvin?” 

“Yes,” Cal answered, quietly, not meeting either of their gazes. “Nigel, let me pack up my stuff and we’ll go.” 

Nigel focused on something in Steve’s eyes at the word boyfriend, and stepped toward him with menace oozing out of every one of his pores. “You like Romania so far? Been into _town_?” he whispered, making the words accusatory, like he knew something, like he saw something in Steve he knew Steve didn’t want anyone to know.   
  
Nigel could tell. He’d seen enough, and his blood started to boil. He knew.  

Cal walked around them to gather his things from the bedroom, he didn’t have much, and most of his stuff was left at Nigel’s anyway. He packed his clothes and shoes and grabbed a box of things and set them by the door, tense.

Steve watched Cal a moment and then blinked at Nigel. “We just arrived. We don’t plan to venture out.” 

“You could get yourself a fucking  _ boy _ friend. That’s what you like, isn’t it?  _ Boys _ ?” Nigel asked, breathing slowly, hands completely still as he reached up and grabbed Steve’s jaw to force Steve to  _ look _ him in the eye the way he might hold the head of a snake that wouldn’t stop moving. 

Steve froze, shaking his head. “N-no. I don’t know what you’re talking about-” 

“Hey man, back off, you don’t know anything about him,” Eddie started to say. 

Beside Nigel, Cal touched his arm. “Let’s go.” 

Nigel’s right hand moved quickly, to the gun tucked in the back of his jeans, and pulled it out without blinking, aiming it at Eddie’s insufferable, stupid face: safety off, hammer back.   
  
“And you don’t fucking know anything about me,” Nigel said, without looking at Eddie, his eyes still trained on Steve, with all the righteous fury of an avenging angel hellbent on blood. He backed Steve up, against the wall, and lifted him a little with one hand around his neck, still staring at his cowardly, disgusting, beady eyes. 

“You come near Cal, you breathe in his general fucking direction, you touch a fucking kid while you are in _my_ fucking country, and I will slice your goddamned dick off and ram it down your throat until you choke on it, you stupid, short-eyed cunt, you understand? Blink if you fucking understand me.”  

Eddie stood back, looking at Steve with confusion, but his hands were up, not wanting trouble. Steve blinked, nodding the best he could, red faced. 

Cal was moving his things out to Nigel’s car, opting to leave the Prius since it wasn’t going to be his anymore, anyway. 

Nigel slammed Steve’s head back, against the window, cracking it, then let him drop as he put the gun back, and looked at Eddie. “Keep the fucking kids away from this piece of  _ shit _ ,” he ordered, bluntly, gave Steve another primal, dominating stare until Steve looked away, and threw a chair across the room, shattering it against the wall as he walked out after Cal, slamming the door after him. 

 Nigel put a hand on Cal’s back as he loaded things into his car, and took the box from him, putting it in the trunk. “Want me to go back in there, finish it?” he offered, in Cal’s ear, softly, and genuinely.

Cal was breathing raggedly, and tugged Nigel close, hugging tightly. “Everyone will know you did it…”

“Yeah,” Nigel nodded, and rubbed Cal’s back, then kissed the top of his head as he walked Cal to the passenger door, and opened it for him. “We’ll go home, okay?” 

Cal watched Nigel for a second longer before he got into the car, blue eyes dull, lifeless, as he buckled in. Everything shattered in a matter of seconds, and everything came to an abrupt head, all at once.  
  
Nigel got in and drove them out, then reached to take Cal’s hand. It was cold with shock, and Nigel rubbed it, slowly, warming it. “You don’t have to fucking say anything,” he said, after a long moment of silence, still rubbing Cal’s hand for him. 

Cal was silent for a long time, and finally as he looked out the window, he managed, “I did everything he asked of me. He told me I was… special, and I was going to lead the Movement someday… that I was the chosen son…” he whispered. 

Nigel took a slow, deep breath, and let it out before he spoke. “He lied to you. He got what he wanted, and now he doesn’t give a shit,” Nigel murmured, and laced his fingers in with Cal’s, holding his hand tight.  

Cal’s jaw shifted as he leaned into his free hand, elbow on the door. “I hoped, I really had hoped, he was going to die.” 

“He will,” Nigel said, with dark certainty, eyes locked on the road ahead. “He will.” 

Cal was convinced now that the Movement wouldn’t miss him at all, that since Steve lived and found his new ‘son, he was obsolete. He looked over at Nigel with a dreary expression. “Death would be a welcomed release for him.” 

“Not the way I’d do it,” Nigel seethed, and then looked at Cal apologetically, and raised his hand to kiss Cal’s knuckles, three of them, apologetically. He didn’t want Cal to deal with how furious he was. That was for _Steve_.   

Cal nodded; he knew what Nigel would do, and it should bother him, but it honestly didn’t. Not anymore. He swallowed. “I… I didn’t want you to find out.” 

“Some shit you just …” Nigel shrugged a shoulder with a heavy sigh. “Just don’t want to go into. I’m not pissed.” 

“I didn’t want you to see me differently,” Cal reiterated, carefully. 

Nigel looked over at Cal as they neared the city. “What, like … damaged? We’re both fucking damaged.” 

“Yeah,” Cal sighed, swallowing hard, trying to keep down the storm of emotions starting to well up inside of him, angry and sad all at once. 

“Doesn’t make me not fucking love you,” Nigel said, and looked over at Cal, able to see his tight throat. “Doesn’t make me not want to bring you home.” 

If anyone understood, it was Nigel, and Cal knew that. He couldn’t find a better person or know one. He squeezed Nigel’s hand. “We should get a dog… or  cat, or something.” 

“A cat? What the fuck is a cat going to do?” Nigel said with sudden, unexpected laughter.  

“I don’t know. I’ve only ever had a dog once, back when my dad left me at the compound, before it was a compound,” Cal explained, half heartedly.

“Either one,” Nigel agreed, and reached over to touch the side of Cal’s face. “Dog, cat, whatever. A dog’s better company,” Nigel said, as he stopped at a light. “But I’ve never fucking had either, so who knows.” 

“Maybe we can go to a shelter or something,” Cal sighed, not even sure if they had those here for animals or not. He only ever got out in certain neighborhoods that Nigel preapproved for him. 

“Yeah?” Nigel asked. “Right now?” he suggested. He could hear the lonely little boy sound in Cal’s voice, seeping through. 

“Now?” Cal asked, looking over at Nigel, surprised. 

“Yeah,” Nigel said, with a nod, and tossed his phone to Cal, gently. “Look up a shelter, we’ll go right now. Once we go through the door of our place tonight, it’s a new fucking chapter, right?” 

Cal nodded, and began to search with shaking hands and fingers, until he found one. “There’s one just a few blocks from here.” 

Nigel looked over at the phone, and nodded, then took Cal’s shaky hand again. “Okay, we’ll go, we’ll get some food on the way home, for us and whoever we find,” he promised, and made a mental note never, ever, ever to promise anything to Cal that he couldn’t follow through with.  

Another nod and Cal handed Nigel his phone back, the weight of the morning and all that had happened had not quite him yet,still building, still… dangling dangerous in front of him but his eyes were closed. “Okay.” 

Nigel took his phone, and then Cal’s hand again, and stopped outside the little shelter Cal had found, then leaned over and kissed Cal’s cheek. “You’re cold.” 

“I’ll grab a jacket from the back,” Cal said, nuzzling into Nigel’s cheek, and then stepped out of the car, and popped the trunk to go through his things and find a coat. 

Nigel followed, staying near Cal all the time, a big, fearsome, but protective presence around the fragile man. He watched him, closely, with concern in his dark eyes. He didn’t know much about fucking psychology, but he knew this was going to be a rocky time. Cal hadn’t really been ready to leave, not totally. 

Cal pulled the jacket on and shut the trunk. He reached for Nigel’s hand, nothing yet completely settled in his mind. There was too much to think about, and too much to contend with. “I hope they have something…” 

“We’ll see,” Nigel said, after taking Cal’s hand and walking in with him. The shelter was in a rougher part of Bucharest, and a few people glanced at them, but a look from Nigel made them look away, immediately, as they stepped into the small shelter. 

A woman had Nigel sign a form and then they were taken back to look at the dogs and cats, and various other animals. “So many homeless animals…” Cal said, eyes grazing over each one, sadly. 

“Bucharest doesn’t have many shelters, so this one is crowded as fuck,” Nigel said as they walked along the crowded kennels. Nigel stopped to crouch down and looked at a weiner dog with a little smile, letting him sniff at his fingers through the wire. 

Cal watched Nigel, and as he did he felt the eyes of a bigger dog on him, off in a corner, just laying there, sadly. Cal went to the dog, and knelt down, their expressions practically micking each other in sadness. 

The dog, Nigel saw as he walked closer, had scars all over him, and a massive head. He was a brown pit bull of some kind. His despair was palpable through the bars. Nigel crouched beside Cal, and looked at the dog with him. “Fighting dog,” he explained, with a sigh. “Either just ran away or got left.”

“Sad either way,” Cal said and gently put his fingers inside the cage, just gently, unafraid. “Taught and trained to fight and left for dead.” 

The dog just looked at Cal’s fingers, with stunning, but dull green eyes. He seemed hopeless, unable to see a reason to go and meet the strange man. An attendant walked by, and Nigel talked to her in Romanian, insistently, until she opened the cage door. “His name is Bucky,” Nigel told Cal, softly.  “He doesn’t like people, they found him alone. I guess he started to lose fights.” 

“Bucky.” Somehow, to Cal, that was fitting. He stayed ground level with the dog, not to be bigger or more intimidating. “Doesn’t like anyone?” 

“That’s what she says,” Nigel said, and watched Cal and the dog. Bucky moved his head, cautiously, and sniffed at Cal’s hand, watching him the entire time, starting to take a little interest in the American. “These dogs can be … unpredictable,” Nigel warned. 

“Does that make him less in need of someone?” Cal asked, gently spreading his palm so Bucky could sniff him and his fingers. 

“No,” Nigel admitted, and watched as Bucky very, very hesitantly sniffed Cal’s palm, tense, but curious. “I … think he fucking likes you,” Nigel admitted, and held his hand out toward Bucky, who recoiled from it. 

“He might,” Cal said and gently moved his fingers to touch the dog’s nose first, and then slowly up his snout to his head. 

Bucky tensed, but let Cal touch him, and shifted a little closer. The worker came back to watch, surprised, and spoke to Nigel again, quietly. “He won’t let anyone touch him. They had to shoot him with a dart to get a vet to examine him.” 

Cal sat down completely, giving the impression he was not going anywhere. In his tight khaki’s and polo shirt, he looked a little silly, but he gently coaxed the dog closer with small pets. “He needs time and work.” Bucky moved an inch closer, and his tail thumped against the floor in a weak wag. 

“You want him, don’t you?” Nigel asked, watching Cal all but get down on the floor with the big, scarred up dog. 

“I think… I think he needs me,” Cal said, not looking up, he didn’t want lose the dog’s attention. “What do you think, Nigel?” 

“I think you just found your dog,” Nigel agreed. It wasn’t at all the adorable puppy to cheer Cal up that he pictured, but Cal knew what he wanted. It was this one. He told the assistant to bring the paperwork, and gave her a few bills. 

Someone to care for as much as Cal needed caring for was just what the now ex movement leader needed. It was going to be long and winding road to moving on. “It’ll take time, but he’ll get used to us both.” 

The assistant came back with a leash, which Nigel handed to Cal. The dog eyed the leash, but understood what it meant, and stood up, slowly. “Yeah. Let’s get some food, then get the fuck home.” 

Cal gently attached the leash to Bucky’s collar, and then stood, one hand down by his head, reassuring. “Okay,” Cal agreed, though hardly hungry.

Bucky hesitated, but followed Cal as they walked out of the shelter, not looking at the shelter workers, or anything but the few inches of floor ahead of his feet. Nigel held the door, and the dog sniffed the air, confused, but kept following. “He’ll have to sit with you,” Nigel said as he opened the car door.

 “That's fine,” Cal said, with a small smile, waiting at the car. He gave Bucky a small head pat, gently. Bucky stared at the car, not sure how to get in. He had obviously never been allowed to ride with humans before, always carried in a cage.   
  
“You get in, he’ll jump up,” Nigel suggested. 

Cal got in, and patted his lap after buckling in. Bucky jumped up and Cal put both tentative arms around him, not too tight.  
  
Bucky stayed tense a moment, but leaned against Cal, shivering a little from nerves, but made no attempt to run. Nigel climbed in, started the car, and drove down the street. “If he bites, we’re getting a muzzle.” 

“He won’t,” Cal said, petting his new dog slowly, and soothingly, for both their sakes. 

Nigel drove up to a little shop, and stopped outside, looking at the dog and Cal together. He didn’t look like the biting kind, at least not right now. He looked scared, and lost. “I’ll run in. Want anything?” 

“Anything you want to get,” Cal said, softly brushing fingers over Bucky’s soft fur at his neck.

“Okay,” Nigel said after a second, and leaned over to kiss Cal’s cheek. Bucky gave a low, but soft growl, and Nigel shot the dog a look. “He was mine first.”

Cal leaned away to kiss Nigel properly. “Yours first.” 

Nigel got out of the car, locking it, and looked back at Cal and the dog before he darted into the shop.   
  
A moment later, three men walked by, eyeing the car, then stared at Cal, slowing down a little as they talked to each other in Romanian, and started to look around to see if anyone was watching. 

Cal tensed, making eye contact with the men, free hand on the door, though useless it would be to fight if he had a lapful of huge dog. 

One of the men approached, hand in his coat pocket. Suddenly, Bucky lunged as though a switch had been flipped. The timid dog was barking and snapping his huge jaws at the man who approached, spittle flying as his breath fogged the window and shook the glass. The man jumped back, surprised, and then broke into a run when he recognized the man who came stalking out of the store, bag in one hand, gun in the other. Nigel shouted in Romanian at the men who ran off, apologizing over their shoulders, and hurried to the car to open the door. Bucky was still barking, then stopped to catch his breath. “Are you okay? Did he bite you?” 

“No,” Cal said, holding Bucky around his broad chest, looking up at Nigel. “They might not have been so lucky though.” 

Bucky was shivering hard now, scared, and put his head on Cal’s shoulder, but watched out the window as Nigel put their bag in the trunk and climbed in. “This is why I don’t just let you go just anywhere in the city. This neighborhood is a fucking dump, sorry. Should have gone somewhere else.”  
  
It was where Nigel had grown up. He should know. 

“I have you and Bucky, luckily, with me,” Cal said, petting Bucky’s soft fur gently, soothing him, which in turn let Cal forget all his own issues, for now.  
  
Nigel started the car and drove them toward the better part of the city, toward home, which seemed much more like a home now that he had Cal and Bucky there. “Good boy, Bucky,” Nigel said, at last, quietly. Bucky just heaved a sigh and leaned against Cal’s chest. 

Cal and Bucky were both quiet the drive home, and finally when they pulled up, Cal took the leash reign, and pushed the door open for the dog to jump out, and Cal followed. He went to the trunk to get his things. 

“I’ve got it,” Nigel said, taking the box in one arm, and the groceries in his other. “Just grab the key out of my pocket.” 

Cal got his few hung things with his free hand and then fished for Nigel’s keys, with a little grin. He grasped them and then jogged up the steps with Bucky to let them into the building first, and then lead the way to the elevator. 

Nigel followed, and Bucky hesitated at the elevator, not sure what to do. “Come on,” Nigel said, encouraging the dog, who just started to shake, and peed a little on the floor out of fear. 

“Come on, it’s okay, Buck,” Cal said, stepping in first to show him. “See?”

Bucky trembled harder, and whimpered a little, paralyzed with fear at getting into the little box.   
  
Nigel set the stuff down on the floor, inside the elevator and took what was in Cal’s arms. “Can you lift him?” 

“Yeah,” Cal said and gave over his things, and then squatted down and picked the dog up into his arms, like a baby, with no real effort.  
  
Bucky was a big dog, but Cal was strong as hell. Bucky licked the air a couple of times, and looked up at Cal, with big eyes. Nigel pushed the button and the elevator started to rise. “Maybe no one’s ever held him before,” Nigel said. He’d seen dog fighting, and been disgusted. It was a brutal, terrible way to make a few bucks. 

“Probably not,” Cal sighed, having never seen one, but he didn’t want to either. He rocked the dog a little, and then when the doors opened again, he walked out and set him down, reaching for some of his things from Nigel. 

Bucky shook himself when he was set down, and Nigel carried everything in, and set it all in the kitchen, then looked back at the dog, who was looking around the apartment, overwhelmed by everything in it. “He let you do it, that’s good. I’d probably punch someone in the face if they tried to carry me,” he laughed. He forgot that Cal had all but carried him out of a pile of rubble, and he had reacted angrily. 

“You tried once,” Cal said, in passing, as he followed the dog around, slowly, reassuringly. 

“I did?” Nigel asked, as he pulled the food out of their bag. 

“You were delirious,” Cal replied, “But you really didn’t want my help.” 

“Oh, the earthquake,” Nigel said, with a little smile as he put a big bowl of water on the floor for Bucky, and added another mismatched bowl, filling it with dog food from the little bag he bought at the store. 

“Yeah, that. I know you were high most of the time, but…” Cal gave a little forced smile over at Nigel, grateful he even bothered to give Cal a second glance. 

Nigel straightened, and walked over to Cal, then touched his face with both hands. “Best day of my fucking life.” 

“Even if I tried to get you to join the Movement?” Cal asked, touching Nigel’s wrist. 

“You had to put up with my high ass, I put up with your trying to recruit me. We still fell in love,” Nigel said, quietly, and nuzzled Cal’s face. 

Cal gripped Nigel’s sides with both hands now, and kissed softly, anchoring himself. “Who knows where I’d be if not having found you.” 

Nigel kissed Cal back, and then looked into the incredible, clear blue of his eyes. “I’d be dead if you didn’t find me.” 

Cal wanted to believe that fate intervened, that the Light had shown him the way, but it was so very convoluted in his head now. Something had, but maybe not what he thought. “Yeah, you would be.  Who knows, maybe I would be, too.” 

“Glad we ended up like this,” Nigel said, softly, and nuzzled Cal again. “Together.”

For now, Cal felt at peace, arms wrapped around Nigel tightly. “Me too.”

Bucky sat at his bowl, staring at his food, but not eating, like he was waiting for something, even while he drooled. Nigel looked at the dog, confused, “what’s he waiting for?” 

“Probably to be told it’s okay to eat,” Cal said, slipping away to sit down next to the dog, on his knees, and pet him. He reached into the bowl and  scooped a few kibble and held it up for him to try. 

Bucky sniffed at it, then stood, and ate out of Cal’s palm, very gently before he bowed his head and ate from his bowl, quickly.   
  
“The kind of assholes who do that shit to a dog,” Nigel sighed, shaking his head. 

“There you go,” Cal said, and stood, getting another bowl for water that filled at the tap, and then set that down, too. “He has us now. It’s okay.” 

Nigel rubbed Cal’s back as he went to the bags, and pulled out some boxes of hot food for them, handing one to Cal. “You should eat, too,” he reminded his boyfriend. “I got you stuff without meat.”

“Thanks,” Cal said, looking at the weird tofu dish with veggies. Honestly, he didn’t even remember what meat tasted like.   
  
Nigel opened his, and looked at Cal, tilting his head as he picked up his fork. “I’ve got bacon wrapped sausages here, want to try a bite?” he offered. “You and Bucky can both eat whatever the fuck you want now, right?”

“Yeah. I haven’t had meat since I was five,” Cal said, string at the sausage, but it didn’t actually make him want to eat it either. “Maybe another time.” He sat down and poked around at his own food. 

Nigel shrugged, and nodded, then took a bite of one to quell the rumbling in his stomach. He let his knee touch Cal’s under the table, and gave him a little smile. “Whenever you want something, just tell me. The world is your fucking oyster.” 

“Is it?” Cal asked, not really feeling as though that were the case at all. In fact, he felt quite unmotivated and lost. 

“You can do anything you want,” Nigel said, “drink whatever you want, eat whatever the fuck you want, think whatever you want,” he said, encouragingly. “You don’t have to fucking impress anyone anymore.” 

“I don’t know how to do that,” Cal explained, stating only the facts as he pushed a lump of tofu into his mouth. 

“You’ll learn,” Nigel assured Cal. “What weren’t you allowed to do back there? What was forbidden?” 

“Nothing is forbidden, there are just ways to treat your body right and not to. That’s why we’re-- _they’re_ \-- vegan,” Cal said, taking another bite, but he was forcing it, his stomach tense just thinking about the movement and Steve, Eddie… 

“Have you ever had real cheese?” Nigel asked, with a tilt of his head, “or an egg? I make fucking good eggs,” he said, with a little smile, trying to relax Cal a little bit.

“I’m sure I have when I was… younger.” Cal licked his lip and set his fork down. “Gimme a sausage.” 

“Jumping right into sausage? Okay,” Nigel said with a little smile, and gave Cal a sausage. It was golden brown and bubbly, spiced just a tiny bit. 

“You don’t have anything else,” Cal pointed out and cut into the sausage with his fork, for a smaller bite, and sniffed it. 

“I could make you a fucking cheese omelette,” Nigel pointed out, but watched Cal smell the meat with a smile. 

Cal took  small bite of the meat and then a bigger one, stuffing the whole thing into his mouth, chewing a little. Suddenly, he coughed, and ran to the sink to spit it out. 

Nigel moved after him, rubbing Cal’s back, “You okay?” he asked, and got a glass of water. 

Cal had gagged, the texture was odd and not very inviting. “Yeah, yeah, fine,” he said, taking the water. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry, blue eyes,” Nigel murmured, still rubbing Cal’s back. “Sausage is a bit much,” he said, and kissed the side of Cal’s head, just above his temple.  
  
He took out a pan and some eggs from the fridge, starting to cook something that would have a texture more like tofu, but much better tasting. 

“You don’t have to, I have food,” Cal sighed, wiping his mouth and sipping on the water. Bucky was at his feet, clearly worried. 

“I fucking want to,” Nigel said as he cracked a couple eggs into the pan and took cheese and butter from the fridge, a little milk as well, and started to slice the cheese into the pan, in thin, long strips that melted right away. “We should see what you like. If you don’t like it, Buck and I will fucking eat it.”  
  
Bucky nudged Cal’s leg with his massive head. 

Cal laughed. “Dogs eat eggs?” He bent low to pat Bucky’s head, reassuring him he was just fine. 

“Yeah, they fucking love eggs,” Nigel said, as Bucky stared up at Cal, staying as close to him as possible. He nudged Cal again, eager for another touch like that, the feeling of being petted strange to him. 

Cal got down to his knees once more, and gave Bucky a good pet behind the ears, and all over his head. “Then I guess it’s okay.” 

The smell of melted cheese began to fill the air, and Bucky sniffed with closed eyes as he was petted behind his cropped ears, then leaned against Cal, softly.   
  
“Doesn’t take long, either,” Nigel said, as he popped some bread into a toaster. Cal probably hadn’t eaten all damn day, knowing him. 

They’d gone from the house to the compound, Cal had tea here and that was it before hand. He hugged the pitbull, rubbing down his back a little. “Quick meal?” 

Bucky closed his eyes in bliss at the affection he had been starved of for so long, and leaned into Cal with a happy grunt as Nigel flipped the omelette in the pan. “Yeah, quick meal,” he said and chuckled when he saw Bucky. “That’s a fucking happy dog.”

“As he should be,” Cal said, pulling back to really look at their new dog. “I wonder if he’ll take to a bath later?” 

“I don’t think he’s ever had one,” Nigel said, as he looked at the dog, and put Cal’s omelette on the plate with toast, then brought it to the table, and pushed his tofu aside, then set a fork next to the plate. “There. Give it a try. Real cheese, real eggs, real butter.” 

Cal stood, and waited for Bucky to follow and sit at his feet at the table. He took up the fork and cut into the cheesy omelette, and forked some into his mouth. It smelled better anyway than the sausage, and sat well on his tongue and down his throat when he swallowed. Cal took another bite, and then another. “It’s good.”

Nigel grinned, proud of himself, and ate his sausage as Cal ate some real food for once. “Better than that tofu shit?” 

“I don’t know about that…” Cal said, but continued to eat, starved, and offered a little bit to the dog. 

Bucky sniffed at the eggs, then took it, immediately, wagging as he tasted cheese for the first time, like Cal. He scooted a little closer with hopeful eyes. “No? You’re not touching the tofu now, are you?” Nigel teased, with a nod at the abandoned tofu in the takeout dish. 

“You made me eggs,” Cal pointed out. “Rude to refuse.” Cal offered Bucky a little more. Smiling. 

Bucky gobbled up the eggs, very quickly, his eyes shining at the offered treat.  
  
“Sure, sure, that’s why,” Nigel chuckled, watching both of them, fondly. 

“The dog at the compound when I was a kid, his name was Rusty,” Cal said, seemingly out of nowhere, but his mind was a little scattered right now. “I think he died of old age eventually.” 

“What kind of dog was he?” Nigel asked, softly, and watched Bucky lay down at Cal’s feet. 

“Retriever, I think. I don’t recall, honestly,” Cal said, finishing the eggs, and took a swallow of his water. 

“You liked him? Nice dog, must have been, with all those people around,” Nigel said, and let their knees stay touching under the table. 

“Yeah. I played with him a lot. I think he was around more after my dad left so that I wouldn’t miss my dad,” Cal whispered, wondering how much of anything was true.

“Did Rusty sleep in your room?” Nigel asked, curiously, quietly. 

“Sometimes.” Cal reached down and pet Bucky again, the motion was soothing. 

Bucky licked Cal’s fingers, hoping for more cheese, but then rested his head against Cal’s leg, eyes closed, both of them soothed. “Must have been a nice feeling.”

 Cal swallowed, a glazed over, far off look in his eyes. “Sometimes.” 

“Are you tired?” Nigel asked, and reached over the table to touch Cal’s hand, to bring him back to the present. 

Cal blinked a few times, brows knit together. “Tired? No. No. I’m… sorry,” he sighed, taking Nigel’s hand. He’d pushed a lot down for a lot of years, for the promise of something that had been taken from him, right out from under him. Without the Movement, without all of that, he had no idea who he was or what he to be. 

“Just … a hell of a day,” Nigel said, with a heavy sigh. 

“And it’s not even two yet,” Cal sighed, running his fingers over Nigel’s palm slowly, calming, refocusing. 

Nigel huffed a bitter laugh, and nodded as he watched Cal’s fingers over his roughened palm. “Did Sarah know how bad it was for you?” 

“I never told her,” Cal said with a shrug. “No one really knew. I think maybe a few did but no one acknowledged it.” 

“They just … looked the other way,” Nigel sighed, and took Cal’s hand in his. “Stupid fuckers.” 

Cal shrugged, grasping Nigel’s hand, gripping it. “Didn’t matter. Steve was the leader.  Steve was great. I was a little boy.

“Steve was a fucking monster, and someone, someone bigger and stronger than you should have come along and fucking put him _down_ ,” Nigel growled, protectively. 

“I think my mom knew,” Cal sighed, sadly. “But… she wasn’t any better.” 

“No, she fucking wasn’t,” Nigel agreed, and tugged at Cal so that he came around the table to sit in Nigel’s lap, held with both arms. “You didn’t have anyone to protect you. You should have. That piece of shit should have been shot.” 

Cal sat across Nigel’s lap, arm over his shoulders. “I have you now. And I’m... pretty okay at defending myself.” Cal had started to workout mostly for that reason, so no one would ever take advantage of him again.

“I know, I know,” Nigel whispered, against Cal’s ear. “I fucking love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Cal whispered back, sighing heavily,  leaning into Nigel. 

“You’ve got me, and Buck,” Nigel said, and rubbed Cal’s back, slowly, with the flat of his large palm. “You belong with us.”


	3. Chapter 3

The day was spent putting Cal's clothes away and playing with Bucky.  The next day, after Nigel left to run some errands, Cal wandered the penthouse, fidgeting, hands rubbing up and down his arms. His phone kept ringing, it was Sarah. He let it go to voicemail. Finally, he settled, opening the box he had brought with him.

 Settled with Bucky on the floor next to him, Cal shuffled through numerous letters written to him from Steve over the years, including older pictures. All of which made no difference now, as everything was a lie. His whole life thrown out in one morning, everything he endured at Steve's hand and watchful eye was all for nothing, and Cal was left with a big, dark empty space.

 He left the box at his feet and laid down on the floor with Bucky, curled around the big dog, who didn't seem to mind at all being snuggled. Bucky let Cal snuggle up to him, and heaved a big sigh, trying to adapt, just as Cal was, to the strange, and not always comforting, sensation of freedom. 

 The door opened, after being unlocked, and Nigel walked in to find Cal and Bucky laying on the floor together. He kicked off his boots and walked to them, checking to see if they were awake, or had fallen asleep.

 Cal rolled to his back to look up at Nigel. He hadn't slept, not even that night. “Hey.”

 “I thought maybe you were napping,” Nigel said, with a little sigh, and sat on the floor next to both of them.

 “No. Bucky is, I didn’t feel like moving, he’d just get up and follow me,” Cal said, quietly.

 “You didn’t sleep last night,” Nigel said, as he laid behind Cal on the floor, arm around him.

 “Sorry if I kept you awake,” Cal sighed, moving his body back against Nigel’s seeking his warmth.

 “Just too stressed?” Nigel asked, softly, palm on Cal’s chest, through his polo shirt, able to feel his heart beating, and Bucky’s against the other side of his hand.

 “Just too… everything,” Cal replied, turning his head to look at Nigel. He’d spent part of the night nauseated from the eggs, but he didn’t tell Nigel that, as Nigel was trying his best, and was so patient.

 “I got something that might help,” Nigel offered, and fished a small brownie out of his coat pocket. “It’s got herb in it,” he said, using the term Cal was used to for weed.

 “Sacred herb?” Cal asked, having not partaken in that in a long, long time. He took the brownie and sniffed it around the packaging.

 “Yeah, there’s some baked in there. It’ll help you sleep,” Nigel said, and kissed the back of Cal’s neck. 

 “I haven’t had that in fifteen years,” Cal whispered, smelling the brownie again and then opened it, taking a small bite.

 “It’s good stuff,” Nigel said, reassuringly.

 “You think I need mellowing out,” Cal stated, but took another bite, knowing that a little with edibles went a long way.

 “I think you could use some fucking sleep, staying awake for two fucking days in a row isn’t going to make anything better,” Nigel pointed out.

 Cal took another bite as if to spite Nigel, and then wrapped the rest back up, holding onto it while he turned to clutch at Nigel’s shirt and rest their faces together. “Thank you.”

 “Least I can fucking do,” Nigel chuckled, and held Cal to his chest. “No one phoned?”

 “Sarah. But I keep letting it go to voicemail,” Cal murmured, nosing against Nigel’s jaw. “I’m sure none of them are happy. Or… maybe they are. Finally rid of me.”

 “No, Blue Eyes,” Nigel purred, and held Cal with both arms, closing his eyes. “None of them fucking deserve you.”

 “I really did give them all of me,” Cal sighed, heavily, gazing at Nigel upclose.

 “You fucking did. You worked your ass off, you put up with their bullshit, you relocated half way around the fucking world, and how the fuck did they repay you?” Nigel asked, with a shift of his jaw.

 “Taking it from me. They'll just put Eddie in charge,” Cal sighed.

 “Eddie’s a fucking asshole,” Nigel laughed, “he doesn’t have the fucking guts to lead the fucking boy scouts.”

 “Steve thinks so,” Cal muttered, shaking his head. It didn’t matter. The Movement was going on without him.

 “Let me tell you something about shitheads like Steve. They don’t want strength from someone who works for them, that’s the last fucking thing they want. I’ve seen kingpins, drug lords, pimps who do the same thing. They get rid of the one who could take it all apart, because they’re smart, because they’re strong. They get threatened and scared and get rid of them with a gun or by kicking them out,” Nigel said, with bitter insight.

 “You think he was afraid of me taking over?” Cal asked, sitting up a little to look Nigel in the eye.

 ‘I think he heard about how you did while he was under, and that scared the shit out of him. You’re not the kid he used, you’re not someone he can control very well anymore,” Nigel said, truthfully. 

 “I thought he was going to die,” Cal sighed, honestly wishing now he had.

 “You would have been relieved?” Nigel asked, as he petted Bucky with one hand, and held Cal with his other arm.

 “Yeah. I could do what I wanted with the Movement then, because I’d be the chosen son then, it’s what Steve originally said,” Cal sighed, and nestled closer. “But by some miracle he’s alive.”

 Nigel snorted at that. “Miracle is not the word I’d fucking use,” he muttered, but closed his eyes at the feeling of Cal starting to relax, and lean into him.

 Cal’s body started to lean in to Nigel more, sighing, as the brownie worked through a system with hardly any food. “Maybe he won’t be for long.”

 “If he comes around here? No, he won’t be,” Nigel promised. “If I killed him at the compound, it’d be a crime. But stupid tourists get shot here all the fucking time. They stick their noses into places they shouldn’t go … shit happens,” he said, with calm malevolence.

 “Do… do you think he will?” Cal asked, curious, his tongue a little looser.

 “You have shit on him that could put him in prison,” Nigel said, softly. The world he was used to inhabiting, the way his mind worked made this easy for Nigel to see, but Cal was more of an idealist. “If you went to the states, and went public, and charged him for what he did to you, I fucking guarantee more people would come out and have the same story. Steve gets put on trial, and even if he won, no one’s joining some fucking pedo’s cult. He’s fucking ruined. If anything, Blue Eyes, he wants you dead.”

 “I… Couldn’t…” Cal started to say, frowning, swallowing before trying again. “I mean, he wouldn’t do… that.”

 “No? He was sure as fuck capable of hurting you when you were a child, why the hell stop now that you’re grown up?” Nigel asked, bluntly. 

 “I didn’t know any better,” Cal sighed, resting his head against Nigel’s collarbone. “You really think I could do that? Rat him out?”

 “Rat him out makes it sound like you were partners in crime, Cal, you sure as fuck weren’t,” Nigel pointed out, as gently as he could. Cal obviously still saw himself as a participant in the crime, not the victim.

 “Wasn’t I?” Cal whispered, swallowing thickly. “I mean, I stayed, I took from him, he promised me things to keep quiet, that he… I  mean…” emotion welled in his throat and his grip on Nigel tightened.

 Nigel rubbed Cal’s back, and looked him in the eye, “You were a _kid_. You were running from someone just like him, and he fucking _used_ you. Doesn’t matter what you thought at the time, why you did it, he used you. It wasn’t your fucking fault, Cal,” Nigel said, solidly, using Cal’s name, for once. 

 Cal sighed, his grip tighter, breathing heavier. “I know… I do… it's just hard.”

 Nigel sighed, and kissed Cal’s forehead, softly, as he rubbed his back. “He’s not ever going to fucking touch you again,” Nigel promised, lips against Cal’s ear. “That motherfucking monster is going to get what he fucking deserves.”

 “Like my mom?” Cal asked, whisper quiet.

 “Yeah, those people tend to get what’s fucking coming to them, in the end,” Nigel whispered back, and cupped the back of Cal’s head with one hand, looking at him. “Karma. You know, like Buddhists and …. Chinese people believe in.”

 Actually, Cal liked the thought of that. Karma. “Yeah. Maybe he will.”

 “Pretty sure of it,” Nigel murmured, and kissed his lips, softly, then looked into his eyes. “How do you feel? Better?”

 Dazed, Cal smiled at Nigel up close, everything in the brownie working at once. He concentrated on Nigel with a small smile. “Yeah. I do.” Even if for now.

 "You shouldn’t be laying on the floor,” Nigel said, with a little smile, and helped Cal up, with both arms, glad that the shaky tension was finally away, for now. “C’mon, gorgeous.”

 Cal managed to his feet with a little help, Bucky right next to him. Cal held the past bit of the brownie in it’s wrapper and set it on the counter by them for later. “It’s hard…”

 Nigel’s eyes found the box of papers on the floor, and looked back at them. “What the fuck is that?”

 “Stuff I want to burn later,” Cal said without hesitation. “I didn’t want them to find it, so I didn’t leave it.”

 “What is it? Who’s it from? Him?” Nigel asked, as he led Cal away, toward the bedroom as he shifted his jaw.

 “Steve. Old pictures and letters he sent over the years,” Cal said with a sleepy, half awake tone, but was smiling a little at least. He tugged on Nigel’s shirt with both hands, fisting it.  He licked his lips. 

 “We could burn them right fucking now,” Nigel said, eyeing the fireplace, his heart thumping a little harder with hidden anger.

 Brows furrowed, Cal blinked, concentrating on what Nigel said. “Now?”

 “Now, we’ll throw them in the fire, then you never have to look at them, ever again,” Nigel promised, his palm rubbing the small of Cal’s back.

 “Okay,” Cal said, moving around Nigel to the fire place with lighter steps than he usually made, nothing timid or terse about his movements. He set a lot on. “Matches?”

 Nigel pulled a lighter off of the mantel, and crouched down to light the wood in the fireplace. It was dry, and not used in a long time, so it went up fast. He tossed the lighter on the mantel and walked back to Cal, looking at the letters and photos in the box. “He didn’t send you dick pics, did he?”

 “No,” Cal said, opening the box to show Nigel. It was perfectly organized, and at one point Cal cherished every letter, and kept every picture of them together since he was a child, as a reminder…

 Nigel reached in and took a photo out of little Cal beside Steve. He tore Steve out of the photo, and tossed him in, then folded the picture of Cal and pocketed it. “Sick bastard.”

 Cal smiled, and did that with all the pictures, tossing the sides of Steve out. “Do you want all of these… dumb pictures of me?”

Nigel took the pictures of Cal as a little boy, and looked at them, “of fucking course I do, you were fucking cute,” he muttered, and put them all in a drawer, carefully. He’d find a better place to put them later, but he was going to keep them, of course. 

 Cal went through the letters slowly at first, tossing them in one by one, watching them fade and crumble to nothing. 

 Nigel helped, crumpling them with his hand before he tossed them in, and wrapped his long arms around Cal from behind as it all burned. “Gone.”

 “Gone,” Cal repeated back, leaning back against Nigel, relaxed and far less stressed and worried than he had been. He took a deep breath. “Thank you.”

 Nigel threw the box itself in, and watched the eye on the front of it shrivel and burn up, no more powerful than the cardboard it was printed on. “That’s what I’m fucking here for,” he whispered, in Cal’s ear.

 Cal closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of Nigel’s arms around him, safe and protective, like he’d never been before, always having to create his own, on his own. “I know.”

 “Feel better now?” Nigel asked. The light of the fire made the smooth skin on his arms look even more tawny than usual around Cal’s shoulders and over his chest.

 Cal reached back and touched Nigel’s thighs. “Yes. A little bit, I think.”

 Nigel turned Cal in his arms to look at him close up, faces almost touching. “Good. What else would help?”

 Cal was on cloud nine, high and relaxed. He reached for Nigel’s hand and lead him back to the bedroom. “I want to feel you.”

 Nigel followed Cal as he licked his lips, and smiled, taking Cal’s hand. “Yeah? How?”

 “Inside of me,” Cal whispered, reaching for Nigel’s pants as they entered the bedroom, undoing his the zipper and button.  
  
Nigel smiled, and let Cal undo him before he pushed Cal back on the bed, and peeled off his own shirt, then tossed it on the bed before he crawled over Cal. “Slow? Fast?” he asked, as he kissed the side of Cal’s throat, and undid the top buttons on his polo shirt.

 “Slow, and then fast,” Cal said, decidedly, his body throbbing with heat and pleasure all at once, like waves with every touch Nigel gave him, pulsing through him.  
  
Nigel hummed against Cal’s ear, and peeled his shirt up, off, over his head, then kissed his lips again, slowly. “Love it when you tell me what you want,” Nigel whispered, and kissed his way down Cal’s chest to his nipples, sucking and biting at them gently.

 Every nip was perfect, heating Cal through like he could never remember being pleased before. He reached up, tugging on Nigel’s hair. “You. That’s all I want. Ever again.”

 Nigel stared up at Cal with scorching, dark eyes, and sank lower, kissing his way over Cal’s muscular stomach. “Ever?” he whispered, as he unbuttoned Cal’s khaki’s, and shimmied them off of his hips and pert ass.

 Cal swallowed hard. “Yeah. Just you. Forever.”  Cal lifted his hips, letting Nigel strip him bare.

 Nigel moved down, easing Cal’s tight pants down his legs, and then off with his socks. He kissed his way up Cal’s leg, over the inside of his thigh, and ran his tongue over the length of Cal’s cock. “Good…”

 Every motion, every deft swipe of tongue over any part of Cal’s body felt like million pleasure sensors going off at once, making him writhe and squirm beautifully under Nigel’s personal care. “Fuck-”

 Nigel groaned, and sucked Cal slowly. He wound his tongue around Cal’s cock, hands kneading Cal’s thighs as he bobbed his head up and down.

 Cal groaned, clutching Nigel said hair tightly in his strong fingers, resisting rolling his hips upward, needy.

 Nigel hummed, low in his broad chest, and scratched his nails over the side of Cal’s ass, then gave it a gentle, teasing slap before he pulled his mouth off of him and pushed Cal’s legs up to his chest. Nigel’s tongue slid against Cal’s entrance, wet, but insistent.

 More curses resounded through Cal, rumbled out of his chest as he gripped the sheets instead, groaning. “Nigel-”

 Cal wanted gentle at first, slow, and this was what Nigel knew would unwind him completely. Nigel cupped Cal’s ass and parted his cheeks, then ran his tongue over the cleft of his ass, over the pucker, then in with a groan.

 The now ex-cult leader’s eyes rolled back as he  finally relaxed enough to enjoy what Nigel was doing to him, undoing every button and tie with his tongue, slowly, working him open until he was all but hitting nirvana.

 Nigel loved to feel Cal shaking and writhing under what his tongue was doing. He moved Cal’s legs over his own shoulders, and drove his wet tongue in a little bit deeper, flicking the tip against his prostate.

 Cal writhed harder, trying to get Nigel’s in further, even if it wasn’t possible. “Fuck, Nigel-”

 Another low, shaking groan, and Nigel drove his tongue in further, rimming Cal thoroughly as he squeezed Cal’s strong thighs. He pulled his mouth away, slowly, and kissed his way back up to Cal’s chest, kneeling between Cal’s legs. “Can I fuck you now?” Nigel whispered, breathlessly.

 Cal looked completely undone, and nodded his head slowly. “Please.”  
  
Nigel grabbed the lube from his bedside table, and slathered his cock with it, then pressed himself in, slowly, one elbow on either side of Cal’s head. Cal hooked his ankles at Nigel’s back, and hitched his hips up, taking him in deeper, gazing up at him.

 “I love you,” Cal whispered.

 “Love you,” Nigel groaned, and drove himself deeper into Cal, slowly, keeping it gentle, kissing Cal’s lips, his neck, letting their profiles touch as their bodies moved together.

 Cal’s hand wrenched light into Nigel’s hair, and he kissed him slowly, breathing together as their bodies mingled and blended as one.

 It was slow and sweet, not what they usually did, but intimate and unhurried. Nigel’s ass flexed slowly as he thrusted, slowly. “Good?”

 “Yeah,” Cal breathed, holding Nigel tighter to him, every limb working to keep them as close together and as deep as possible.

 Nigel palmed the back of Cal’s neck, and pulled him closer as he thrust a little deeper, hip-deep in Cal as he kissed his lips, then kissed his way down Cal’s neck. Cal’s head lolled back with that, eyes half lidded as heat built in his core, spreading down to his thighs. He clenched tighter in Nigel’s hair, gasping.

 “Fucking beautiful,” Nigel whispered as he watched Cal, the way his sharp jaw angled up into the air with every thrust of his cock.

 Cal’s lips dropped open as he groaned, clutching harder with his whole body, latching on to Nigel as he started to teeter, feeling like he was dangling just over the cliff. “Nigel-”

 Nigel straightened, and gripped Cal’s hips with both hands, starting to fuck him harder. “Harder?” he asked, between ragged breaths.

 “Yes, harder, now-” Cal huffed, needing that release like he needed air in that moment.

Nigel snapped his hips, driving himself deeply into Cal, and hooked Cal’s legs over his own shoulders. “There-” he moaned, sweating as he thrust harder, harder, moving slick and smooth inside Cal.

 Head dropping back once more, every inch of Cal was on fire as Nigel’s beat against his prostate, threatening to make him spill. Cal reached for his own cock, and stroked. “Yes, there-”

 “Fucking love it when you touch yourself,” Nigel moaned, watching as Cal’s hand worked his cock over, which spurred him on. He thrust harder, starting to lose control as his eyes went dark. “Fuck … fuck, Cal …”

 Cal’s hips hitched up in time, taking Nigel’s cock all the way back, his hand pumping his own cock, faster and faster. “Yes, I’m-”

 “Come on, come for me,” Nigel gasped as they made the headboard slam back against the wall, together, close himself.

 “Nigel-” Cal managed before whole body tensed, and his loins throbbed with pleasure, coming completely undone in that moment, gasping and moaning Nigel’s name.

 Nigel shouted in Romanian, cursing as he came inside Cal for a feverish moment. He felt like Cal made him explode inside, and then re-settle into something newer and better than he used to be, every time he came. Coming to rest, Cal wrapped himself around Nigel, keeping them locked together. 

 “I needed that,” he murmured, absently.

Nigel took a deep breath, and laid over Cal, sweaty and heavy with muscle, then turned his head to kiss the side of Cal’s jaw. “Fuck, we both did,” he whispered, smiling against Cal’s warm, musky skin as he held him, still locked together.

 Completely relaxed now, Cal smiled lazily, and kissed Nigel softly, gazing up at him. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

 Nigel smiled, and gazed back, both of them relaxed and messy. Nigel’s hair fell into his eyes a little, making him look younger. “I’d be fucking dead without you, so I guess I know what I’d be doing,” he joked.

 Cal nipped at Nigel’s bottom lip for that. “Good thing I found you.”  
  
“And kept me,” Nigel whispered, as he rolled to the side, but pulled Cal with him, keeping them chest to chest. 

 “Something kept and pulled me to you, told me to stay, to keep you,” Cal whispered back, eyes half lidded, rambling and high.

 “Yeah? Maybe it was how fucking charming I was,” Nigel laughed, quite aware that he was an utter asshole to Cal when they’d first met. “We just … we’re good together. When something good happens in this shitty world, you have to make sure not to lose it.”

 “You’ve been a… sweary beacon of light in my life,” Cal laughed, fully, mirth reaching his eyes, now red rimmed.

 Nigel chuckled at that, and kissed Cal’s forehead. “I’ve never been a fucking beacon of light before,” he murmured, and kept Cal warm in his arms, glad he was relaxed, and laughing for a little while.

 “I was slowly drowning in my own darkness,” Cal admitted, and though he’d relapsed, and likely would keep doing it until he could put his past behind him, he knew Nigel would be there to shine his light on him.

 “When I came home, you mean?” Nigel asked, and brushed his fingers through Cal’s short hair.

 “When we met,” Cal sighed, knowing he was very good at hiding his pain, he’d done it for years. It was all out now though, now that the cracks had been pried open all over again.

 Nigel kissed Cal’s lips, softly, letting their mouths linger together before he pulled back with a soft smile and shining eyes. “Maybe we both needed someone to be in the dark with,” Nigel reasoned.

 “I hope I help you a little bit,” Cal said with a tinge of worry, though not as fretting as he could be.

 “When I met you, I wanted to die. I was fucking ready to die, I all but committed suicide by fucking rookie cop,” Nigel said, bluntly, and hooked his leg over Cal’s. “Haven’t wanted to die since we got together. That’s fucking something, isn’t it?”

 “Yes, it is,” Cal whispered, expressive lighting up. “I’m glad you lived.”

 “I had you to live for,” Nigel said, and nuzzled Cal’s face.

 Nigel was often a challenge, was from the start, but that only made Cal work harder to care for him, which turned into a need he never knew he had, not with anyone. “We have each other to live for now.”

 "Yeah, we do,” Nigel whispered, and wrapped his arms even more tightly around Cal’s waist. “Not going to walk away from you.”

 Cal snaked his arm around Nigel, the one person he was really himself around, even when Nigel didn’t believe in the same things he did. “No?”

 “No, I’m in this for good,” Nigel promised, reassuringly, and kissed Cal’s forehead, just between his eyebrows. “Light, no light, I don’t give a fuck about it.”

 Arm hooked under and over Nigel’s shoulder, Cal closed his eyes, relaxed. “Good. We need to get married someday…”

 Nigel smiled at that, and nuzzled his face. “You think I was never going to ask you?”

 “You haven’t yet,” Cal chuckled, knowing they’d talked about it even at the few months of their relationship.

 Nigel grunted, and rolled out of bed, walking naked to the dresser. He opened the top drawer, and pulled a ring box out, then walked back to bed, and got in. “Didn’t think I’d be doing this naked…”

 “Even better,” Cal said, making room again for Nigel. “Did you really…”

 “What the fuck do you think I’d put in a ring box?” Nigel asked, and smiled at Cal, showing his crooked teeth.

 “I don’t know, condoms?” Cal laughed, shaking his head as he sat up, really looking at Nigel.

 Nigel burst out laughing at that, and rolled his eyes, then opened the box to show Cal a white gold band with sapphires in it, all the way around the band. They matched Cal’s eyes, perfectly. “No. I’m serious. I want you to marry me. I’ve had this for a while, waiting for the right time.”

 Though relaxed and high, Cal stilled with seriousness, a smile creeping over his features, lighting up his vibrant blue eyes. “Was it the right time?” Cal leaned in to kiss Nigel. “I’ll always say yes.”

 “It’s the right time,” Nigel said, confidently, and kissed Cal, slowly, then pulled the ring out of the box, and slid it onto Cal’s finger, his heart pounding hard. 

Cal smiled against Nigel’s lips and threaded their fingers together, new weight on his own that felt  _ right _ . “I love you.” “Love you too,” Nigel whispered, and held Cal’s hand, smiling against his lips, heart still beating fast with emotion. “You like the ring?”

 Cal looked at the ring and nodded. “I do…” The sapphires burned bright like Cal’s near crystal blue hues.

 “Couldn’t just get you some fucking plain band,” Nigel whispered, with a warm smile, and looked at the ring on Cal’s hand, shaky with happiness. “I know you’d tell me not to get you anything fucking fancy, but I thought this was nice, catches the light,” he said, softly. He’d actually been nervous about Cal’s reaction to the ring itself, whether or not he would find it too “much” for his spartan tastes. Cal deserved better than just some hunk of metal. 

 Cal sighed, shaking his head. “No, it’s perfect.” In fact, it would now be the only jewelry he wore. Cal took off his eye pendant and set it on the nightstand.

 Nigel smiled at that, and kissed Cal’s newly bare neck. “Thought you might think it was too … colorful,” Nigel whispered, and let Cal lay on his hairy chest, arms locked around his fiance.

 “I like colors,” Cal said, rubbing one hand up and down Nigel’s chest, resting against him. “This is beautiful. Not too flashy.”

 “You deserve something nice,” Nigel whispered to Cal as Bucky came in, hesitantly, and then jumped up on the foot of the bed to look at them, curious, and wary that he’d be yelled at for jumping up.

 Cal patted his hand for the dog to come closer, up behind him. “It’s okay, come on.”

 Bucky ambled forward, slowly, pawing at the soft bed, and laid behind Cal’s knees, still unsure of himself.   
  
“It’s okay, mutt, come on,” Nigel encouraged him, but Bucky just gave a little sigh and put his chin on Cal’s leg, attached to him. “He fucking loves you.”

 “I saved him,” Cal said, rubbing Bucky’s head softly with one hand, giving Nigel a look. “I know another ‘mutt’ that I saved who is attached too.”

 “Are you calling me a fucking mutt?” Nigel asked with a raised eyebrow. His eyes, however, were sparkling.

 “Maybe a little,” Cal said, leaning into kiss Nigel’s lips. “But you’re _my_ mutt.”

 “Fucking right I’m your mutt,” Nigel murmured, and kissed Cal, slowly, still unable to believe he’d asked, and Cal said yes, immediately. 

 Cal would have said yes a year ago when they moved here. He just knew. “All mine,” he whispered against Nigel’s mouth, touching his neck softly with one hand.

 “Yeah? Better get a ring on me, then,” Nigel teased, softly, before he kissed Cal, losing himself in the press of their lips.

 “Let’s get married tomorrow then,” Cal said, sucking on Nigel’s lower lip.

 “Tomorrow,”  Nigel whispered back, eyes gleaming at the thought. “Going to try and make me respectable?”

 “ _You_ asked _me_ to marry you,” Cal pointed out, smirking.

 “Details. Besides, you were always respectable,” Nigel teased, thrilled out of his mind. “I’m the fucking scoundrel.”

 Cal laughed, delighted in the moment, his head buzzing with nothing but happiness. “Not a scoundrel.” 

 “I know what I am,” Nigel chuckled, and kissed Cal’s jaw, snuggling him. “We’ll have to fly somewhere tomorrow, it’s not legal here yet.” 

“Not here? Of all places?” Cal asked, blinking, warmth from Bucky behind his knees.

“Yeah, only a few countries are fucking backward enough to not allow it, but this is fucking one of them,” Nigel sighed, and kissed Cal’s shoulder. “We could fly to France, Spain, Amsterdam-” he reached for his phone and showed Cal the list of possibilities.

“Which is good?” Cal asked, being that Romania was his first ever Europe trip. 

“Spain is fucking nice. Lots of sun, oranges, art galleries and shit,” Nigel said, approvingly. “Hotels are nice. We could get one on the beach.” 

“A marriage on the beach? Do you think Bucky would like the beach?” Cal asked, imagining them both in khaki shorts, button down shirts, and birkenstocks. 

“Yeah, what fucking dog doesn’t like the beach?” Nigel asked with a little smirk, and used his phone to look through beaches in Spain, imagining them in nice suits without ties. 

“That’s true, I think,” Cal said, laying in bed with Nigel in the early evening with their dog, looking at places to get married. 

“Do you speak spanish?” Nigel asked, curiously, as he cracked his neck and smiled at a photo he found of a beautiful, sunny, sandy crescent-shaped beach, then showed Cal, watching his eyes for his reaction. 

“I know maybe a few words, that’s about it,” Cal said with a smile, his hazy mind latching on to the photos more than anything. “That is beautiful.” 

“Do you want a three star hotel right on the beach or a classy as fuck hotel a ten minute walk away?” Nigel asked, already sure he knew what Cal would want, anyway. He wanted to know if he was right. 

“Close to the beach,” Cal insisted. “We’ll only be fucking in the hotel anyway.” 

Nigel laughed, and nodded, then leaned closer and kissed Cal on the lips. “Might break the other bed,” he chuckled, but booked the hotel for four days. Fucking cult couldn’t find them there. 

“Leaving tomorrow?” Cal asked, slipping his arms around Nigel tightly, head against his chest. “You have a passport this time right?”

“I’ve got a few,” he chuckled, and kissed Cal on the lips, then booked two first class seats for them tomorrow. “We leave at nine.”

 “Perfect,” Cal said, kissing Nigel’s neck softly, over his pulse.

 “Ever flown first class? It’s fucking worth it,” Nigel murmured. He wanted everything to be special, and perfect for their wedding, especially after everything Cal had been through.

 “You’ve seen how I fly,” Cal chuckled, nuzzling against Nigel.

 “That fucking plane looked like it needed a cage full of chickens in the corner,” Nigel laughed, able to remember the rickety, tiny thing.

 “It wasn’t that bad,” Cal whispered, “It had seatbelts.”

 “I remember you helping me with mine, while my leg was held together by some … bunch of blankets or something. I was pretty high,” Nigel smiled.

 “That’s too bad you can’t recall. You flirted with me mercilessly,” Cal murmured. “I was… aghast at the thought, mostly because I didn’t think anyone would want to.”

 “How the fuck could you think that? You’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met,” Nigel said, honestly. “With that body and those eyes? I didn’t stand a fucking chance,” he whispered, and tipped Cal’s chin up, to kiss him.

 “I don’t usually attract the sort of the attention from men the way I got from you,” Cal said, aware that he had plenty of women who did, but he was far too awkward and just not interested. He kissed Nigel slowly, rolling over him.

 “Good,” Nigel said, bluntly, and smirked as he kissed Cal. “Don’t want anyone else bothering you,” he murmured, sweetly, and possessively.

 “They won’t, I have you,” Cal murmured back, watching Nigel up close as their lips slid together.

 “Do you have a lot of ladies approaching you?” Nigel asked, against Cal’s lips, between kisses. 

 “I’m mostly oblivious to them,” Cal admitted, not wanting to get into that and ruin the mood, though the thought was on the tip of his tongue, the high in his mind was making it hard to filter.

 “Good,” Nigel whispered, and nuzzled Cal’s throat, gently. “So am I. Can’t even look at anyone since I met you.”

 “I’d have to blind you somehow if you did,” Cal teased, quietly, winding down now, a little more hazy and tired now that the excitement of this was waning.

 “I’m fucking loyal, you don’t have to worry,” Nigel said, confidently, and stared at Cal. “I’d hate not to be able to see those eyes of yours.”

 “Good thing I won’t have to,” Cal said, laying back on the bed, and then turned against to lean against Nigel, ear over his chest to listen to his heart.

 “No. You’ll never have to blind me. I’ll never have to blind you,” Nigel whispered, and held Cal more tightly, his eyes closed. “I fucking love you, Cal,” he whispered, against Cal’s velvety, short hair.

 “I love you, too, Nigel,” Cal said, through his fogged mind as he started to drift. “More than… anything.”

 “Go to sleep, Blue Eyes,” Nigel whispered, aware that Cal had been up for days by now, and had to be completely exhausted. “We’ll get married when you wake up.”

 “Okay,” Cal replied, barely audible as he curled into Nigel’s side.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For any of you wondering about the movies/tv shows tagged when we started this, this is the chapter you want to read. This is Cal's metamorphosis starting, this is his change, his becoming. Hold on, it gets rough from here in parts.

Nigel’s never-used phone alarm clock went off early in the morning. He groaned, and rolled over to lay his arm over Cal, unwilling to face the reality of rising early. 

Bucky grunted, and pawed gently at Cal, needing to go out to the bathroom.

Cal groaned, usually one to be up at dawn, the brownie had knocked him clear out for hours. He pet Bucky, and then pushed Nigel off, leaning over to kiss his cheek, and then got up to put pants on and let the dog out.

Nigel yawned and stretched before he pulled a pillow over his head, and shut off his phone. A moment later, he sat up, and shuffled after Cal with a little smile, watching him from the door of the balcony. “Nice ring.”

Just out the back, letting Bucky do his business, Cal looked over his shoulder at Nigel, sheepishly, and then looked down at his hand. “Oh, this old thing?”

Nigel smile back, glad to see Cal still liked the ring, sober. The sun glinted through the stones, lighting it up cheerfully. “We should get our asses to the airport,” Nigel muttered, and yawned again, hugely.

“Just a second. Can you pack? Do we need to pack?” Cal wasn’t sure, he didn’t have a lot, just what he brought the other night, a man of very little means.

“Yeah, we’ll throw a few things in a bag. I packed for me, wasn’t sure what you wanted to bring. We can get shit there, too,” Nigel reminded Cal as he walked out after him and wrapped both arms around him from behind.

“I'll pack in a second, when Bucky’s done here,” Cal said, leaning back against Nigel, blissfully happy in the moment, not letting anything drag him down right now.

“I can watch him,” Nigel said, and kissed the side of Cal’s neck, three times. 

Cal sighed and then nodded, turning to kiss Nigel once on the lips, and then walked inside once more to pack up the things he would need. The beach would be warm, so he packed shorts and polos, a few button downs, and sandals.

Nigel smirked, and waited for Bucky to finish up, then managed to pet him without Bucky cringing before he brought him in. “He let me fucking pet him,” Nigel announced as he walked into the bedroom to put something on, and cracked his neck.

Cal smiled at that, dressed in a white short sleeve button down and grey shorts, “He’s getting used to you.”

Nigel slipped on a pair of jeans and a blue short-sleeved shirt that he left open at the neck. “Maybe, you’re still his fucking favourite, for sure,” he said with a smirk at Bucky, who laid at Cal’s side.

Cal reached down to pet the dog, already more relaxed himself with having the big dog around, especially after the other night when he all but wanted to jump on the men trying to get into Nigel’s car. “We always tend to favor our saviours.”

“Yeah, we do,” Nigel said after spraying a little cologne on himself, and then ran a hand through his hair and threw his cologne in his bag, then went over to Cal with keys in hand. “Ready?”

Cal nodded, leaving the eye necklace on the nightstand, not looking back. He had everything he needed in one bag. “Yeah, let’s go.” He bent and leashed Bucky.

“Ready for a trip, mutt?” Nigel asked with a smirk at the dog as he put on his shades and jacket, then opened the door. Bucky just looked at Cal, curiously, and followed Cal out the door, trusting him completely already.

“Should be pack food for him?” Cal asked, forgetting about that, he wasn’t sure how this worked for pets.

“Shit. Yeah, let’s bring the bag as a carry on,” Nigel said, and went back to get the back, then taped it shut, and carried it under one arm, like everyone brought a bag of dog food with them into first class.

“Okay…” Cal said, following Nigel to the car, and then helped Bucky into the back, getting into the passenger seat himself.

Bucky laid down, making sure he could see Cal from where he lay, and Nigel got in, then started the car and drove them off. “I hope Bucky likes oranges,” Nigel said, with a look back at the dog.

“We’ll find out,” Cal said, reaching back to pet the dog gently, reassuring him he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Bucky gave Cal a big, toothy grin and rested his enormous head against Cal’s palm. “Do dogs fucking eat oranges? Never had one before,” Nigel said, and looked at Cal as he petted the dog, glad that they had stopped to get him. Cal was already doing better.

“Not sure. Chocolate is a no, and I think grapes?” Cal couldn’t remember, he hadn’t owned a pet, let alone a dog, in a long time.

“Okay, no chocolate, no grapes,” Nigel said, with a nod, and reached back to offer his hand to Bucky for a sniff, which Bucky gave a little lick to.

“See? Already warming up to you,” Cal said, and gave Bucky a pat before taking his hand back for a moment.

“I think he’s starting to realize we’re not going to force him to fight, or anything like that,” Nigel said, and took a turn toward the airport, driving in his usual fast, decisive manner on the way there.

“Exactly. We’re just here to help him,” Cal said, finding it was easier to have his mind set on helping Bucky than helping himself, honestly.

Bucky pawed at Cal, softly, to get his attention, then climbed between Nigel and Cal’s seats to sit in Cal’s lap, head on his chest. “He’s your baby,” Nigel smirked.

Cal chuckled, holding Bucky in his lap, rubbing his back gently. “Start of our own family together.”

“Do … do you want kids?” Nigel asked, the thought only occurring to him now. Cal was not about to become pregnant, Nigel hadn’t really thought of it.

“I… don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. Never had to, never… been given the opportunity,” Cal said, but not with any remorse for it. “I’m not sure I’d be the best parent.”

Nigel laughed at the thought of them as fathers. “I’m pretty sure I’d be shit as a father,” he said, without varnishing the truth, at all. “I don’t remember having one, just some asshole who came around drunk and hit me a lot,” he muttered, bitterly. He had never really opened up about his childhood the way Cal had. It wasn’t in Nigel’s nature to think about the past, or be introspective. He was desperate to claw as far away as he could from the stench of it.

His hands clenched a little more tightly around the steering wheel.

“I don’t want to be… my parents,” Cal sighed, looking out the window as they drove, not focused on anyone thing. His father hit him, and his guardian molested him, and his mother, well… Cal took a deep breath. “N-no kids.”

“No kids,” Nigel agreed, and reached over to take Cal’s hand in his own, gently. “We’re good. Just us,” he promised, and drove into the airport parking lot with a sigh of relief.

It wasn’t that Cal never thought about it, it was that Cal didn’t think he could, or ever would. He squeezed Nigel’s hand. “And Bucky.”

“And Bucky, yeah,” Cal promised as he found a spot, and parked. “This is all I need to be happy, gorgeous.”

“Good,” Cal said, and got out, dog in his arms, he managed to get his bag slung over his shoulder.

Bucky licked Cal’s cheek, and laid in his arms, very still as Nigel got everything else out of the trunk, and joined his fiance. “You need a stroller for him,” Nigel teased.

“Oh stop, he’s just anxious around a lot of people,” Cal explained, holding the dog like a baby in his arms.

Nigel smirked at them, and gave Bucky a little scratch behind his ears, which made the dog grunt as Cal carried him into the busy airport. Nigel walked Cal through the lobby and to their security checkpoint. The guard there seemed to know Nigel by sight, and just nodded at him, respectfully as he took his passport with shaky fingers.

Cal managed to get his own out of his pocket, arms full of dog or not, and then they were ushered through. “You have more connections than I do.”

The guard barely looked at Cal’s passport, and waved them through without a search or a look at what they carried, then stopped the next passenger to search them. “You could say that,” Nigel said, vaguely, and took Cal’s bag for him. “You’re okay carrying all that dog?”

“He’s big but I got him,” Cal said, straining a little, but he didn’t workout just to be coddled. Bucky needed him with all the people around, so he held him tighter.

Bucky sighed and rested his head on Cal’s shoulder, and closed his eyes, trying to block out all the people around him. Nigel nodded, and rubbed Cal’s back with one hand before he led them to a low couch in the first class area. 

Cal sat and held Bucky, rubbing his back for him. “How long do we have? Does the flight have vegetarian options…” Cal caught himself saying the last part and bit his cheek.

“First class sure as fuck does,” Nigel assured Cal, as they sat down. Nigel waved away a server who came to offer them champagne.

Cal watched the waiter go, swallowing and then burying his head a little into Bucky’s neck. The need to want to drink was suddenly strong, but he could get through it. “Okay, okay...Good.”

Nigel wrapped his arm around Cal, and kept him close. “You okay?” Cal seemed stressed now, more than before.

“Easy to want to fall back into things now that I am away from them,” Cal said, quietly, resting up against Nigel. 

“You don’t wanna be wasted for our wedding,” Nigel murmured with a kiss to Cal’s cheek. “It’s going to be fucking gorgeous. You want to remember this,” he encouraged Cal, and rubbed his arm as Bucky licked Cal’s face.

“I know, of course I don’t,” Cal agreed, gazing up at Nigel, and wrinkled his nose at the slobbery kiss. “It’s just a passing… want.”

“Yeah. I get that. I still fucking want to smoke,” Nigel admitted, casually. 

“That’s almost worse than drinking,” Cal chuckled, sighing, and looking at Nigel. “We’re quite the pair.”

“White knuckling it, one day at a time,” Nigel sighed, not about to say he wanted a drink himself right about now. 

Cal could tell, he knew Nigel well enough, and knew also that Nigel tended to drink when he wasn’t around. Days being together? Nigel had to be feeling it. “You don’t need to stop drinking because of me.”

“Yeah, I do,” Nigel said, bluntly, and factually. “I’m not going to fucking drink right in front of you when you can’t have any. That’s fucking rude.”

“We’re getting married, you’ll rarely have time without me to be drinking,” Cal pointed out, Bucky asleep in his arms.

“It’s not that fucking important to me,” Nigel insisted. “If I go out to meet someone for business, we’ll probably have a drink, but I’m not drinking at home. We can have fucking brownies or something, I don’t care.”

“You want to get high with me instead?” Cal asked, quietly, just between them.

“Yeah,” Nigel said, honestly. “It’s fucking harmless,” Nigel said, with a soft smile, and touched the back of Cal’s neck with his fingertips.

“Might be enlightening,” Cal said with a cant of his head toward Nigel.

“It’s been fucking years since I’ve done that,” Nigel laughed, and stared into Cal’s eyes, transfixed by them as the sun shone through his blue irises.

“First time for me in a long while last night,” Cal whispered with a smirk, rubbing Bucky’s back slowly, his own head leaned back to gaze at Nigel.

“And it helped,” Nigel whispered back, then stole a soft kiss from Cal’s lips.

Holding the dog with one hand, Cal reached up and touched the back of Nigel’s neck, holding him there as he kissed him a little deeper. “It did.”

“I might have packed a few,” Nigel smirked, and nuzzled Cal as the airline called for first class to board.

“Sounds like our wedding and honeymoon will be… interesting,” Cal said, stealing one more kiss before standing, holding the large dog asleep in his arms.

“We’ll just make sure the dog doesn’t get any,” Nigel said as he lifted their bags, and let Cal go first, his arms flexing handsomely. He planned to keep Cal on the beach, in bed, and pleasantly relaxed the whole time.

“Good idea,” Cal said with a glance back at Nigel and then boarded through the gate, onto the plane, Bucky snoozing in his arms, clearly relaxed himself.

They were shown to their seats at the front of the plane. After passing through the cramped, tiny seats of coach, the flight attendant pulled aside a curtain and showed them to two huge, luxurious looking seats in the much more spacious area of the plane. Nigel put the dog food and a few bags above them and gestured for Cal to have the seat near the window. 

Cal sat, now cradling the dog in his arms, and looked out the window. A good choice, so he didn’t suddenly feel as though everything were much, much smaller. He took a deep breath, keeping his mind away from what they were leaving behind, what he could be doing, and instead what he wanted, and being happy, with Nigel.

A flight attendant came to them with a tray and a smile, and waited for them to order. Nigel asked for a black coffee, and the flight attendant looked at Cal with a smile. “Would you like a mimosa? Maybe club soda with lime?” he asked, as Nigel watched the flight attendant’s smile, carefully, like a wolf.

Shaking his head, Cal swallowed. “No, uh… tea would be great, thank you.”

“Green tea? Black tea? Herbal?” the attendant asked, in a friendly tone. “We’re also offering breakfast this morning, I can bring your menus out with your drinks.”

“Herbal,” Cal said with a nod, loosening his hand a bit to grasp at Nigel’s fingers. “Yes, that’s fine.”

The attendant nodded and departed, and Nigel squeezed Cal’s hand. “Pretty nice, huh?” he asked, with a smile over at Cal.

“Very nice. Nicer than I’ve ever flown, or driven,” Cal said, well aware that his meager life at the Movement had been plush and nice, but never like this.

“I don’t always fly like this, but it’s a special fucking occasion, right?” Nigel asked, softly. He wanted to make Cal happy, as much as he could.

“It is,” Cal agreed, with a little sigh, content. “A nice way to start a new life.”

The flight attendant carried their drinks and menus out, with heated towels, and handed them out, then looked at Bucky. “Would your adorable pooch like a bowl of water after we get in the air? I just don’t want it to get sloshy while we take off.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you,” Cal said, taking the warm towel.

“He is just _adorbs_ , what’s his name?” the flamboyant attendant asked with a smile as Bucky gave the attendant the same look Nigel was giving him.

“Bucky,” Cal said with as much obliviousness as he could muster. “My fiance and I adopted him the other day.”

“I love that squishy face,” the flight attendant smiled, and offered his hand to Bucky, which made the dog growl, softly, and move away from him, uneven teeth showing. “Oh, sorry, someone doesn’t like strangers…”

“No, he’s a rescue, we’re working on his trust,” Cal explained, switching the direction Bucky was held.

“He’s still pretty cute,” the attendant said with a smile and walked off again. “He checked you out,” Nigel grumbled, as the attendant walked off.

Cal made a face and looked as the attendant left. “No…” He shook his head, eyes meeting Nigel’s once more. “No he didn’t.”

“I think he fucking did,” Nigel said, with a little shift of his jaw and shoulders, his eyes still focused on the back of the flight attendant’s head.

“Let it go,” Cal said, reaching for Nigel’s hand, reassuringly. “I have no interest in… flamboyant flight attendants.”

“No?” Nigel asked, with a little smile at Cal. He couldn’t help but feel possessive about the best thing in his life, and sure that everyone else around them would try to steal Cal away. He swallowed, and squeezed Cal’s hand, softly.

“No,” Cal replied, and looked down at their hands, where his left ring finger shown with glinting blues and silver. “I only have interest in my fiance.”

“That’s a nice word from your mouth,” Nigel said with a little smile, distracted by Cal’s gorgeous face. Just when he thought he knew how good looking Cal was, the light hit his features a little differently.

“Don’t get used to it,” Cal said, with a little ease in his tone, happy to be distracted from his own thoughts and nightmares. 

“What are you going to call me once we’re married?” Nigel asked, with a warm gleam in his eyes that matched his deep, dark coffee.

“Husband,” Cal answered, letting go of Nigel’s hand to grab his tea and have a sip now that it had cooled. “If that’s alright with you?”

“Yeah, that’s more than okay for me,” Nigel smiled, and watched Cal drink his tea, then watched him before looking at his little menu. “They have a vegetarian omelette,” he noted.

It wasn’t vegan, but Cal knew that he had to take steps to better things, to being different. “That sounds… okay.”

“Could get it with some cheese, lots of vegetables and shit,” Nigel suggested, “or crepes,” he said, already knowing what he wanted: steak and eggs.

“I’ll keep it simple,” Cal murmured, “eggs sound fine with veggies.”

The attendant came back with a couple of treats for Bucky and gave them to Cal. “A little something for your dog. Do you know what you’d like for breakfast?” he asked. “Steak and eggs. We’re getting married,” Nigel said, flatly, as he handed his menu back.

Cal opened his mouth to thank the attendant and then closed it again, looking at Nigel, blinking. “We are,” he said after a moment of gathering hs bearings. “I’d like the vegetarian omelette please.” He opened his hand for Bucky to eat a treat.

“Of course, and congratulations,” the attendant said with a smile, and left with their menus.

“There. Now he knows,” Nigel said, satisfied, and watched as Bucky sniffed at the treat, then ate one.

“Yes he does,” Cal agreed, petting Bucky as he ate the treat. “Good boy.”

“Just … thought I should say something,” Nigel smiled, and sipped his hot coffee, then leaned back in his seat.

“Of course you did,” Cal said with a little smile. Nigel had far more jealousy than Cal, but Cal also had a lot of years with meditation and control under his belt, but even that didn’t stop him… sometimes.

Nigel just shrugged his shoulders at himself, and took another sip of coffee as the plane began to taxi down the runway, slowly. “Looks like we’re on our fucking way.”

“Finally,” the once movement leader said, letting out a long sigh.

The plane picked up speed and then lifted off, smoothly. “Nicer than our first flight together,” Nigel chuckled, and stretched out completely. 

“You can’t even remember that,” Cal spat back teasingly.

“I remember little bits, here and there,” Nigel teased. “I remember getting close to you, and how red you got.”

“I got close to you,” Cal reminded. “You were very much stationary.”

“Even better,” Nigel murmured as the plane evened out to cruising level. “You were so pissed at me when I said it was all a cult.”

Cal leveled Nigel a look. “It’s not a cult,” he reminded his fiance gently, still very much a belief that it wasn’t.

Nigel gave Cal a nod, which was as diplomatic as he got, and moved his coffee aside as the flight attendant brought their breakfast to them. It looked like something out of a restaurant, not anything found on an airplane. “Enjoy!” the attendant said, and sauntered away to serve someone else. 

Cal let Bucky down to sit on at his feet, rubbing his foot against his fur. Subject dropped, he looked at the food provided. “Yours looked better the other night.”

“Really?” Nigel asked, with a proud smirk as he cut into his steak, and took a bite with a hum. “I’m shit for a cook.”

“I said looked, so I’ll wait to pass judgement,” Cal said, and cut into the omelette, and stuffed some into his mouth. It wasn’t bad, but he’d only ever had the one Nigel made before this. “It’s okay.”

“Is mine still better?” Nigel asked, before taking another bite of steak with a happy sigh. Sunlight poured in through the little window next to Cal, lighting his short hair and profile almost angelically.

“Maybe a little bit, the veggies are a little overdone,” Cal admitted, “but as far as omelettes go and my experience with just the two, yes yours if better.”

“You’re biased,” Nigel purred, fondly, and started in on his eggs and toast.

“I might be, I won’t lie about that,” Cal said, taking another bite, hoping these eggs at least settled better than the last ones.

“Want some toast?” Nigel offered, and held a piece over toward Cal.

“This should be fine,” Cal murmured around a forkful of eggs, dropping a bit for Bucky under him. “Thank you.”

Bucky gobbled up the dropped eggs, and then the piece of steak Nigel tossed for him, happily. “I bet he’s going to start asking for eggs, soon.”

Cal chuckle at that, covering his mouth since it was full of food. He chewed and swallowed. “Ask?”

“Paw at your leg, make a cute face,” Nigel said with a little smile as Bucky just laid at Cal’s feet, doing nothing of the sort.

“Maybe some day in the future, right now I think he’s grateful for anything we give him without begging,” Cal commented, frowning down at the poor dog.

Nigel tossed another little bit of steak, which Bucky gobbled up, and burped, softly, which made Nigel laugh. “He’s going to get fucking spoiled.”

“Let him. He deserves to be spoiled,” Cal said with with rub of his foot against the abused dog.

Bucky grunted and stretched on the floor, quite happily, his eyes shut for a moment when Cal petted him with his foot. “Yeah,” Nigel murmured, “yeah, he’s had a tough time. We’ll make sure he gets what he deserves,” he smiled, looking at Cal more than the dog.

Cal tried not to put too much of himself in Bucky’s place, but smiled a little sheepishly when he looked over to see Nigel watching him. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Yeah, it will be, for you. If those bastards try to come after you, it’s not going to be fucking okay for them,” Nigel said, and finished his plate.

Cal canted his head into a slow nod, hefting a sigh as he slid his plate half done over to Nigel to stack for the attendant. “They don’t let…” he swallowed, “deniers go easily.”

Nigel took Cal’s plate, listening intently. “What do they do?”

“Follow them. Make sure they don’t say anything. Sometimes ask them to come in for questioning, try to get them back. Ones we make leave, we usually leave alone…” Cal explained, wincing when he realized what he said with all the ‘we’s’ in it.

“And … what the fuck happens when they go in for questioning?” Nigel asked, still convinced that Cal’s old group was more like the mob than Cal ever realized, even while he was deep in it.

“We… try to convince them to come back. We don’t make people… _they_ don’t make people stay,” Cal said, pushing his tray up now that he was done.

“How do you try to convince them? I mean, specifically how? Threats? Drugs?” Nigel asked, and handed off the plates to the attendant as the attendant refilled their drinks and walked off, again.

Cal held his tea in both hands, shrugging. “Mostly explain to them what the movement has done for them, how we helped, and all that.”

“And if they say no?” Nigel asked, skeptically. 

“Let them go. That’s what we’re supposed to do,” Cal said, chewing the inside of his cheek. “They just can’t come back, or see their families if they’re still with us.”

“And if that person is really important? If they’ve got dirt on the higher ups?” Nigel asked.

“They would stop at nothing to get them back, to keep their mouths shut, there might be convincing or offerings, worst case maybe… threats, but it’s never gotten there,” Cal explained, sipping his tea, looking at Nigel.

“That you know of,” Nigel said, thoughtfully.

“Well, I know Kodiak left and he was pretty up there, no one went after him,” Cal explained.

“But he wasn’t you, and he sure as fuck didn’t know what you know,” Nigel murmured. “Who’s contacted you so far?”

“He might have known,” Cal muttered into his cup, not entirely sure. “Just uh… texts from Sarah.”

“She’s trying to get you to meet her?” Nigel asked, as his eyes darkened, just a shade.

“I don’t know what she wants, I haven’t answered.” Cal fished out his phone and turned it on. After starting up, a lot more messages came through. He handed it to Nigel.

Nigel sighed, and looked through the messages, his eyes narrowing. “She wants you to come meet her, talk to her, unburden,” Nigel muttered. “Now she’s trying to guilt you … oh, and the shaming, a nice fucking touch from _this bitch_.”

“I haven’t anything to unburden about,” Cal sighed. It was just as he thought it might be, which was why he never checked the messages.

“Now she says Eddie and Steve want to talk to you,” Nigel said, flatly, unimpressed. “I’m fucking sure they do. Do you have anything important on this phone?”

“Not anymore,” Cal said, seeing as the only thing he had important was the Movement and Nigel. “There’s pictures of you on there, that’s about all I care about,” he mused, trying to convince himself.

“You’ll have lots of pictures of me in the future, gorgeous,” Nigel promised, and stood up with Cal’s phone, kissed him, then walked to the bathroom with it. A moment later, Nigel returned and sat down. “It’s gone.”

“You flushed my phone?” Cal asked, looking back to see where Nigel had come out of. “I paid for service on that.”

“I’ll get you another one,” Nigel promised, and kissed Cal’s cheek as he sat down, “don’t worry about it. We’re over the fucking ocean right now. It’s gone. They can’t bother you on it anymore.”

“I’ll l have to get a new number I guess,” Cal mused lightly, and sipped more of his tea reverently. Having no contact with the Movement at all felt strangely like freedom and almost like drowning all at once.

“Yeah, you’re free. No more texts from that cunt,” Nigel said with a little smile, like he’d just opened Cal’s cage door for him, and was confused at Cal’s insistence that he stay in the cage.

Every last piece of his childhood was gone with it, even the good things, which now he wasn’t so sure what was good or bad. Cal nodded, blinking at Nigel. He really needed to buck up, he hated seeing that disappointed look on Nigel face. “Yeah. True.”

“You … don’t like it?” Nigel asked, quietly. “I did it _for_ you.”

“No, it’s _fine_ ,” Cal reassured, feeling his chest tighten a little with panic, and he wasn’t sure if that was because he knew they’d find him anyway, or that he’d just thrown out the very last bit of them, and he hadn’t even done it.

“Cal-” Nigel said, and leaned over to touch Cal’s shoulder, pulling him closer in the big seats. Cal was starting to sweat. “You didn’t want to hear from them…”

“I… I don’t-” Cal breathed out, meeting Nigel’s eyes, trying to calm himself so he didn’t do this here, not on the plane.

“Breathe,” Nigel said, as he rubbed Cal’s back with one hand, looking into his eyes. “You’re okay. This is your new life, it’s all going to be okay. I promise. You’re okay without them, Cal. You have a family right here.”

Cal had been an outsider for years, he knew he was not like everyone else, but people looked up to him, went to him for things, took his leadership. It wasn’t a family, not really, but it was all he knew. And now… He breathed out slowly, matching the rise and fall of Nigel’s chest as he reached out to touch it. “I know… I know…”

Nigel clasped his hand over Cal’s hand where it rested on his chest, and touched the ring on Cal’s hand there. “We’re your family, Cal. I’m almost your husband. I’m with you forever, alright? This is fucking permanent, and I love you. You aren’t lost. You have us. You don’t have it all figured out yet, but that’s a damn good place to start,” Nigel whispered, and kissed Cal’s cheek, doing his best to calm him, quietly.

Cal took a few more deep breaths, nodding his head as he felt Nigel’s heartbeat under his palm. It would take time, he just had to stop jumping into deep ends without a flotation device. “I know.”

“Want my last name?” Nigel offered, with a little smile. “New life, new last name. Hell, you could have a new first name if you want.”

“Why would I want a new first name?” Cal asked, focusing on that and not shaking of his limbs, or the ache in his chest that threatened to squeeze his heart until it stopped.

“New identity, start over, no mistakes, no one looking for a guy named Cal,” Nigel said, softly, and put the arm up between their big chairs then pulled Cal right into his lap to hold him.

Cal gazed at Nigel up close, his heart thudding anew, hopefully and anxious all at once. “How does someone do that?”

“Just file something in court with some money,” Nigel said with a little shrug. “Or my guys can get you new papers. New papers, new person, no fucking paper trail.”

“I'd want to be legitimate,” Cal said, calming down a little. “What would be my name?”

“Whatever the fuck you want,” Nigel answered, as he talked Cal down. “Your last name would be Vaduva, if you took my name.”

“What goes with Vaduva?” Cal mused, not shaking as much now that he as distracted, and Bucky had gotten up on his seat while he was on Nigel’s lap.

“Nothing,” Nigel sighed. “What’s your middle name?” Nigel asked, thoughtfully.

“Lee,” Cal murmured, not especially fond of it.

“Lee Vaduva,” Nigel murmured with a smile. “I like it.”

Pressing their heads together, Cal breathed with Nigel. “I do, too. We going to be married after all.”

“I could get used to calling you Lee,” Nigel smiled, and rubbed Cal’s back. 

“You don’t think they’ll find me through you?” Cal asked, head canted against the seat as he watched his husband-to-be.

“If they do, they’ll be sorry, but it’s a shitload less likely after you change your name. We could fucking move, too,” Nigel offered.

“Oh yeah? Where?” Cal asked, curious, his mind completely off everything else now.

“Still in Bucharest, I need to be there for business, but we can get a nicer place, more secure, somewhere those asswipes can’t get to easily,” Nigel said, and ran his fingertips over the back of Cal’s neck. 

“Oh.” Cal’s worry was that they would still try, they would still be around with the compound there.

“Don’t worry,” Nigel said, softly, and shook his head. “It’ll be okay,” he murmured, and palmed the side of Cal’s face.

Cal bit his bottom lip, eyes kept strictly on Nigel’s, grounding himself. “Okay.”

“Lee,” Nigel said, trying the name out as he looked at Cal. It seemed much lighter, as a name went. “I like it.”

“Same amount of syllables,” Cal chuckled lightly, brows knit together slightly. He needed time to transition into this, into a new life, into nothing to do with the light, the truth, and Steve…

Nigel leaned closer and kissed the little lines between Cal’s eyebrows, softly. “Easy to remember…”

Cal sighed, and leaned his head against Nigel’s shoulders. “You wouldn’t have a problem remembering.”

“I’m pretty fucking sharp,” Nigel chuckled, and held Cal to him as he closed his eyes, glad he’d calmed his fiance down, and talked him out of a panic attack. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah. You always make me feel better,” Cal whispered, his heartbeat going back to normal, palms less sweaty. He pressed his nose to Nigel’s neck, over the tattoo there, hand snaking around the back of his neck to rub his thumb into his skin softly.

Nigel sighed at the touch, and slipped his hand under the back of Cal’s shirt to touch his back. “Always?”

“You haven’t failed me yet,” Cal sighed, murmured into Nigel’s skin at the crook of his neck.

“And I’m not fucking going to, either,” Nigel whispered, against Cal’s earlobe.

“I love you,” Cal whispered, nuzzling into Nigel’s jaw.

“I love you, too,” Nigel whispered back, and tipped his chin back as they snuggled in the huge leather chair together while Bucky slept beside them.


	5. Chapter 5

The flight seemed to pass quickly, and the plane landed smoothly in Spain, near the coast. Once again, Nigel carried all the bags while Cal handled Bucky. Once through customs, Nigel hailed a cab, and held the door for Cal. “Sunny here, air smells like fucking orange blossoms. I love this fucking country.”

“I’ve never been here, but it seems great,” Cal said, holding Bucky as he got into the back of the cab.

“The last time I was here all I saw were the clubs,” Nigel laughed, and put their luggage in the trunk before he climbed in and told the driver where to go.

“For business?” Cal asked, head canted toward Nigel, feeling much better after landing and in fresh air once more.

“Yeah, had to do a few things here,” Nigel nodded, and took Cal’s hand as they rode through the streets. “It was kind of a fucking blur, but I knew I wanted to come back, someday.”

“Never did anything for pleasure?” Cal asked, curious, though he wasn’t one to mix them either, so he understood.

“Like I said, it was a fucking blur. Lots of business, lots of drinks, lots of clubbing, all of it,” Nigel said with a motion of his hand. “I don’t know how the fuck I got on the plane to go home.”

“Clubbing?” Cal asked, not too aware what that was, all he knew is Nigel didn’t do a lot of that now, or at all, from what he knew.

“Going out to nightclubs, drinking, dancing,” Nigel explained, a little charmed that Cal wasn’t sure what clubbing was. “It’s fucking boring.”

“Oh, that’s far less dangerous than I thought,” Cal said, sheepishly.

“What did you think it was?” Nigel asked, softly, smiling.

“I don’t know, a venue where you get drunk and club people,” Cal shrugged, arms full of dog. “It sounds stupid now…”

 

Nigel laughed and kissed Cal on the cheek for that. “Well, that was part of business,” he whispered, confidentially.

“Ah,” Cal sighed, gazing at Nigel.

Nigel gazed back, admiring Cal’s features under the Spanish sun, “like I said … a fucking blur. This trip will be better.”

“No drunken blurs or clubbing,” Cal chuckled lightly. “Just a marriage.”

“Just a marriage, and lots of fucking,” Nigel smiled, as he wrapped his arm around Cal.

“Sounds like my kind of party.” Cal leaned in closer, and Bucky grunted up at them at the movement.

“Yeah? Have you ever been to a party?” Nigel asked, nuzzling Cal with a little smile.

“Get togethers.I mean, not the sort of parties you’re used to, no,” Cal said, aware that he was culturally behind in a lot of things.

“I used to fucking love them, I think I grew out of them. Now, I’m just bored and want to have a fucking beer at home without some skank trying to talk in my ear,” Nigel muttered.

“I can’t imagine I’m much better company,” Cal mused.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nigel laughed, and smiled at his fiance. “Imagine the most fucking annoying person you’ve ever met, now imagine they’re hammered and high on coke, and trying to tell you their life story over loud music. That’s a party.”

“Why would anyone do that?” Cal sighed, feeling as though maybe he met Nigel too late in life, maybe he could have helped him sooner out of that sort of stuff.

“Fucking trainwrecks,” Nigel said, with a roll of his eyes, “they just want to get fucked up and fuck the first person who will do them, usually hope you’ll bankroll them, or that they can be some sort of sugar baby. It’s fucking pathetic.”

“That would make you the… sugar daddy?” Cal asked, not entirely up on the terminology. It was clear though that Nigel had been around the block a few times, and Cal? Well…

“Yeah, it’s when a man, usually older, pays for someone’s life in exchange for them fucking on a regular basis,” Nigel said, bluntly. 

“Have you?” Cal asked.

“Fuck no,” Nigel laughed. “Do I look like I have to pay for sex?” he asked, one ashy eyebrow raised.

“No,” Cal said, looking out the window as he pet Bucky’s head. “I was just curious.”

“My mother was a whore,” Nigel said, quietly. “I’m not paying for someone to sleep with me, it’s a fucking disgusting business,” Nigel sighed, and looked out the other window.

“Sorry,” Cal said as Bucky licked his chin.

“Not your fault,” Nigel said, and wrapped his arm around Cal’s shoulders, keeping him close. “That’s just … life, right?”

“We were both dealt some bad cards,” Cal agreed with a sigh, leaning into Nigel. He hadn’t meant to be rude about asking, but Nigel talked very little of his life before Cal.

Nigel pulled Cal close, and snuggled against him as he focused on Cal, and not the shitty memories. “Maybe that’s why we understand each other.”

“Maybe.” Cal’s childhood was a haze more than anything, snippets of it coming back, but as long as he had Nigel, he knew it wouldn’t take him over completely.

Nigel’s, in contrast, was all too clear and harsh. He remembered _everything_ in stark, gritty detail. “Maybe we both deserve something nice, now, some peace,” Nigel whispered, and looked at Cal’s face, his perfect nose, and luminous blue eyes. “We’ve gone through enough shit, more than most people have in two lifetimes. I don’t think I could ever really marry anyone who had a pampered fucking life, or a perfect childhood. They don’t understand, they’ve never seen what it can be like, how bad it can be, so they can’t appreciate anything good, either.”

“And you’re happy with me? I’m not… spoiled?” Cal asked with a smile, watching Nigel’s face. Nigel had a point after all. “You’re right though. No one else gets it.” Sarah surely didn’t.

Gabi hadn’t either. They’d come from different worlds, and Nigel felt like nothing he had done was good enough for her. “No, you’re not fucking spoiled,” Nigel said, and leaned over to kiss Cal’s forehead, softly. “We’ve both been through enough Hell to appreciate what we have.”

Cal canted his head up and kissed Nigel properly. “I promise to find a way to contribute so I don’t seem like a… whatever you called them,” Cal chuckled lightly.

Nigel burst out laughing at the idea. “A sugar baby?” he asked, and shook his head. “You’re not like that. You took care of me when I had fucking _nothing_ , no money, no passport, nothing but a leg that had been almost torn off. I was swearing at you, pissed, and you brought me into your house and fed me. You saved my leg and my fucking life, for no reason. You could have left me there to fucking die. It’s my turn to take care of you now. You should let me.”

Cal flushed at that, having never considered it any more than what he should do, that it would gain the Movement something, but honestly, it gained the most for Cal. “Okay. I’ll try to let you.”

Nigel tipped Cal’s face toward him and kissed him on the lips properly, then smiled. “Good. If you want to work, okay, fine, but you don’t fucking have to.” The cab stopped outside a big white hotel, and Nigel dug out a few euros, and put them in the driver’s hand, then stepped out to get their luggage.

Not sure what he could do for work, Cal let that linger there, hoping something would come to mind. He got out and then scooped Bucky into his arms once more, squeezed him, and then set him down on the ground to walk on his leash.

Nigel rejoined Cal on the sidewalk, and looked around. Their hotel was on a sunny, perfectly sandy beach that looked over the ocean beyond the bay. Palm trees and orange trees lined the street, and the sound of slow waves on the shore filled the air and created a soft breeze. “Not too bad…”

Just being there put Cal at ease. “This is very fucking nice,” he said, looking over at Nigel with a grin.

Nigel smiled at that, “very fucking nice?” he teased, and walked into the hotel with Cal and Bucky. The hotel was airy and bright, and all the windows were opened to the street to admit the sunlight and ocean breeze.

“Well, it is,” Cal said, not one to abstain from swearing, but he knew he was less likely to with Nigel, as he rarely got angry around him.

“Relaxing,” Nigel agreed as he checked in, and took their room keys, handing one to Cal before they walked to the elevator together.

Cal took the key and put it in his pocket, aware that they had the same key and it hardly mattered. The doors opened and he lead Bucky in and leaned in against Nigel a little. “When are we booked for marriage?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Nigel said with a smile. “Enough time to get something decent to wear and get me a ring,” he murmured, and kissed Cal’s neck.

“Decent?” Cal asked, brow raised up toward Nigel.

“Suits, or something,” Nigel said, with a shrug. “Whatever you want. People usually wear nice shit for getting married. Not a fucking tux, but … nice.” Nigel paused, and realized Cal had probably never been to a “normal” wedding. “What are weddings like in the compound?”

Cal looked down at his feet. “Nicer than usual, but not really suits. I only ever owned a suit for business.”

“What do you want to wear?” Nigel asked as the elevator opened, and Nigel stepped into the hallway, looked both ways, and headed toward their room.

“Well I have linen pants and shirt, sandals,” Cal suggested, aware that Nigel was not going to go for that.

“Not a suit, and shoes?” Nigel asked over his shoulders, as he opened their door.

“That’s… what we wore. I never packed my suit when I moved to Romania,” Cal sighed.

“We can get a new one,” Nigel said and held the door for Bucky and Cal so they could enter the suite. It was large, and spacious with huge windows that overlooked the bay. They were high up enough that they looked over the tops of the trees, and the scent of the sea wafted in through the open balcony door. 

“You really want to wear a suit on the beach?” Cal asked, letting Bucky off the leash to roam around the suite.

“Yeah,” Nigel said and caught Cal by the waist with one arm after he set all the bags down. “We’ll tear them off of one another right after the ceremony.”

Cal caved; he’d give Nigel anything he wanted, honestly. “Okay. Suits.”

Nigel kissed Cal on the lips, sweetly, both big hands cupped over his cheeks, then looked at him. “Thank you. No ties, though. Fuck ties.”

“No ties.” Cal hated ties anyway.

“And if you don’t like shoes on the beach, wear whatever you want on your feet,” Nigel shrugged.

“You don’t like sandals,” Cal mentioned, gazing at Nigel. “I’ll do the wedding your way.”

“We’re both fucking getting married. I don’t like sandals, so I won’t fucking wear them,” Nigel said, and stretched his shoulders until they popped, then flopped down on the sofa with a sigh.

“I don’t want to either,” Cal said, cautiously.

“Then don’t,” Nigel said, and wrapped his arm around Cal, pulling him down into the couch with a little smile. “I’m not marrying your feet.”

“But I don’t want us to look weird together,” Cal said, though it honestly didn’t matter, he cared little about what he wore to begin with.

“It’s just shoes,” Nigel assured Cal and pulled him closer to wrap his arm and leg around him, then kissed his lips, unconcerned with what Cal wore to their wedding at the moment.

“Barefoot?” Cal suggested against Nigel’s mouth, distracted by their closeness as he relaxed once more in his husband-to-be’s arms.

Nigel thought it over with a little, wordless rumble, and licked his lips. “Okay. Barefoot,” he murmured, and smiled, “hippie.”

Cal wrapped his arms around Nigel’s shoulders and pulled him even closer. “Sand is meant to be in barefoot,” he whispered.

“Bare everything else about five minutes after the ceremony,” Nigel smiled, and kissed Cal’s neck, softly.

“I won’t mind that,” Cal murmured, head canted off to the side as Nigel’s lips rested on his neck, making him shiver.

Nigel felt Cal shiver, and brushed his lips up the side of Cal’s throat to his ear, then tongued the lobe, slowly. “I’ve never fucked my husband before… “

“You might have to wait until tomorrow to do that,” Cal managed through his voice breaking just a little over a moan.

“Seems like such a long time,” Nigel murmured, and pulled his own shirt off, tossing it behind them for Bucky to lay on.

“You can fuck your fiance now and your husband tomorrow,” Cal suggested, running his hand up Nigel’s stomach to his bare chest.

“That sounds perfect,” Nigel sighed, and unbuttoned Cal’s shirt as much as he could, then tugged it off over his head and kissed his lips, harder.

Cal moved over Nigel, tossing the shirt elsewhere and kicked off his shoes to the floor. “Perfect way to start our vacation.”

“God, look at you,” Nigel moaned, and ran his hands up Cal’s smooth, solid chest. 

Cal’s hips ground down into Nigel’s slowly, as he leaned to kiss Nigel in the same fashion. “Good?”

“Most perfect thing I can imagine,” Nigel moaned, and pinched Cal’s nipples, tugging them softly as he arched his hips, rubbing against Cal through his pants.

Moaning, Cal bit Nigel’s bottom lip, dragging it through his teeth sharply, every bit of anxiety and stress dissipating for the moment. “Show me.”

Nigel tugged at Cal’s nipples again, then scratched his blunt nails down Cal’s chest, and undid his pants. “Fuck, yes,” he moaned, as he tugged his trousers down over his ass.

Cal shimmied his pants off, down with his boxers, and sat in Nigel’s lap, completely naked. He dove in for a long, heated kiss, passionate and wanton.

Nigel pulled Cal over his cock where it bulge through his jeans, and rubbed up against the cleft of his ass, slowly, his eyes flashing dark and shiny as he stared at him. “Take my jeans off…”

Cal bit Nigel’s lip once more and then moved down his body slowly, kissing and worshipping him as he went, breathing heavy against his cock as he undid Nigel’s jeans and slowly took them off, peeling them from slim hips.

Nigel’s body was heavier, and longer than Cal’s, even his thighs dusted with hair. He arched his hips and ran his palm over Cal’s head with a groan. “Cal…”

Cal loved every inch of Nigel, having gotten to know him intimately from the day they met, however drug hazed it might have been for Nigel. Cal fell between his legs and stripped off his shoes with everything else, and then pressed his tongue against Nigel’s cock.

“There,” Nigel moaned, and curled his fingers against the back of Cal’s neck, warmth shooting through him at the touch of Cal’s tongue. “There, Cal … fuck…”

Smirking, Cal took all of Nigel down, slowly, working his hot mouth around his engorged cock. He grasped Nigel’s balls and started to roll them in his hand.

Nigel closed his eyes and felt them roll back at the feeling of Cal’s hand around his balls while he sucked him. “Jesus fucking Christ-” Nigel gasped, spreading his thighs before he looked down at Cal again, heart pounding in his ears. “Such a good mouth…”

Praise from Nigel only made Cal do it more, sucking hot stripes up his shaft, and swirling his tongue around the base and up to tip. He moaned, vibration running through his chest and mouth to Nigel’s most sensitive parts.

Nigel turned to murmuring incoherently in Romanian, and pressed his cock a little deeper into Cal’s mouth, shuddering with lust. “Ride me.”

Cal groaned at that and pulled off, lips pink and swollen, and crawled over Nigel, back into his lap. “Did you pack the lube?”

“Of fucking course,” Nigel moaned, and reached down to the bag on the floor, rummaging through the bag, desperately, until he found the bottle, and used the lube to coat himself, then slipped a finger into Cal.

Cal knew, of course, Nigel had, and bit a teasing kiss into his lips as he hitching his hips up to take the well lubed finger into himself. “Perfect...”

“So tight,” Nigel moaned, easing his finger into Cal, and pumped it into him, slowly.

“Fuck-” Cal groaned back, riding down on Nigel’s finger as he bit into his own lower lip.

Nigel slipped a second finger into Cal, just as slick as the first, and pulled him down to kiss that bitten lip. “Fucking perfect…”

Cal panted, breathing hard against Nigel’s mouth with every rut down into his fingers. “Take them out, I want to ride _you_.” 

Nigel pulled his fingers out as he kissed Cal again, and pulled him over his cock. “Yeah … ride me…”

Cal slid down over Nigel’s cock, hands on his shoulders as he drove down over him with a gasp. “Oh, fuck…”

The first moment of Cal’s body around Nigel’s cock always knocked the breath out of the Romanian. He gripped Cal’s thighs, squeezing the pale muscle as he watched, breathlessly. “Just like that…”

Fingers gripped hard at Nigel’s shoulders as Cal ground down and then up again, building a sweet rhythm, mouth gaping slightly, every nerve on his body on fire at once. “Nigel-”

Nigel arched up, hammering into Cal from beneath. “Yeah…” he moaned, hands on Cal’s hips, keeping him just … there.

Cal’s eyes half closed as Nigel held him still, keeping him just where wanted it, beating up against his prostate, build that sweet core of heat that spread through his thighs.

“There,” Nigel moaned, and tightened his hands as he watched Cal’s face, closely, both of them starting to sweat.

Head lolling back on his neck, Cal groaned, grip on Nigel’s shoulders turning his fingers white as his body started the upward ascension into bliss. “Fuck, Nigel-”

“Gonna come?” Nigel gasped, and started to fuck Cal, harder.

“Soon,” Cal managed out in a half moan, half whisper, arms around Nigel’s shoulders now as he was fucked harder.

Nigel palmed Cal’s ass, and slapped it, gently, then harder as his toes curled under, and his heels dug into the floor. “Good… good…”

Swallowing with a gasp, Cal let out a feral groan as he came, breathing hard, eyes shut tight to the blinding white heat that spurted through his loins. “Nigel, Nigel-” His body quaked and shuddered over the older man’s.

“That’s it, fuck, yeah-” Nigel moaned, and watched Cal come, his cock dripping with thick white come, which was more than enough to send Nigel over. He shouted, wordlessly, and pressed himself even deeper into Cal as he came, swearing in Romanian as he panted, riding the waves of orgasm that left his ears ringing.

Cal collapsed against Nigel, finally, panting and shaking as his limbs gave out, and then kissed his neck softly. “You know just how to unwind me.”

“I love unwinding you,” Nigel whispered, and wrapped both shaky arms around Cal, holding their sweaty, breathless bodies together. 

Cal breathed deeply, slowly, catching his breath as he nuzzled their faces together. It never felt like he had to explain much to Nigel, he just knew, even if Cal was going through a rough patch right now, Nigel seemed to know just how to distract and undo him. “We’re really getting married in the morning,” he whispered, slightly giddy.

“We’re getting married in the morning. Ten o’clock,” Nigel murmured with a smile. “On the beach right out there,” he said, with a nod toward the balcony.

“I need to buy you a ring,” Cal said with a grin, hands spread across Nigel’s shoulders.

“You do,” Nigel agreed, and nuzzled Cal, then gazed at him, happily. “I’m not picky.”

“You’re not?” Cal asked, thinking it over. “Where can we go get one?”

“There’s got to be a jewelry store around here somewhere,” Nigel said, with a shrug.

“Would you prefer it be surprise?” Cal asked, brows raised.

Nigel licked his lips, thinking it over as he looked at Cal. “Sure, I like surprises,” he said, with a little smile at his fiance.

“I’ll have to go out and buy it without you then,” Cal said, decidedly, kissing Nigel’s lips once before crawling off of him with a groan.

Nigel sighed, and watched Cal move, admiring every plane of his body in the sunlight. He grunted at the idea, then stretched and got up. “Just don’t be long.”

“I can bring Bucky with me if it makes you feel better,” Cal said, looking over his shoulder as he unpacked some shorts and white button down shirt, and cleaned himself up. Then, he started to get dressed for warmer weather.

“Yeah, bring him with you,” Nigel nodded, and watched Cal, then crouched to let Bucky come to him for a little back rub. “You make sure no one fucks with Cal,” he told the dog, who blinked his green eyes at Nigel, understanding.

Cal chuckled, a smirk on his face as he watched Nigel with their dog, who was slowly coming to trust him. “We’re in Spain, no one is going to bother us.”

“They’d better fucking not,” Nigel said, and stood up to walk over to Cal, then kissed him. “Take my phone, call the hotel and have them fucking patch you through if you need me,” he said, and got his phone to hand over to Cal. Nigel’s phone had everything anyone needed to put him in prison for life. Names, numbers … everything. He literally put his life in Cal’s hands as he pressed it into his palm. 

Cal pressed their foreheads together and hugged Nigel tightly. “I will. I won’t go far,” Cal promised.

Nigel wrapped his hand around the back of Cal’s neck, softly, and kissed him. “Okay. Love you. I’m going to get a fucking tan,” he smiled.

“You’re already tan,” Cal laughed, rubbing his hands down Nigel’s bare chest. “At least put on some underwear, hm?”

“Yeah, okay,” Nigel smiled, and stretched. “I’m not tan, I’m fucking Romanian, this is my pasty-ass winter skin,” he laughed.

Cal raked his fingers down Nigel’s chest through the hair there, and then kissed him once more. Phone now in his pocket, he pulled back. “Fine. I’ll be back. Come on, Bucky, let’s get leashed up.”

Nigel smiled, and pulled a pair of boxers from Cal’s bag. He usually just went commando. He pulled them on, and went into the bathroom to splash water on his face, and clean up a little.

“You’re going out on the balcony, what are you doing?” Cal laughed, leashing up the dog once more and slipped into his sandals.

“Washing the come off of me,” Nigel said, and wandered back out, toward the balcony where he laid in a big lounge chair in the sun like a sprawled out cat and closed his eyes.

Cal watched Nigel with a smirk, shaking his head. “Okay. I’ll be back.”

“See you soon,” Nigel called over from his spot in the sun, letting the rays soak into his already warmed skin.

Leaving on his own felt like something he should be used to doing, and with Bucky at his side, he should have been able to. Cal stepped into the elevator and as the doors shut and opened again on another floor, the car getting crowded, he started to feel the edge of panic, watching everyone that came in carefully. Finally, everyone piled out, Cal and Bucky last, and took his time, stepping up to an ATM to get out money in the currency. If he could, and the Movement hadn’t taken control of his accounts yet.

Luckily not. Cal took the money and wandered along his way out of the hotel and down the strip to the shopping nearby, which luckily had a jewelry shop.

***

An hour or so later, Cal returned, setting the bag with the ring in it on the dresser along with Nigel’s phone, which he didn’t even have to use, thankfully. He let Bucky off the leash and poured food into his bowl for him. Nigel was still on the balcony in the sun, lying on his stomach. He heard Cal come in, and got up, slowly, walking in. “You didn’t have to call … things were okay?” he asked. He knew Cal was a fucking adult, one capable of killing a man with his bare hands, but Cal wasn’t used to freedom, or very much of life outside of the cult from which he’d been raised.

“Yeah. It was fine. There's a shopping strip just across the street. Didn't have to go far,” Cal explained. It was nerve wracking not looking at everyone with the instinct to help, to give his hand and lead them to something better.

“So, you found something?” Nigel asked, as he walked closer to Cal and wrapped his arms around him.

“I did,” Cal answered touching Nigel’s hot skin with calloused palms. “You don’t burn, do you?”

“No,” Nigel laughed, finding the idea ridiculous, “can I see it?” he asked, curiously.

“No. You said you wanted it to be a surprise,” Cal said, kissing Nigel on the mouth once.

“Oh, I have to wait until tomorrow?” Nigel asked, and kissed Cal back, a little more deeply.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise otherwise,” Cal chuckled, slipping his arms around Nigel’s bare shoulders.

“I could be surprised right now,” Nigel pointed out, dark eyes gleaming as he charmed Cal.

Cal bit Nigel’s lower lip, teeth gliding over the fleshy mound. “You should have just come with me.”

“I wanted to see what you’d pick,” Nigel whispered, and turned his head to kiss Cal on the mouth, enjoying the soft press of his lips.

“It’s on the dresser,” Cal said with a shrug, but didn’t let go of Nigel, feeling safer and less anxious around him.

Nigel looked at the bag on the dresser and felt a little thrill go through him at the sight of it, then kissed Cal. “No one tried to fucking pickpocket you?”

“Not with Bucky with me,” Cal answered, watching Nigel up close as he eyed the bag with the little black box in it.

“Good,” Nigel said, and turned his gaze back to Cal, looking his face over. “Give it to me tomorrow,” he finally said, after thinking about it.

“You’re going to look the second I turn my back,” Cal mentioned, eyeing Nigel.

“I’ll go back on the balcony and you can fucking hide it,” Nigel said, with a little shrug, looking as innocent as he possibly could.

“Mhm,” Cal hummed, and kept Nigel close. “I trust you.”

“Oh? I’m a criminal…” Nigel chuckled, beaming at Cal, utterly love-struck.

“Technically I am, too,” Cal whispered, shrugging.

“ _One_ murder,” Nigel said with a little scoff in his tone. 

“I’ve… had people followed before. I’m… fairly certain that’s illegal,” Cal offered, trying not to laugh. The Movement didn’t follow a lot of rules, and Cal did like to bend them when possible.

Nigel did laugh at that, and shook his head. “That’s nothing, don’t worry,” he chuckled, and kissed Cal again before he stretched.

“Compared to you?” Cal canted his head with a smile, and toed off his sandals once more. Just then, the phone to their room rang, and Cal looked at it, and then Nigel. He walked over and picked it up. “Hello?”

“Calvin,” he heard Steve’s voice say on the line, and quickly Cal hung up, flustered.

Nigel’s eyes went from playful to dark and deadly serious the second he saw Cal react. His shoulders squared, and he walked closer to Cal, touching his waist. “Who the fuck was that?”

“Steve,” Cal said, his stomach churning, looking pale suddenly.

Nigel picked up the phone and dialed the front desk. “Room 609. I need to know where that call was from that was sent to our room, was that long distance?” he asked, and picked up a pen, then wrote a cell number down, and hung up. “Could be anywhere,” he muttered, and looked at Cal, taking him out of the living room, to the bedroom to sit him down. Bucky followed, worried, able to tell Cal was in shock. “He’s not fucking coming here, baby, okay?” Nigel said.

A permanent frown was etched into Cal’s face, brows knit and lips turned downward as he his hands shook. “You don’t know, he might be coming. Following me. I…” 

Nigel sat Cal down on the bed, and then bent over him both hands on either side of Cal’s face. “If he does, I’m fucking here, Baby,” Nigel said, softly, calmly, as he stared into Cal’s eyes. “He’s not going to fucking touch you, not going to bother you, not going to lay a goddamned fucking finger on you, alright? I fucking promise. I don’t need a fucking gun to do what I fucking do.”

Cal knew it was irrational to think that the worse was possible, but he was toiling down the hole of despair, grasping for Nigel like he was the light at the end of it, staying afloat. He nodded, hands wrenching together. “Okay. I know. I know.”

“What did he say to you?” Nigel asked, and sat on the bed with Cal, arm around him as he let Cal grip his other hand. Bucky jumped up to sit next to Cal, against him to try to calm his favourite human.

“Just my name,” Cal whispered, palms clammy against Nigel’s.

Nigel nodded, “and then you hung up,” he guessed, and squeezed Cal’s hand, then tried to rub some warmth into it. “Good. That was good. If the phone rings again, I’m going to get it, okay?” Nigel said, doing his best to bring Cal out of the haze of his panic, reassuring him that he was going to be alright. 

Cal nodded his head, eyes finally meeting Nigel’s, focusing on them instead of the nothingness in front of him. “Yeah. I shouldn’t have picked up. I shouldn’t have… taken out money at the atm. I fucked up. Nigel, I’m sorry… I fucked up.”

“No, you didn’t fuck up,” Nigel whispered, and nuzzled Cal’s face for a moment, “that asshole fucked up. You’re fucking allowed to take a vacation,” Nigel said, and kissed Cal on the lips, lightly. “We’ll use my money from now on,” he said, and looked at Cal’s eyes. “Do you want to check into a different hotel?”

“No,” Cal said, hurriedly, catching Nigel’s other hand with his. “I... don’t want to run.”

“Good,” Nigel said with a little smile, proud, and kissed Cal’s knuckles. “You don’t have to fucking run. I have his number, I know people who can find out where he was,” Nigel said, with a slightly devious gleam in his eyes.

Cal nodded, swallowing the lump clumped up in his throat. “Probably just trying to scare me. Keep me quiet.”

“Keep you quiet, make you think that you can’t go anywhere without them knowing. Fuck that. You know what? Let’s go take out all your fucking money, and I’ll make sure someone puts it into a fucking account they can’t track, okay?” Nigel offered, certainly not above using his connections as a shadowy figure in Eastern Europe’s criminal underground to help his distressed husband-to-be.

“How… how do we do that?” Cal asked, steadier now as he held on to Nigel’s hands.

“Let me make a couple calls, alright Baby?” Nigel asked, with a little smile. He was pretty sure Steve and the rest of them thought that keeping Cal bound to them by his purse strings would help keep him from making a clean break. Nigel had other ideas.

“Do you need my account number?” Cal asked, reaching into his shorts for his debit card.

“Yeah, that’d probably help,” Nigel said and pulled out his phone, shifted his jaw, scrolled through his contacts and dialed. He spoke French to whoever answered, and took Cal’s card, stealing a kiss before he paced and spoke for a while, then hung up. “They’ll phone back. They’re moving the money for you,” he said, and smirked. “This bank is … not a normal bank. Sounds like all their accounts are linked up together,” Nigel said, with a twinkle in his eye.

Cal raised his brows at Nigel. “We… _I_ don’t need more than I have.”

“It can go anywhere,” Nigel said, with a wicked smile. “Say to some charity for children who’ve been molested,” he said, with a little edge to his voice. 

Cal’s jaw worked over words he couldn’t quite seem to manage to get out, his gaze far off. Finally he looked at Nigel. “People are helped by the Movement. Steve is… horrible, so are Sarah and Eddie… but the people who really did get help.. They-they need that money.”

“Okay, not all of it, then, just enough that they’ll fucking notice,” Nigel said, turning his phone in hand, then wrote a text in French, and passed it to Cal. “Type a number, and hit send.”

“Money amount number?” Cal asked, staring at the text, unsure what he could really do, what sort of damage would this cause all of them. Maybe they could set up another charity for those who really needed it over there.

“Yeah. You know better than I do what would make a fucking point. My guy can take it right from Steve …” he said, as the idea hit him that it really should come right from Steve’s accounts. “I think he needs to make a fucking donation.”

The Movement wasn’t that rich, they didn’t have a lot, honestly, most of it was donated from followers who did have money. So, Cal punched in a number in the hundreds of the thousands range, enough to make a dent and then some. He handed the phone back.

Nigel took the phone as he looked into Cal’s eyes, nodded, a little impressed that Cal went for it, and hit send, then pocketed us. “We’ll get a call when it’s done,” he said with a little smile in his voice, and stepped closer to kiss Cal. “Don’t feel guilty.”

“It’s going to hurt them because I know they were going to buy a big building in New York soon for as a shelter,” Cal said with a grimace, but maybe it was best this way. “They’ll be under now.”

“You don’t think Steve has a shitload of money hidden away?” Nigel asked, with a raised eyebrow.

“Steve is very simple, he only ever had what we needed. Lots of donations were given, but I don’t think he kept it beyond what he needed for his treatments…”

Nigel opened his mouth to say something, but his phone rang. He picked up, and spoke in French again for a moment, still looking at Cal, then asked a question at the end of the conversation, and said goodbye, then hung up. “My guy is emailing me a list of the accounts he found. Want to see?”

“Accounts? Plural?” Cal sighed, his chest heavy, like a brick was laying on it.

Nigel looked at his phone again, opened the email, read it, and hesitated a moment before he passed it to Cal. “Names and figures, you, Sarah, Eddie, the others … and Steve.” Sure enough, Steve’s private account held more money in it than all of the others combined. 

“Siphoning money from the movement for a while then,” Cal sighed, breath caught in his throat. “Empty it. I don’t care where it goes, but get rid of it.”

Nigel nodded, and touched Cal’s chest with his hand, then pulled him closer. “Sorry…” he said, after a moment of silence, not used to apologizing, for anything. “Better to know the truth. It’s a fucking business for him.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why I thought it wouldn’t be,” Cal said, less life in his tone now, everything a fucking lie.

Nigel sighed, and put his phone aside to pull Cal into his arms, and hugged him, tightly, then kissed his temple. “He’s a shitty person, all over.”

“Do you think I should out him?” Cal asked, seriously, starting to give real thought to it, especially if the Movement was going to go down financially, he may as well make it all go down in flames.

“Do you want to?” Nigel asked, “People might call you a liar, but you could stop him, stop him from fucking doing that to anyone else.”

“I’ll think about it,” Cal said, not wanting to worry over it right now, not with getting married in less than a day. Nigel nodded, and pulled Cal closer, then kissed his lips, sweetly. “Think it over, in the meantime, let’s gut that bastard’s account,” he said, and paused, looking at the screen again. “Unless you could use this as proof that he’s skimming off the top, lying to people about what he’s taking.”

“If we decide to do that, it might be helpful. If we take it all now, he’ll know, he’ll be prepared…” Cal said, grounding himself with the knowledge of what they could do later.

“Then we’ll keep the records, and wait until you decide,” Nigel said, and rested their faces together, glad Cal wasn’t shaking anymore.

“Okay, Let’s not worry about it now,” Cal replied, decidedly, mostly to himself. “We’re getting married and I don’t want his name tainting that.”

“Okay,” Nigel said, and kissed Cal again. “Hungry?” He still had the feeling this was going to end bloodily, but he liked that Cal was starting to oppose the cult, starting to see them for what they were, especially Steve.

“I could eat. There’s a few places down stairs and some across the street in the strip mall,” Cal said, holding onto Nigel’s arms.

“Wherever you want to go,” Nigel promised, grandly, quite happy to let Cal hold on to him as long as he needed to.

“What are some good Spanish dishes? I don’t know too much about cultural food outside of what’s vegan,” Cal admitted, letting go long enough to put his sandals back on and toss a shirt at Nigel.

Nigel got dressed, and stretched, cracking his neck. “Paella is the only one I fucking know.”

“What is that?” Cal asked, stuffing his wallet back into his shorts.

“Something with rice,” Nigel said, vaguely, not really sure himself beyond that. Bucky went to the door and waited to leave with them.

“Rice is fine,” Cal said, getting the leash. “He won't like staying behind…”

“We’ll fucking bring him and sit on a patio or something,” Nigel said.

“Thank you,” Cal said and leashed Bucky once more and smiled at his husband to be. Honestly, Cal needed Bucky just as much as the dog needed him.

“Should we get him a little fucking dog suit for the wedding?” Nigel chuckled.

“He doesn’t need a suit, he’s a dog,” Cal said, giving Nigel a look. “Would you prefer he stay upstairs for that?” Cal opened the door and held it for Nigel.

“No,” Nigel chuckled, “no we’ll bring him along.”

Once out the door and in the elevator, Cal bent down to pet Bucky, reassuring him. “See, you get to come.”

Nigel just shook his head with a little grin at how much Cal loved the pit bull, and wrapped his arm around Cal’s waist. “We should get him one of those guide dogs vests…”

“Do they do that here?” Cal raises a brow back at Nigel, curiously.

“Yeah, we have blind people in Europe,” Nigel teased with a little smirk.

“Therapy dogs can be used for a lot of things other than helping the blind,” Cal explained, head canted. “Every country is different on their acceptance.”

“Then maybe he could really be your therapy dog, or something. He could go fucking everywhere with you,” Nigel shrugged. “I’m pretty fucking sure all it takes in Romania is more money.”

Bucky was already helping a lot with Cal’s stress, along with Nigel. He stepped out of the elevator with them both, and shrugged. “Maybe.”

Nigel stepped out with Cal, his arm around Cal, one hand against the small of Cal’s back as they walked through the lobby and out, onto the beach. “We’ll make it happen, that’s the great thing about Romania, if you pay the right people, anything is fucking possible.”

“It’s a little corrupt,” Cal said, not that he was one to talk with how the Movement seemed to actually be. The warmth of the sun soaked through him as they walked out and he sighed, leaning into Nigel as his stomach growled.

“A little,” Nigel chuckled, quite thoroughly aware of just how corrupt his own country really was. However, they were in Spain now, strolling down the sidewalk in front of the beach in the sun. He didn’t care about much else. “Was that your fucking stomach?”

“Haven’t eaten since that weird breakfast on the plane,” Cal said, rubbing his stomach with a free hand. The fact that he was hungry at all after the phone call was a good sign, at least.

“Fuck,” Nigel sighed, and kissed Cal’s cheek as he looked around and steered them toward a little restaurant with tables on the sidewalk. “There, we’ll get you something vegetarian here. Don’t fucking pass out.”

“Not going to pass out. Just hungry,” Cal reiterated, taking up a seat that they were gestured to take as menus were set out in front of them.

Nigel managed to mime and asked in broken spanish for water, and their server left to retrieve it. 

Bucky laid under Cal’s chair, surprisingly calm as long as Cal was with him. “I don’t know what the fuck most of this is,” Nigel said, looking over the menu as he realized how hungry he actually was.

Luckily there were pictures for most of it, and Cal could gather a few words here and there. “Pisto, whatever that is, looks good. Lots of vegetables.”

“And an egg,” Nigel nodded, and stretched out a little in his chair, “yeah, not bad.”

“Still vegetarian but still trying new things, for you,” Cal offered, sitting back in the chair to stretch his legs a little. “What are you getting?”

“This … steak thing,” Nigel said and showed Cal a photo of something impressively meaty atop a mound of rice and vegetables.

Laughing, Cal shook his head. He smiled; “I should have guessed.”

“I fucking like red meat, sue me,” Nigel said, and put his menu aside. “Keeps hair on my chest.”

Cal chuckled, head canted and set his menu down so the waitress would come back. “Is that what that does?”

Nigel looked down at the little bit of grey and tawny chest hair that peeked out of the top of his shirt. “Yeah, that’s what it fucking does,” he grinned, and moved to give Cal a better view of it, playfully.

“That _must_ be the reason I don’t have any,” Cal said with a look and roll of his eyes.

“Must be, you don’t eat enough cows,” Nigel chuckled, gazing at Cal, the stress of earlier completely forgotten for the moment as Nigel crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair in the sun.

“That might be,” Cal agreed, turning to the waitress as she came back and pointed at what he wanted and then what Nigel wanted, and thanked her in the only Spanish he knew. She took the menus and left.

Nigel smiled at Cal, and took a swallow of his water. “Do you still like it here?”

“So far,” Cal said with a small smile, brows furrowed as he watched Nigel, assessing. “Trying to move us to Spain now?”

Nigel licked his lips as he eyed his husband, and watched him over the rim of his glass as he drank. “Don’t fucking tempt me. I like the sun.”

“I’m not. You have business in Romania, you told me so,” Cal explained, hand around his own glass, eyes never leaving Nigel’s.

“It’d be nice to have a place to come to, get away for a while,” Nigel mused, focusing on the way the seaside seemed to make Cal relax a little now that he had calmed down after Steve’s call.

Cal was taking each breath as it came, slowly, and focusing on the waves, the sound of them against the shore, and the way Nigel looked against the sun. If he thought of only those things, he’d be fine. “Maybe.”

“Your eyes match the ocean,” Nigel observed, and smiled at Cal, adoringly. “Perfect fucking match, right there.”

“I’ve always liked the water. Never lived by it though, not big bodies of it like this,” Cal mused, looking from Nigel to the waves up on the shore not far from them.

“Do you swim?” Nigel asked, as the waitress brought their food out, and set it down for them both.

“Yes. That was a… basic necessity to learn at the Movement,” Cal said, leaning over his plate a little as he looked around for a second, and then cut into the egg, spilling the yolk over the veggies. 

Nigel watched as he cut his own steak and tried a piece with a hum. “What else was a necessity?”

“Learning how to survive in the wilderness. Camping and such, what to do fi you didn’t have light. That’s basic 1R stuff,” Cal said, pushing food into his mouth.

“Starting fires, shit like that?” Nigel asked, and tossed a bit of steak down for Bucky, who ate it up, happily.

“Yeah,” Cal said, licking his lip as he was careful about eating, and who saw him. Old habits.

“I just use a fucking lighter,” Nigel smiled, and offered Cal a little bit of tomato at the end of his fork. 

“What if you didn’t have one? Or matches?” Cal asked, and bit the tomato off Nigel’s fork with a little smile.

Nigel smiled and offered Cal another tomato. “Then I have you.”

“I guess that’s true. We even each other out.” Cal smiled and plucked the tomato off Nigel’s fork with his teeth this time.

Nigel smirked at that, and licked his lips. “We do,” he said, and let their legs touch under the table. “We’d be unstoppable together.”

“We _are_ ,” Cal said, and smiled back at Nigel as he offered him a bite of the veggies from his meal.

“I can handle anything in the city, you can get us through anything else,” Nigel said, and leaned closer to bite the food off of Cal’s fork.

“I doubt we’ll ever be stranded where you can’t help us,” Cal said, sipping his water. Nigel had the sort of survival instincts he wished he had himself.

Nigel smiled and spread his hands as though unable to argue with that. “I’m fucking resourceful,” he chuckled.

“You are. Except when you’re under a pile of rubble,” Cal pointed out, forking more food into his mouth slowly, taking his time.

“I was fucking unconscious,” Nigel retorted, and took another bite of steak.

Cal chuckled a little as he chewed. “Good thing I was there…” he said in a little sing-song voice, teasing.

Nigel rolled his eyes, but smirked. “Yeah, damn good thing,” he said, and leaned across the table to kiss Cal, on the lips, then sat down again, never one to shy away from being affectionate in public.

Cal finished his meal and set the plate and fork aside, which was quickly whisked off. “So, where did you have my money transferred?”

“A bank in Poland that handles a lot of secure, anonymous clients,” NIgel assured Cal as his plate was also taken, and a dessert menu left for them. 

“Under my new name I’ll be going by?” Cal queried, looking at the menu but decided to pass.

“Yes, under Lee Vaduva,” Nigel promised, watching Cal peruse the menu. “No dessert, gorgeous?”

Cal smiled at that, wondering if he’d ever get used to being called ‘Lee’. He sat forward and took Nigel’s hand, the warm breeze picking up, blowing some of Nigel’s hair.“No. Haven’t got much of a sweet tooth.”

“I do,” Nigel laughed, keeping his voice low about that particular secret.

“Yeah? For what?” Cal asked, curious now. They’d been together a year or so now, but it was amazing to still find out what sort of things he didn’t know about Nigel.

“Cakes, pies,” Nigel confided, quietly, and laughed a little. It was a little secret, but not one many people had ever known about him. “Don’t have them often, though.”

“Well, get something then,” Cal offered, head canted a little, the now setting sun was starting to gleam off his blue hues, lighting them up a sea green.

Nigel picked up the menu and looked it over, then grinned. “Churros. Churros are fucking good.”

“What’s a churro?” Cal asked, brow raised expectantly, looking at the menu once more to see if they had a picture, and luckily they did. “Fried dough and sugar?”

“Yeah, and chocolate sauce. The pastry has cinnamon on it,” Nigel explained, and ordered one when their waitress returned to refill their waters.

“Sounds very heavy,” Cal said with a little smile, watching Nigel relax a little, actually order something he was so secretive about. “You might need to work it off after this.”

Nigel raised an eyebrow at his husband, “any suggestions?” he asked, eyes locked with Cal’s as he took a drink.

“Many suggestions that involve our hotel room and it’s many, many spots,” Cal suggested, voice lowered just a little.

“Such as?” Nigel asked, with a little bit of a purr in the tone of his voice as he shook silvery hair out of his dark eyes.

“The bedroom. The living room. The small kitchen… The bathroom,” Cal said, slowly, his eyes trained on Nigel as he spoke, never once letting it slip.

The waitress dropped the churros off, and Nigel barely noticed, still staring at Cal, who wasn’t the sort to talk about sex in public. “That’s pretty fucking vague, what do you want to do there with me?” Nigel asked, innocently, and dipped the long, straight pastry into the chocolate sauce, and bit it.

Cal flushed, jaw working over the words he couldn’t seem to get out, only then just aware of people walking by, even if they weren’t listening. “You know…”

Nigel smiled a little at Cal, and let his knee brush Cal’s again, under the table. “Do I?”

Cal reached under the table to touch Nigel’s knee, giving him a look, exasperated. He swallowed. “I should hope you do.”

“Maybe you should show me, instead,” Nigel said, with another bite of his dessert, and spread his legs under the table, his knee moving into Cal’s palm.

The most PDA Cal had ever done was kiss Nigel in public. He swallowed harder this time and moved his fingers up Nigel’s knee to his hairy leg, thick muscle under his slightly sweaty fingers. Cal bit his bottom lip in concentration not to let his hand shake. Nigel took a deep breath at the touch, and moved closer to Cal, then pulled him closer by his shirt collar to kiss him on the lips, boldly. “Let’s go back…”

“Pay the bill,” Cal whispered against Nigel’s mouth, fingers clamped around his thigh, holding him there, afraid to let go suddenly.

Nigel nodded, and kissed Cal again before he took out his wallet and tossed a few bills down, then stood with Cal, still kissing him. He didn’t give a fuck if people stared. Let them.

Gathering Bucky’s leash, Cal swooped an arm around Nigel as they left out the small gated enclosure and back toward their hotel across the street. Cal slipped his hand under Nigel’s shirt gently, touching his hot skin like he couldn’t live without it.

Nigel stayed close, his heart already pounding again at the thought of ravishing, or being ravished by Cal. They hurried into the hotel and reached the elevator. Nigel pulled Cal inside to kiss him deeply as the doors closed behind them.

Cal groaned, fisting the back of Nigel’s shirt, breathing harder at just the thought of having Nigel bent over the bed for him, or fucking him up against the door. They had a lot of space to leave their mark, and Cal intended to.

Nigel reached down and palmed Cal with one hand, between Cal’s thighs, rubbing slowly at the bulge in his pants. “Getting bolder,” he whispered, approvingly.

“Nigel,” Cal whispered, rutting his hips into the other man’s palm, seeking out sweet friction.

Nigel squeezed Cal through the fabric of his trousers, and pulled him out of the elevator with another kiss when the doors opened, utterly lost in the experience of touching Cal, aware of nothing else.

Cal managed to get the key card out of his pocket and slipped into the door, his back against it as he pushed it open. They stumbled, Bucky with them, who went right for his water. Cal turned the table, pushing Nigel into the wall darling, seeing as the older man seemed to be turned on at the thought of Cal taking what he wanted. And Cal wanted a lot, always too timid to or nervous to do it.

Nigel wanted Cal in every possible way. He pulled Call closer and kissed him hard, undoing Cal’s fly with hasty hands, then pulled his cock out of his underwear and stroked it.

“Fuck, Nigel-” Cal managed, pressing wet lips against his mouth, tongue searching for more as he undid his husband-to-be’s pants and then got to his knees, sucking him down without another word. Blue eyes blazed up at Nigel, never letting contact slide.

Nigel loved it when Cal was confident, when he did what he wanted and let go of his inhibitions. He moaned when Cal dropped to his knees, and he felt Cal’s lips circle his swollen cock. One of Nigel’s palms cupped the back of Cal’s head, and Nigel’s blunt nails scratched Cal’s scalp, gently. “Fuck …”

Cal lived for the word that spilled from Nigel’s lips like that, only urging him to swallow him deeper, take him down in one fail swoop, tonguing against the swollen head. 

Nigel let his own head fall back against the wall behind him, and arched up, pressing his cock against the long, hot path of Cal’s tongue. “Your fucking mouth-” he swore, chest heaving as he began to thrust into Cal’s mouth, very slowly.

Cal gripped Nigel’s thighs, holding him there, as he bobbed down around his length, tasting every last part of him, sweaty, salty, and perfect. He hummed, swallowing the bit of precome against his tongue.

“Cal-” Nigel groaned, shuddering as Cal’s tongue brushed over the wet tip of his cock, igniting nerves left and right. 

Cal stood, swiftly, and dragged Nigel over to the bedroom, and pushed him down on the bed, both of them stepping out of their shoes and pants at once. Crawling over Nigel, Cal turned and so his legs straddled the other man’s shoulders as he faced Nigel’s cock, bending low to take it back into his mouth, ass to his husband to be.

Cal straddling him like that was one of the sexiest things Nigel had ever seen, and his cock throbbed at the feeling of being straddled like that. “Cal-” he moaned, and parted Cal’s perfect ass cheeks, then traced his tongue over the cleft, and around Cal’s entrance.

Quivering from the touch, Cal tensed for a moment and then relaxed under Nigel’s ministrations, leaning his ass back against his warm, wet tongue as he continued his own assault on Nigel’s cock, licking and laving around it with soft grunts of approvals. Nigel’s stomach flexed as he arched up, against Cal’s tongue, desperate for more of it as his own tongue plunged into Cal’s ass, stroking the sensitive nerves there as he wetted him, thoroughly.

“Mm,” Cal managed to moan out between breaths and sucking Nigel down faster, spreading his thighs wider to get more of that lascivious tongue inside of him, however unlikely it was to happen. Nigel growled with lust, and drove his tongue in deeper as he kneaded Cal’s ass with both palms, then slapped it, hard enough to make the taut, flushed muscle jiggle.

Cal pulled off, panting, and shimmied down Nigel’s chest, and turned around, slipping himself over his cock, slowly, hands planted on his wide chest. Undulating slowly, Cal’s head rolling back on his neck.

“Fuck, yes-” Nigel cried out, roughly, and pulled Cal down over him, big hands grasping at Cal’s hips to do so. His dark eyes closed, jaw dropped with utter bliss when he felt himself enveloped by Cal’s body.

Moving with a bit more confident grace the more they did this, Cal was often spurred on by Nigel’s words and grunts, working his hips down harder and faster, building a steady pace. He gripped into Nigel’s chest hair, pinching one pert nipple.

Nigel had a weakness for having his nipples played with that he’d nearly forgotten until Cal did that. He gasped, loudly, and thrust himself deeper into Cal’s body, “again-” he commanded, breathlessly, his whole body starting to throb and tingle.

Cal pinched one nipple and leaned over to bite the other, tonguing over the fleshy mound and tugging up with his teeth sharply. “Like that?”

Nigel arched, hips almost off the bed when Cal bit his nipple and he nodded, wordless and gasping, unable to speak for a moment. “Yeah…” he moaned, and pulled Cal’s slick, tight body down over him, rhythmically.

Biting the other one hard, Cal finally rose up again, bearing down on Nigel’s hips, his own cock smacking hard against the other man’s stomach with every quaking pass of their hips colliding. “Nigel…”

Nigel gripped Cal’s cock and started to squeeze and stroke it as they writhed together, heatedly. “Fuck yourself on me,” he whispered, roughly.

Grinding down, Cal rolled his hips and rutted down so Nigel’s dick hit his prostate every single time, beating relentlessly against it. He gasped, sweat streaking his flushed skin, core heated thoroughly, threatening to spread to this lower back and thighs. 

“There, baby, there-” Nigel moaned. His hands shook against Cal’s ass and cock as he felt his body start to twist inside, and burn. “Fucking close-”

“Come on, Nigel-” Cal goaded with a grin across his sweaty face, dripping now as his body worked, hot and pressing, tugging Nigel up into his body as it started to clench. Finally, Cal hit the his prostate for the last time, being worked over by Nigel, everything came crashing white hot and pulsing.

Nigel watched and felt Cal come, able to force his eyes open for just long enough to enjoy the look of wild ecstasy on his face before he followed, losing control as he came deep inside Cal’s body, groaning and growling.

“Fuck, look at you-” Cal gasped, watching Nigel come to the same elated bliss he had moments before, rubbing his palms up and down his hairy chest, over his sensitive nipples.

Nigel finally stilled. His ashy, shiny hair was a tousled mess, and he gazed up at Cal with glazed over eyes, breathing hard. One shaky, large hand rested against Cal’s chest, over his heart. “Look at _me_?”

“You never cease to amaze me,” Cal admitted, watching Nigel, panting as his heart still raced under his large palm.

Nigel chuckled, breathlessly, and smiled up at Cal before he flattered his palm over Cal’s racing heart. “Because I fuck you?” he laughed, not used to compliments like that. Nigel was usually the one giving them.

“That you’d _want_ to,” Cal admitted, the words almost spilling out before he thought.

“Christ, of course I want to-” Nigel whispered, and pulled Cal down to him for a kiss on the lips.

Well, Cal knew of course that Nigel did, but it always seemed to amaze him in times like these that they were together at all, completely mismatched, and yet perfect together. “Good,” Cal whispered against Nigel’s mouth, softly.

“I’ll always want you,” Nigel whispered back, and used both arms to hug Cal to his wide chest, with a deep breath, and a relaxed sigh.

“I love you,” Cal whispered back to that, resting his head now on Nigel’s chest, catching their breaths.

Nigel closed his eyes at the words, basking in them, and stroked his hands over Cal’s sweaty back. “Fucking love you, too.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank you all for supporting our writing. This fic will continue to be posted as it is finished, despite the falling out and departing of Construct Fairytales.  
> \- This chapter Cal embraces his change of identity, please don't be confused by the name change. :)

Cal was up early the next morning, after a fitful night of nightmares and clutching Bucky and Nigel in turns. He researched on Nigel’s phone a place to get suits, and called them to arrange a fitting. After half an hour of broken Spanish and English, Cal finally got what he was sure to be an appointment for nine am, at a place down the way in the strip mall.

Getting up, Cal padded across plush carpet to the bathroom, trying to put his mind at rest so that he could top stressing and start enjoying the day. He and Nigel were getting married.

NIgel turned over in bed to put his arm around Cal, who wasn’t there. He opened his eyes, and sat up in bed, quickly, before he saw the closed bathroom door and the light on beneath it.

Bucky jumped on the bed with Nigel, whining at him as Cal showered. Nigel leaned forward and pet him for a moment then got up to feed the dog. Cal was done quickly, and didn’t shave as he usually would have, thinking it was best to mind the routine for a bit and get out of old habits. He opened the door and smiled when he saw Nigel.

“Didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Little bit,” Nigel said, with a yawn, then looked up at Cal. “It’s okay. We should get our asses out of bed.”

“I made us appointments across the street at nine for suits,” Cal said with a little smile. He had said no suit, but he decided the occasion really did call for it. He wanted this to be perfectly rememberable. 

“Both of us, huh?” he asked with a little smirk, and stood, his hair a mess.

“We’re getting married; that should be occasion enough,” Cal explained, canting his head at Nigel as he ran the towel over his buzzed hair.

“I’m suit worthy?” Nigel asked, with a little smile, and wrapped his arms around Cal from behind.

“You look good in everything,” Cal said, leaning back into Nigel, still damp from the shower.

“So do you … and nothing,” Nigel purred in Cal’s ear.

“I can’t get married like this,” Cal whispered as he turned his head to kiss Nigel’s lips, holding the lone towel in his hands, still naked.

“No, you can’t,” Nigel agreed with a sigh, and kissed Cal’s jaw.

“But later,” Cal sighed and then turned in Nigel’s arms to kiss him properly. “Go shower.”

Nigel grunted, and kissed Cal again, slowly, then pulled away with a sigh to step into the shower and started the spray of hot water on his head. Bucky watched, and very slowly climbed into the shower, behind Nigel.

Cal laughed as he watched Bucky get in. “You have a friend.”

Nigel looked back at the dog and grinned at him. “The mutt wants to look good for the wedding,” he laughed, and petted Bucky with his sudsy hands, giving him a little wash.

“Maybe he does need a tie, at least, a little bow tie?” Cal asked, shifting around through his clothes to pull on something to go out in, but not putting a lot of effort into it.

Nigel rinsed Bucky off, and laughed at the thought before he shampooed his own hair. “Yeah, something like that.”

Cal laughed and came back in to check on them, grinning, and then got a towel for Bucky. “Come here.”

Bucky walked over to Cal and shook the water off of himself, then sniffed the towel, not sure what Cal was going to do with it. Nigel just watched from the shower, letting the hot water beat into his back.

Call wrapped Bucky in the towel gently and started to dry him off, but kept it off his head so he didn’t get blinded or scared. “There we go.”

Bucky relaxed into the towel and Cal’s touch, leaning against his hands as he decided he liked the feeling of the soft, warm towel around him, and smiled a little bit at Cal with his tongue hanging out.

“You like that?” Cal chuckled, making sure to get every spot on Bucky dry, and then pet him thoroughly.

Nigel stepped out of the shower, and Bucky panted, happily, leaning into Cal with trust that seemed to grow every day. “He’s going to jump in with us all the fucking time, now.”

“You let him,” Cal said as he tried to hide a smile, the nightmares from the sleepless night before were behind him, for now.

Nigel toweled himself off, and wrapped the towel around his hips as he combed his hair back and brushed his teeth. “Yeah, yeah,” he chuckled, “oh well. Better that he’s a clean dog, anyway.”

“We don't need a dirty dog at our vows,” Cal teased and stood, putting the towel up to dry. He wrapped his arms around Nigel from behind.

“In a few hours, you’ll be Lee Vaduva,” Nigel said with a smile at Cal behind him, and leaned down to start to shave.

Cal sighed, and let go so Nigel could shave. “Should I start getting used to being called Lee even in private?”

“Would you like to?” Nigel asked, looking at his fiance over his shoulder as he lathered his face with the fresh smelling cream.

 

“I don't know. It would be more believable if I knew how to answer to it,” Cal said, moving to the counter to sit and take the razor from Nigel, to help.

“Then I’ll start making myself call you Lee,” Nigel said, and turned toward … Lee, looking at his huge blue eyes.

 _Lee_ laughed, smiling wide, and brightening his eyes. “Strange isn’t it?” He started to shave Nigel, carefully.

“Lee,” Nigel said, testing the name out as he stared at his husband and then tipped his chin up for the path of the rasor. 

“Won’t be too hard, since it’s a middle name,” Lee said, brow raised toward Nigel. He just hoped it was enough to throw the Movement off his trail. He cleaned the blade and went back at it, cleaning off stubble from Nigel’s face with it.

Nigel closed his eyes, able to trust his husband to be completely and utterly. “I’ve never trusted anyone the way I trust you,” he whispered, honestly.

Finishing up, Lee wiped off Nigel’s face with a washcloth and gazed at him. “Same. I don’t think I could do… all this without you.”

“You won’t have to,” Nigel promised, and nuzzled Cal’s … _Lee’s_ face. 

Lee sighed heavily and then pressed their foreheads together, cupping Nigel’s smooth face with both hands, and kissed him softly. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Nigel whispered, and cupped the side of Lee’s face with one hand, thumbing his scruff. “I like this, by the way.”

“I feel weird not shaving it off, but… trying to change my routines a little,” Lee explained, nuzzling lightly into Nigel’s hand, testing out the few days growth there.

“It looks good on you, more relaxed, not as much like a uniform,” Nigel pointed out, softly, and pulled ‘Lee’ closer, starting to think of him by that name. 

“Now… if only I could be,” Lee laughed, and hugged Nigel tightly, feeling his shower hot skin against his white button down linen shirt.

“You will be, just wait,” Nigel promised. “I can see it a little more every day, you’re becoming more yourself.”

Lee chuckled, shaking his head. “I don’t know who myself is.”

“You’ll find out,” Nigel said, seriously, “you’ll start to find out what you like, what you don’t like…”

“You don’t think that’s going to change me?”

“Growing and changing doesn’t have to be bad, right?” Nigel asked. “I’ve changed since we met. I don’t even fucking smoke now.”

“That’s good for you. And I… forced you to,” Lee said, looking Nigel in the eyes. “You’ll love me either way?”

“Yeah, I’ll love you no matter fucking what,” Nigel said, as pathologically loyal as he was jealous. He cupped his fiance’s face again, and kissed him fully.

Lee sighed heavily into Nigel’s mouth and kissed him back, passionately, hands on his shoulders. “Good.”

“And you’ll fucking love me no matter what? Even if I started smoking again? Even if I get fat?” Nigel asked, with a sparkle in his eyes.

Lee poked Nigel in the belly playfully. “Even if. I might not like that you smoke, but we all have our vices.”

Nigel frowned down at his belly, “And I’m not fucking fat, right?” he asked, with a little warning gleam in his eye and a playful smirk.

“Not yet,” Lee grinned, curling his fingers into Nigel’s shirt there. Hardly fat at all. “Even if you were it wouldn’t matter.”

“No?” Nigel smiled, and nuzzled Lee’s face. Right now, in Nigel’s mind he was still Cal. It would come, with time. 

Even Cal had issues trying to be Lee, but if he kept thinking it, it had to come at some point. He just needed time, and with time away from the Movement, it would happen. “No.”

“Good, because I’m not some nineteen year old kid,” Nigel laughed, and let go of his fiance to go get dressed. They had to get a fucking move on or they’d be wearing what they had on to get married.

The brunet watched Nigel go, admiring his ass, and then went to put his shoes socks and shoes on. “Breakfast on the way or after?”

“After,” Nigel said, as he pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt, and looked back at Lee. “Did you just fucking check me out?”

“Yes,” Lee canted his head with a smile. “Am I not allowed?”

“Of fucking course you are,” Nigel said with a grin and walked to Lee to take his hand, slipping their fingers together. “Lee.”

Well aware he was so open about his checking out his husband to be, Lee flushed. Things were already changing, Cal was coming out of a very refined shell. He leaned in and kissed Nigel sweetly on the mouth.

“We should go,” Nigel said, with a look at the clock on the wall, and a crack of his neck before he got his leather jacket. “So … does Lee like to check out his husband?” he asked, playfully.

“I have always checked you out, I’m just… a little more discreet about it,” Lee said, making sure he had his wallet and everything else, and then got Bucky on his leash.

“No need to be, not anymore. No one’s watching,” Nigel said with a smirk, and held the door for Cal and Bucky … _Lee_ and Bucky. 

“I know,” Lee said, still getting used to it. Like eating in public was still hard, but he managed last night. He pushed the button for the elevator, the ring now secure in his pocket for Nigel, hidden there.

The elevator arrived, and Nigel stepped into it, unable to take his eyes off of his fiance. “Only a little while longer. No cold feet?”

“No,” Lee said and stepped in, Bucky next to them. “I’m… oddly at peace.”

“Me too,” Nigel said, “I was nervous, last time,” he admitted, “felt like I was going through with something just to fucking prove I could, you know? This just feels … right.”

Lee flinched a little at that, not one to be too jealous, but Nigel hardly ever brought up his ex wife that often. “I won’t be like her.”

“You’re nothing like her,” Nigel chuckled, and kissed Lee, softly. “I’m fucking _supposed_ to be with you. Marrying her was a fuck up.”

Lots of things Cal had done were fuck ups. As Lee, he was going to try and not let that happen anymore. “Yeah.”

Nigel kissed Lee again, and thumbed his chin. “Let’s go.”

“Okay,” Lee said as the elevator opened again and they all stepped out into the lobby.

Nigel took Lee’s hand, and held it in his own as they walked through the lobby and out, onto the perpetually sunny streets. “That’s where we’ll be married. Right there,” Nigel said with a grin, pointing to the best spot on the beach, at the middle of the semi-circular arc made by the soft looking sand. “How long since you’ve been to a beach?”

“A while. Mostly been to lakes and ponds,” Lee explained as they walked across the street to the shopping strip, to get to their appointment for suits.

“But not the fucking ocean?” Nigel asked, watching for cars and especially anyone who had an eye on his fiance.

“Nope, not in a while. Last time was San Diego, years and years ago,” Lee said, and hopped up the sidewalk, tugging Bucky and Nigel with him.

Nigel stepped up after Lee, staying close to him on one side, Bucky on the other. “I fucking love the ocean.”

“We’re here now,” Lee said with a smirk. “Maybe having a place here wouldn’t be too bad.”

“Every place I’ve ever been has never been as good as I thought it would be. It was always a fucking letdown. Paris smells like piss, Rome is full of sweaty ass-grabbers, but the fucking ocean? I always wanted to see it when I was little. I finally saw it, in France. Blew my fucking mind. I’d never seen anything so fucking blue. It just went on forever.”

It explained why Nigel loved Lee’s sea blue eyes so much. Lee smiled as they walked to the suit tailor shop. “Then we should definitely get a place here.”

“Thought about it before, but by myself?” Nigel shrugged, and looked at Lee, then opened the door of the shop for him. “Better with you.”

“Lots of things we’ll do together, now,” Lee said and stepped in, looking around at all the suits. “I’ve only ever owned one suit.”

“Well, now you’ll have two,” Nigel said, and pulled a blue suit out, looking it over.

“What colors should we wear?” Lee asked, looking at the lighter colors, which would look great on Nigel, but not so much himself.

“This would match your eyes,” Nigel said, looking at the blue suit, then held it up to Lee.

“Color of the ocean again?” Lee asked, brows raised, not his first choice but he was slowly learning it was okay not to wear the same things over and over again. Changes were good.

“Yeah, a modern suit, though,” Nigel said, looking around before he picked out a sleeker suit.

“We’ll only be wearing them for a few minutes,” Lee smirked, touching a few of the suits, the material almost too nice.

“Most fucking important minutes of our lives. Try this on,” Nigel said and took the jacket off it’s hanger.

Lee shrugged, no use arguing when Nigel was right. “Alright, let’s see…” He pulled the jacket on over his shirt, fitting a little loose around the the shoulders.

Nigel looked at it, tilting his head as he examined the fit. “Little big, try a size down.”

Lee put it back on the hanger and pulled the next one out, and slipped it on. It was better, less loose, and not tight at all. “This one is better.”

“Yeah, perfect,” Nigel said, staring at Lee as he walked around him, slowly, admiring him from all angles. “Go try the pants on, too.”

The man watching them ushered Lee into a fitting room and left him there to try the rest on, while finding him a shirt to go under the suit. Lee put the pants and came back out. “Little long, but…”

“Holy shit,” Nigel whispered when he looked over at Lee, jaw dropped. Not only was he going by a new name, but he looked like a new person in that suit, like some sort of goddamned movie star. 

Lee, with his growing out hair, and scruff, a new blue, casual, sleek suit. The associate brought over the shirt, off white, contrasting with the blue, and handed it to Lee. “Try this on,” he said, and Lee took it and put the whole thing on, and came out again.

“Better?” Lee asked.

“You look like a fucking movie star,” Nigel said with a smile as he walked closer, staring the whole time as he looked Lee up and down.

“Yeah?” Lee looked himself over, and then smiled. “Now you.”

Nigel touched the lapel of Lee’s suit, still staring for a long moment, then pulled himself away. “Yeah, yeah, so … what do you see me wearing?” he asked Lee, curiously.

“Beige. Tan. White. Black…” Lee chuckled, looking around. “You could get away with anything…”

Nigel walked around and pulled out a light beige suit, frowning at it. “This?” He had never really worn light clothing before, it was always dark.

“That’s would look very nice with your tan,” Lee pointed out, touching Nigel’s arm as the associate handed Nigel a shirt to go with it, stark white, and another man came over to put some pins in Lee’s pants to hem them up.

Nigel watched the other man carefully, but took the suit and tried the jacket on over his own shirt. “Yeah?”

“I like it,” Lee said with a smile. The man kept his hands to himself, save for the suit pants around Lee’s ankles.

Nigel looked at his reflection, not used to.the way it looked. It was strange, he looked different. “One second,” he said with a nod, and went into the fitting room, and came out with the suit on, looking dapper.

Lee smiled brighter, openly admiring his husband to be. “That’s perfect.”

“Yeah? So fucking light. I don’t look like an asshole?” Nigel asked, turning to look at himself in the mirror. Just as Lee suggested, it made him look more tan, more refined.

“You look amazing,” Lee sighed, his pants being hemmed right then and there. “It fits perfect too.”

“Pretty fucking good,” Nigel said as he snapped the tags off, and admired the sleeves. 

“How did you do that? Just fill out the whole suit so easily…” Lee asked as the man continued to hem his pants.

Nigel laughed at that, and shrugged, then watched Lee have his pants hemmed. “Must be all that fucking steak.”

“Shut up,” Lee said, narrowing his eyes at Nigel playfully.

Nigel just chuckled, and walked over to Lee, looking him over. “You look perfect.”

“Almost done here,” the tailor said in broken sounding English as he stitched quickly.

Lee grinned and pulled Nigel closer to kiss him once on the lips, trying to be more daring. “No ties?”

“No, no fucking ties. Fuck ties,” Nigel purred against Lee’s lips, rewarding him for the brave little kiss. “Always feel like they’re fucking strangling me.”

“We don’t need that,” Lee said with half closed eyes, enjoying the moment. The tailor got to his feet and clipped the tags off the clothes for them, and went to gather their old clothes into a bag for them as well.

“Got the ring?” Nigel asked, and looked at the bow ties on a rack, then picked a little green one for Bucky, and adjusted the length.

Lee pulled the box he transferred over to the suit jacket pocket out and smiled. “Yup.”

Nigel put the tie on Bucky, and laughed at how dapper the pitbull looked, then stood. “Let’s pay for this shit and get married, then.”

“Okay,” Lee said, and pet Bucky’s head, who smiled up at him, clearly happy about being a part of their new life together.

Nigel kissed Lee again, and went to the desk to pay, which he did, plus a tip, and looked at himself in a mirror again, before he took the bags and held the door for Lee and the dog. He was really starting to think of him as Lee, already. “Let’s go.”

Lee lead them out, and toward the beach. They hadn’t bought shoes to match, but he figured that hardly mattered, they could barefoot it, maybe? Butterflies were starting to nestle in his belly, fluttering away giddily. He was pretty sure Cal would never have done this, never have gone through with it, not like this. The change was working.

“We’ll ditch the bags at the hotel and go down to the beach, unless you want to wait there with Bucky and I’ll get rid of them. I’m not getting married holding fucking shopping bags,” Nigel said with a chuckle as they walked toward the beach.

Lee checked his watch, they had fifteen minutes. “We can wait in the lobby while you go take them up stairs if you want.”

“Fair enough,” Nigel said, and held Lee’s hand with his free one as he looked at Lee again. “I can’t believe you in that fucking suit.”

“I can’t believe you got me in a suit. I hate these things usually,” Lee said, crossing the street once more back to the hotel.

“Looks like you’re comfortable,” Nigel said, proudly, focusing completely on Lee now, more than everything around them.

“I’m working on it, and there’s no restraining tie,” Lee offered, with a smile, holding the door for Nigel this time into the hotel.

Nigel stole a kiss as he passed Lee, and checked the lobby quickly before he turned around. “I’ll be right back,” he nodded. 

“We’ll be right here,” Lee promised, keeping Bucky close by his leash, not that the dog would go far without him.

Nigel smiled a little back at Lee, checked the lobby again, and headed into an elevator, looking at Lee as it closed.

Of course, the second the doors of the elevator closed, Lee regretted not going with Nigel, standing in the middle of the lobby like a sitting duck should the Movement decide to one up their game and come after him. He’d done it to Eddie, after all, when he left once. It would be fine, Lee reasoned, trying to keep that level head about his new life. He went with Bucky to sit down further away from the doors, by the elevators.

Through the lobby doors, Sarah walked in, and spotted Lee, then took her sunglasses off and stared, almost unable to recognize him. “Cal?”

Entranced in his own mind, keeping himself busy there, Lee didn’t look over at first, working on not answering to Cal had it’s merits, but the closer Sarah got, in her bland, second hand hippie clothes, the more Lee became aware of her, and met her eyes only once before the panic set in. He averted his gaze, tugging Bucky a little closer.

“Cal,” she sighed, and walked over to him, looking him up and down. “ _What_ are you wearing?”

“None of your business. Go back home,” Lee said, not lifting his gaze to meet her own, or acknowledging her any more than he had to.

Sarah looked offended, and hurt, and sat next to Lee. “This isn’t you. The suit, the dog, the … everything. Cal, I was sent to bring you home.”

“No, it _is_ me. Or, it will be. I’m trying to find out who that is, Sarah,” Lee said, turning to face her, finally. “I don’t expect you to understand, or to believe me. I don’t have a home at the Movement. I can’t go back, so go home and tell them I’m dead. It’s easier.”

Sarah flinched at that, eyes wide. “Cal … you don’t mean that. We’re your family. You can’t just run off and pretend we don’t exist, that you don’t belong to us. People are starting to talk, back home.”

“Let them. I don’t care,” Lee said, and stood, Bucky eyeing Sarah as he did. “Steve came and uprooted me from my position and told me I’m not the chosen one, that he lied. _Lied_ , Sarah. He took it _all_ from me. Everything I had endured to get what he promised and he took it from me, like I was _nothing_ ,” Lee seethed, glaring at her. “I… don’t need that. I don’t want it. I need to be away from Steve and everything that has to do with him.”

“You can’t find it in your heart to forgive him?” Sarah asked. “It would free both of you.” Bucky growled, low in his throat, and Sarah gave him a wary look.

“No!” Lee whispered sharply at her, pinning her with a edged glare, stepping dangerously closer to her. “You don’t understand anything about what he did to me, so don’t come in here and assume to know about my forgiveness and it’s capabilities!”

Sarah stepped back, surprised by Cal’s vehemence, and looked at the dog again. “It was a long time ago, Cal, everyone makes mistakes. Even you,” she said, squaring her jaw, nose in the air.

“You’d better go before Nigel gets back,” Lee warned, darkly, knowing he’d never escape this unless he took himself off the map altogether, the sooner the better. “Because he won’t be as nice as I am. Especially if you mention Steve.”

As though on cue, the elevator doors opened, and a frustrated looking Nigel walked out. He stopped when his eyes locked on Sarah, and his shoulders shifted as he walked toward her and Lee, with a dark expression in his eyes. “He’s bad for you, Cal. He’s a bad influence, and he’s led you astray,” Sarah said, quickly, her voice shaking a little with emotion.

Nigel reached them, and stood next to Lee, jaw locked. “What the ever-loving _fuck_ are you doing here?” he hissed.

Lee grasped Nigel’s hand. “She was leaving,” he said, stiff jawed, tugging on Nigel’s hand, ready to get out of there and to their new life.

“I’m not leaving without you,” Sarah insisted, determined, starting to raise her voice before she noticed Nigel was also in a suit … and the ring on Cal’s finger. “Are you … are you getting married?”

“Yes, and you are ruining everything,” Lee hissed at her, under his breath, and tugged on Nigel’s hand. There was no making her leave, but they could leave her standing there.

Sarah gaped at Cal, shocked, then looked at Nigel who was glowering at her with the same expression as Bucky, both of them a hair away from attacking. “I … I know you were … with him but _marrying_ him? Cal … this is crazy …” she whispered.

“No!” Lee said, almost too loud, and then lowered his tone, “what’s crazy is that you continue to believe in something lead by a man who was a pedophile, and you accept it! He’s not special, not at all. Eddie can have it, but watch Hawk very carefully, Sarah.” Lee tugged on Nigel’s hand leaving Sarah there, sure that she would be too shocked to walk after them. “C’mon, we’ll be late.”

Nigel squeezed Lee’s hand, and walked off with him, Bucky trailing, staring back at Sarah, on guard against the person who made his favourite human so tense. Sarah just stared, gobsmacked, and didn’t walk after them. “Sorry, Baby,” Nigel rumbled, “elevator got fucking stuck.”

“It’s okay,” Lee said, only shaking a little, mostly with anger. “I knew they’d send someone, just didn’t know it’d be this soon.”

“You’re okay?” Nigel asked once they were outside, and he let go of Lee’s hand only to wrap an arm around his waist instead.

“Yeah. I mean, no, but I won’t let that ruin this,” Lee whispered, smiling weakly up at Nigel. “We’re getting married and they can’t do anything to take that from us.”

“No, they can’t. They don’t fucking own you,” Nigel whispered back, and kissed Lee’s forehead as they crossed the street to the beach, and stepped onto the soft, white sand for the first time. Bucky sniffed at it, and pawed in the strange, warm substance.

“They don’t,” Lee said, quietly, wanting only to be set in the mode of this wedding, nothing else. “I love you, they can’t change that either.”

“No, they fucking can’t,” Nigel agreed, and leaned over to kiss Lee as they walked onto the beach. At this time of day, only a few people were already out, and they had the beautiful crescent of sand mostly to themselves. Nigel spotted the officiant, and walked toward him with Lee. “Ready?”

Nodding, Lee took a deep breath, and didn’t bother to look back to see if they were followed or not, he didn’t want to. Bucky stayed close, helping ease the tension so that it was gone the second they were standing in front of the officiant.

Nigel looked back, and didn’t see Sarah, thankfully. The officiant asked if they were ready, and after Nigel’s nod, began the service. 

Lee kept the ring in one pocket, in his hand, and held to it tightly so his hands wouldn’t shake. He focused on Nigel as the man in front of them spoke, though Lee wasn’t really paying too much attention, waiting for his moment.

Lee was already wearing his ring, so Nigel took it off, just to put it on again. Finally, it was time for Lee to put the ring on Nigel’s finger. Lee took out the white gold band like looked like bricks, with a black ring that went around the center, very elegant, but very Nigel, matching the one bracelet he wore on his wrist. Lee slid the ring on, a smile spreading across his face.

Nigel looked at the ring and smiled at it as Lee slid the ring on his finger. It was perfectly him, simple, and masculine. He squeezed Lee’s hand and winked at him, then repeated his vows after the officiant as the sea breeze blew through their hair, ruffling it a little.

Once they had both said their vows, the officiant announced them and then told Nigel he could kiss his groom, and Lee leaned in, tugging Nigel forward by the lapels to kiss him fully on the mouth, smiling against them.

Nigel kissed Lee, hard, one hand against the back of his head as he locked lips with his husband for the first time. Nigel dipped him back, deeply, without breaking their kiss, and pulled back after he righted them both. “Husband…” he whispered.

Lee chuckled, never having thought he'd use that term ever for himself. He grasped Nigel tighter and kissed him again. “Yeah, husband.”

The officiant texted Nigel the photos he had snapped of them kissing, and beckoned them over to sign their papers. Nigel signed his name, and handed the pen to Lee. “I had my lawyers put your papers through as fast as they could. You can sign your new name,” he whispered in Lee’s ear.

“Yeah?” Lee asked, and smiled, writing his new name out for the first time ever. No longer Cal Roberts, no longer a prisoner and abused child of the movement.

“Yeah, wedding present,” Nigel whispered, and watched Lee sign his new name on the expensive, thick paper, then kissed him. 

Lee sighed, contently, against Nigel’s mouth. “Officially yours forever.”

“Officially,” Nigel whispered, back, and cupped the side of Lee’s face, then kissed him again with wet-eyed joy.

Lee wrapped both arms around Nigel’s shoulders, the hot sun beating down on their backs, but he couldn’t care less about anything but his _husband_. “I love you.”

“Love you,” Nigel whispered, and lifted Lee in his arms for a moment, hugging him hard, then kissed him, again.

“Let’s get our paperwork and go back,” Lee said, mischievously, wanting to make good on a promise of letting Nigel fuck him as his husband.

Nigel nodded, and kissed Lee, again, happily, then took the paperwork from the officiant, let Bucky sniff it, and handed it to Lee. “Come on, let’s start the fucking honeymoon.”

“Yeah,” Lee said, and lead them back to the hotel, slowly, keeping an eye out for Sarah, just in case she was sitting around and waiting for them to return.

If she was around, Nigel would chase her bony ass off. He kept a protective arm around his husband as they walked through the lobby, and kissed him again as they boarded the elevator. 

Content that she wasn’t, Lee leaned into Nigel as Bucky panted up at them, protectively sitting between them and the doors as they closed.

“Good boy, Bucky, good boy,” Nigel murmured, as the doors closed, and bent down to pet his head, then looked at Lee. “Are you happy? I love my fucking ring.”

“I’m thrilled,” Lee said, touching Nigel’s chest, still getting used to the new name, but it would take time, but now that it was real, all they had _was_ time. “I’m glad. I saw it and knew it was perfect for you.”

“It’s perfect. Matches my wrist thing,” Nigel said, showing Lee with a little smile, and looked at his ring. It was so much better than his last ring, so much more … him.

“Bracelet?” Lee laughed, and pulled Nigel out of the elevator when it landed on their floor, Bucky trailing behind them.

“It’s not a bracelet. Women wear bracelets,” Nigel pointed out, and kissed Lee’s neck before they headed to their room.

“A cuff?” Lee offered, keycard out of his pocket as he pushed it into the lock and then guided Nigel into their room, letting Bucky off his leash.

“Sure. I’ll wear a cuff,” Nigel said, and watched Lee bend over. “I’d let you cuff me,” he purred.

Lee looked over his shoulder. “You would?”

Nigel smirked, alluringly, and licked his lips. “Baby, you’re the only one I’d ever let cuff me. Ever.”

“Might have to go buy some,” Lee offered, a smile spreading over his lips as he approached Nigel, and tugged him closer by his belt loops.

“You could buy a uniform, too, and arrest me,” Nigel whispered, and brushed his lips against his husband’s.

“I’m sure we can find something around here,” Lee whispered, kissing Nigel fully on the lips as he guided him back to the bedroom.

Nigel hummed, and followed Lee, kissing him as they shuffled to the bedroom, and he pressed his husband against the wall, hands on the lapels of his jacket. “I’m sure we fucking can.”

“Later,” Lee crooned, feeling more adventurous than he had in his old life, always afraid he might be stepping out of bounds, not acting like he should. “Undress me,” he demanded, daringly.

Nigel stared at Lee for a moment with hungry, dark eyes, and then started to nearly rip the buttons undone on his shirt, kissing his neck. Lee undid Nigel’s shirt more slowly, working the button undone and then ran his hands through his chest hair, up and over his shoulders, pushing shirt and blazer off his shoulders.

Nigel grunted, deep in his chest, and shed his jacket and shirt to the floor, then kissed his way down Lee’s exposed chest, sucking at his nipples with a groan. Lee dropped his own jacket and shirt to the ground, fingers grasping into Nigel’s hair as he gasped.

“Nigel-”

Nigel palmed Lee’s groin, greedily, and started to undo his pants. “You like that? My mouth on your nipples?” he breathed, rubbing the heel of his palm against Lee’s cock.

“I like your mouth on everything,” Lee admitted, far more open now as he felt unburdened from his past with this new life that laid ahead. 

Nigel moaned, and dropped to his knees in front of Lee, undoing his fly with his teeth and fingers. “Everything?” he asked, breathlessly.

“Yeah,” Lee breathed, hands on Nigel’s shoulders as he head fell back against the wall, sultry blue eyes gazing down at him. “Everything.”

Nigel pulled Lee’s pants down, then his boxers down, and nuzzled his cock, slowly, breathing against it. “Tell me to suck you off.”

Lee tugged on Nigel’s hair roughly. “Suck me off, Nigel. Do it now.”

Nigel moaned at the tug, and dragged his tongue up Lee’s cock, then sucked the tip for a moment before he took him down, and hollowed his cheeks around him. Lee groaned, hips jutting forward as he kicked the pants aside and pressed himself as far down as he could into Nigel’s mouth.

Nigel dropped his jaw, and moaned when he could as Lee pressed himself in. His hands clutched at Lee’s bare ass, kneading the smooth muscle with every thrust as he sucked and hummed.

“Fuck-” Lee groaned, eyes rolling in the back of his head, despite how many times they did this, every time Nigel sucked him felt like the best time. “Perfect, Nigel…”

Nigel moaned, and looked up at Lee as he sucked him. He didn’t get on his knees for just anyone but he loved feeling and hearing Lee writhe under the workings of his mouth.

“I want you,” Lee whispered raggedly, not wanting to come just yet, and gently pushed Nigel off of him. “Undress, get on the bed.”

Nigel pulled back, breathless and flushed, then stood to undress as he locked eyes with Lee and walked back, to the bed. “Finding out what you like?” he purred, and crawled back on the bed, cock throbbing and thick against his stomach.

“I know what I like with you,” Lee said, always having enjoyed everything he did with Nigel, no matter how topped or who bottomed. He crawled over Nigel and got between his thigh, leaning down to tug a nipple between sharp teeth. “But maybe I can learn to like more.”

Nigel pulled Lee closer, hand skimming over his hair as he moaned and dropped his head back at the bite. “Fuck …”

“I’m going to fuck you, and then you’re going to fuck me,” Lee demanded, biting the other nipple, remembering how Nigel like it the last time he had played with them.

“Yeah,” Nigel agreed, breathlessly, his hands clawing at Lee’s smooth back as pleasure spread through every nerve in his upper body. “Fuck, your teeth…”

Reaching over into the drawer, Lee got the lube out and slicked two fingers, slipping them inside of Nigel’s slowly, working him open. He bit down and then again onto Nigel’s collarbone, leaving a welting bite mark.

Nigel swore when Lee’s fingers worked their way inside him. His head fell back to the pillow and he closed his eyes as he let the sensation warm him. “Lee…” he whispered, moaning his husband’s new name in bed for the first time.

It was strange to hear, but only spurred Lee on, pressing and spreading his fingers inside Nigel, working him open as he slicked his own cock. “I like how that sounds.”

Nigel pressed himself down, over his husband’s fingers, hands gripped against his shoulders. “It’s … you,” he whispered, and bit at Lee’s earlobe.

Lee shuddered, and pulled his fingers out, replacing them with his cock, slowly entering Nigel past that tight ring of muscle. “Say it again.”

“Lee-” Nigel moaned, and wrapped his long legs around Lee’s hips, pulling him into his body almost forcefully as he stared into Lee’s blue eyes.

It was like some rebirth, a renewal of himself and refinding of his soul. Lee heard Nigel say his name like that and it was as if Cal never existed, at least in that moment. He pressed in tight, bucking his hips once with a groan, all the way inside Nigel. “Fuck-”

Nigel could feel Lee, deep inside him, and stared up at the look in his eyes. He crossed his ankles behind Lee’s back, keeping him close, and pulled him into a kiss, encouraging him with every tug of his teeth and stroke of his tongue.

Shuddering, Lee picked up his pace, hips whipping down into Nigel with even, short bursts as he kissed his _husband_ right down into the bed. “Nigel…”

Nigel clutched at the back of Lee’s neck, the other hand against Lee’s flexing ass as he felt Lee’s cock rub against his prostate with every shift. “Fuck … fuck, that’s good- harder-” Nigel gasped out, raggedly.

Panting, Lee worked harder, his concentration on Nigel alone, the way his cock felt slipping in and out of him, faster and harder. The tension built up quickly, coiling in his core. “Yeah, shit, I’m-”

“Come on, baby-” Nigel groaned, starting to feel himself go tight around Lee, his body squeezing hard and shaking as Nigel swore in Romanian, and moaned as he came, coating his own stomach.

Lee slipped a hand through Nigel’s come as he grasped his stomach and came, all but howling, and riding out the wave of pure ecstasy. “Fucking...” He managed, leaned over Nigel, gazing down at him with lusty wide eyes.

Nigel clutched Lee close, both of them shaking as they caught their breath. “Jesus Fucking Christ-” Nigel whispered, overwhelmed and sated.

“I love you,” Lee managed, kissing Nigel once on the lips, still catching his breath. “Round two? You fuck me?”

“Yes,” Nigel moaned, and kissed the side of Lee’s sweaty neck. “It’s only fair…”

Lee rolled to the side and out of Nigel, tugging him over himself. “Ready to go? Need a minute?”

Nigel laughed and rolled over Lee, nuzzling him. “A fucking minute, yeah,” he purred, his heart still racing in his hairy chest.

Lee nuzzled back, kissing Nigel’s jaw. “We can go again in a half an hour…” he looked over at the phone, considering ordering something to toast, but wasn’t sure how great an idea that was going to be.

“On a schedule now?” Nigel teased, and followed Lee’s glance at the phone. “Hungry?”

“Not really. Was… trying to figure out how to we can toast…” Lee said, turning to look at Nigel again. “That what happens at weddings, right?”

“You want to toast?” Nigel asked, and pulled Lee close with one arm. “Yeah, people have a toast for a wedding. Can you drink one glass of something and leave it?”

“I’ve never… had issues with champagne or wine,” Lee said, realizing his problems always lied with the harder substances, harder alcohol.

“We could order a bottle of wine, and not get more,” Nigel offered, while he brushed his lips over Lee’s softly.

“You want to?” Lee asked, curling in closer to Nigel whispering between them. Lee wanted to see, he wanted to _try_ and be in control of himself for once.

“Let’s try it,” Nigel agreed, and pulled the menu over to give it to Lee, so that he could puruse it. “If you get out of control, I’ll dump it.”

Lee nodded. “I don’t know much about wine…” He looked over the menu, sighing a little. “A red maybe?”

“Red is good,” Nigel said with a nod, and rubbed Lee’s back with one hand, hoping that this wasn’t just a big fucking mistake. 

Lee closed his eyes and picked one. “Let’s do that one.” He fucking hoped it wasn’t a mistake either.

Nigel picked up the phone, leaning over his husband to do so, and ordered the bottle of wine with two glasses, plus a piece of cake to share, and hung up. “Wedding cake,” he explained with a soft smile.

“I forgot about that,” Lee chuckled and kissed Nigel’s neck. “What kind?” He hadn’t had cake in so, so long.

“Chocolate something,” Nigel said, with a smile, and snuggled Lee to his chest. “We can share a piece.”

“We can,” Lee said, well aware that changes were happening, not just in his name but by diet everyday life things. If he could kick his drinking issues, he might just make it as ‘Lee’.

“It’ll be up soon,” Nigel said. “When you went fucking crazy drinking, were you always upset?”

“Yes,” Lee said, gazing up at Nigel where they laid out over the bed. “It was easy to cope with it.”

“Maybe you won’t have a problem if you’re not upset. It’s just a fucking drink if you’re not trying to fix anything with it, right?” Nigel asked, strumming his fingers over Lee’s short hair.

“How could I be upset with you and I like this?” Lee crooned, leaning up to kiss Nigel. “Maybe there’s something to that.”

“Maybe,” Nigel whispered and kissed Lee back for that, with a smile. “You’re so fucking sweet.”

“Sweet?” Lee wrinkled up his nose and pulled Nigel closer.

“Yeah, sweet,” Nigel said, as he wrapped one long leg around Lee’s hips, and stared at him. “Like sugar.”

Lee hummed, kissing his husband again, deeper this time. “Mm.”

A knock at the door interrupted them, and Nigel sighed as he pulled back, then looked up at Bucky who jumped up on the foot of the bed to guard Lee against whoever was there. “I’ll get it.”

“Put some pants on, or a robe!” Lee called out, and then got on his knees to pet Bucky. “Good boy.”

Nigel grabbed a robe, and tied it on, then answered the door while Bucky listened, intently, his muscles coiled as he readied himself for an intruder, shaking a little. He relaxed, however, when only Nigel came back through the door, pushing a beautiful room service cart with a bottle of wine, two glasses and a piece of cake.

“Just me,” he chuckled, and pet Bucky on the head. “But good boy.”

Lee pet down Bucky’s back slowly. “Very good boy.” He looked at the tray and the wine on it. “The wine should go nicely with the chocolate.”

“Yeah? I never really got into wine,” Nigel mused, and took the bottle to open it.

“I’ve heard reds go with chocolate, well certain ones. I haven’t tried it myself,” Lee said, handing Nigel the opener from the tray.

Nigel took the opener, and pulled the cork out of the bottle, then poured some into two glasses, and handed one to Lee, and got in bed with his own glass, close to his husband. Lee took his glass and then raised toward Nigel.

“To us.”

“To us, and to starting over,” Nigel said, and touched their glasses together, then kissed Lee on the lips before he tried the wine.

Lee smelled the wine and then took a sip, wanting to savor it more than anything else. The spit was pungent on his tongue and awoke all the taste buds there. “Mm.”

Nigel just swallowed his, and watched Lee consider the taste. “Good?” he asked, and took two forks from the cart, then the plate of chocolate cake, and offered Lee the first bite.

“Yeah,” Lee said and set his glass down, not being greedy with the wine, and took the fork, and dug in for the first bite. He put it in his mouth with another hum. “That’s not bad. It’s been forever since I’ve had chocolate.”

Nigel tried a bit of the cake, and hummed at the rich taste. “Yeah? When was the last time?”

“Years ago, before I went vegan,” Lee explained, with a smile, and took another bite. “It’s really hard to find vegan chocolate cake.”

“Why did you go vegan? Did they make you?” Nigel asked, and took another swallow of his wine, swallowing it back like hard liquor.

“It was a choice. Vegetarian or Vegan. With my lifestyle choices, Vegan made more sense,” Lee said, and took a sip of the wine with the cake. “That’s really good.”

“Yeah?” Nigel smiled, and offered Lee another bite of cake from his fork, enjoying the feeling of watching Lee eat something he wouldn’t usually, and liking it. “You went a long time without lots of things.”

“I didn’t need them,” Lee shrugged, humming around the bite, shaking his head. “It’s nice to… let go for a bit.”

“Yeah, just relax a little, stop being so fucking hard on yourself,” Nigel said, and finished his wine with a swallow, then set the glass aside.

As promised, Lee was taking his time with the glass of wine he had, not wanting to seem like a glutton or an addict. “I’m trying.”

“So far so good with the wine?” Nigel asked, watching Lee’s eyes for signs that he was stressed.

“Yes. I like it,” Lee said and took another sip, tentatively. “You chugged yours down.” 

Nigel laughed at that, and shrugged, then refilled his glass. “That’s just how I drink. Not used to sipping.”

“You’re not a very good example,” Lee teased, taking his glass and moving over to sit with Nigel, closer.

“You’re just catching onto that now?” Nigel laughed, and wrapped his free arm around Lee, chin on his shoulder. 

Lee sipped more of his, drinking a little more this time. “Well, I mean, I know you aren’t, but you’re better than most.”

“No I’m fucking not,” Nigel laughed, out loud, quite aware of just how dark he could be.

Lee turned and kissed Nigel’s wine stained lips. “Then neither am I.”

“We can be a couple of bad influences, together,” Nigel purred, and kissed Lee’s lips, then worked his way down the side of Lee’s throat, to his shoulder.

Lee took another swallow of wine and then set it down, holding Nigel against him, head craned to the side to unspokenly ask for more of that. “Yes we can…”

Nigel brushed his lips up to Lee’s ear, sucking at his lobe, then laid over his new husband, covering him like a heavy, warm blanket. “Fuck, I love you.”

Pushing the robe off Nigel’s shoulders, Lee hooked his legs around Nigel’s hips. “I love you, too… you big… bear.”

“Bear?” Nigel asked with a chuckle, and shucked the robe off, tossing it to the floor before he settled over Lee, again. 

Lee ran his hands up Nigel’s chest slowly. “Yeah.”

Nigel laughed against Lee’s ear, and bit the lobe, gently. “Why am I a fucking bear?”

“You remind me of one with your demeanor,” Lee laughed, groaning a little.

“I lumber around?” Nigel whispered, and bit the side of Lee’s throat, softly, moving down to his chest.

“Bears don't lumber, they vicious and protective,” Lee pointed out, fingers digging into Nigel’s chest hair.

“And furry,” Nigel noted with a little smile as he looked up at Lee, utterly in love the more Lee became … himself. The more he loosened up, the more Nigel appreciated his sense of humour, something Nigel knew was always lurking beneath Cal’s uptight exterior.

Lee grinned and pulled Nigel closer and more over him, kissing him deeply. “I love every inch of you, either way.”

“Every inch? No inches more than others?” Nigel purred, and ran his hands over Lee’s chest, slowly, teasing him.

“All inches are loved the same,” Lee murmured, against Nigel’s mouth, more and more in love by the second.

“Are they?” Nigel whispered, and rested between Lee’s legs as they kissed, big hands wandering all over Lee’s body as their skin began to heat, again.

“Mhm,” Lee hummed, holding Nigel just there as as his hips hitched up toward his, their cocks starting to grow hard once again.

“You’re not one to play favourites?” Nigel whispered, as he started to rock against Lee, slowly, staring at his handsome face and vivid blue eyes as they started to get hard together.

“Hard to when every piece of you is perfect,” Lee murmured back, biting at Nigel’s bottom lip.

“Fucking flattering,” Nigel chuckled, and started to stroke them together, lazily as Bucky jumped off the bed to go find somewhere else to nap.

Lee laughed at the dog and then pulled Nigel into another kiss. “We’re alone now…”

“Thought he’d never leave,” Nigel hummed, and moved his hand down to roll Lee’s balls in his palm, tugging softly as they rubbed against each other.

“Just us now,” Lee groaned, rolling his hips up, spreading his thighs a little wider apart now for more access.

“Just us,” Nigel whispered, and let one finger prod and trace Lee’s entrance as he sucked at Lee’s nipples, one at a time, his own cock starting to get wet at the tip.

A hum escaped Lee's chest, chest falling and rising against Nigel said mouth, ass pressing down toward the finger prodding teasingly. 

Nigel loved it when Lee was eager, and wanton, and rewarded him with a tug to one nipple with his teeth, then grabbed the bottle of lube where it lay on the bed, and slathered his fingers in it before he plunged one inside, slowly. “There…”

“Yes-” Lee managed, forgetting everything else about the day but this and their wedding. Nothing else mattered honestly. Nigel was showing him that things with intimacy could be good, could be better than he ever expected. “Perfect.”

“I love feeling you,” Nigel whispered, pumping his finger into Lee, slowly, watching the colors change in his bright blue eyes as he rubbed his fingertip, then another, against Lee’s prostate, slowly.

Sea-blue went to dark as night blue quickly, and Lee was writhing, pushing down on Nigel’s fingers. “Yeah…?”

“Always so fucking tight, so warm,” Nigel whispered as he crooked his fingers just so inside of Lee’s body, aware of just how to play him, like an instrument that he loved to make sing.

Lee moaned, arching up off the bed at the touch, heat blow through his core and coiling up there. “Nigel-”

“What?” Nigel purred, and slicked his cock with his free hand as he fingered Lee, and watched Lee’s smooth, taut chest rise and fall, then kissed his neck, biting softly.

“Mm, I need you,” Lee groaned, panting. “Please, please…”

“Please fuck you?” Nigel asked, softly, teasingly, and rubbed himself against Lee’s entrance after he pulled his fingers out of him.

“Nigel!” Lee laughed out, dragging him in by his shoulders, legs around his hips, not letting him get away.

Nigel pressed into Lee, slowly, smiling with dark eyes as he gave his husband what he wanted. His big hands helped Lee’s thighs over his shoulders, and he held eye contact until he was hip-deep. “There, baby…”

Lee’s eyes rolled back a moment at the pleasure, toes curling. “That’s good, right there…”

Nigel started to thrust, utterly transfixed by the sight of Lee under him, the way he responded. Every time they fucked, Lee became a little less inhibited. It was beautiful. “You like being fucked by me?”

“Yes-” Lee gasped, able to feel his resolve dwindle down, give into Nigel and everything he was about. Lee could get lost in Nigel forever, if he allowed himself.

“Good-” Nigel rasped as he drove himself into Lee, harder. He raked his nails over the pale round of Lee’s stretched ass, then slapped it hard, and grabbed Lee’s cock, stroking it in time with his thrusts.

Jaw dropped, Lee nearly thought he might pass out from how _good_ it felt, every sale and tug pulsing through him loins, straight to his cock. Gasping, breathing hard, Lee started to throb, tensing. “Nigel… Nigel-!”

Nigel’s jaw dropped as he felt Lee start to throb around him, and fucked him harder, hard enough to make the bed frame slam against the wall. “Fuck-” he managed, and his eyes squeezed shut as he almost howled with orgasm, coming inside his husband for the first time.

Lee gripped the sheets under him, thighs tense over Nigel said shoulders as he gasped two more times and started to come. “Fuck, fuck… Nigel!”

Nigel arched over Lee, his wide back flexing as he ground himself inside Lee with presses of his hips, then collapsed over him, shaking. 

“Fuck… I love you,” Lee gasped, breathing out slowly.

Nigel took a deep breath, and turned his head to look at Lee, smiling a little as he breathed raggedly. “Love you.”

Lee smiled lazily, and then reached for Nigel’s face to kiss him. “You’d better.”

“I’ll never not fucking love you,” Nigel whispered, seriously.

Lee laughed, limbs tight around Nigel. “No?”

“No. I know what I want, and it takes a shitload for me to change my mind,” Nigel promised.

“Good,” Lee sighed, happily.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning found the newlyweds tangled together in bed, with Bucky at their feet, snoring loudly. Nigel opened his eyes with a sigh, then hugged Lee a little more tightly, and closed his eyes again. Bucky perked up, suddenly, and ran to the door, sniffing at the crack beneath it with great interest. Nigel opened his eyes again, and got up, careful not to wake his husband before he padded to the door and listened before he opened it to find a letter left outside, addressed to Cal Roberts. 

With a little snarl on his face, Nigel picked it up, and looked down the hallway with a glare, but it was empty. He closed and locked the door, tore the letter in half, without opening it, and threw it out the window into the street so that it would land on the sidewalk outside of the lobby for whoever had left it there to see.

Lee padded out minutes later, in the other bathrobe, and wrapped his arms around Nigel’s waist, chin on his shoulder. “What’s got you up?”

Nigel shrugged, and looked back at Lee with a sleepy smile. “I think Bucky wants out to take a shit.”

“I’ll get some pants on,” Lee replied, lazily, hugging Nigel once more and then went to find his pants, and put on his sandals, tying the robe tighter around his waist.

“I’ll come with you,” Nigel murmured, and followed Lee, his mind still on whoever dropped the letter off. It could have been given to the front desk staff to deliver, but those creepy, clingy motherfuckers would probably want to do it in person.

“Sure,” Lee said, gathering his keycard and then the leash to get it wrangled on Bucky. “Pants?” He gave Nigel a knowing look. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Nigel nodded and went to get dressed, quickly, pulling on jeans over his long legs, and a dark shirt before he put boots on and joined Lee, running a hand through his bed-rumpled hair.

Lee gave an appreciative hum at Nigel, and then looked down at himself, less confined and buttoned up, hell he looked pretty goddamn sloppy. “I’ll change…”

“You look fine, relaxed. I like it,” NIgel said, with a little smirk.

Lee’s brows furrowed and tightened the robe around him a little more, making sure everything was covered. “Okay… Come on, Bucky,” he said, opening the door for the three of them.

Nigel closed up Lee’s robe a little more, and kissed him again, then followed, closely, his eyes alert for any sign of anyone from the cult. He didn’t have his gun on him, but when he was pissed off, Nigel didn’t need a gun to end someone.

“You’re quiet,” Lee said, once they hit the elevator, pushing the button for the lobby.

“Waking up,” Nigel said, one hand against Lee’s back as they waited. “Could have slept like a fucking rock for a few more hours.”

“We can go back and sleep after this,” Lee said, leaning into his _husband_.

Nigel grunted his agreement, and smiled at the thought that both of them smelled like sex. “Yeah, get some breakfast, go back to bed.”

“Room service or grab something?” Lee asked, as the doors opened once more and they walked out into the lobby, and Bucky sniffed toward the exit.

“Yeah, or we could get something from some little place and take it back in,” Nigel said. His movements were sleepy, but his dark eyes were sharp and alert.

“I’m not picky,” Lee said, not exactly starved yet, but he wanted to be sure Nigel didn’t turn into a grumpy a bear either.

Nigel just grumbled again as they stepped outside. “I always wake up starving. I need coffee. Eggs.”

“There’s a cafe in the hotel,” Lee mentioned, having seen it a few times, but nothing special. Bucky found a little patch of grass and did his business.

Nigel looked around, protectively, his arm looped around Lee’s shoulder as he scanned the few people around the hotel. Most of them just looked like locals on their way to the beach to tan, or tourists. “Good enough.”

Lee kept walking with Bucky, letting him sniff around, judging the dog’s reactions to warn them if someone else unsavory, like Sarah, came about. “What else do you want to do today?”

“Haven’t thought about it beyond staying in bed and fucking,” Nigel smirked, and started to walk back to the hotel with Lee.

“Mm, I could get used to that,” Lee grinned back, letting Bucky pee once more on a plant and then headed inside to the cafe.

“You’d better,” Nigel teased, and walked in with Lee. The letter he’d tossed outside was already gone from the sidewalk. 

“Cal?” a woman called from behind them, a blonde, very pregnant, and with a letter torn up in her hands, frowning.

Lee new the voice, but he hadn’t talked to Mary in almost a year, since he was at the compound in New York last. He gave Nigel a look, and kept walking, taking Nigel’s hand with his free one.

“Cal, please?” she called after them, going as far to waddled right in front, dressed in the horrible shabby chic clothes all the ladies seemed to wear there. “Everyone misses you…”

Nigel took Lee’s hand, but looked back at the pretty, pregnant blonde woman. “Who the fuck are you?” Nigel snapped, his eyes going stormy in an instant.

“That’s Mary,” Lee said with a swallow, shifting his jaw. 

“That’s right,” she said, holding the torn up letter with Cal’s name on it in her hands, frowning. “I… we heard you weren’t coming back, Cal. That you’re a denier now…”

Nigel had about enough of this. He kept Lee behind him, and stepped closer, his face close to Mary’s as he thundered at her, “He’s not fucking coming back! Get that through your fucking heads, stop trying to get your fucking hands on him, and go back to your goddamned cult, you snoopy, granola-eating bitch!” Nigel growled, his eyes dangerous, glittering as his teeth were bared. 

Mary cowered back and Lee held on to Nigel’s arm. “Don’t yell,” he said, knowing Mary’s past. He moved in front of Nigel. “Mary, leave. Go home to Sean, have your baby. Forget I existed.” With that, Lee tugged Nigel toward the elevator with Bucky in tow.

Nigel glared at Mary, then looked at Lee, and back at her. “Why the fuck did you come, anyway? Why do you give a shit if he gets married?” he demanded, shoulders squared, head tilted.

“Cal saved me, I… should be able to save him, too,” she said, but Lee finally let go of Nigel and walked him to the elevator instead, done with all of it.

Nigel took another look at Mary’s big, dumb, doe eyes, and stormed back to the elevator. “Get the fuck out of here, tell the rest of them I’ll fucking shoot the next one who shows up,” he said to her, over his shoulder, and joined Lee in the elevator, fuming.

Lee was quiet in the lift, and when Nigel was finally in, he shut the door and pressed the button for their floor. “It’s never going to end.”

“Are _all_ your ex girlfriends coming?” he asked, with a sigh. Mary was pretty enough, and Nigel had a feeling about her, the way Lee didn’t want her yelled at. 

“She’s… she’s not my ex,” Lee insisted, arms folded over his chest, eyes on the ceiling. “She came from a terrible home where she used drugs and her father sold her to his friends. The Movement helped her, saved her,” Lee explained, indifferently.

Nigel raised an eyebrow at that. “You hesitated.”

“I was never involved in a relationship with her. It wouldn’t have been healthy, so I urged her to marry someone good for her,” Lee explained, looking at Nigel. “We had one night. That’s it.”

“One night?” Nigel asked. “When was this?”

“Year and a half ago,” Lee said, head canted at Nigel. “She’s not pregnant with my child, if that’s what you think. _We’ve_ been together a year, Nigel.”

The elevator opened, and Nigel walked out, fuming, and headed to their room. He wanted to go back down there and shoot Mary, right in her stupid, fucking, perfect face. 

Lee sighed heavily and followed out after his husband, Bucky staying close to him. “Nigel…”

“Anyone else you fucked going to show up here?” Nigel muttered as he pushed his way into the hotel room, his jealous nature rearing it’s irrational head. “Is this a fucking parade?”

Following, Lee let the door shut and then Bucky off the leash, but remained distant from Nigel, shaking his head, feeling himself start to shut down, and off. “N-no. I… there’s, I mean you’re only the third...ever.” Lee was glad the wine was gone, because he really felt like drowning in something. 

Bucky stayed close to Lee, shaking, but not about to leave his side with the tension in the room. Nigel turned and gave his new husband a look for a long, silent moment, like he was seeing him in a new way for the first time. “Oh, so she was just the _second_? So she’s so _fucking special_ that you settled for her the way you’re fucking _settling_ for me? That’s fucking great…” Nigel muttered, and started breathing harder, his throat tight. 

“I didn’t settle on you. I picked you. She’s the past. You have a past and I don’t ask about it, and I don’t bring it up to hurt you,” Lee said, a pained expression etched into his features, defensive now. “You say yourself that you could have anyone, you don’t even have to pay, so maybe _you’re_ settling on _me_.”

“My fucking past isn’t showing up at the fucking hotel during our _fucking honeymoon!”_ Nigel exclaimed, and started to pace, looking out the window of the balcony to see if stupid, _sunflowery_ Mary with her perfect fucking blonde hair was still waiting outside. “You don’t have to fucking meet my past and you sure as fuck don’t have to compete with it!”

“You’re not competing with anyone. Did I not just walk away from her? From Sarah? All of them? For you? For us? Or are you too blinded by your stupid jealousy to see it?” Lee said, hands shaking in fists at his side, every wall he ever built when yelled at by his mother and father rising all over, and the usual method of getting calm again was not going to work now that he didn’t even want to _think_ about Steve. “I didn’t ask them to come, they came because of who they are!”

“Why the fuck didn’t you just marry Mary!?” Nigel demanded, too worked up now to listen to what Lee was saying. Blood was roaring in his ears and he felt rejected and humiliated. “You could have stayed with them if they’re all such fucking good people! You don’t think I’m a good person? I’m fucking not, Lee, we both know that. I’ll never be one of _them_!” Nigel was almost dizzy with jealousy, heart pounding, head spinning, his hands shaking with emotion as he thought Cal meant that he liked that they came after him, because they were such _good_ , dedicated people. Nigel, as much as he liked to think he was unshakable, walked a fine line between calm and utterly insane when provoked in just the wrong way. Mary’s pretty face was just that sort of provocation, reminding him of the wholesome person he’d never be. He was too gritty and sullied for that.

“I picked you over them, because I couldn’t stay, you… aren’t like them, and I need that, after everything,” Lee murmured, shaking his head, riled to the point he might lash out at the wrong person. “They aren’t good people… I’m not either. I…” Lee breathed out heavily, ragged. He didn’t know how to calm his husband, how ridiculous was that? He couldn’t even calm himself. “Uhm…” he swallowed thickly.

Nigel glared at Lee, and stepped closer to him, shifting his jaw as he looked into his eyes, like he was trying to look through them. “You what?” he whispered, his voice thick with tension, eyes a little wet with emotion, face flushed. “Just fucking say it, Lee. You what? You hoped I’d run off? Or change? I fucking kill people for a living, Lee. I don’t even know how fucking many because I stopped counting when I was younger. That’s not going to fucking go away, and I’m sure as fuck not going to become some pretty blonde girl. You’re fucking stuck with me.”

“I never thought that, you’re putting words in my mouth,” Lee said, quietly, a calm storm rising in his sea-blue irises. His chest hurt, like it was a struggle to breathe suddenly, but he didn’t dare move an inch. “I never asked you change. I don’t want you to. I’m the one changing, to get rid of _them_. The demons on my back.”

Nigel’s chest heaved under his tight shirt, and he seemed to waver like a tightrope walker, inside. “I’m fucking trying,” he whispered, with such intensity that his voice broke a little, and he ran his hand through his hair. “I’m fucking _trying,”_ he repeated. “I don’t smoke, I don’t drink around you. I haven’t killed _anyone_ in front of you. I’ve been trying to be a fucking better person since I fell for you, for fuck’s sake,” Nigel’s hands were shaking harder now.

“I’m grateful, but you don’t have to,” Lee said, this time he rubbed his chest, winced a little as he took in deep, deep breaths. “I love _you_ , I want _you_.”

Nigel swallowed hard, still skeptical, but seemed at least able to listen to what Lee said. “Then you’re … fucking crazy,” he said, softly, through a tight throat. 

“What’s new there?” Lee said, coughing into his shoulder, which turned into a fit of coughing that he held his hand over his mouth for, doubled over for a second, until it ceased. He pulled his hand away, something wet in his palm, and when he looked he saw blood. His brows knit together as he panted to catch his breath.

“What the fuck is that?” Nigel asked, surprised and distracted as he looked at the red in Lee’s palm. “Are you fucking bleeding?”

“I don’t know,” Lee said, wiping his mouth the back of his hand, more blood coming away with it on his skin.

Nigel pulled Lee into the bathroom and washed the blood off of his hand with a frown, then looked inside his mouth. “Did you bite your tongue?”

Lee shook his head, chest still aching, hard to breath. “No,” he said, sticking his tongue out for Nigel to see.

“You’re sick. You need a fucking doctor,” Nigel said, quietly, with dread in his tone, and looked at Lee’s chest, then back up at his face. He’d completely forgotten his jealous rage by now.

Lee wished he could disagree, but… he’d never coughed up blood before. It could be nothing, probably was…. “It’s our honeymoon…”

“You just coughed up blood. I’m not a fucking doctor, but … that’s fucking bad. What if I coughed up blood? What would you do?” Nigel asked, sternly.

“Make you see someone,” Lee confessed, looking at Nigel reverently. “I’m sorry they keep coming, Nigel.” It was worse torment for Lee knowing that they would be relentless.

“I just … “ Nigel sighed, and remembered all the things he’d said in the heat of the moment. “I get fucking jealous,” he said, with a shrug of his wide shoulders and an apologetic look. “I just assume the fucking worst. It happens so fucking fast in my head.”

“It’s okay,” Lee said, cleaning his hands off and then wrapped his arms around Nigel. “They are getting irritating and I think we should move hotels…”

Nigel sighed, and nodded, agreeing as he held Lee closer, with both arms. He still hated Mary, a little obsessively, and hated knowing Lee … Cal, back then, had slept with her, even once. It was worse because Cal had slept with so few people that it meant, in Nigel’s head, that Mary meant something but … But he had to stop thinking like that. It was crazy. “Yeah, baby. Let’s move hotels,” he agreed, still holding Lee tightly in his arms.

“It’s better I think,” Lee said, not letting go yet, he just wanted to hold on to Nigel for a little longer before they left.

“There’s a really nice place, better security there. I’ll get us the honeymoon suite,” Nigel said with a little grin against Lee’s face, their hearts beating against one another. 

“That’s sounds good,” Lee whispered, focused on Nigel and moving, not the other thing, since he got Nigel’s mind off that for now.

“And we’ll get you to see a doctor,” Nigel whispered, and kissed Lee’s lips, able to taste a little salt on them from his coughing. “Fuck, they might even have one of those fancy hotel doctors…”

“It’s probably nothing, but okay,” Lee said, pulling Nigel back to the bedroom to pack up their things.

Nigel leaned down to pet Bucky, who had stopped shaking, but stayed close to Lee, as always while they packed. “She left a letter under the door. I ripped it up and threw it out the window,” Nigel said, just remembering that now.

“Probably stupid of us to have gone down there then right after,” Lee sighed, packing up the suitcases, and putting their suits on the hangers with the garment bags.

“Yeah, maybe. I didn’t want you to be upset by them, so I didn’t tell you,” Nigel sighed, and leaned over to kiss Lee’s cheek, softly.

“You got upset,” Lee pointed out, still a little guarded over being chastised over things he had done like he was some sort of criminal, like he was _dirty._

 _“_ Yeah, I know,” Nigel nodded, sheepishly. “Sorry, baby.”

Lee packed up Bucky’s things into one of the suitcases and sat them by the door, and then finally changed quickly into clothes he laid out and set the robe in the bathroom.

Nigel watched Lee for a moment, then called the other hotel, and managed to speak with someone in Spanish to arrange for something really nice, for Lee. He hung up, and walked over to his husband, hugging him from behind. “We can go now.”

“We’re all set?” Lee asked, quietly, hands on Nigel’s.

“Yeah, I got us the fancy suite with a hot tub in it,” Nigel said, smirking against Lee’s neck.

“Far from here?” Lee asked, head dipped slightly, crumbling softly under Nigel’s movements.

“About ten blocks or so,” Nigel said, with a little sigh and another kiss. “We’ll take a cab. Harder to follow that way if anyone’s stupid enough to stick around and try.”

“Hopefully they aren’t,” Lee said, taking Nigel’s hand, and then let go to wrangle Bucky into his leash once more.

Bucky squirmed a little, but let Lee put the leash on him again, and then went to the door, expectantly as Nigel lifted the bag of dog food and carried two of their bags. “Better fucking not be, if they know what’s good for them. I fucking meant what I told her. I’ll shoot the next one.”

Nodding, Lee got the last bag and walked out with Nigel, shutting the door behind them. They got to the elevator and he pressed down for the last time to the lobby.

Nigel and Bucky both stayed close to Lee, and once they were in the lobby, Nigel checked out at the desk, quickly and quietly, then hailed a cab for them both, and started to load everything in when it stopped. Lee put in the one bag and then got in, holding Bucky in his lap, as usually. He kept on the lookout, but no one sight that looked Meyerist related.

Nigel gave the driver the name of their new hotel, and told him to hurry. The driver took them the few blocks to the new hotel, quickly, which was much larger and grander looking than the one they had just checked out of. It looked stately, like a modern palace made of bleached stone. Nigel gave the driver his money with a sizeable tip, and got out with their things, holding the door for Lee. “This is it.”

Lee grabbed the bag, and then set Bucky down. “This is much nicer…”

“Yeah. Not on the beach, but pretty fucking nice,” Nigel agreed, and walked into the expansive, very modern looking lobby with Lee, past a group of security guards. Everything was white and spare, but still seemed welcoming, somehow.

“Very…. Clean,” Lee said, liking the sharp lines and not so fancy and odd art, just… simple.

“Looks like they fucking forgot to put the furniture in,” Nigel said under his breath, then started to check in at the desk. 

“I like it, it’s not cluttered,” Lee murmured just behind Nigel, taking in everything.

Nigel looked around again, then at Lee. “Yeah? You could make our new place like this, when we get it,” Nigel murmured, eager to let Lee explore whatever the hell actually made him happy now that he wasn’t told what to think and how to live all the time. The minimalist thing wasn’t Nigel’s taste, but … it wasn’t fucking bad.

“Sure,” Lee said, taking in the clarity and ease of the place, how things just seemed to flow.

Nigel took the card keys, and handed one to Lee, then walked them to a private elevator that opened to a swipe of their card key. “There. No one else can even get up to us,” he said to Lee, reassuring him.

The security was a little much, but considering the Movement, Lee was grateful for it. He stepped in with Bucky, holding it for Nigel who had their suitcases. “Thank you.”

“Don’t have to thank me,” Nigel said as they stepped in, and leaned over to kiss Lee’s cheek as the doors closed. “Just want to enjoy the rest of our honeymoon in peace.”

“Me too,” Lee said, taking a deep breath, head canted up toward Nigel. The last thing they needed was Nigel getting jealous again over nothing.

Nigel, in his mind, wasn’t jealous over nothing. He was jealous of someone Lee had wanted enough to sleep with, and _hated_ them for it. In his mind, if Lee had wanted them once, he’d still want them. “I bet this place has better room service,” he said. Even the elevator was nice, all done in white marble, like they were taking it up to heaven.

“Better food?” Lee asked, his stomach growling, they hadn’t eaten.

“Probably, or that shitty expensive food with two fucking things on the plate and a line of sauce,” Nigel sighed. The doors opened right into the living room of their suite. The suite was just as ethereally beautiful as the lobby downstairs, decorated in shades of white, with warm, subtle lighting, and nothing in the room that did not need to be in the room. Nigel stepped out and set their bags down as he looked around. “You like it?”

“I love it,” Lee murmured setting the things down and letting Bucky off his leash to check things out. “Is that a hot tub outside?”

Bucky sniffed at the carpet, and then trotted around the large room to investigate their new surroundings as Nigel spotted their enormous patio outside, on the rooftop that overlooked the bay and the city itself. “I think so-” he said, and walked toward it. 

He opened the glass double doors to find a large garden on the rooftop with a sunk-in hot tub that bubbled away near the edge of the roof, for the most beautiful view possible. “Holy shit, that’s nice.”

Lee followed out slowly, and then leaned over the tub to look at it. “May not be a beach view, but…”

“But we don’t have to share with anyone,” Nigel smirked, and crouched to stick his hand in the warm, bubbling water.

Bucky bound up and put his paws up on the side of the tub, too. “Might be nice to relax after the morning we’ve had.” 

Nigel looked around to make sure no one could see them. Sure enough, they were not facing any windows, and were much too high off the ground to be seen from below. Nigel started to strip. “My fucking thought exactly.”

Lee watched Nigel with a slightly canted head, Bucky looking up at him like he was wondering if he was going to get in, too. Lee finally slipped off his sandals and then started to strip down too. “Good enough for me.”

Nigel tossed everything off and got in the tub with a sigh, eyes closed, head against the back. “Holy shit. This is nice.”

Much slower, Lee finally got everything off and then sunk down into the large tub opposite of Nigel. Bucky set his face down on the side, watching them. “It is nice.”

Nigel was always exhausted and felt wrung out whenever he had a jealous episode. He opened his eyes and looked across at Lee, then moved his legs so that they were touching Lee’s under the bubbles. “We still need to get you checked out.”

“It could’ve been a fluke thing,” Lee said, shrugging as he descended down in the bubbles a little more.

“Do people just cough up blood … sometimes?” Nigel asked, and watched Lee’s relaxed expression. It had been strange, and Lee seemed _fine_ , now.

“The air is drier here, could have been from bleeding nasal passages down into the back of my throat,” Lee offered, though his chest did still hurt a little bit.

“You sure?” Nigel asked, and moved closer in the tub, so that they were sitting next to each other now.

“I’ve never done that in my life, what else would it be?” Lee asked, making room for Nigel as he got closer.

“I don’t fucking know. The only time I ever coughed up blood was when I got this,” Nigel said, and nodded to the gruesomely long scar that ran up his side. “So I sort of fucking panicked when you did.”

“I don’t have any injuries,” Lee said, touching Nigel’s scar with his fingers, just barely.

Nigel let Lee touch the scar all he wanted to, watching his husband’s fingers trail over the scar from the injury he’d received that had come the closest to finishing him before he and Lee had ever met. “Good, don’t want you to have any,” Nigel said, and leaned over to kiss Lee’s face. “Maybe we’ll get you to a doctor when we get home unless you do it again?”

“I think we both know there’s not very good doctors back home,” Lee said with a smile. “Remember? I had to fly you to America.”

“Yeah,” Nigel admitted, and pulled Lee closer. “We’ll see if they have anyone here, then. Okay?”

“Okay,” Lee said, and ran his hand up Nigel’s chest, through the hair there. “Not mad at me anymore are you?”

“No, no I’m not mad at you,” Nigel whispered, and leaned closer to kiss his husband on the lips. “I … wasn’t really mad at you. I was just … crazy, I guess. I lose my head, sometimes. I’m sorry.”

Lee nodded his head and sighed against Nigel’s lips. “You, uh… you scared me a little…” It wasn’t that Nigel had scared him, but that it sent Lee into a place in in his mind he’d rather not be.

“I’d never hurt you,” Nigel whispered, seriously, and nuzzled Lee’s face. “If I’m a fucking bear, then I’m a bear that just makes a shitload of noise at you sometimes. I’d never hurt you, Lee. If I did, I’d want to fucking die, right there.”

“I know, I know you wouldn’t, and I’d… likely deck you before you could,” Lee said with a smile, warming back up to his husband, letting all the nervous walls come down again.

“That’s my boy,” Nigel said with a smile at Lee, and kissed him again. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I fucking get like that. Things get twisted up in my head and I just can’t … I don’t know. I know it’s crazy. I don’t know how to fix it,” he said, apologetically. “I know you don’t want to run off with someone. I know that in my heart, but … this voice in my head that just fucking hates me gets loud about those things.” These were things Nigel had never admitted to anyone in his life, ever. He was hoping Lee didn’t think it made him weak.

“It’s okay,” Lee said, resting their heads together as he rubbed Nigel’s chest. “I get a little raged myself at things, can’t control it. Lash out at the wrong people. That’s how Silas got killed.”

A huge rush of relief surged through Nigel’s veins, and he nodded, then buried his nose in Lee’s short hair. “I remember when you told me, I understood. Somethings just flip a fucking switch, right? If you ever snap and try to kill me, at least you’ll have a hard time,” Nigel joked, and kissed Lee’s cheek. “I’ll just tie you up and put you in the bathroom until you cool off.”

“That’s all?” Lee asked, crawling into Nigel’s lap to straddle his thighs, arms around his shoulders.

“You’d have to make it up to me later by being really sweet,” Nigel smirked, and ran his hands down Lee’s sides, to his waist. They were both very, very damaged. It helped make them click.

“I would,” Lee said, quietly, smiling sweetly against Nigel’s lips as he kissed him.

“Yeah?” Nigel purred, and pulled Lee closer, in his lap, his eyes warm again, full of adoration.

“Yes,” Lee whispered, far more as ease now that they had gotten back into their usual banter and conversation.

“How?” Nigel asked as he ran his scarred up hands over Lee’s ass, utterly obsessed with him.

“Going down on you, give you the best blow job you’ve ever had,” Lee whispered, grinding his hips down on Nigel’s slowly.

Nigel groaned, and arched his hips up, slowly. “Christ, that mouth of yours is fucking perfect.”

“It’d be the least I could do if I were so mean as to try and deck you,” Lee crooned, sliding their cocks together with every roll of his hips.

“Damn right,” Nigel purred as they ground together, and kissed Lee, slowly. “Should I be sweet to you? I yelled…”

“You did,” Lee agreed, breath picking up with each glide of sensitive skin together.

Nigel began to stroke them together, slowly, lost in being able to watch Lee’s expressions. “What would you like, baby?”

“Take me,” Lee whispered, not needing anything special honestly. He just wanted to know that Nigel didn’t find his as disgusting as Lee had felt when he was yelled at.

Nigel had never found Lee disgusting, not for a minute, not under any name. Nigel groaned at the thought and devoured Lee’s mouth as he started to tease Lee’s entrance with his fingers. “I’ll never get tired of that.”

“Me needing you?” Lee groaned, biting at Nigel’s mouth as he lifted his hips, giving Nigel more room.

“Taking you,” Nigel moaned back, and kept teasing Lee slowly, torturing the nerves with the tip of his finger just around the edges of his entrance before he eased one in. “No lube out here…” he sighed.

It was rougher, even with the water, not exactly the best lubrication. “We can go in… or I can run in…” Lee suggested, gasping a little.

“Or you can bend over the edge of the tub, and spread your legs,” Nigel whispered, with a smirk against Lee’s lips.

“I could do that,” Lee whispered back and moved away from Nigel, and to the edge of the tub on the other side, and lifted his ass above the water, leaned over. “Better?” Nigel palmed Lee’s wet ass. “Fuck, that is the best view I’ve ever had,” he moaned, and spread Lee’s cheeks before he dragged his tongue over Lee’s cleft, then wriggled it in, slowly, hot and strong.

“Oh-” Lee’s head dropped, hands gripped to the side of the tub. “Nigel… that’s… perfect.”

Nigel had hurt Lee with his tongue, it was only fair he make it up to him with it, too. Nigel groaned, and spread Lee more open with his hands, then rimmed Lee deeper, faster, slicking him as his tongue rasped against the delicate nerves inside him.

Lee groaned, lifting one knee up to the side of the tub, as if he could somehow get Nigel’s tongue in deeper. “Fingers.”

Nigel pulled back just a little and sucked his own finger then slipped it into Lee, slowly, pumping it a few times before he added another. “Like that?”

“Yes-” Lee managed, panting in huffed breaths, that made his chest hurt, but he ignored it for the pleasure.

“I love how fucking tight your ass is, every single time,” Nigel whispered in Lee’s ear, then licked his free palm, slicking it as generously as he could before he stroked himself with it.

A hum of pleasure escaped Lee’s chest as he spread a little wider, enticing Nigel to to either add more fingers, or fuck him right. “Nigel…”

Nigel bent his fingers, brushing Lee’s prostate for a moment before he pulled them out, replacing them with his cock. He pressed himself in, slowly, but didn’t stop until he was hip-deep, hands clinging to Lee’s hips on both sides. “Lee…”

Half way over the side of the tub, Lee grasped onto the edge tightly. “Oh… there,” he managed.

Nigel began to thrust, slowly, his heart pounding as he filled his husband. “Good?” he groaned in Lee’s ear, bent over him as they moved together.

Water sloshed over the side and Lee reached one hand behind him to grasp Nigel’s hip, holding him there a moment. “Yeah.”

Nigel pressed himself deep inside Lee for a moment when he did that, then started to thrust, faster. “God, I love fucking you,” he whispered, roughly, his breath broken and ragged in Lee’s ear.

The more they did it, the more Lee knew he couldn’t live without it. He gripped Nigel’s hip, nails digging in as he was fucked hard, panting now as the heat built fast in his core, spreading through his thighs. “Show me.”

Nigel moaned at that, and began to fuck Lee, as hard as he could, until his muscles burned. He groaned curses in Romanian as water sloshed out of the tub next to them, but didn’t stop. His hand moved to Lee’s shoulders, gripping them hard as he used them for leverage to pull their writhing bodies together over and over again as heat built up inside him.

Grinding back with every thrust, Lee’s body heated fast, spiraling into pleasurable bliss with every whip of Nigel’s hips. He put both hands back on the edge of the large tub, head dipped as he gave in to the orgasm that was impending. “Fuck-”

Nigel’s jaw dropped as he felt himself about to come, lightning flashes of heat tendrilling from his lower back into his balls as he fucked Lee through it, then came himself with a shout, buried inside his new husband’s tight body.

“Nigel-” Lee managed, dropping one hand to work over his own cock as he came hard, spilling against the edge of the hot tub. Panting hard, his chest suddenly felt like it was going to seize up like early, but Lee just took deep breath. “I love when you fuck me…”

Nigel nodded, and kissed the back of Lee’s neck, then sank into the hot water and pulled Lee into his lap, breathing hard. “I love fucking you,” he whispered, nuzzling Lee as he caught his breath.

Lee rested back against Nigel, head to his shoulder, watching the clear sky over them. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Nigel purred, both arms around Lee as they rested together. “Don’t know what the fuck I’d do without you.”

“You wouldn’t be fucking in a hottub,” Lee teased, nuzzling his nose against Nigel’s jaw.

Nigel laughed at that, and held Lee to his hairy chest. “Then what’s the point of living?”

“Good thing I’m here,” Lee whispered, rubbing the side of Nigel’s thigh slowly, under the water.

“Damn good thing,” Nigel whispered, and let himself enjoy holding Lee close for a moment longer. “Hungry?”

“I’m starved now,” Lee said with a heavy sigh, taking a deep breath.

“We’ll order something up,” Nigel said, and rubbed Lee’s back, slowly. 

“Sounds good. I’m exhausted,” Lee replied, though he’d slept okay, the day so far had really taken a toll.

“Fuck, me too,” Nigel sighed, and tipped his head back in the tub, relaxed. He knew they had to get out of the tub to get food but damned if he didn’t want to just sleep here.

“Too bad there isn’t a button to call someone and make them come to us,” Lee chuckled, not one to go for that, he was very self serving, but he was so tired he honestly wished it were a real thing.

“The button is the phone and the phone is inside,” Nigel said with a chuckle, then stretched before he made himself move. “Let’s go. We can make it.”

Lee groaned, but crawled out of the tub anyway, leaving their clothes on the deck as he went inside to get the robes. He tied one around himself, and brought Nigel the other. Then, he found the room service menu. “What do you want to eat?”

Nigel tied his robe on, and walked inside with Lee and Bucky, who jumped up to sniff at Lee the second Lee stopped walking. 

“A fucking hamburger if they have one, or pizza, whatever,” he mumbled, watching the dog.

Lee pet Bucky as he looked through the menu. “They have burgers, big fancy looking ones,” Lee said, and then picked up the phone. He ordered that for Nigel, medium rare, and a veggie burger for himself.

“Good,” Nigel nodded, and sat back, heavily, on one of the big, white sofas, arms spread along the side. “Feeling better?”

Walking over to the sofa, Lee sat down with Nigel. “I feel relaxed now.”

Nigel wrapped an arm around his husband, and stared at him adoringly. “Good,” he murmured, as Bucky jumped up to sniff at Lee, mostly his chest and mouth.

Lee pet Bucky to settle him down. “Now if only Bucky would relax.”

“It’s been lots of new shit for him the last couple days, he’ll relax,” Nigel murmured with a little smile, and pet the pit bull with one hand as he leaned against Lee’s chest.

Stroking down Bucky’s head to his back, Lee made sure the dog relaxed against him, if that’s where he wanted to be. “That’s true.”

“He’s doing pretty fucking good, considering he was in a shelter a few days ago. Right, mutt?” Nigel asked, and Bucky answered by sighing and laying down across their laps, together. 

“He’s come a long way since then,” Lee sighed, happy to have the heavy dog in his lap, an anchor and protection when Nigel wasn’t near.

Nigel seemed surprised that Bucky would lay on him, and petted him, with surprising care. “He’s a good boy.”

“He is,” Lee said, and just as he rested his head against Nigel’s shoulder, a knock at the door came.

Nigel rose to open the door and pulled a silver cart in with two covered dishes on it, and a complimentary bottle of champagne. “Smells good,” he said, after tipping the server and closing the door, locking it.

Lee stayed where he was and smiled, leaning over as the tray was wheeled over and took his veggie burger off the tray. “Free champagne?”

“It comes with the honeymoon suite,” Nigel said, after reading the card that came with it. 

“Nice of them,” Lee said, leaning over Bucky to eat his burger.

Nigel set the bottle aside and sat down to eat his own burger as he watched Bucky smell the air and lean toward him. “I’m only his friend when I have meat.”

Lee chuckled, covering his mouth as he chewed. “That’s not true.”

Bucky sniffed the air a little more and trundled toward Nigel to sit against him with big green eyes that gazed at the burger. “Fucking look at this.”

“You have the meat,” Lee said, eating his veggie burger in peace, smiling over at Nigel knowingly.

Nigel looked from Lee to Bucky, who was sitting patiently, and tore off a bit of the patty to give the pit bull. Bucky ate it, quickly, and then laid next to Nigel, head on his leg. 

“He can be bought…”

“Not that we had to, he was already fond of us,” Lee said and finished his food, hungrier than he realized.

“Fond of you,” Nigel corrected, and gave Bucky a little more hamburger as the dog snuggled next to him.

“Not at the moment,” Lee said and set his plate back on the silver trolly.

“Maybe we should put some kibble in a dish for him,” Nigel said and got up with his plate to find a bowl large enough. He dumped some expensive wax fruit out of a silver bowl, then filled it with dog food and set it down.

“I’ll get him some water,” Lee said getting the other dish and filling it in the bathroom sink.

Bucky buried his large head in the bowl, eating happily, and sniffed Lee’s face and chest again when he put the water down. 

“He keeps doing that…” Nigel said with concern.

“He’s affectionate,” Lee said petting Bucky’s head softly, and then stood.

“But smelling your chest and mouth like that, maybe he smells something wrong,” Nigel suggested, still concerned.

“Maybe,” Lee sighed, brows knit together as he rubbed his chest. “It was tight earlier in the tub.”

“Tight? Tight like fucking how?” Nigel asked, arms folded over his own chest as he looked at Lee. Nigel’s throat moved as he swallowed, he didn’t want Lee fucking _sick_ during their honeymoon.

“Like it had been before I coughed earlier. It's got gone now. If anything, it's the start of a cold.” Lee walked over and wrapped Nigel up in a hug.

Nigel wrapped his arms around Lee, slowly, and sighed, heavily. “Probably all the stress from those bastards following us here,” he grumbled, protectively, and rested his cheek against Lee’s hair.

“Probably,” Lee agreed, resting his chin on Nigel’s shoulder.

“I’ll call and see if the hotel has a doctor, or something,” Nigel said, as he rubbed Lee’s back with one big hand, through the robe.

“Better safe than sorry?” Lee asked, nuzzling into the side of his neck.

“Yeah, I don’t want you to feel shitty for the rest of our vacation,” Nigel said, and rocked Lee a little.

“I don’t feel bad,” Lee whispered, taking a deep breath, tight, but not as bad as it had been.

“Maybe I just worry, then,” Nigel admitted, quietly. He had never worried over anyone since his mother.

“I’m fine. I can take care of myself, so you don’t need to worry. Okay?” The last thing Cal-- _Lee_ \-- wanted to do was worry his husband, Nigel deserved to rest, too.

Nigel just grunted a little at that, and didn’t let go. “Do you need to sleep?”

“I feel better after the hot tub and good meal,” Lee said, nuzzling into his neck once more. “What about you? Tired? Or do you want to go explore a little?”

“We could go out and see what’s around. If we find a doctor’s office, we could go in,” Nigel suggested as Lee nuzzled him.

“Okay. There’s a lot of galleries here I’ve been dying to see,” Lee confessed.

“Galleries?” Nigel asked, confused. “Shooting galleries?” 

“Art,” Lee said, sliding his hand inside Nigel’s robe to stroke his chest with his fingers. “I studied art for a little. Used it as research, but… it might be nice to enjoy it.”

Nigel sighed at the way Lee touched his chest, smiling a little, distracted. “How the fuck do you use art for research?”

“I used it to deepen my understanding of the human condition. I wasn’t allowed to like art, so I had excuses,” Lee said with a little smile, mischievous.

Nigel smiled, sadly. “You can like whatever the fuck you want, now. Let’s get dressed.”

“Exactly.” Lee shucked off the robe and laid it over the sofa before going to unpack their things from the suit case, tossing out a few things for Nigel as he went.

Nigel took whatever Lee tossed for him and put them on. “Are they going to let Bucky into these places?” Nigel asked, with a look at the dog that followed them everywhere, even into the bedroom to change.

“I don’t see why not as long as he’s on a leash,” Lee explained. “We aren’t going to let him run around and knock over eight thousand dollar vases.” He pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, the most relaxed he’d ever looked.

Nigel pulled his own shirt on, a tight, white t-shirt that clung to his strong build. He smiled at Lee, and ran a hand through his silvering hair, then walked closer to kiss him. “You look fucking good enough to eat.”

“Again?” Lee asked, growing comfortable with this open flirting with Nigel, feeling able to relax, no one watching him in his office, or the Eye seeing…

“For every goddamn meal,” Nigel smiled, and kissed Lee again, big hands cupping Lee’s face, adoringly.

“I’ll take you up on that later,” Lee whispered, nipping at Nigel’s bottom lip before escaping his grasp to find his sandals.

Nigel sighed with a smirk at that, and watched Lee look for his shoes as he shoved his own feet into boots, and grabbed his shades. “Promise?”

“Promise,” Lee smirked back, and leashed the dog once more. “Come on, Buck.”

Bucky wagged as his leash was put on, and stayed close to Cal, obviously happy to go out with them, something he was getting used to. Nigel held the door of the elevator for his husband and their dog, smiling at them fondly as he snapped a picture with his phone, then shoved it in his back pocket. “What do people fucking do in galleries? Is shit for sale?”

“Usually all the photographs and painting, sculptures are for sales, yes,” Lee explained. “If you have money, you can usually buy anything you want. Mostly, people go to admire.”

“I’ll just look at you, instead,” Nigel said and pressed the button for the lobby when Lee and Bucky stepped in.

Lee laughed at that. “We could do that here.” Though he didn’t mind if Nigel preferred to look at him, honestly, he thought Nigel was a work of art himself, always had.

Nigel shrugged his wide shoulders and wrapped his arm around Cal’s … Lee’s waist, keeping him close. “Either way,” he said, with a smirk, and scanned the lobby when the doors opened, then stepped out with his small, strange family.

“Maybe I should open a whole art gallery of pictures of myself for you,” Lee teased as they exited, keeping his voice low, their conversation between just them.

Nigel chuckled at that, and stole a kiss from the side of Lee’s neck. “I’d fucking love that,” he purred.

“You would,” Lee agreed as they stepped out into the street, into the warmth of the afternoon, the morning far behind them.

The air smelled like orange blossoms, and the sun was out in all it’s glory, beating down on the coastal city below. “Of fucking course I would. Naked pictures?” Nigel asked, hopefully.

Lee blushed, looking down at the sidewalk. “Only if you take them,” he murmured.

“Of course I’d take them,” Nigel purred, and stopped to kiss Lee on the lips, deeply, in the middle of the sidewalk, then took his hand. “Fuck, you’re pretty when you blush.”

“No…” Lee said, rolling his eyes at Nigel, but squeezed his hand.

Nigel pulled out his phone again and took another picture of his embarrassed, smiling husband, and looked at it for a moment before he showed Lee. “Fucking look at you.” Lee was gorgeous. The sun hit his face just right, lighting up his blue eyes that seemed even bluer over the deep pink blush in his cheeks.

“I don’t want to see that,” Lee said, but leaned up to kiss Nigel’s cheek, happy that Nigel adored him as much as Lee adored Nigel.

“Why not? You’re fucking gorgeous,” Nigel muttered, but pocketed his phone anyhow. It was amazing that Lee wasn’t hung up on his good looks, somehow. 

Cal… _Lee_ had been told a lot of things growing up about his looks, but after everything he was just not sure what he believed. “Thank you.”

“Don’t have to thank me,” Nigel murmured as they came to stop at a corner, and waited for cars to pass. “I’m not going to start bullshitting you just because we got married. I’m fucking honest.”

“I know, but I can thank you for compliments, can’t I?” Lee asked, canting his head. “Or what would you prefer I say?”

“Just say-” Nigel thought about it, then shrugged, “that you know,” Nigel suggested with a little crook of the corner of his mouth into a smile that made his eyes crinkle.

“Even if I don’t believe it?” Lee asked, brow raised at his husband, reaching up to touch that smile of his.

“You’ll believe it, eventually, after I tell you enough,” Nigel said, and turned his head to kiss Lee’s fingers. “You’ll get a swollen head.”

“Never,” Lee chuckled, curling his fingers against Nigel’s lips gently. They were so in love it was almost unbelievable sometimes.

Nigel smiled against Lee’s fingers, and once the road was clear, took his hand as they crossed the sunny street. “Just you fucking wait, you’ll think you’re fucking handsome in no time.”

“It’s not that I don’t think I’m good looking, I just don’t see what you do,” Lee said with a cant of his head as they wanted. Bucky was a few steps ahead of them, sniffing around.

“Too bad,” Nigel said, as they walked down the next block together. “But then you’d probably find someone better,” Nigel joked, with a little smirk.

“I don’t think so,” Lee said, looking at the shops and window displays, and then there was a small gallery but they Dali paintings in the window, which made him stop to look.

Nigel stopped and looked at the paintings with Lee, tilting his head at them. “Someone did a fucking lot of acid.”

“That’s what they think, or just a very… vivid mind,” Lee said with a smile up at Nigel. “What do you see when you look at one of those paintings?”

“A … melting fucking clock,” Nigel said, with a tilt of his head. “What do you see?”

“Burning time, slipping through your fingers,” Lee said, laughing a little. “Maybe we do need to be high for you to see it.” “I can fucking arrange that,” Nigel said, and looked at the painting again. “Is this guy who painted this famous?”

“Very famous. Dali was and probably is still very popular,” Lee explained. “You can find prints of his pieces everywhere, harder to find his original work.”

“Is this the same guy?” Nigel asked, nodding to what looked like a colorful sunset, but in the place of the sun was a vibrant red rose. 

“Yes,” Lee said, pulling Nigel inside of the gallery to take a closer look.

Nigel followed, looking around the spare, elegant gallery at the prints they had on the walls. “Pretty fucked up,” he said, with admiration as he looked at a painting of an elephant on long, spindly stilts.

“Some of them,” Lee said, taking a look at various prints they had available, not sure they’d have a place in their home, but he did admire them.

“Get one,” Nigel said with a little nod as he saw Lee admiring the prints. 

“I don’t know…” Lee murmured, shaking his head. “I like them, they’re unique. But…”

“But what? You can get whatever you fucking like. We have the money, it’s not fucking extravagant,” Nigel said under his breath, encouraging Lee to stop thinking the way he thought when he was living in the cult.

“There’s so many, I don’t know which one.” Lee started to pilfer through the prints, head canted as he admired them all.

Nigel stood behind his husband, one hand on his waist as he looked at the art over Lee’s shoulder. “Then get three.”

“Three?” Lee looked back at Nigel. “Where are we going to put three?”

“On the fucking walls,” Nigel said with a little shrug, and looked through the prints. “We’ll get them framed, or some shit, make ‘em look good.”

Lee laughed. There were too many to really decide which were best. “You liked the rose?”

Nigel hesitated, and found the print with the rose, then nodded. “Yeah, I dunno why. Just looks like something I’ve seen when I was doing hard stuff, on a good trip,” he said, as he stared at it. It was a passionate painting, nothing subtle or half way about it, like Nigel.

“There’s one then,” Lee said, fingering through the ones of Jesus, which were nice, but not at all what he needed in their home.

“You pick the other two,” Nigel said, watching the way Lee’s fingers moved over the wrapped prints.

Lee picked out one with clocks and handed it to Nigel as he continued to look through them all. “We could make a whole room of just his paintings, honestly.”

“Whatever you want, baby,” Nigel said as he watched Lee, happily. “It’s your place too, put whatever the fuck you want on the walls.”

Lee looked back over at his shoulder at Nigel. “We’ll start with three.” He picked out the Swans reflecting elephants for the third.

Nigel nodded, and wrapped his arm around Lee’s waist again, “Three is good. We should have a couple brownies and then look at them,” he said, as he tilted his head at the painting of elephants that were really swans on the other side of the water they looked into.

“We may have to, just to see if we get anything else out of it,” Lee laughed, taking them up to the counter.

Nigel paid for all three, and figured they’d get them framed at home, then took the large bag of them, and held the door for Lee. “Someday, when we’re fucking bored.”

“We can make a whole room for just being high,” Lee teased, leading Bucky out, back into the warm Spain sun.

“Yeah?” Nigel asked with the same amused little smile at Lee, looking at him. That definitely wasn’t the sort of idea “Cal” would ever have suggested, back in the cult. “A fucking stoner room with pillows and art and shit?”

“Yeah, big floor pillows, very plain, except for the art,” Lee said with a smile over at his husband. Cal wouldn’t consider that, he hadn’t been _that_ sort of Meyerist outside of his climbing, having wanted to maintain his control for leadership quality.

Nigel leaned over and kissed Lee then and there for the mischievous smile, then nuzzled his face for a moment before he pulled back. “Do you paint art, too?”

“I haven’t painted anything in years,” Lee said, thinking about the last time he painted one of those silly little restitution boxes.

“Why not?” Nigel asked, as he laced their fingers together, and locked eyes with a guy who looked at Lee. The man immediately looked away, head bowed as he walked past them.

“No time to myself,” Lee replied, shrugging. “I’m not that good at it either.”

“Do you fucking like doing it, though?” Nigel asked.

“I don’t recall,” Lee said with a frown. “Been too long to have done it for pleasure.”

“We’ll get you some stuff. You can paint,” Nigel said, decisively, and started to look around like he was going to find an art supply store then and there, and get Lee a shit load of canvases and paints.

“Now?” Lee laughed, it was ridiculous to think they had to get this stuff home at some point.

“Yeah, why not?” Nigel said. He was a creature of impulse, and right now he wanted to get Lee some damn art supplies. 

“How will we get it all home?” Lee canted his head, a man who used to just have the means he needed and nothing else. Actually, he still didn’t need a lot.

“The fucking airplane can carry it,” Nigel laughed, and spotted what looked like some kind of art supply store, then lead them toward it with an air of determination. “Most people fly with more than one bag each.”

“Yeah, but that’s…” Lee sighed, he wasn’t going to argue, it wasn’t worth arguing. “I really don’t need a lot.”

“We won’t get you a fuckton, just some basic stuff, then we can go to the beach, I can get a fucking tan and you can paint the ocean while I have a beer,” Nigel suggested with a little wink as they walked into the small, quaint shop staffed by an old lady and a grey tabby with little white paws.

Lee pet the cat on passing, and Bucky sniffed at it, and kept walking. “So you get to drink beer and tan and I get to drink water and paint?”

“You could have wine, if you want, you seem okay with that,” Nigel said as they looked at a row of blank, white canvases.

“What a pair,” Lee teased, and picked out a few nice canvases, and then went to look at paint. “It’s been a while…”

“Up to you,” Nigel said, taking canvases as he followed Lee. He was relieved that Lee could enjoy wine now and not start pounding it back out of stress like he used to with hard stuff. Nigel picked up a tube of blue, looking at it, then held it up to Lee’s face. “Matches your eyes.”

“Perfect that ocean you want me to paint,” Lee chuckled, and picked up a green, a white, and some browns and yellows. “Maybe some red for a sunset?”

“Yeah, get a fucking bunch,” Nigel said, encouragingly, and showed Bucky a big, fluffy brush, which he sniffed, then tried to bite, very gently.

“Don’t let him eat that,” Lee laughed, shaking his head, and tucked colors into his arm and then grab a set of brushes. “This should work.”

“That’s all you need?” Nigel asked, and teased Bucky a little more with the brush, smiling down at his big jaws as they moved slowly.

“Uhm… A palette I guess, too, for the paints. An… easel?” Lee looked around, and found one of each and set it all on the counter. Somehow they’d get it all back to the hotel.

“What’s a fucking easel?” Nigel asked, and gave the old lady at the till a few bills while the cat sniffed him, curiously.

“A stand to put the canvas on to paint it easier,” Lee said with a little smile. “In case I want to paint somewhere standing up instead of lounging around.”

“Oh…” Nigel said, a little embarrassed, then added under his breath, “so not like that little … rodent-snake that runs around?”

“Weasel? No,” Lee replied with a little grin and took all the bagged up things into his arms.

“Yeah, that didn’t make any fucking sense,” Nigel said and took the biggest bag from Lee, then managed to give the friendly cat a little pet, and held the door for Lee and Bucky.

They walked out once more, and Lee turned to go the way they came, arms thoroughly full of art supplies and new art for their home. “You just misheard is all.”

Nigel just shrugged and nodded, and steered Lee away from a man asking for change on the sidewalk as they moved past him. “Where to now? Clothes? Beach?”

“Let’s drop off what we have and then we can head to the beach,” Lee suggested.

“That sounds good,” Nigel agreed, with a look over at the beach near their old hotel. He was sure anyone trying to bother Lee had given up by now, unable to find them, as he’d checked into the new hotel under an assumed name and was paying in cash.

They got back to the hotel and up to their suite, and Lee set everything up and away from Bucky, so he didn’t chew or tear at the paintings. “To the beach then?” he asked, finding his swim shorts.

“Yeah, going to paint or just going to lay around with me?” Nigel asked as he found his own trunks, and changed into them, then pulled his blue shirt patterned with dogs on over top, and left it undone. 

“Which would you prefer?” Lee asked, changing and pulling on a white button down shirt that he did up, covering his physique.

“Doesn’t matter to me, whatever the fuck makes you happy,” Nigel said, as he watched Lee dress, and moved closer to him to fix the collar of his shirt for him before he stole a kiss. 

“I’ll bring the paints, you can see how bad I am,” Lee sighed, and kissed Nigel sweetly on the mouth. “Something small.”

“You’re not going to be bad at it,” Nigel chuckled, and kissed Lee back, then tossed Lee one of their empty bags to fill with art supplies.

Lee put in a smaller canvas and a bunch of colors and the palette. He slipped his sandals back on. “Did you want to pick up drinks to go? Can we drink on the beach in public?”

“Yeah, I don’t see why the fuck not,” Nigel said, and opened the fridge of chilled drinks, pulling out two beers for himself, and a small bottle of white wine for Lee. “White wine okay?” he asked, “no glasses.”

“That’s fine,” Lee said, sure that it would be just that. “We can… slum it a little.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Nigel chuckled, and put the booze in their bag, then grabbed a bottle of water for the dog, and closed the fridge. “Ready?”

“Yes.” Lee got Bucky by the leash once more, the dog not once complaining with how much they went out.

Bucky seemed to enjoy the outings, as long as he was with them, and there was no excitement. “I think he’ll like the beach. He can lay in the sun for a while, dig in the sand,” Nigel mused, getting more fond of the mutt every day.

Lee laughed, his mind off everything that had to do with the movement, with Steve… all of them, just a blur. “Just be a dog for a little while.”

That was exactly what Nigel wanted, for Lee to be able to forget all that and live his fucking life without the shadow of their influence over him. He took his husband’s hand again and walked toward the elevator to go back downstairs, enjoying the sound of his laughing. “We should bring a ball or something. Do we have one?”

“We didn’t bring one,” Lee shrugged, “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“We’ll have to get him one from somewhere. We can find him a stick or something,” Nigel said, as Bucky leaned against his leg for a moment, affectionately. “He’s warming up to me. Must have been the fucking hamburger.”

“Must have been,” Lee said with a smile as the doors closed and they descended down once more. They opened against and Lee stepped out, leading them all across the lobby and out the back, toward the beach.

Their new, nicer hotel was not as close to the beach as the older one, but it was a short walk, and they reached the sand in no time. Nigel was already barefoot, and sank his feet in the sand as he looked for a spot for them to lounge, hopefully away from the topless sunbathers.

If there were any, Lee averted his eyes completely. “We didn’t bring towels or chairs,” he sighed.

“We can lay on the sand,” Nigel said, watching how Lee very deliberately did not look at the topless women, with a little smile. “Want to go over there? We can rent chairs,” Nigel said, nodding to a spot closer to the water.

“Wherever you want,” Lee said, keeping his gaze down. After all, Nigel had made such a big deal about Cal’s relationship with women that he didn’t need another reason to get yelled at again.

Nigel squeezed Lee’s hand, gently, and walked them to a booth to rent two sun chairs, which he took under arm, then picked a nice spot close to the water, and set them up, attaching Bucky’s leash to one of the chairs so he couldn’t wander too far.

Lee sat down and then through the bag with the paints and brushes and went about setting up his palette with colors he wanted and mixing what he needed. He set the canvas on his thighs. “It’s nice out.”

Nigel smiled over at Cal as he took his shades off and then his shirt, and laid back in his chair. “It’s a beach in southern Spain, Baby. It’s always nice out here,” he said, softly.

Lee smiled over at Nigel, only then realizing he didn’t bring anything to clean his brushes with. He frowned, he’d just have to use different ones for different colors. “A place here wouldn’t be bad then.”

“The first hotel has suites for sale, as homes,” Nigel said, looking over at it. “You could make it as fucking fancy as the other hotel after we bought it, and we’d be right on the beach,” he mused, looking back over at Lee, at his smile. Christ, he would do anything for that smile.

“But the security wasn’t very good,” Lee noted, and started in with some blue paint on the canvas.

“Yeah, true,” Nigel said, as he stretched out, joints popping loudly enough to turn heads before he relaxed again. “Maybe our new hotel sells suites. Better security, still close to the fucking beach…”

“We’ll find something,” Lee murmured, adding in some white over the blue, for waves. “There’s no rush.”

Nigel watched Lee paint, unable to see the canvas, but he looked peaceful while he was absorbed in the task. “No rush. Maybe a nicer place at home, too,” he murmured, and reached down to pet Bucky, who was under his chair, napping, starting to snore loudly.

Lee looked over at Nigel, the sun hitting his eyes just right to light them up. “We’ve got all the time in the world now.”

Nigel reached over and touched Lee’s knee at that, staring at his eyes. “Rest of our damn lives, yeah, but I want to make sure you live somewhere fucking safe. If someone busted in on me, I’d know what to do but I don’t want you to have to worry about that shit when I’m out.”

“You don’t think I can handle myself?” Lee asked, both brows raised toward Nigel, brush paused on his canvas.

“Against an old, unarmed hippie? Yeah,” Nigel nodded. “Against the people I deal with? Probably not, sorry, Baby. I don’t want you to _have_ to handle them.”

Lee’s lips twisted to the side thoughtfully, and he went back to painting his ocean view. “So, teach me.”

Nigel raised his eyebrows at that, honestly surprised. “You want to learn how to shoot?”

“I shouldn’t have to rely on you if I need to protect myself. I don't want to be holed up tight in some castle while you're out, having you worry,” Lee explained, add in some brown and yellow for sand.

“Okay, then once we’re back home, I’ll teach you how to shoot,” Nigel said with a little smile at Lee. 

“Yeah? Not just yanking me around about it?” Lee asked, not fond of guns, but he'd prefer to know everything than nothing at all.

“I don’t yank you around,” Nigel laughed, and stretched out a little more in the sun with a sigh. “You wanna learn? Okay, I’ll show you everything you need.”

“Thank you,” Lee said, admiring his husband with a little smile over at him. “I appreciate it.”

“I didn’t think you’d be interested in guns, or I would have offered,” Nigel said, with a grin.

“It’s not my first choice, but if it makes you at ease to know that I can handle one on my own, Well…” Lee gestured, and set down the paintbrush. “Open our drinks.”

Nigel opened Lee’s wine and put it in the sand next to his chair, then tore the cap off of his beer and sipped it. “It will.”

“Then it’s worth it for me to be a little uncomfortable,” Lee said with a little smile, and picked up the bottle of wine to have a swig.

“I fucking love you,” Nigel said, with a smirk at Lee, and clinked their bottles together.

“I fucking love you, too,” Lee grinned, taking another sip, and set it back down. He went back to his painting, though it wasn’t too good, it was soothing.

“That looks good,” Nigel said, stealing a peek at Lee’s painting. 

“It’s just mushed up paint,” Lee sighed, but smiled back at Nigel with raised brows, letting him see it.

“No, it’s going to look like the fucking ocean,” Nigel insisted, and took a deep breath as a man walked by, smoking.

Lee wrinkled his nose at the smoke, and coughed a little, wafting it away from him. “I guess so.”

“Just make the water part more blurry,” Nigel suggested, squinting at the canvas.

“Blurry?” Lee asked, swallowing down a dryness that crept into this throat, and reached for the wine, taking a long, long sip.

“I don’t fucking know. I’ve never painted shit,” Nigel said with a laugh and watched Lee’s throat contract as he swallowed.

Lee wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and set the bottle down. “I’ll blur them a little, see what happens.” Lee went back to painting, and as he did, he rubbed his chest which started to hurt again, tightening up.

“You okay?” Nigel asked, after a long swallow of his beer, strands of silver hair blowing in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Lee whispered, clearing his throat like he was trying not to cough again. He added in some orange and red for a sunset that was now taking over the sky over and around them.

“Are you fucking sure?” Nigel asked, watching Lee very, very closely, dark eyes trained on him with intense scrutiny.

“The smoke bothered me for a second,” Lee insisted, his own gaze on his paintings, trying not to think of anything else.

Nigel was silent a moment, but then nodded, and relaxed back into his chair. “Okay. After this we should look around for a doctor,” he murmured. It kept slipping their minds as they got caught up in their vacation.

“Okay,” Lee agreed, taking another sip of wine and set his painting down to relax a little in the sun.

Nigel reached over to take Lee’s paint-streaked hand, and held it with a little smile. “Maybe you’re fucking allergic?”

“To smoke? Maybe. Both of my parents smoked, but I never saw them often,” Lee said, quietly, squeezing Nigel’s hand.

“Maybe someone was smoking in our room before we got there and that make you cough?” Nigel asked, grasping at straws, a little.

“I don’t know,” Lee sighed, leaning back in the chair as he looked over at Nigel. “We’ll find out. Might be nothing.”

Bucky woke up and lumbered over to Lee, climbing up into his chair to lay over his lap now that the painting had been set to the side. Nigel helped him up, and laughed. “You’ll have a dog shaped tan line there.”

“Yeah, but that’s okay,” Lee said, petting Bucky until he settled with his head laying right on his chest.

The scarred up, rescued dog grunted at the petting, and gazed up at Lee with the same sort of adoration that Nigel did sometimes. There was no doubt both rescues would kill for Lee in the blink of an eye, if they had to.


	8. Chapter 8

No more coughing, they packed up and went back to the hotel, no other thought about it. Room service was ordered and Lee set his painting on the bedroom balcony to dry, keeping it up away from Bucky in case he felt like a challenge, and then he stripped down to rinse off excess sand.

Nigel looked at the painting with a little smile, and moved it up higher to look at it some more. “I like this. It’s good,” he said back to Lee before he tossed his shades on the bed, casually, while Bucky ate out of the enormous silver bowl in the living room, crunching loudly.

“It’s alright,” Lee shrugged, nude now, he walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on. He had sand in places he didn’t like, and paint all over his fingers.

Nigel stripped out of his open shirt and trunks, and joined Lee, hugging him from behind with a soft smile. “It’s more than alright.”

Lee grinned over his shoulder at Nigel as the water beat down over his chest. “It is now.”

Nigel took the fancy bar of soap on a stone ledge, and unwrapped it, then used it to later Lee’s smooth chest, arms around him from behind. “Not talking about the painting are you?” Nigel whispered.

“No,” Lee whispered, leaning back against Nigel, content to be like this after a rough day, nice to relax and end the day on a nice note.

Nigel kissed the back of Lee’s shoulder as he washed sand from Lee’s torso, from his ass and lean legs. “Good …” he whispered, pressed in close behind his husband.

Leaning his head back, Lee kissed Nigel’s jaw, taking the cloth from him, and turned around, to wash sand out of his hairy chest, even if there wasn’t a lot there. “I love you, you know.”

“Yeah?” Nigel asked, with a low rumble in his voice as their faces lingered close to each other under the spray. “How much?”

“More than the whole world-- the whole _universe_ ,” Lee said with a smile against Nigel’s lips as he kissed him once, hands soaping through his chest hair and then rinsed it off, standing off to the side a little.

Nigel chuckled, and tilted his head to lock their lips together, again, more deeply as he pulled Lee up against him by his hips, already getting hard. “That’s a fucking lot…”

“It is,” Lee whispered, rubbing his palm down between their hips to Nigel’s cock, grinding the heel against his stiffening length.

Nigel grunted softly, and rolled their hips together, his cock grinding against the soft warmth of Lee’s palm. “Still like being married?” he whispered, hands sliding around to palm Lee’s ass.

“So far,” Lee grinned against Nigel’s mouth, and slowly started to stroke him, working him up.

Nigel gave a little shudder, and leaned in closer to Lee, if possible, kneading his ass cheeks. “Still might change your mind?” he teased.

“Never,” Lee said with a shake of his head and then kissed Nigel harder, biting his lower lip. He’d never grow tired of Nigel, no matter how often he thought he might. As Lee progressed into this new person, he knew Nigel would remain unflappable.

Nigel lifted Lee, and pressed him against the shower wall with a hard kiss. The grind of his pelvis encouraged Lee’s legs to wrap around his hips as his arms and back flexed with the lift. Lee was solid, but still lighter than Nigel, by far.

“Mm,” Lee hummed, squeezing his thighs around his husband, ass rubbing against his cock, teasingly.

“You have the ass of a fucking angel,” Nigel moaned, between long, slow kisses, and pressed Lee back against the white marble wall harder so that he could arch his hips a little higher, enjoying the velvety friction of Lee’s cleft.

Lee let out a shuddering breath, head lolling back against the smooth, slick marble tiled wall. Hands scrambled for the ledge, for anything they could use, and he found a bottle of baby oil and handed it to Nigel, never letting their eyes part, dark and lust blown.

“Like they fucking know us,” Nigel smirked, and took the baby oil as he set Lee down for a moment with a feverish kiss, then slicked his throbbing cock with it, generously, and reached around to press his fingers into Lee’s ass.

Keeping his thighs and legs apart, Lee gave Nigel all the access he would need, groaning and grinding down on his fingers the second they came into contact. “Yeah…” Lee whispered, a needy smile spread across his face.

Nigel didn’t waste any time, he opened Lee with his fingers just enough, then replaced them with his well-oiled cock, and moaned against Lee’s mouth as their bodies locked together. Lee grasped his shoulders tightly, hooking one thigh over his hips, squeezing around it to push them further together, to the hilt as he let out a gasp.

“Fuck-” Nigel moaned as Lee pulled them closer together, and leaned in to bite the side of Lee’s throat, sucking at the skin as he started to rock inside him while hot water beat down over them both.

Fingers thread through Nigel’s hair, keeping him there as Lee panted out hot breaths into into the air. “Nigel-” Every limb in his body felt loose and well worn, as heat built through his core quickly.

Nigel grunted and both hands clenched at Lee’s ass as they rutted together, quickly and passionately. “Gonna make me come already-” he gasped, with ragged breath.

Squeezing his ass together, Lee grinned through the pleasurable expression on his face, delighted that he brought Nigel to end every single time, especially when it came quickly. He curled the other leg around Nigel’s torso and leaned his shoulder into the wall, pressing back and down against his husband's thundering hips. “Good, fuck. Nigel-!” Lee’s own end was nearing, heat bleeding fast down his thighs and lower back.

Nigel tried to keep his eyes open and on Lee as long as he could, but his eyes squeezed shut when he felt the orgasm rip through his body, and his cock flood Lee from the inside as he moaned his husband’s name, pressing himself as deeply inside Lee as possible.

“Perfect-” Lee managed, but his ragged moans and breaths made it nearly impossible to speak much else as he followed right behind Nigel, spilling between their stomachs, cock worked over by the ridge of their hard working muscles there.

Nigel felt Lee come, and wrapped his left hand around him as he did, squeezing his cock as Lee coated Nigel’s hand, hot, white liquid running over his wedding ring. Finally, they stopped, and Nigel nuzzled Lee’s throat. “God, I fucking love that…”

“Yeah?” Lee panted, deeply, ragged, trying to soothe his breathing. “Not.. bored… yet?”

“We’ve been married one fucking day,” Nigel chuckled, and kissed Lee’s jaw, over and over again, adoring.

“We’ve been fucking a lot longer,” Lee pointed out, head against the marbled tiles, eyes half closed, blissfully.

“Yeah, and I’m never going to get tired of you,” Nigel whispered, and pulled out, slowly, setting Lee’s feet on the floor.

“Good… ‘cause I’m not going anywhere,” Lee promised, kissing Nigel’s wet and sweaty shoulder. He was all in, everything put into this marriage, and everything else left behind.

Nigel hugged Lee close, and picked up the soap again, cleaning his back, then his chest as he kissed Lee’s lips, slowly and tenderly. “Good fucking thing. Love you too much to lose you.”

“We’ll just have to go down together then,” Lee whispered, head pressed against Nigel’s as their lips softly meshed together under the spray.

“When we’re old and frail, and can’t fuck like rabbits anymore,” Nigel agreed, softly, and reached out to shut off the water as they kissed again.

“Put ourselves out of our misery?” Lee chuckled, reaching outside of the shower for soft, fluffy towels. He dragged two in and wrapped one around Nigel’s hips first.

“Yeah, we’ll have to,” Nigel laughed as Lee wrapped the towel around his hips, and nipped his teeth at Lee’s lips, playfully.

Lee wrapped himself up next, gazing at Nigel through dark, wet lashes. “It’s the only way.”

Nigel thumbed Lee’s lashes, gently, and kissed his forehead. “Seems like it,” he sighed. “Look at those fucking eyes of yours.”

“I can’t, they’re inside my own head,” Lee teased, wrapping his arms around Nigel’s shoulders.

Nigel just laughed, and ran his hand over Lee’s stubble before he kissed him. “I like this on you. You look … softer.”

“Softer?” Lee asked gainst Nigel’s mouth, eyes half lidded as they stayed close, despite their shower being over. Lee couldn’t get enough, never could since the day they met, but he was only now allowing himself to indulge.

“Yeah, softer. Hard to explain how,” Nigel said, as he lost himself in the feeling of just being close to his husband. He was more in love than he had ever been in his life, barely able to remember Gabi’s name.

Cal used to wear his hair shorn, cut to a length he could tug on it, couldn’t have it in his eyes, keeping himself trimmed and proper, every bit military without ever having been in service. A grooming effect, he realized too late, from Steve, an ex military officer.

Lee huffed a soft sigh and kissed Nigel again before slipping out of the shower. “Should I grow my hair?”

“Yeah, it’d look nice,” Nigel nodded, and watched Lee with a sigh, following him. “You can do whatever the fuck you want now.”

“I know,” Lee said, taking his towel off to try his head quickly, smiling lazily over at Nigel. “It’s a strange feeling, yet, to not be tied to routine or the responsibilities of others.”

“Well, Bucky depends on you,” Nigel joked, as he walked out of the bathroom with a stretch, and crouched to pet the dog that had waited outside of the room for them, anxiously.

“He does, that’s true,” Lee said, following Nigel out after hanging the towel back up, meticulously, making sure it was straight.

Nigel looked up at Lee as Bucky stretched up to greet him, obviously too anxious to be separated from Lee for much longer than a hot shower. “He’s probably offended he didn’t get to shower with us.”

“He might be,” Lee said with a little smile and went over to put on clean underwear and then got down on the floor with Bucky, petting him. Bucky’s eyes lit up and he laid on the floor with Lee, eyes closed, obviously relieved he was out of the bathroom. Nigel watched, and put a pillow under Lee’s head where he laid on the floor. “You could pet him on the bed, you know,” Nigel said with a laugh at Lee, and started to get dressed, lazily.

“I could, but maybe he needs someone down on his level, sometimes?” Lee bemused, holding Bucky to his chest as he had out at the beach.

Bucky grunted happily, and nuzzled Lee’s chest, relaxing completely as he was hugged. “Hard to believe that was the depressed dog we saw at the shelter, huh?” Nigel asked, as he opened a beer from the minibar, then took a picture of them where they lay together. He showed Lee how happy Bucky looked now, his eyes closed with utter and complete trust.

“Yeah, amazing what a week will do,” Lee sighed, petting Bucky’s velvety soft head slowly, rubbing little circles into it. “I’m not sure who needs who more here.”

“Should I get on the floor and pet you?” Nigel joked with a little smile, and leaned over them both to kiss Lee’s cheek. Both Lee and Bucky had come a long, long way in only a week. It was stunning to see what freedom could do.

“You can pet me anytime,” Lee whispered, grasping Nigel around the back of his neck for a real kiss. Nigel kissed Lee slowly, and deeply, basking in the happiness of the moment. He’d never been content like this before, like he wanted nothing to change. Everything was perfect right here and now. It was a strange sort of terrifying.

Lee held Bucky with one arm, and then wrapped his other around Nigel to keep him close, pulling him down to the floor with them. “I love you so much.”

“You keep saying that,” Nigel said with a smirk, and wrapped his arm around Lee. The floor was cool, and smooth. It was actually sort of nice in the summer heat. 

“Would you prefer I not?” Lee asked, smiling back at Nigel. He didn’t say it often enough before, and now he felt there was no reason not to, he wanted Nigel to be aware just how important he was to his life, in his life, and all the changes.

“I love hearing it,” Nigel admitted, quietly. Watching Cal change into Lee was like watching something bloom, and open after being shut away in the dark for too long. It was beautiful. 

“Then I’ll keep telling you,” Lee whispered,nuzzling their noses together as Bucky drifted off to sleep on Lee’s chest.

“You say it a lot more, now,” Nigel noted, softly, and laughed as quietly as he could at the dog’s snoring between them.

“I say what on my mind a lot more now, too,” Lee said with a little smile, admitting his closed off stature before. “I want to be more honest with you... open. I don’t want to have to unburden to you, I want there to be clear communication.”

“Was there anything you weren’t honest with me about?” Nigel asked, seriously.

“No, I… just kept a lot in. About Steve, my mom… I… don’t want to do. I don’t want you finding out things and being mad. I want us to be free to be us,” Lee explained.

“You can tell me anything,” Nigel said, softly. “I’m not going to get pissed.”

“Not like earlier?” Lee asked, brows raised as he gazed at Nigel, openly. “I don’t have anything to confess at the moment. I meant in general.”

“I’m not going to get mad like earlier,” Nigel promised, and ran his hand over the back of Lee’s hair, staring at him. “I get pissed when I feel like someone’s trying to keep something from me, or lie to me. I thought maybe you were trying to keep who Mary was from me, like you had feelings for her or some shit.”

“I did once, for a small blip in time, but I realized that the sort of person she is doesn’t work for the person I am. It’s… it’s not healthy,” Lee shrugged, honestly. “I wanted to help her. I hope I did.”

Nigel shifted his jaw, but kept his voice calm, and kept holding Lee, gently. “No feelings left over for her?”

“I have nothing left. I wish her well, and hope her baby is healthy, that’s about it,” Lee said, calmly, their eyes never parting. “I only have room in my heart for you. You take up a lot of space.”

That softened the look in Nigel’s eyes, and he let out a slow breath. “Before I did the fucking math in my head I thought it was your baby,” he confessed. “Then I realized how long those fucking take to grow.”

“She’d have to be pregnant a very long time,” Lee chuckled, softly, and kissed the corner of Nigel’s mouth.

Nigel nodded, and snuggled closer against Lee. “Yeah. I realized that after I was already fucking furious,” Nigel said, and brushed their noses together. “I’m not perfect. I get mad. I’m kind of fucking crazy, I’m shit at knowing about art… I’m probably going to get mad again someday about some stupid shit, I know myself. But I’m going to calm the fuck down, then we’ll just … fucking talk about it.”

“Or fuck first, talk after,” Lee teased, quietly, rolling so the dog was between them, but snuggled up there. Nigel laughed out loud at that, and bit his own lower lip for a moment, staring at Lee. “You’re the only one who’s been able to put up with me,” he whispered, like he was telling Lee a secret. He was terrified that one day, Lee wouldn’t put up with him anymore, and from the way Bucky acted, he was pretty sure Bucky was afraid of the same thing … being left.

“I don’t put up with you. I love you. We learn to love the things about people that most won’t,” Lee explained, smiling a little sadly, that Nigel thought that. “I actually thought you’d get tired of me first.”

“Why?” Nigel asked, honestly, amazed that Lee would think that. 

“The Movement, and my obsession with being there and… and just everything with it. Most people wouldn’t put up with that,” Lee explained, sadly.

“I knew you’d get out of it someday,” Nigel said, quietly. 

“Did you?” Lee asked, seriously. “That was my whole life.”

“I knew. I knew because underneath everything, I could tell you were pissed off,” Nigel said. “There was a sort of simmering rage there, you resented it, you hated something about it and someday you’d hate whatever it was that you didn’t like about that fucking place more than you needed it. I just had to wait. You’re smart, and strong. You just needed some time,” Nigel said, wisely.

“What if I never had?” Lee asked, amazed that Nigel would wait that out.

“I dunno. Never thought about it,” Nigel said, honestly, then smiled. “Maybe I would have kidnapped you.”

“You always said that you would,” Lee laughed. “Fair enough, since I technically kidnapped you first.”

“I owe you one,” Nigel said, with an eye-crinkling smile, and kissed Lee, again. “But I knew you had to decide. I couldn’t make you stop.”

“As I said, you are very patient. You could have waited forever,” Lee whispered, eternally grateful.

“Waiting for you is better than being with anyone else,” Nigel said, with a little shrug, and a soft smile.

“Guess you get to reap the benefits, hm?” Lee asked with a little smile, and hitched a leg over Bucky and Nigel.

“Bet that gorgeous ass of yours I do,” Nigel purred, grinning like the cat who ate the canary.

“Good,” Lee said, and kissed Nigel once more, the dog asleep between them, snoring softly.

***

Lee tossed and turned that night, next to Nigel, sweating into the sheets, soaking through the fabrics. He was panting, curled up to the side facing away from Nigel. 

Nigel felt his fingers slip in the sweat on Lee’s back, and opened his eyes, confused. “Lee,” Nigel grunted, and turned on a light next to the bed to look at him: flushed and soaked in sweat, like he’d run a marathon in his sleep. “Lee … baby, wake up.”

Lee shivered despite all the sweat, and rolled over, blinking sleepy eyes at Nigel, only then aware of the soaked bed and sheen of water across his skin. He was burning up, flushed hot. “What the…” he swallowed, pushing the covers off and slipped out of bed, boxers soaked through.

“You’re sweating, you have a fever or something,” Nigel said, getting up with Lee to feel his hot face before he took him into the bathroom and started to run the shower.

“It’s fine,” Lee said, breathing harder, and admittedly, was burning up and everything felt nice and cool and yet too hot at once. He followed after Nigel. “We should find that doctor.”

“Yeah, we fucking should,” Nigel agreed, grimly. Nigel got the water running just slightly cooler than normal and helped Lee into the shower with a worried expression. “Maybe you caught something at the beach…”

“Could be,” Lee said and took his boxers off, shucking them to the ground as he got in.

Bucky got in the shower with Lee, licking sweat off of his ankle, and Nigel joined them, clearly worried. “Do you feel like you have to puke?”

“I have a headache,” Lee whispered, dehydrated mostly, he was sure of it with as much as he was sweating.

“Yeah?” Nigel sighed, and smoothed his hands over Lee’s hair, then down the back of his neck, and rubbed his back. “I’ll see if the hotel has a doctor they can call.”

Lee leaned his head against Nigel’s shoulder. “Good idea. Better safe than sorry.”

“He’ll give you some antibiotics or some shit, you’ll feel better,” Nigel murmured, and kissed Lee’s temple.

“Probably,” Lee closed his eyes, starting to feel less hot, at least, with the cool water beating down on his back. “Sorry to ruin the honeymoon.”

“You didn’t fucking ruin it, you’re just sick,” Nigel said, and rubbed Lee’s shoulders with both hands. “Maybe you got too much sun or something, you’re not used to it,” he reasoned.

“I’m not? I did garden a lot,” Lee laughed, and then started to cough, his chest squeezing tight, like someone was wrenching a fist around his lungs.

Nigel patted Lee’s back, helping him as much as he could, dark eyes alarmed at the sound of Lee’s cough. He started to realize, with horror, that they should not have put off finding a doctor earlier in the day. 

Lee bent over as he coughed, blood splattering against the marble floor, swirling down the drain, his coughing becoming more hoarse, unable to stop as he used Nigel to help him stay standing.

Nigel swore, and held Lee up, still rubbing Lee’s back as he hacked violently and bright red blood streaked the pristine white tiles. “Jesus fucking Christ, I am taking you to a fucking hospital.”

Admittedly, Lee felt increasingly worse as the moment passed on. He groaned, finally stopping, catching his breath. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Nigel made sure the blood was rinsed off of Lee, then helped him straighten up. “Let’s get some clothes on and fucking go,” he said, quickly.

Lee nodded his head and stepped out, grabbing a towel to dry off, hands shaking as he did, limbs nervously wracked with tension. He got on a pair of shorts and a shirt, sandals, and leashed up the dog; he wouldn’t leave Bucky behind.

Nigel dressed quickly, dried off the dog with a towel, and hovered over Lee, afraid he’d start coughing again. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” Lee said, still a little wet, they all were, but he wanted to figure out what was wrong as soon as he could. Better to deal with it head on.

Nigel led Lee to the elevator, arm around his waist, too unnerved to let go. They rode down to the main floor where Nigel managed to flag down a taxi and held the door for Lee and Bucky, then told the driver to go to the nearest emergency room.

The ride over was quiet, and Lee kept his head on Nigel shoulder. Once there, they piled out, warmth still filling the air despite the sun being down. Lee walked in with Bucky trailing just beside him and Nigel on the other side, getting in line.

The emergency room was, thankfully, not too busy, and once Nigel told the nurse at the desk that Lee was coughing up blood, she led them to a private room right away, and gave Lee a hospital gown to change into. “Please stay in this room until the doctor comes,” she said, as she closed the door and fans came on overhead, to pull air out of the room and filter it. “What the fuck do they think you have?” Nigel asked, looking up at the vents.

Lee sighed, he wasn’t sure, honestly, Nigel knew more than he did about these hospitals. Lee undressed and put the papery gown on, and then sat there, Bucky snuggling his feet. “Better safe than sorry, I guess.”

“Ebola or some shit?” Nigel froze. “Could you have Ebola? How the fuck do you get Ebola?” 

The door opened and a doctor and nurse came in, both wearing protective gowns, gloves, and masks. “Hello, I’m Dr. San Juan,” the female doctor said, and shook Lee’s hand. “You are coughing up blood?” She asked, as she looked Lee over and the nurse began to take Lee’s blood pressure.

“Yes. Twice now in the last few days. I woke up sweating, had a fever,” Lee explained, glad they spoke English.

“Well that’s not good,” the doctor sighed, and looked at Lee’s blood pressure, then nodded. “Have you been coughing a lot lately?” She spoke English, with an accent, but seemed very comfortable with it as she looked Lee over.

“Just off and on, not very often though, the last few days. My chest has felt tight though,” Lee said, rubbing the spot that hurt usually, in the middle of his chest.

The doctor used her stethoscope to listen to Lee’s chest, then moved to his back to listen. “Just breathe normally,” she said through the mask. “Have you lost a lot of weight all of a sudden?” 

“Yeah, he has. In the last week,” Nigel said, answering for Lee. He hadn’t wanted to say anything but Lee had dropped a lot of weight, fast.

“I also had a lot of life changes,” Lee insisted, looking at Nigel, having not really noticed.

“I thought it was just stress,” Nigel said, with an apologetic look at Lee. “You still look fucking great.” “Have you been around anyone with a tuberculosis infection?” the doctor asked, “Or, have you been around anyone else who has had a really bad cough and fever?”

“No,” Lee said, honestly. “Neither, that I know of.”

The doctor felt the lymph nodes in Lee’s neck, then moved down to feel the nodes under his arms. “When you became feverish, did it happen slowly?” she asked, moving around Lee to examine him.

“I don’t know. Yes?” Lee wasn’t sure. “It was worse this morning.”

“I’m going to order some laboratory tests, including a couple where I want you to cough sputum into a jar. I think considering your condition it is best you stay in the hospital until we know what is causing this,” she said, apologetically.

“Stay here? It’s our honeymoon, I just…” Lee dropped his head into his hands, and nodded. “Fine.”

“Are you American? Do you have travel insurance?” the doctor asked, sympathetically. “That won’t be a problem,” Nigel said, solidly. “Money isn’t an issue. Whatever he needs.” He took Lee’s hand, squeezing it.

Lee was starting to feel like a burden, fingers wrenched in over the sides of his head. “We have money, it’s not an issue. I just need to know what’s happen to me…”

“We will be able to tell you more after these tests, and after some blood tests and an xray. I think it is possible you have tuberculosis, which is highly contagious, hence our masks and the special room. It is, however, treatable, but it is important that you remain somewhere equipped to care for you,” she explained, gently, as Nigel rubbed Lee’s back.

“I got it,” Lee explained, thought he had a feeling it wasn’t what they thought it was, a feeling deep in his core that it was something much, much worse.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Nigel assured Lee, softly, unworried about anything but his recovery right now. A tech entered the room with a portable x ray machine, and equipment for a blood draw. 

“We’re going to do a chest x-ray, then take some blood, Lee,” the doctor said, as she headed to the door. “I’ll be back when I have results.”

Lee just nodded, wondering what he’d done to make this happen, what he could do to fix it now. He listened to everything they said for him to do, complying without a word.

Nigel stayed close until the x ray tech asked him to step to the side with the dog as she got Lee to lay on the bed and positioned the machine over him to take images of his lungs, then took his blood while he was lying down, filling several tubes before she gave him a bandaid. 

Finally, she and the nurse left the room after the nurse gave Lee a blanket. “You okay?” Nigel asked, with a heavy sigh, moving to the bed again, worried out of his mind.

“I don’t know,” Lee said, staring up at the ceiling. “It feels heavier than they’re saying.”

“What do you mean, heavier?” Nigel asked, as he pulled a chair up beside Lee, and then let Bucky jump up into his lap to sniff at Lee, and climb onto the bed with him to try and squeeze in at his side.

Lee turned to his side to let Bucky up, and held the dog there as much a comfort to the dog as it was for himself. “Just a feeling, like… it’s bigger than they suspect.”

“It sounds like this is already pretty big,” Nigel sighed, “but it’s treatable. The doctor didn’t say you’re dying or anything,” Nigel said, trying his best to be reassuring when all he felt was a hollow, sinking feeling in his own chest.

“Hopefully not,” Lee said with a smile, watching the look on Nigel’s face. “I’ll be fine. I’ll get some medication, and we’ll go back to the hotel. Finish off our honeymoon.”

Nigel sighed, and shifted in his chair, not convinced. “Just take your time, you need to recover, you can’t just jump out of bed and run all the fuck over.”

“Where am I running?” Lee asked with a little smile, feeling better than before, no longer sweating, not longer feverish.

“I dunno, not anywhere right now,” Nigel said, and touched Lee’s face. 

“I’m only going where you go now,” Lee promised, petting Bucky as the dog rested his head over Lee’s aching chest.

“Good. For now, I’m not fucking going anywhere until you stop coughing up blood,” Nigel promised, and reached over to pet Bucky, slowly.

“And then where are you going?” Lee teased, tired from the sleep he was woken out of, not even sure what time it was now, honestly.

“We’ll see, maybe back to the beach,” Nigel said, not sure how long Lee would have to be in here. Whatever it was, he’d stay with him. He wasn’t going to fucking leave him here alone.

“Without me?” Lee smiled a little and then turned into his arm to cough once more, tiny crimson drops staining his shirt there.

“No, not without you,” Nigel promised, and grabbed some kleenex from a box to give to Lee as he coughed. Bucky licked Lee’s chin, almost frantically.

Lee cleaned himself up and nodded. “Good, I still need to paint you laying there on the beach.” He gave Bucky’s head a reassuring pet behind his ears, and then snuggled him.

“You will,” Nigel said, as Bucky settled down again, against Lee’s side. The door opened and two nurses came in wearing masks, gloves and gowns. “We’re here to take you to your room on the ward,” one of them said in heavily accented English. “It is a private room, so everyone-” she pointed to Nigel and Bucky, “can stay.”

“Are they in danger of getting anything I have?” Lee asked, concerned now, at least for Nigel.

“If they have been living with you already, then no, they would be sick already,” the nurse said, and handed a mask to Lee. “You must wear this for the trip up to your room, then you can take it off.”

Lee put it on, whether he was contagious or not. “Alright.” Bucky sniffed at the mask and huffed.

The nurses pushed Lee and Bucky out of the room on his bed, and Nigel followed as they moved Lee’s stretcher into an elevator, which rose to the fifth floor. Lee was wheeled into a white, quiet room with fans much like the one he’d been put into in emergency. They helped him into a bigger bed, and Nigel moved Bucky, and the nurses left. “This is a little nicer. Bigger, anyway,” Nigel sighed, looking out the closed windows at the moonlit ocean beyond.

“Yeah, for a hospital, it’s not too bad,” Lee sighed, eyes closed as he rested one arm over his face. 

“Tired?” Nigel guessed, as he pulled a big armchair closer to Lee’s bed, and sat in it, leaning back with his thighs spread. 

“Yeah. I’d prefer answers over sleep though,” Lee said, turning his head to look over at Nigel, peeking out from under his arm with drowsy eyes.

“Soon, I fucking hope, or I’ll start wringing some fucking answers out of someone,” Nigel promised, and took Lee’s hand, careful not to dislodge his iv.

“Sooner we get some treatment the sooner we get out,” Lee sighed, and looked at Bucky. “He’ll need his food and water, to be taken out…”

“Just sleep, I’ll take care of all that shit,” Nigel assured his sick husband, rubbing his hand as he tried hard not to look too worried about the sudden twist in their plans.

Nodding his head, Lee closed his eyes again and curled up to one side, head on the pillow. “Wake me if they come in with results, please.”

“Of course,” Nigel promised, his own eyes anything but heavy. He hid it well, but he was wracked with adrenaline, even behind his carefree smirk that he did his best to wear for Lee’s sake.

Lee reached for Nigel’s hand. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. Don’t be dramatic. You’re not dying,” Nigel said, and leaned forward to kiss Lee’s lips, softly, his own chest feeling a little tight just then.

“I never said I was,” Lee sighed. “You seem tense, I was trying to lessen it.”

“I know, I know, sorry,” Nigel sighed in return, and palmed Lee’s cheek. “I love you too.”

“Just a hiccup, we’ll get back to our new life,” Lee insisted.

“I know. It’s going to be okay, just a fucking blip,” Nigel agreed, even if he wasn’t sure about that inside. He berated himself, silently, for not making Lee see a doctor sooner, but they were so caught up in their honeymoon. Fuck. 

“Exactly. I’m fine, you’re fine. Bucky’s probably fine,” Lee laughed, trying to make light of it all, even if things felt far from.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be fucking fine,” Nigel agreed, and leaned over to kiss Lee, softly. “Go to sleep.”

Eyes drooping, Lee finally let them shut completely before dozing off, Bucky snugged in tight next to him.


	9. Chapter 9

While Lee slept, Nigel went back to the hotel and returned with their things, since he intended to stay with Lee as long as he was in here. Nigel stayed awake, almost all night, staring at Lee as he slept, then fell asleep in the big chair with his phone on his chest after trying to read about tuberculosis. This time Nigel wore a yellow medical gown over his clothes, and had a mask on, but had torn it down so that it hung around his neck as he slept. 

When Lee woke again, all he saw was what Nigel was wearing, and smiled a little, rubbing Bucky’s belly before stretching. He reached for the water left on the side table there to take a drink.

Bucky stretched and grunted, then snuggled into Lee’s side a little more, definitely not an early riser. Nigel opened his eyes, slowly, and smiled at Lee. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Lee said, taking a drink, one arm around the dog, petting his back.

“Maybe whatever they’re giving you is helping,” Nigel said, hopefully, as he put his phone to the side and sat up straight.

“Maybe,” Lee said, though his chest was still tight, he felt as fine as he had before the whole thing happened.

“The nurse said when you have to cough to cough some into those two containers,” Nigel said, and pointed to two sterile, screw top jars on the table next to Lee. “They’ll send them somewhere and we’ll know what you have for sure.”

“Of course when I need to I can’t,” Lee said, but sat up, and swallowed another drink of water. “She said it would be easier after you sit up straight in the morning, shit shifting around in your lungs or something,” Nigel said, and watched Bucky hop off the bed to go eat some kibble.

Lee sat up a little more, and then cleared his throat, setting the water down. Sure enough, the need to cough came and he took one of the little containers and hacked up something gross and bloody into the cup.

Nigel made a face, but patted Lee’s back with one wide hand. “Good, get it out,” he murmured, even if he hated seeing Lee cough like that.

Lee spit up a little more and then cleared his throat again, capping the cup. “Hope that’s enough.”

“If you have more, there’s another one,” Nigel said with a yawn, nodding at the second container before he stretched in his chair.

“Do they need that much?” Lee made a face but washed down the rest with some water and set the cup aside.

“That’s what she said,” Nigel said with a shrug, and got up to walk a few steps and stretch. 

“One cup should be fine for now,” Lee sighed, watching Nigel, worried what this was doing to him, rather than what was actually wrong with himself.

“I read about all this shit. It sounds pretty intense,” Nigel said, looking out the window as Bucky jumped back up, onto the bed.

“What if it’s not that?” Lee asked, making room for the dog once more, rubbing his hands into his soft, short fur.

“I don’t know what the fuck else it could be,” Nigel said, quietly. He hated the feeling of not knowing. This wasn’t one of his strong points, he had to rely on people who knew more about this, and that was an uncomfortable feeling.

“It’ll be fine,” Lee reassured and reached his free hand out to Nigel. “ _I’ll_ be fine.” Nigel moved back to the bed, and sat on the edge of it, taking Lee’s hand in his own. “Yeah, I know,” he murmured. His dark eyes were bloodshot, tired.

“You need to sleep,” Lee pointed out, rested himself, though still tired, exhausted, he knew Nigel wasn’t going to rest much until they were out.

“I fucking slept,” Nigel said as a nurse came in, gowned and masked up, with Lee’s breakfast. She set it down on a table close to him, then checked his fluids in the iv and took his lab sample away.

“Thank you,” Lee said to her, and once she was gone he looked at the food. “So personable.”

“Super fucking cheerful,” Nigel said with an eyeroll. “They keep telling me I have to put this fucking mask on my face. I told them I’ve been breathing around you all week. If I’ve got it, I’ve already fucking got it.”

“We’d be sick together,” Lee said poking at the food with a sigh.

“So? I’ll be here anyway,” Nigel said, and looked back at Lee. “You need to eat.”

Lee huffed, and forked some of the eggs into his mouth, making a face. Nothing like things Nigel made. “It’s not very good,” he said, trying to force it down with a few swallows and some water.

“If the room came with a fucking kitchen, I’d make something better,” Nigel chuckled, and raked a hand through his hair.

“I know, it’s fine, I’ll manage,” Lee said, and ate some more, albeit slowly. “Have you eaten?”

“I grabbed something at the hotel while I packed,” Nigel said, not in the mood to eat.

“Did you really?” Lee asked, eyeing Nigel. He wasn’t in the mood either, not with everything, and definitely not this food.

“Just something small,” Nigel said with a shrug. He actually finished the fries from his burger earlier.

Lee merely nodded, not pushing it while he did push his eggs around the plate, and opted to eat the toast instead. “Did they say how long this would take?”

“A few days at least,” Nigel sighed, and cracked his neck. “You need antibiotics through that line for a while.”

“They’re treating me without even knowing what I have?” Lee asked, brows furrowed.

“I don’t know, they’re giving you something, but I don’t know what,” Nigel said and looked at the bags running into Lee’s arm.

It seemed strange to Lee, but he’d never really been to a real doctor either. “Hopefully it’ll be treating whatever I have…”

“Should I get another doctor? Someone to check all this shit?” Nigel asked, out of his depth.

“I don’t know. I… was never taken to a doctor as a kid. We treated on sight when possible,” Lee explained, quietly, not wanting more questions.

Nigel sighed, and nodded. “I didn’t see a doctor until I was shot in the leg when I was seventeen,” he admitted. “Were you ever sick?”

“No, we were pretty self contained for the most part. The children of the movement these days get vaccinated because we send them to public school,” Lee explained.

“Did you go to public school?” Nigel asked, moving back to the bed from the window, and sat near Lee, then helped Bucky settle back beside Lee, without laying on his iv lines.

“Yes, after a while. Law made them send me for a while, but then homeschool became a thing, and I stayed in the compound,” Lee explained, thinking back to that. “Got my GED early.”

“Did you like it? Going to school?” Nigel asked, curiously. Neither of them really talked about their childhoods too much. It was nice to know things about his husband.

“I don't recall that much,” Lee said with a little frown. Most of his childhood was a big blur. “I liked the other kids.”

“I didn’t like other kids,” Nigel said with a soft chuckle. “I quit school when I was young. I had to make a fucking living.”

“And you’ve done really well for yourself,” Lee pointed out and set the tray of food aside.

“Sure as shit didn’t start that way,” Nigel.chuckled, and took an apple from Lee’s discarded tray.

“The hard work has made you who you are, which is someone I love,” Lee pointed out, resting back against the pillow.

“Yeah?” Nigel asked with a smile, blushing softly at Lee when he said that.

 

“Yeah. I married you, didn’t I?” Lee took another sip of water, and then reached out to touch Nigel’s knee.

“You did,” Nigel smiled, and leaned over to kiss Lee on the lips. “You’re fucking stuck with me.”

Lee laughed. “I’m not stuck. I’m happily partnered.”

“If that’s what you wanna call it,” Nigel said with a smile, doting on his husband.

“You think you’re _stuck_ with me?” Lee asked, head canted, curiously.

“Why the fuck would I be stuck with you? You’re the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me,” Nigel grumbled, softly.

“Then don’t say I’m stuck with you,” Lee argued, brow furrowed.

“Fine,” Nigel said, and squeezed Lee’s hand in his. “Neither of us are fucking stuck.”

“Thank you,” Lee said and brought Nigel’s knuckles to his dry lips to kiss them.

Lee’s lips were heartbreakingly dry. Nigel swallowed, and poured him some water. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Lee said again and took the water. “I hope all this is worth it.”

“What, you living?” Nigel asked as he sat in his chair again and stretched his long legs out in front of him. 

“Being here on our honeymoon. I hope they find something and we aren’t just wasting time here,” Lee sighed, watching Nigel. “I’d rather be spending it with you, out there.” He gestured out the window.

Nigel opened his mouth to reply, but there was a knock on the door. A new doctor, a tall man with dark hair stepped in. “Hi, I’m Doctor Santos. I haven’t had the chance to meet you, yet, Lee. How are you doing?” The doctor was not wearing a mask, or a gown.

“I’m okay, all things considered,” Lee said, eyeing the man suspiciously. “You don’t look half as worried as everyone else has coming in here.”

“That’s because you don’t have tuberculosis. I had your sample done stat. There’s no sign of anything infectious,” he said, as Nigel eyed the suspiciously good-looking spanish doctor with a little sneer.

“Then… what is it?” Lee asked, looking at the IV line in his arm now, which really was all for nothing.

The doctor walked to Lee’s IV and shut it off, then wrote something in the chart in his hand before he sat down. “If there is no infectious cause, and you haven’t had any trauma to your lungs it has to be something non-infectious, but powerful enough to affect your lung tissue. I had the rest of your sample sent to a lab at another hospital to test for cancer cells. The symptoms are almost identical and without lab results, it’s virtually impossible to say which is going on.”

“Cancer?” Lee paled, balking at the very idea since since everything the Movement was about was to be pure and clean and avoid those sorts of things.

Dr. Santos put Lee’s x ray up against the window, letting the sun shine through it. “These are your lungs. This stuff, here … this is damage. It could be damage caused by a serious infection, like TB, or it could be tumors,” he explained, and gave Lee a sympathetic look. “Have you ever smoked?”

“No. My parents did, but they didn’t… they didn’t raise me, I wasn’t around them,” Lee said quietly, a small furious anger boiling up inside himself that he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“Were you exposed as a very young child?” the doctor asked, as Nigel reached over and touched Lee’s hand, warming it. “Did you have a lot of sun exposure growing up? When was your last physical?”

“I was, probably, I was five or six when I stopped living with them,” Lee explained, squeezing Nigel’s hand so he didn’t tear his own apart. “I lived at a compound, we did everything outside, we built houses and gardened… lots of sun exposure.” Lee laughed, shaking his head. “It’s probably been twenty years since my last real physical with a doctor.”

“Twenty?” the doctor asked, surprised, and looked Lee over, his arms, his legs, any skin he could see. “Do you have any moles? Any that you’ve noticed changing?” Nigel froze, and squeezed Lee’s hand back. “He’s got one on the back of his neck. I thought it was a birthmark…”

“What?” Lee looked at Nigel, of course he wouldn’t be able to see it himself, and Nigel was the only one who’d ever seen him uncovered enough to notice. “What’s…”

“Your mark on the back of your neck,” Nigel explained, with a sinking feeling. “I … thought you knew it was there. I thought it was a birthmark or something,” he repeated, going pale. 

The doctor stood up. “Do you mind if I take a look, Lee?”

Lee sat forward, pushing the gown down far enough for the spot to be seen, but Lee couldn’t see it over his shoulder, directly in his blind spot. His gaze shifted to Nigel as the doctor had a look.

Nigel swallowed, and watched the doctor as he looked at the raised, reddish brown mark on the back of Lee’s neck. Sure enough, it looked like a dark birthmark, a little irregular, and on the large side but nothing anyone without training would look at twice. “Oh,” the doctor said, with a carefully neutral tone, and palpated the spot with his finger. “Does that hurt?”

Lee shook his head slowly. “Not at all.”

“Did you get a lot of sunburns here as a kid?” the doctor asked, and took a photo with his phone, then showed Lee, so that he could see it. It looked so harmless.

Lee looked as he thought back, shrugging. “Yeah. The Movement wasn’t a stickler on sunscreen, nothing with chemicals in it.”

“Movement?” the doctor asked, with a little confusion. “He grew up in a … group,” Nigel said, “sort of a commune thing. Hippies,” he muttered. 

“Okay,” Dr. Santos said, with a nod, chewing his lower lip. “So, no doctors, no sunscreen.” He jotted that in Lee’s chart with a sigh.

“We had doctors in the Movement, on and off,” Lee explained, “but I never saw them unless I was sick.”

“And no one ever mentioned the back of your neck to you? It looks pretty normal, to the untrained eye. A medical doctor would notice, but I wouldn’t expect anyone else to think it was unusual,” Dr. Santos said, meeting Nigel’s eyes, trying to make sure he didn’t blame himself for this. “At any rate, let’s get a biopsy done, and we’ll see if we can get some answers by tomorrow. Are you still coughing a lot?”

“Earlier,” Lee sighed, knowing full well this was his fault, he was in a hippie community that didn’t condone vaccinations either.

“Given that you’re not infectious, and you’re not having any difficulty breathing, I think we can discharge you from staying here overnight,” the doctor said with a sigh. “We’re going to do your biopsy this morning, and we’ll go from there. Where is it that you live? I should forward all this to your general practitioner.”

“I don’t have a general practitioner,” Lee said, giving Nigel a look. “I live in Romania right now. We’re staying in a hotel across town though.”

“We’re going to stay here as long as Lee needs help. Romania’s got shit for doctors. I don’t want them touching him. We’ll pay whatever the fuck we have to,” Nigel said, bluntly. “Okay … I should warn you that paying out of pocket may be-” the doctor tried to warn them, but Nigel cut him off with a stern, penetrating look. “Money’s not a fucking problem.”

“We have it,” Lee explained, still letting everything sink in.

“Okay, then we’ll do your treatment here, if you need it. I’m going to go talk to a dermatologist and I’ll be back soon,” the doctor said, standing.

“Thank you,” Lee said, waiting for the doctor to leave to rub his palms into his eyes. _Treatment_.

Nigel let out a long breath when the doctor stepped out, and stared at the blanket over Lee’s legs for a moment, speechless. “I kept the suite, we can go back there.”

“Or find that place to live. Treatment for this -- if it’s this-- could take a long time,” Lee sighed, only knowing so much, but there was enough information out there that he knew cancer wasn’t just something that went away easily.

“Yeah, one step at a time,” Nigel said, feeling numb all over, his voice a flat monotone as he tried to process the news.

Bucky stood on the bed, and nudged Lee’s face, trying to help.

“There could be tons of people in the Movement who are this sick. I mean, Steve had cancer, why wouldn’t we consider someone else could…” Lee huffed, but pet Bucky, getting him to sit down again.

“Look, I just … I don’t give a shit about anyone else. Anyone else isn’t my fucking husband,” Nigel sighed.

“Sorry,” Lee said, ducking his head a little. Cal was used to worrying, for wanting the best.

“Don’t fucking apologize. It’s not your fault you couldn’t see a real goddamned doctor,” Nigel muttered.

“I’m an adult, if I wanted to, I could have,” Lee sighed, rubbing his temples with his fingers.

“You didn’t fucking know,” Nigel said, seething. He wanted to put his fucking fist through a wall.

“We will deal with this. I'm sure it's treatable,” Lee insisted, finding he had to be optimistic sort here or they would both flounder.

“It’s not fucking fair!” Nigel spat, angrily, pacing the length of the room.

Lee went to open his mouth to say something, but found himself reverting right back into a phase of his life that he felt useless. He was angry, too, but there was nothing in the moment he could do, and getting angry wouldn’t help either of them. He pet Bucky’s head instead, trying to soothe himself.

Nigel stopped himself, and looked at Lee, then took a deep breath as Bucky laid over Lee, protectively. “Sorry. I’m pissed. It’s not your fault,” Nigel said, his throat tight.

“We can be pissed or we can try to be positive about this,” Lee offered, though he was getting agitated himself at the situation. He didn’t need to melt down, not in front of Nigel.

Nigel let out a slow, long breath, and set his jaw. “Are you … okay?”

“I probably, most definitely, have cancer,” Lee said, keeping his hands on the dog. “How do you think I am?”

 

Nigel sighed through his nose, and sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees. Silent for a long moment, he stared at his hands, at the ring. “Let’s buy a place here.”

“Yeah?” Lee asked, quietly, wondering if Spain were even the best place to do this, but they were here now.

“In that first hotel, the one on the beach,” Nigel said, “or we’ll stay wherever the fuck you want,” he said, starting to feel like if he could just make Lee happy enough, maybe … maybe this would be okay, maybe whatever fucking cruel joke god played on them would be over.

“They’ll find us there,” Lee sighed, but shrugged. “But they might have given up that search.”

“Then I’ll get someone to look for us, get somewhere safe, somewhere close to the beach where you can sit and paint when you … feel like it,” Nigel said, through a tight throat, and looked away.

Lee moved over to make room for Nigel on the bed with him and Bucky. “Come here.”

“I’m fine,” Nigel said, flatly, but moved closer to Lee and sat next to him, still not looking at him, eyes wet. 

“Are you going to be ‘fine’ and not meet my gaze through this whole thing?” Lee asked, starting to feel disheartened. Nigel shifted his jaw, then turned his face to look at Lee, and felt the tears start. He took a ragged breath, trying to keep it together, then hugged Lee with both arms, holding him close as he buried his face in his short hair. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Lee said, curling every limb around Nigel as Bucky leaned up against his side.

Nigel hugged Lee harder, his fingers digging into the hospital gown as he cried into his hair. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried like this, but he was so angry, so fucking upset, that he couldn’t keep it in. If he couldn’t hit something, he had to … it just had to come out. 

Lee sighed softly into Nigel’s hair as they held each other, Lee holding the other man more than anything else, soothing him with his hands down his back and shoulders. “No matter what, I love you, Nigel.” Nigel had changed Cal, for the better, had believed in him, had shown the once movement leader his true colors.

Nigel nodded, and kissed Lee’s temple with tear-wet lips, then sniffled, trying to get himself under control. “I love you too,” he whispered, ashamed of himself for being a pussy and breaking down. He should be the strong one right now, but his throat felt like there was something clawing at it from the inside, making it impossible not to gasp.

Lee didn’t mind, the news was still sinking in for him, so for now, he’d be the rock for them both. “You’d better.”

“Of fucking course I do,” Nigel whispered, still clutching Lee to his chest, tightly, arms locked like rock around Lee’s back. “It’s not fucking fair,” he managed, and took a deep breath.

“It’s not. But, we're going to be fine,” Lee said, calm for now.

Nigel knew someday, they would have to lose one another to death. He did not think, however, that it would be this early. He closed his eyes, listening to Lee’s voice, and kissed his cheek. “Yeah, yeah, we will,” Nigel said, decisively, but softly. “I’m going to make sure you have fucking everything.”

“Everything?” Lee asked, quietly, stroking fingers through Nigel’s hair. “I don't need everything.”

“You’ll fucking have it, in case you do,” Nigel whispered, with his eyes closed as his breathing calmed.

“Okay,” Lee whispered, not in the mood to argue. “I'm going to be fine.”

“I know,” Nigel whispered back, and kissed Lee’s lips, softly.

Lee smiled against Nigel’s lips and held him even tighter. “This is just an extended honeymoon.”

“What a fucking honeymoon,” Nigel whispered, but had calmed down.

“We're together, that's all that matters,” Lee whispered back and kissed Nigel deeper.

“And we’re going to fucking stay together,” Nigel said, thinking something over as he looked at Lee. “We need a house.”

“Now we’re getting an actual house?” Lee asked, gazing up at Nigel where he lay over him.

“Something quiet, I’m not going to put up with fucking noisy neighbors waking you up with a party if you need to sleep,” Nigel said.

Lee smiled. “You’re very thoughtful.”

“We’re not just going to be here for a couple days, or a month on vacation,” Nigel pointed out and looked at his phone, deciding who he could call to get the money he’d hidden from everyone from Romania to Spain.

“That’s true. I have money now, we can use that,” Lee said, decidedly.

“I’ve got money,” Nigel said, quietly, with a look that suggested there was more to that than he was letting on.

“I know you do, but I do, too,” Lee offered once again.

“No, Lee …” Nigel took a deep breath. “I have _money.”_ He locked eyes with Lee and took his hands. “I grew up starving. We were so fucking poor that when my mother was alive, we went days without eating. We lived in the dark, we lived in a car for a while. I never wanted that again,” Nigel said, whispering. “Never. Again. I’ve been hiding money. Big money in the form of gold bricks … in my floorboards.”

“Gold bricks?” Lee’s brows raised a little at that. He knew Nigel had a past, a poor one, but never thought he’d be hoarding. “I… don’t want to take that from you. That’s your security.”

Nigel was a little shifty, uneasy talking about it, jittery letting someone know about the fortune he had hidden from everyone. “A … a fucking house is security. Something good, something for us, somewhere you can fucking get better.”

“If that’s what you want to do, I don’t need much, I never have,” Lee insisted, touching Nigel’s chest.

“You’re going to need more now. Quiet, clean, somewhere you don’t hate,” he said, heart beating fast under Lee’s hand.

“There’s no dissuading you is there?” Lee sighed, but smiled up at Nigel and tugged him down for a kiss.

“No,” Nigel whispered, and leaned in to kiss Lee on the lips, softly.

“Okay.” Lee wrapped both arms around Nigel’s shoulders and kissed him deeper, eyes closing halfway as he hummed, savoring every moment with his _husband._

There was a knock at the door and the doctor stepped in with another doctor. “Is this a good time?” he said, interrupting the kissing couple.

Lee sighed, but kept firm grip on Nigel to keep him there. “Yes, it’s fine.”

“This is Dr. Ang, she’s a dermatologist. She’ll be doing the biopsy of your mole,” Dr. Santos explained while a pleasant looking asian lady shook Lee’s hand. 

“Hi Lee, do you mind if I get you to sit on the edge of your bed there?” she asked, a collection kit in hand.

Lee gently guided Nigel to sitting beside him with Bucky, and then hunched over a little so the new doctor could work. “By all means.”

“I like your dog, I’ve got one like him, but not as big. Little pinch here, sorry, sorry-” Dr. Ang said, chatting away with Lee as she cleaned and numbed the mole on his neck. 

“We rescued him a week or so ago,” Lee explained, wincing a little, fingers dug into Bucky’s fur.

“Sorry, sorry!” The doctor apologized with sincere worry in her voice, and offered her gloved hand to Bucky to smell, which he did, shyly. “There, after that one you won’t feel anything I’m doing back here, okay? If you do, let me know right away.” Nigel watched, closely, looming behind the doctor as she worked.

“Okay,” Lee answered, easing up a little. He wasn’t used to all these doctors, all the needles, the prodding around…

“So what’s your dog’s name?” The doctor asked, as she started to work.

“Bucky,” Lee stated, curling and uncurling his long fingers in Bucky’s fur, eyes on Nigel’s thigh near him.

“That’s such a cute name. I named mine Patch, because he’s missing an eye,” she said and worked to take a little sliver of the mole with a special instrument as Nigel put his hand on Lee’s arm, and moved so that Lee could see he was there. “So how long has this mole been bugging you?”

“It never has,” Lee explained lifting his head a little, careful not to interrupt the doctor’s process. Lee moved his hand to take Nigel’s.

Nigel took Lee’s hand and squeezed it as the doctor put the tiny bit of skin that she had “punched” out of the mole with a very thin metal device into a jar of something that smelled like strong chemicals, and closed it. “There we go. I’ll take this back to the lab, and we’ll get back to you by tomorrow with the results. I’m just going to put a stitch in here for you to keep this closed, and a bandaid over it.”

“That’s it?” Lee asked, surprised. He thought there’d be more to it than that.

“That’s it. I only need a piece a little smaller than a grain of rice,” the dermatologist assured Lee, and patted his shoulder.

“So we can go and you'll call us?” Lee asked, shrugging the gown back of his back and shoulders a little once she was done stitching.

“Yes, you’re free to go. Just make sure to avoid scratching at it for the next little while,” the dermatologist said, and waved goodbye to Bucky, then nodded at Nigel and Lee and let herself out.

“Thanks,” Lee said and looked at Nigel. “Hand me my things?” he asked, sweetly.

Nigel handed Lee his clothes once the doctors had left the room and clapped his hands for Bucky to jump down so that Lee could dress. “I thought they’d have to cut a fuckton out.”

“They’re just checking, I mean, if it’s actual cancer, I’m sure they’ll have to…” Lee shrugged, and pulled the gown off and tossed it on the bed. He got into his shorts once more and then put the button down shirt on.

“They should just fucking do it now,” Nigel rumbled, watching Lee dress as he got their bags.

“I would like to leave here for the time being,” Lee said, and slipped into his sandals once more and gathered up Bucky and the leash.

“Okay. We still have the hotel suite for a couple days,” Nigel said, as Bucky went to the door, excited to go somewhere else with them.

“We can search for houses from there,” Lee suggested, and opened the door, letting Bucky out and then held it with his foot for Nigel.

Nigel kissed Lee’s cheek as they walked through, together, and took his hand with his free one. “And a fucking car. I hate cabs. Fucking creeps drive cabs,” he sighed.

“And a car,” Lee agreed, and smiled. He signed himself out at the desk and lead them out to the front. “Or have yours brought?”

“Thinking about that, yeah,” Nigel agreed, and whistled sharply at a waiting cab, so that it moved closer for them, to the curb.

Lee opened the cab door and slid in, getting Bucky in with him, and then moved over for Nigel. “If we’re going to be here a while, it’s not a bad idea.”

Nigel got in, and told the driver where to go, then sat next to Lee, arm around him. “Not a bad idea at all. We could get something new, a bigger back seat for Bucky…”

“Like what? A truck?” Lee asked, brow raised at Nigel, leaning in against him, gently, careful of his neck.

“No not a fucking truck, he’s not going to ride in the back where he could jump out,” Nigel said, softly, and petted the dog.

“He wouldn't jump out,” Lee insisted. “SUV?”

“Yeah, that could work,” Nigel mused as they rolled through the sunny streets. “Something safe.”

“I’ve only ever really driven a prius lately,” Lee said, not sure what was out there, especially in Spain.

“You’ll get used to it, better in an accident than some little fucking bit of tinfoil with a steering wheel, anyway,” Nigel murmured.

Lee chuckled, lightly, and kissed Nigel’s cheek. “They’re better on the environment.”

“I care about you more than the fucking ozone layer or whatever it’s fucking called,” Nigel said.

Lee snuggled into Nigel’s side, arm around his stomach. “Okay. I won’t argue.”

“Do you like swimming?” Nigel asked, as he pulled out his phone and started to text someone.

“Yes,” Lee said, head canted as he leaned to see who Nigel was messaging.

Nigel looked at Lee and raised an eyebrow at him, “you can read Romanian now?” he asked, amused.

“No,” Lee laughed. “I can’t, so I guess I’m stuck in the dark.”

“Telling one of my guys to go rip up the floor, then get a fucking chopper and fly it here,” Nigel said.

“You trust them?” Lee asked, a little worried. “You wouldn’t want to do that yourself?”

“I got a couple guys I know wouldn’t fucking cross me,” Nigel said. “They know I’ll fucking know, and they know what will fucking happen.”

“Got it,” Lee said, resting a hand on Nigel’s thigh. “So long as you aren’t worried, I won’t.”

“Don’t worry about anything,” Nigel said, and kissed Lee’s cheek as the cab pulled up at the hotel. Nigel paid the cabbie some cash, and picked up their bags, holding the door for Lee.

Lee piled out with Bucky, and stretched once more. “Going to be hard not to worry about anything.”

“I mean anything you don’t have to,” Nigel said, softly, and took Lee’s hand. “I’ll worry about everything else.”

“You just tell me what to worry about, make me a list,” Lee chuckled, reaching to take Nigel’s arm as they walked inside.

“Sleeping, eating,” Nigel said, and let them into their private elevator.

“That’s it?” Lee laughed, breathing a little heavier than he usually might. 

“Breathing,” Nigel added, and held Lee against his side, able to feel his ribs moving.

“Eating, sleeping, breathing,” Lee repeated back. “What about shitting? Peeing?” He grinned up at Nigel, arm around his middle.

“Fine, those too,” Nigel said with a little smile. He was tired, the lines in his face deeper than usual, as were the shadows under his eyes.

“You need to sleep, too,” Lee pointed out, the doors opening to their room once more. “Maybe a dip in the hot tub with me?”

“We could do that, sure,” Nigel said as the door opened. They stepped into the clean hotel room, and Bucky trotted to his dish to eat some kibble.

Lee immediately started to undress, leaving his clothes in a pile by the bedroom door, and then padded out to the hot tub on the deck in the shade. “Good.”

Nigel followed, doing the same, and wrapped his arms around Lee from behind before he climbed into the hot tub with a sigh, and leaned back. The whole episode at the hospital felt like a bad dream.

Lee got in and between Nigel’s legs, leaning back against him, careful not to get too far under. This was much nicer than the hospital. “Relaxing. You need a beer.”

“Yeah, I do. We should train Bucky to get them,” Nigel said, softly, and wrapped both arms around Lee.him.

“I can go get it,” Lee offered, shaking his head, and started to crawl out of the tub once more.

“Thanks, Baby,” Nigel said as he watched Lee get out of the tub, head turned to watch him. Nigel had slept about twenty minutes the previous night, and badly, at that.

Lee returned with a bottle of beer for Nigel and some water for himself, and then got back in. “You should try to sleep after this.”

Nigel pulled his husband into his lap, and kissed the side of his neck as he held him. “Yeah, I will, you should too. How’s your chest?” He kept an ear out for the sound of his phone, in case someone texted about the money.

The stored away money was Nigel’s security, his insurance that he would never be desperate again, that he’d never go hungry or feel the terror of not knowing where he could sleep. None of that was worth anything if he didn’t have Lee.

“Little tight, but it’s not bad,” Lee said, letting Nigel hold him like this while the water soothed aching muscles.

“Good. Seeing you cough like that is …” Nigel struggled to find an English word for it.

“Scary?” Lee asked, resting his head back against Nigel’s shoulder, nose pushed against his jaw. “You weren’t the one coughing it up…”

“I’d fucking rather be the one coughing it up than watch you fight to breathe like that,” Nigel whispered as they nuzzled and cuddled.

“Then we’d just switch places and still be in this position,” Lee sighed, knowing they couldn’t fix this, they had to trust doctors to do their job.

“Yeah,” Nigel admitted, and kissed Lee’s temple, softly. “But I hate watching you fucking suffer. You’ve been through enough.”

“What’s one more?” Lee breathed in deep, holding it for a moment and then let out slowly. No coughing, though, he knew that meant nothing now.

Nigel rubbed Lee’s back with his hand, slowly, and sighed. “Cancer is a fucking big one.”

“We don’t even know if that’s for sure what it is yet…” Lee tried to offer, to make it seem like less, but honestly he was starting to panic a little on the inside. What if this was punishment for turning his back on the Movement?

“No, we don’t,” Nigel said, and could feel Lee starting to tense a little, so he rubbed his shoulders, and kissed his cheek. “We’ll just relax until we know, and then, we’ll fucking handle it.”

“Yeah,” Lee said, chewing the inside of his cheek, rubbing one hand against Nigel’s large, muscular thigh.

“Lee?” Nigel asked, softly, able to see a distant look in Lee’s blue eyes.

“Sorry,” Lee whispered, grasping fingers into Nigel’s flesh for a moment, reassuringly. “Tired I guess.”

“Is it all just … hitting you?” Nigel asked, calmly, as he held Lee to his hairy chest.

“Yeah…” Lee sighed, and tilted his head back to look up at Nigel. “Lucky to have you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Nigel promised, as their eyes met. “I meant my fucking vows.”

“So did I,” Lee murmured, swallowing as he closed his eyes, chest aching for all new reasons of panic now.

“It’s going to be okay. People survive, you will too. You’re going to have the fucking best of everything.” Nigel whispered.

“I just need you,” Lee sighed, breath wavering a little as he did.

“You’ve got me,” Nigel assured Lee, and rested his head over Lee’s, letting him hide against his neck for a moment.

“I love you,” Lee said, meaning every word of that.

“I love you too, Baby. I’m not going to let you go anywhere,” Nigel promised.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning, after not sleeping at all, but watching Nigel sleep instead, Lee fumbled out of bed when he heard the phone go off in the living room. They turned the one in the bedroom off. Lee picked it up before Nigel could wake. It was the doctor, and the results were in, and very positive. Lee said he would be in later to talk it over, once they were up and ready for the day.

Setting the phone down, he wandered out to the balcony with Bucky at his heels. He sat in the middle where the sun beat down just lightly for the morning, and closed his eyes, legs crossed, breathing in and out slowly. This was his life now, and he could embrace it or feel bad for himself.

Nigel woke when he turned to hold Lee and felt a cold mattress, instead. He sat up, and looked around. The bathroom was vacant. “Lee?”

He’d been out on the balcony for about an hour, Bucky just sitting with him. The dog perked up when he heard Nigel, and nudged a meditating Lee with his snout. Lee blinked and opened his eyes, giving Bucky a pet.

“Out here,” he called into the suite.

Nigel wrapped a robe around himself and walked out, relieved to find Lee. “What are you doing?” he asked, groggily.

“Meditating,” Lee answered, looking up at Nigel. “I… needed a, uhm… moment.”

“Coughing again?” Nigel asked, stepping closer.

“No.” Lee shrugged. “The doctor called.”

Nigel froze. Lee wouldn’t need a moment if he didn’t have … oh. “It’s cancer?”

“Yeah,” Lee replied, not getting up, still in shock, but he his heart wasn’t racing anymore, at least. 

“They’re sure?” Nigel asked, and sat on the ground next to Lee. Something about the heaviness, the certainty of the diagnosis now was … ear-ringing.

“They want me to come in and discuss options,” Lee answered, heavily, “I can’t help but feel I brought this on myself.”

 

“How the fuck would you bring cancer on yourself?” Nigel asked, surprised. “You don’t fucking smoke.”

“None of this started until after I denounced the Movement,” Lee explained, looking down at his hands.

Nigel tipped Lee’s face up, so that he looked at him, and stared at him. “This was fucking growing while you were in the movement.”

“Maybe if I… stayed, it wouldn’t…” Lee bit his own lip, trying to control just how emotional this whole thing had made him, and how much he’d been pushing down since yesterday.

Nigel shook his head and cupped Lee’s face with both hands. “It’s not fucking magic. It’s not some sort of fucking punishment. You’re sick,” Nigel said, quietly. “You don’t fucking deserve this.”

“Why me then?” Lee asked, eyes rimming red with tears, swallowing down a lump in his throat.

“I don’t fucking know, because life is a piece of shit sometimes, because it doesn’t make sense. Because good people fucking suffer …” Nigel whispered, keeping his own emotions under control as much as he could. “It doesn’t mean you fucking deserve it, Baby. No one deserves it less.”

“What if there is no treatment? What if this is it?” Lee’s voice trembled, he hadn’t wanted to show all his insecurities here, but there it was, tumbling out of his mouth.

“There’s treatments. We’ll find a way, alright? We’ll find one or we’ll fucking make one, baby,” Nigel whispered, holding Lee in his lap, now, tightly. 

Lee wrapped his arms around Nigel’s shoulders, tightly, burying his face in his neck. “Yeah, yeah of course.”

“It’s going to be hard,” Nigel agreed, and kissed Lee’s forehead. “But we have money, we can get the best, if anyone can fucking make it, you can.”

“Got here somehow,” Lee whispered, taking a deep breath to calm his own shaking body.

“Yeah. You got out of a fucking cult, how many people can do that? Not fucking many,” Nigel pointed out, rocking Lee a little as he realized the full impact of his reality.

Lee was just barely out of the cult, and now he had this, on top of everything else horrible he’d been through and done. “Yeah…”

“It’s gonna be okay,” Nigel whispered, reassuring Lee softly as he rubbed his back.

It was something he’d have to make peace with, Lee knew that, and it might just require he change up his life a little bit more. He held Nigel tighter, hoping he’d stay through all this. “Yeah, yeah it is.”

“I’m going to take care of everything,” Nigel promised, solemnly, their faces together.

“I don’t want you to stress over this,” Lee insisted, calming. If Nigel stressed, Lee usually followed.

“We’re going to just deal with it as it comes,” Nigel promised. “I’m not going to fucking fall apart, okay?”

“You don't have to be strong either,” Lee said, knowing that at some point they were both going to fall apart.

“We’ll take fucking turns,” Nigel promised, softly. They cut a striking image, two men in bathrobes in the middle of a rooftop balcony, alone against the lush landscape around them.

Lee sighed. “Deal.”

“As long as we don’t melt down at the same.fucking time, it will be okay,” Nigel whispered and kissed Lee’s cheek. “I love you.”

“Yeah,” Lee agreed, and rested their heads together, kissing Nigel’s lips softly. “We’ll make it.”

“Want a glass of wine?” Nigel offered, trying to think of anything that might comfort Lee at the moment.

Lee laughed through some tears and nodded his head. “Yes, I do. I think I deserve that.”

“Yeah, I think you fucking do,” Nigel sighed, kissed Lee again, and stood up with him to walk back to the hotel room. 

Alcoholism was hardly an issue where cancer was concerned, at least Lee thought so. “”Will you join me?”

“Fuck, yes,” Nigel agreed as they walked in, trailed by the dog. Nigel picked up the wine list for room service and handed it to Lee.

Knowing not much more about wine than his husband, Lee randomly selected one that sounded luscious. “That one, the Grenache.”

“Got it,” Nigel said, and used the phone to order it, with two glasses. Wine wasn’t usually his thing, but he’d have some with Lee. “Should be here soon. Did they say when they wanted to see you?”

“Yes, to come in when we had time to discuss treatment,” Lee said, wrapping his arms around Nigel, Bucky at their feet.

“Tomorrow, maybe,” Nigel said, as he let Lee lean against him. He didn’t mind if Lee held onto him all day.

“Let us soak it in first?” Lee asked, the day had just barely started here, but putting it off felt like he was wasting precious time.

“Let us fucking deal with it,” Nigel sighed. “If you want…”

“I just want to know what’s going to happen now, I’ll… get anxious all day _thinking_ about it,” Lee explained, gazing up at Nigel.

“Like, what you have to have done?” Nigel asked, and sat on the messy bed.

“Yeah,” Lee said, crawling over Nigel, straddling his thighs, hands on his shoulders as he gazed down at him.

“We could ask. Make them fucking tell us so you don’t stress,” Nigel offered.

“That’s the point of going in,” Lee said, but if they wanted to phone it all in, he would do that, too. Maybe that was easier, and just set everything up. “Maybe they would do a phone appointment.”

 

“Up to you. You’re the patient,” Nigel said, and palmed his hand over the soft, short hair at the back of Lee’s head. He tried hard not to imagine it bald.

“I don’t know which is better. I’ve never dealt with doctors like this,” Lee explained, resting his head against Nigel’s.

“Neither have I. The most a doctor’s ever seen me was when you flew me to the states,” Nigel admitted, and swallowed. “This makes me fucking wish I knew more about it.”

“Is being here the right choice for treatment?” Lee was mostly musing the question, not even sure that the States had anything better than Spain.

Nigel thought about it for a moment, thinking it over, hard. “I don’t know. I don’t fucking know where has the best treatment. We could ask. I think I should get a doctor, like just fucking pay one who knows his shit, and he can tell us what’s best, where to fucking go,” Nigel said, seriously.

“We could research it,” Lee offered, nodding to Nigel’s phone, since he didn’t have his own yet.

Nigel nodded, and looked up when Bucky barked at the door, and ran to it to guard against whoever was there. “Just wait, mutt,” Nigel said, handing his phone to his husband with a kiss before he went to get the wine. “Go ahead, search world’s best cancer hospital, we’ll see where that fucking is and go from there.”

Lee took the phone and rolled to his stomach, doing a quick search. “One of them is here in Spain,” he called out, “Or we can head back to the States…”

Nigel held Bucky back with his foot as he took the wine and then closed the door and tossed the dog a treat for being a good guard. “I’m not taking you to some shitty clinic just because it’s in Spain,” Nigel said as he used the corkscrew to take the cork out, forearms flexing. “What’s the _best_?”

“Texas, it’s in Texas,” Lee answered, ankles crossed in the air as he clicked the website to look it over.

Nigel walked over and poured a glass of the fragrant red wine for Lee, then handed it to him. “Texas?” Nigel asked, surprised. “In the world? The whole fucking world? Texas?”

Lee handed the phone over for Nigel to see and took the wine in hand, sitting up. “That’s what it says.”

Nigel took the phone, and sat on the bed, reading. “It’s won a shitload of awards,” he murmured, scrolling through with a shift of his jaw. 

Sipping his wine, Lee wrapped his free arm over Nigel’s shoulders to read with him, chin rested up against him. “That’s a good sign.”

Nigel kept reading, and shifted his jaw, thoughtfully, grinding his teeth a little as Lee sipped the wine and leaned on him. He licked his lips and dialed a number on his phone, speaking in Romanian, then hung up. “A doctor’s going to call me back. I’m going to ask if he’s ever heard of this fucking place, or if it’s a scam.”

“Why would it be a scam?” Lee asked, looking at Nigel up close, leaned over him. “It’s got one of those legit looking web addresses…”

“Lots of fucking places do. I’m not taking you to fucking Texas to a hospital only to find it’s some fucking shed in some asshole’s backyard or some shit,” Nigel said, protectively. “We don’t have time for that bullshit. I want to find the best, and get you there as soon as fucking _possible_.”

Lee nodded, arm around Nigel even more now, tightly. “Okay. You’re right.” He was smart, but when it came to things like that, Cal had been duped once or twice.

Nigel’s phone rang, and he picked it up, then spoke in rapid Romanian for a few moments, one arm around his husband, then hung up. “It’s fucking legit. This doctor says it has the best reputation in the world, and they treat melanoma.”

“The best? Is there any point in calling the other place back then?” Lee asked, chin on Nigel’s shoulder, looking at him up close.

“No,” Nigel said, decisively, and made another phone call, in Romanian, still keeping Lee close as his chest rumbled with the harsh, but strangely lyrical language. He hung up again. “I told him to fucking get you in. We need the doctor from the hospital to print off your diagnosis. He’ll make it happen,” Nigel promised, solidly. He didn’t say how … if there were a waiting list, it would be cleared one way or another.

“Won’t they need to test all over again?” Lee asked, but believed Nigel when he said he would get it cleared or covered, as always did as he promised.

“No, not with a diagnosis from the hospital you saw,” Nigel said. “I asked about it.”

Nigel’s phone buzzed with a text and he looked at it. “And the money is here…”

“Oh.” Lee wouldn’t ask, he figured Nigel had his way of getting things. “That was fast.”

“I told them to move fast,” Nigel said, and kissed Lee’s face, twice. “I’m going to go help bring it in. You two stay here.”

“Put some clothes on,” Lee murmured and kissed Nigel once more and then went back to his wine, sipping on it, while Bucky curled up next to him, head in his lap.

“I’m not going in my bathrobe,” Nigel chuckled, and started to get dressed in worn jeans and a dark t-shirt that stretched over his chest and arms. 

“Better not,” Lee said, watching Nigel with half hooded eyes, taking in every piece and inch of him.

Nigel looked back at Lee with a smirk. “Enjoying the view?”

“Always,” Lee said with newfound flirtatiousness in his freedom from the Movement. He sipped his wine slowly, smirking into the rim of the glass.

Nigel sauntered toward Lee, and bent down to cup his face before he kissed him deeply, holding it. “Good.”

Lee pawed up Nigel’s chest once and kissed him back. “Hurry back.”

“I will, with a shitload of money,” Nigel said with another kiss, then gave Lee’s ass a little slap and went to the elevator.

“I’ll be here,” Lee said and took another long swallow of his wine before setting it down and sprawled out on the bed with Bucky.

Nigel made several trips up, with two large rolling suitcases every time. He heaved the last one on the bed and opened it with a smirk. Inside were stacks of bills covering layers of thick gold bars. “I gave some to my assistant, told him to get us a fucking plane.”

“Today?” Lee asked, rolling to his stomach once more, still in the robe, and looked at all the money. He’d never seen so much.

“Yeah, today. He’s a pilot. He’ll fly us,” Nigel said, and handed Lee a gold bar with a smirk.

“How much is this worth?” Lee asked, looking the bar over with a skeptical frown.

“You wouldn’t believe me,” Nigel teased.

“Have I ever not believed you?” Lee asked, head canted as he tossed the bar a little in his hand, heavy.

“Half a million, for that one,” Nigel said with a devilish smirk as he watched Lee play with the gleaming brick.

Lee dropped it on the bed at that, astounded. “There’s billions here.”

Nigel nodded, and moved closer to Lee. “I’ve never told anyone about it until I told you. A few years ago, I had a run in with a man by the last name of Albescu. He was a fucking piece of work, one of the biggest drug lords in Europe. I was sent to talk with him, and it turned into a shootout. I was the only one left alive. I almost walked out, then noticed a part of the floor was uneven, a rug got pushed out of the way, and I thought it was a trap door, that someone hid down there. It was a fucking safe … full of this. I took it all. I had no fucking idea how much it was actually worth until later, and I hid it in the floorboards for years.”

“Lucky thing no one went after you and found it,” Lee offered, wrapping his arms around Nigel and then pushed him down on the bed, straddling him.

“That’s why I hid it for so long. But, everyone who knew about that safe was in that fucking room. I got lucky,” Nigel said, with a soft smile. 

“What will we do with it now?” Lee asked, leaning down to kiss Nigel’s lips softly.

“Put it in a secure bank, buy you the best cure on Earth, then? Whatever the fuck we want,” Nigel purred.

“I hope there’s a cure good enough to buy with all of that,” Lee sighed, rubbing his hands up Nigel’s shirt slowly.

“If there are miracles, I’ll fucking buy one for you,” Nigel whispered, “ no matter what the fuck it takes.” Nigel sighed at the touch of Lee’s hands, and kissed him again, on the lips.

“Good, because praying for them hasn’t helped,” Lee insisted, honestly, undoing Nigel’s buttons of his shirt.

“Praying is fucking useless,” Nigel purred, and pulled his shirt off without their eyes unlocking. He tossed it to the side and laid back on the bed with a smile in his dark eyes.

“I’d rather worship you,” Lee admitted, and kissed Nigel once more, and then down his jaw to his chest, hands running through the thick fur on his chest, growing more comfortable with what he loved and found attractive about Nigel.

Nigel hummed, and ran his hands over Lee’s short hair as he stared down at him. “Not going to stop you, Baby.”

Lee gazed up at Nigel as he bit down on one nipple, worrying it with his teeth and tongue while his hands went to undo Nigel’s jeans. “Better not,” he murmured.

Nigel moaned, and arched with a little gasp at the bite, his cock instantly hard the second Lee touched his nipples. “Wouldn’t fucking dream of it.”

Licking and laving his tongue over the other nipple now, Lee pushed Nigel’s jeans to his ankles, working his cock in his palm, slowly at first. In the bustle of the last few days, Lee had missed this, needed it the most, to know they were still connected.

Nigel arched his hips to let Lee peel his jeans off, then reached over and peeled the bathrobe off of Lee, slowly. “That mouth …” he groaned.

“What about it?” Lee asked, shrugging the robe off, he let it drop and then pushed himself between Nigel’s legs, taking his cock into his mouth, palming down his chest slowly.

“Fucking angelic,” Nigel moaned and gasped. He spread his thighs to watch Lee suck him, and palmed the back of his head. “Fuck…”

Lee hummed his approval, of course, and let the vibration work through his mouth and tongue against Nigel’s cock, slowly taking him down over and over again.

The feeling of Lee’s hot, wet mouth making a tight seal around him was absolutely perfect. “Lee ....” Nigel moaned, breathlessly, his nails scratching at Lee’s neck and shoulders. 

Another hum that vibrated through him to Nigel’s cock, and then Lee pulled off, and licked lavishly at the tip and the pooling precome there. “I love your taste…”

Nigel’s dark eyes looked absolutely molten at that, and he bit his own lower lip. “I could come just listening to you,” Nigel groaned, and pulled Lee up, to kiss him.

Lee kissed Nigel heatedly, crawling over his body, rutting down against his wet cock with his ass. “Oh?”

“But I’d rather do it inside you,” Nigel moaned, hands going to Lee’s slim hips as he rutted against the smooth cleft of his ass. 

Lee reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the lube, handing it to Nigel. “Lube me up,” he demanded, eyes never leaving his husband’s.

Lee being demanding and bossy made Nigel’s cock twitch with lust. He took the lube and poured it over his fingers, then plunged one, and then two inside Lee, working them in with slow, spreading motions. “Bossy …” he whispered.

“You love it,” Lee said, hands pressed against the bed on either side of Nigel’s head, hips rolled back to take his fingers in deeply.

“You being a bossy brat? Yeah, I do,” Nigel whispered, and leaned up to bite at Lee’s lips, able to taste wine on them as he fingered him, pressing the tips against his prostate.

“Do another one,” Lee demanded, against Nigel’s lips, biting back as he let out a pleased groan.

Nigel managed a breathless smile, and added another finger, watching Lee with hooded, dark eyes. “There?” he asked, three slick fingers inside his beautifully needy husband.

Lee nodded and bore down on Nigel’s fingers and then moved his hand away completely and slid over his cock instead. “There.”

Nigel groaned, a low, growling, feral sound, and pressed himself up, into Lee until his hips slapped against Lee’s ass. “Fuck, nothing feels as good as you,” Nigel whispered, and planted one heel into the bed, using the leverage to arch his hips up and up and up.

Lee groaned, head lolled back on his neck, hands on Nigel’s chest now, planted there as he rocked and rolled his hips, meeting Nigel’s every time. “Oh, fuck-”

Nigel slapped his hips against Lee’s ass, and spanked the smooth muscle of one cheek with his hand. “Say you like my cock inside you,” Nigel whispered, roughly, a little smirk playing at the edge of his lips.

“I _love_ your cock inside me,” Lee managed, every other breath heavy as his ass was spanked over and over by Nigel’s hips, the tip of his cock pressing tight against the sensitive nerves deep inside.

“Good-” Nigel moaned, and flipped them over so that Lee was pressed against the mattress. He moved Lee’s legs up, over his shoulders, and began to hammer into him, harder, both big hands around Lee’s thighs.

Lee writhed under Nigel, clenching his legs over his shoulders, taking him in deeper. “There, oh fuck, harder-”

Nigel pounded into Lee, sweat beginning to roll down the center of his flexing back as he did. He locked eyes with Lee, able to feel himself start to heat, thighs tensing. “Lee-”

Their breathing started to sync the second their eyes met, the coiling heat in Lee’s spine wringing tighter and tighter, body tensing. “Fuck, Nigel, I’m-” He wouldn’t last at the quicker, harder pace.

Nigel palmed Lee’s ass, groping it before he slapped it, well aware the sensation would drive Lee on. “Come on, Baby…”

Lee swore again, the sensation putting him right over the edge, falling hard and fast he came in gasping breaths, sputtering and exploding all over him. “Nigel-!”

Nigel closed his eyes, and his head bowed as he came, body shaking, muscles flexing as the orgasm ripped through his body. After all the stress, after days without more than just kissing, he felt like the release almost knocked him out. Almost. Nigel opened his eyes, flushed all over, and leaned down to lay against Lee’s chest, breathing hard.

Lee wrapped every limb around Nigel, holding him there. They needed to be each other’s support right now, no matter what happened, or things would fall apart fast. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Nigel whispered, and kissed Lee, over and over, his lips, his jaw, down his neck, everywhere he could reach.

“We needed that,” Lee whispered back, eyes closed as his labored breathing settled, luckily no more coughing yet.

“Fuck, yeah, we did,” Nigel whispered, and laid his head on Lee’s chest with his eyes closed, listening to his heart. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Lee breathed out slowly, holding Nigel just there. He’d be lost without him right now, if he never met him, if he was sick alone at the Movement. He held tighter, running a hand through Nigel’s hair.

Nigel kissed Lee’s chest, then kissed his lips again. “Good, fucking is good for you,” he teased.

“Is it really?” Lee asked, chuckling, a slight wheeze going through his chest.

“Yeah. I’ll just fuck the cancer out of you,” Nigel chuckled between kisses against Lee’s throat.

“I'll take it all then,” Lee whispered, running hands over Nigel said back and shoulders.

Nigel laughed and kissed Lee again, laying over him like a big blanket, and sighed, happily. “Fuck, I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Lee said, nuzzling Nigel’s face with his own. “When do we leave?”

“Whenever. As soon as we have the fucking plane, if you want,” Nigel said, softly.

Lee nodded, he wanted to started on a cure the sooner the better. “I do. The longer we wait, the longer we deal with this.”

Nigel’s phone rang again, and he rolled over to pick it up, and answered, then switched to Romanian. He looked at Lee as he spoke to the man on the other end, and stroked fingers through Lee’s short hair, adoringly, then finished the conversation, and hung up. “You have an appointment in two days in Texas.”

“Two? Hopefully we’ll have a plane by then,” Lee said, ready to get up and go now if they had to, he had the energy, at least.

“We will, don’t worry. We’ll probably have a plane by tonight,” Nigel said, and kissed Lee’s cheek. 

 

“We should pack then, be prepared to leave,” Lee offered, turning his head to kiss Nigel properly.

“Alright,” Nigel nodded, and kissed Lee again, slowly, glad they’d found a way forward.

“That’s if we can manage to get back out of bed,” Lee said with a little smile, and rolled over Nigel and then off the bed, standing.

“You make it fucking impossible,” Nigel sighed.

Lee dressed and then tossed the robe into a hamper to be washed. He started to pack their things, and then Bucky’s things, slowly, humming as he did, unaware it was a silly Movement jingle. “Are we going to buy a place in Texas?”

“Yeah, better than staying in a fucking hotel the whole time,” Nigel reasoned, as he packed and listened to Lee humming.

“Costly for a hotel, we can buy a place and resell when it’s all said and done,” Lee suggested, within reason, of course.

“Baby, we can afford whatever,” Nigel reminded him as he closed his bag of clothes, and tapped a case of gold bars with his foot.

“I know, but if we don’t need it after…” Lee shrugged, not one to hold onto things they didn’t need, it felt like burdening themselves down with it all.

“Doesn’t matter to me,” Nigel said, and picked up his phone after it rang. He spoke again, in Romanian, and hung up. “We have a plane.”

“Let’s go then, we can look on the plane,” Lee said, stacking everything by the door and then gathered the leash and Bucky.

“My assistant will come pick us up. We’re not loading all this shit into a cab,” Nigel said with a nod at their heavy cases.

“No?” Lee shrugged, “why didn’t we have that before?”

“Because he just got here with the suitcases, he was in Bucharest before,” Nigel said with a little smile, and kissed Lee’s head. “He’s going to get us to Texas, help get shit set up, and he’ll help run shit in Romania while we’re gone.”

“You trust him?” Lee asked, arms around Nigel’s waist, leash in hand.

“He’s one of the only people I trust,” Nigel said, with a serious nod, and a kiss to Lee’s forehead. “His name is Sergei. He’s very smart, very discrete, former military.”

“Former military and you want him around?” Lee asked, just glad to hear Nigel trusted someone beside himself and Lee.

“Sergei was in the Russian military. His wife ended up in a very, very bad place. The military would not help her, despite all he had done for them. She was addicted, got in deep with gambling, some bad people took her to make her work off the debt on the street. He approached me, I shot those people between the eyes and brought her home. She is better now, and he’s become loyal to me, and whatever I need, whenever I need it. He’s a good man, but he will not speak much,” Nigel said as he moved the cases closer to the elevator.

“So no making conversation,” Lee said with a little smile, going to help Nigel with everything.

“Just saying that he’s not fucking chatty. Don’t be offended,” Nigel said. The elevator doors opened, and he loaded the cases in, quickly.

“I’ve dealt with people like that before,” Lee insisted, thinking back to a few he’d head to deal with for funds for the Movement.

“Okay,” Nigel said and held the door for Lee and Bucky with his foot, all the cases inside now. “Ready?”

“Yes. Are we sure we have everything?” Lee asked, one last time as he piled in with the big dog.

“I think so. If we left anything, we’ll get another one. I got you, and the dog, that’s the important thing,” Nigel quipped.

“True,” Lee said, petting Bucky’s head, who wagged and wagged, happy to be going out.

Once they were in, Nigel let the doors close, and they descended quickly. The doors opened to reveal a very large, intimidating looking man with a shaved head and sunglasses who nodded at Nigel, then at Lee, and picked up some of the trunks. “This is Sergei. Sergei, this is Lee,” Nigel said, as they made their way to the doors.

“Hello,” Lee said, but kept it curt, and just like that, and followed out with the dog, and one of their smaller bags.

Sergei nodded again, politely, and loaded the heavy wheeled trunks into a large, dark grey sport utility vehicle with what seemed like no effort at all, then held the back door open for Lee, Bucky and Nigel.

Lee got in, setting the bag down and then pulled Bucky up into his lap, where he loved to ride the most. “At least we didn’t buy a car here.”

“We’ll get one in Texas,” Nigel assured him. Sergei got into the driver’s seat, and drove them out of the hotel driveway, into the roadway, classical music playing softly on the radio. 

“We’ll need a truck to fit in,” Lee teased, knowing they had this conversation once, but now that they were moving to _Texas_ of all places.

“A fucking truck …” Nigel laughed, and wrapped his arm around Lee.

“Kidding,” Lee whispered and nosed against Nigel’s pulse on his neck.

“Better be. I’m not driving a goddamned truck,” Nigel muttered, but stroked his fingers through Lee’s short hair at the back, careful to avoid the biopsy area.

“We’ll give a nice big sedan, I think that would be accommodating?” Lee offered, knowing what Nigel might prefer.

“That might be better, yeah,” Nigel said, and rubbed Lee’s shoulder, gently.

“Perfect for us and the dog,” Lee said, rubbing Bucky’s head that was in his lap as the dog snoozed, eyes closed.

“We don’t need anything too fucking big, but we don’t need to drive a fucking bit of tinfoil, either,” Nigel said. “Maybe a nice car.”

“I don’t really know much about cars,” Lee shrugged, he knew the basics, but other than that, what was good and what was trash was never a concern.

“A muscle car,” Nigel said, thoughtfully. “Something with a big engine.”

“Why don’t we just have your car shipped over then?” Lee teased, but kissed Nigel’s cheek softly.

“Maybe,” Nigel said, considering it with a little smile at the kiss.

The rest of the ride was quiet to the airport, where they piled in their things and boarded. “So this whole plane is just for us? You got this a lot quicker than I managed for you…”

“I’ve got strings to pull and cash to burn,” Nigel said with a chuckle. “The black market can be efficient as fuck.”

“I wish I had known all this when I was trying to get you care,” Lee sighed, shaking his head, and got Bucky situated.

“I was pretty fucking sure everything was lost in the earthquake, anyway,” Nigel said, and kissed Lee’s cheek. “God, that was a long fucking time ago. Seems like ages.”

“Little over a year,” Lee said, turning to kiss Nigel properly on the mouth. “Lots of changes since then.”

“A shitload of changes since then,” Nigel agreed with a sigh. 

Once everything was boarded, a bit later, the small, private plane took off, and Lee watched out the window with Bucky in his lap. He knew going back to the states meant the Movement could easily find him again, but hopefully after as much burying as Nigel had done, maybe it wouldn’t happen.

Hours and hours later, they landed in Houston, and Nigel’s assistant taxi’d the plane toward private hangers where they parked. The plane was opened and two more men who nodded respectfully at Nigel loaded the cases of treasure into a black SUV, then gave Nigel the keys. After a short conversation in Romanian, Nigel stuck his head back into the plane. “We’re ready.”

Lee stood, with Bucky, and walked over, jet lagged and tired. “Finally?”

“Takes time to cross an ocean,” Nigel said, with a stretch, and waited for Lee at the bottom of the small flight of stairs to the aircraft. 

Lee jogged down the steps with Bucky, giving Nigel a look. “I meant are you finally done unloading.”

“Yeah, done unloading and paying everyone who needed to get paid,” Nigel said, under his voice. The other two men were gone now, only Sergei remained, standing silently in the corner. 

“I see,” Lee said, taking Nigel’s arm, wrapping Bucky’s leash around his hand once more. Nigel opened the door to the big, black SUV for Lee and Bucky, and spoke to Sergei, then clapped his shoulder, and got into drive them out of the airport. “I booked a hotel from the plane, it’s close to the cancer center, and not a shit hole.”

“Would hate to live in a shit hole,” Lee said with a little smile as he buckled in, and Bucky got situated in the back for now.

“Are you being a smart-ass?” Nigel asked, with a smirk, following GPS directions toward the freeway.

“Usually am,” Lee said with a smile, though not always true. Cal had kept a lid on a lot of his humor, not place to put it, but now that he was breaking free, Nigel tended to bring out pieces of himself he didn’t even know he had.

Nigel squeezed Lee’s knee with a little smile. “Good. I like it,” he said. Lee was relaxing a little more all the time, despite the terrible circumstances. It was gratifying to see him shed Cal’s inhibitions and rules. “Christ, American freeways,” Nigel laughed, looking at the eight-lane road ahead of them.

“They can be pretty bad,” Lee said, looking out the window as they drove, nice to see nearly familiar territory, or at least somewhat, he’d never ventured this far south.

“Fucking insane…” Nigel muttered as he switched lanes and merged onto a ribbon of concrete that climbed high into the sky and to the right. “Designed like a fucking rollercoaster for cars. How the hell do more people not die on these?”

“They do,” Lee reminded him. “There’s accidents on these things everyday.”

“Ever been in one?” Nigel asked, as they crested atop the elevated road, and headed down the other side toward the center of the city, lit up against the sunset.

“An accident? No. I…I’ve never driven on a road like this. We use back roads mostly. We try to avoid these,” Lee said, chiding himself for saying ‘we’ too often. Even when he had Nigel at the Movement compound, all the roads they took were off the bigger highways.

“Can’t beat the fucking view,” Nigel said, admiring the skyline as they drove down, toward a bridge. “So how the fuck would you get into cities?”

“There are other ways in. I took you one a few,” Lee replied, gripping the side of the door with one hand.

Nigel looked over at Lee’s hand, then at his face. “We’re okay. It’s not busy here, Baby,” he said, reassuringly.

“Anything can happen,” Lee said, trying not to let his insecurities over these sorts of things show, he was doing his best to get rid of the Movement mindset.

“How many people a day do you think die on this freeway? The one we’re driving on right now?” Nigel asked, curiously. He knew the fucking cult probably told Lee a bunch of bullshit to keep him from leaving, to make him think the Movement was safer than anything out in the real world.

“At least one, maybe more,” Lee said, quieter now, hands in his lap.

Nigel reached over and took Lee’s hand in his, holding it. “Just on this road?”

Lee was starting to see how _stupid_ that sounded. He licked his lips and watched the door, hope mostly peaceful it was, cars zipping by, not a soul hurt, or a crash in sight. “I… I don’t know.”

“They didn’t want you to leave,” Nigel said, as he rubbed his thumb over the side of Lee’s knee, comfortingly. “So they lied.”

Swallowing thickly, Lee nodding, understandingly, but that didn’t change how dumb it felt to be duped. He’d been a kid though, much easier to convince. “Yeah…”

“Don’t feel bad,” Nigel said, “they were fucking con men and you were a kid,” he said. “Lots of fucking grown ups believed it too, right?”

Lee winced at that. He was one of those con men, a salesman for the Movement. “Of course, but mostly those born into it, or converted young.”

“You’re not fucking stupid, is what I mean,” Nigel said, and took Lee’s hand as they crossed the bridge.

“I know. I… _know_. It’s hard to realize that somethings aren’t what they seem to be, that my reality wasn’t right,” Lee explained, squeezing Nigel’s hand.

“You can relearn it,” Nigel said, encouragingly. “You’re eating cheese now, that’s progress,” Nigel teased, with rare gentleness in his tone.

“And eggs,” Lee pointed out, though he hardly ate the big meats, his stomach couldn’t quite handle that yet.

“And eggs. That’s a big fucking deal,” Nigel said, trying to be supportive. 

“It is,” Lee tried to agree, leaning over to rest up against Nigel’s arm. “Thank you.”

Nigel shrugged his shoulder, gently, not wanting Lee to stop leaning on him. “I’ll never bullshit you. I might say the wrong thing, or fuck up, but I’ll _never_ bullshit you.”

“I know. I’ve loved that about you since we met,” Lee murmured, watching the street of pavement go by in front of them, almost hypnotizing.

“That I’m fucking blunt?” Nigel laughed, as they crossed the bridge and entered the heart of the city, full of sky scrapers and lights. 

Lee nodded. “It’s a relief, honestly. No matter much unburdening people did, everyone was still lying to everyone else.”

“If you have to fucking announce that you’re telling the truth, it means you’re usually lying your ass off,” Nigel muttered, and turned into the drive of a high-rise hotel, all dark glass and polished black marble.

“There’s something to that,” Lee agreed, sitting up straight again as they pulled in. “This is… fancy.”

Nigel smiled at that, and pulled up at the doors. “I’m not taking you to a fucking dump.” Nigel might stay in dumps, by himself, but he wanted Lee to have the best of everything, especially now, not to mention the contents of their cases, which demanded good security until he got it into a bank.

“I used to live in a tiny house in an encampment, This is pure luxury compared,” Lee said as he got out, helping Bucky out as he did, and then let him wander to a little patch of lawn to do his business.

A bellhop came out to the car to help load the heavy cases onto a polished trolley, and Nigel helped, then handed the keys to a valet as he walked in once Lee and Bucky were ready, to check in. Checking in at the long, dark front desk decked out with huge bouquets of flowers was very quick, and in no time at all, they were floors above, in a large suite with a view of the city. Nigel tipped the bellhop for unloading the heavy cases, and then closed and locked the door. “Shit, people really do talk like that here. I could barely fucking understand them.”

“The twang?” Lee asked, letting Bucky off the leash once more to go scout out their new dwelling for the time being.

“What the fuck is a twang?” Nigel asked, laughing. 

“The way they talk, the southern Texas twang,” Lee said, shrugging. “That’s what they call it, that annoying thing they do in country songs.”

“I thought that was just for movies and shit,” Nigel said, and tossed his bag on the large bed covered in creamy gold bedding. 

“No,” Lee said and laid out on the bed, sprawled.

Nigel laid on the bed next to Lee, on his side, facing Lee as Bucky jumped up to lay on Lee’s other side, head on his chest. “You haven’t coughed in a while.”

“I haven’t done anything oddly strenuous either,” Lee pointed out, but he wouldn’t count the sex. They could hope it was a good sign, but cancer didn’t just… heal itself.

“Resting’s good for you,” Nigel nodded, and stroked his hand over the side of Lee’s chest, gazing, then looked at Bucky, who looked like he was falling asleep, starting to snore, loudly.

“Yeah, lots of that in the future,” Lee said, looking at Nigel up close, contemplating. “When this is over, I want to take Steve public.”

Nigel smiled a little, proud, and leaned in to kiss Lee’s lips, softly. “Drag him through his own fucking mud,” he said, moving closer. 

“Yes. I have more than enough to do it, he can’t not prove it,” Lee said, sure he would need to get evidence, but that would come.

“Then we’ll do whatever the fuck we have to,” Nigel agreed, and kissed Lee’s forehead. “If I don’t find him and let him die of blood loss after I rip his dick off with a pair of pliers,” Nigel murmured.

Lee chuckled, hand over his chest. “I almost want to witness that.”

“Don’t joke, I’ll fucking set it up,” Nigel smiled.

“A gift when I’m cured?” Lee asked, turned slightly after rolling Bucky off a bit, to his side, and then touched Nigel's chest.

“Yeah. A gift for when you’re better,” Nigel said, honestly, and moved closer to his husband. “Justice.”

“Justice,” Lee echoed back, leaning in to kiss Nigel’s mouth softly.


	11. Chapter 11

Nigel slept fitfully, and when the morning came, it was a bleary sort of relief. He watched Lee and Bucky sleep for a moment, then pulled himself out of bed slowly and dressed, stepped into the other room, and closed the door before he made some calls. They had to get the money somewhere safe today, hauling it around like this was as dangerous as hauling suitcases full of old dynamite.

When Lee woke, he looked around for Nigel, blinking, and then rolled out of bed with Bucky, going to the door to let him out to pee on the balcony lawn there. Then he strolled over to Nigel, and wrapped his arms around his shoulder, every day growing more and more relaxed with his husband, and more relaxed with himself in being someone he wanted to be, not the Movement.

“Morning,” Nigel said and looked over his shoulder at Lee as he hung up his phone. “Did you sleep well?”

“I slept alright,” Lee said, nuzzling into Nigel’s neck with his nose, not moving an inch to give his husband space.

“Good. It’s a nice, quiet room,” Nigel said, and stretched his neck for Lee to nuzzle some more. “How’s your chest?”

“Little achey this morning, but not bad,” Lee said, having not coughed at least, but he suspected maybe some of the medication given to him in Spain had something to do with that.

“Good. I gotta go to a bank this morning, deposit all this somewhere safe. It’s not good hauling it around like this,” Nigel sighed.

“That’s a good idea. No one’s going to look at you weird for it?” Lee asked, leaning over Nigel to look him in the eye.

“The bank sure as fuck isn’t going to turn down a couple billion dollars,” Nigel said. “Nothing can be tracked back to the man I took this from. They ask questions … I take my fucking money and walk.”

“I guess that’s true,” Lee shrugged, kissing Nigel’s jaw and then stood up again, going for the in room coffee and tea service to see if it had anything good.

“It’s just a matter of choosing the right one,” Nigel said, following Lee as he looked at a few messages on his phone. “We have a couple of houses to look at, too.”

“Are… _we_ doing all this together then?” Lee asked, putting some hot water on for tea. He used to go shopping for places to buy land wise for the Movement, never actual houses. Unless the place for his mother counted.

“Do you want to?” Nigel asked, as he watched his handsome husband start to make some tea. “I’ll go to the bank alone, if shit goes sideways with all that cash on hand, I don’t want you messed up in it. But I’ll come get you to look at houses,” Nigel promised.

“Side… ways?” Lee furrowed his brow over at Nigel. He’d gotten mixed up in some things before, never as bad as Nigel’s work, but he wasn’t fragile. 

“Anytime you have a shitload of cash involved, not money, but hard cash … people can lose their heads. It’s like carrying fucking explosives. The sooner I can get this shit away from you, the better I’ll sleep. Shit happens, this is a couple billion dollars that anyone could fucking take. The second I open this in the bank …” Nigel shrugged. “I’ve seen cops shoot people in the head for less.”

“And you’re going alone?” Lee asked, turning to look at Nigel, his concern present on his etched brow.

“With Sergei,” Nigel said to Lee, calmly. 

“Okay,” Lee said, arms stiff at his sides, not really liking it. Anything here could go wrong, and with Lee’s condition, he honestly didn’t want to do this alone, not after dumping the Movement.

“It’s going to be okay, Baby,” Nigel said, and touched Lee’s stiff arms with his hands. “I’ll call the second we’re done. Once it’s deposited, we’re fine. I’m going to use a fake name, fake papers. I had one set aside if we ever had to go back to America.”

“Yeah,” Lee sighed, shifting his jaw.

“Lucas Vaduva,” Nigel said, and showed Lee his fake passport, which held a photo of Nigel with a much more serene look: combed hair, a sweater, and glasses. “Actually the name of my little brother,” he added, quietly. 

“You have a _brother_?” Lee asked, eyes wide at that, since Nigel had never brought it up once. “That… looks nothing like you. Well, it does, but it doesn’t.”

“Had. He died when he was three, but my mother never bothered with a death certificate, nothing like that. She was high as fuck, we woke up and he was just … gone.” Nigel said, quietly, his throat going tight for just a second before he cleared it. “I used his identity number, his name … so in a stupid-ass way, he’s … still alive, I guess. I think he would have been smarter than me, probably nicer,” Nigel said, looking at the photo of ‘Lucas’.

Lee wrapped his arms around Nigel’s shoulders, resting their heads together. “I’m so sorry. I’m sure you don’t remember him too much, but it’s still hard to think about.”

Nigel reminded himself to breathe. He had taken care of Lucas as much as he could … but he was only five at the time, it hadn’t been enough. The worst thought was that somehow, Nigel had suffocated him in his sleep, by accident. It was something that sent him careening into decades of drugs and booze, that it had been his fault, He’d failed Lucas. He wasn’t going to fail Lee. “Yeah… anyway, Lucas is a rich man, or he’s going to be by noon.”

“I’ll let you go then,” Lee whispered, and kissed Nigel’s softly, trying to bring them both out their moods, trying to move forward.

“I won’t be long,” Nigel promised, and kissed Lee again. “I’ll call, then come back for you, and we’ll look at a couple places. Eat breakfast.”

“Okay,” Lee said, nodding. “I’ll get dressed and take Bucky for a walk.”

“Keep your phone on you,” Nigel said, with another kiss, and shrugged his jacket on before he texted Sergei that he was ready.

“You’ve yet to get me a new one,” Lee pointed out.

Nigel paused, then rubbed his face with one hand, and sighed. “Shit. I’m sorry, Baby. I didn’t. Here, take my phone. I’ll call you from Sergei’s,” he said, and handed over his phone to Lee. “The code is 5489.”

Lee nodded, taking it and memorizing the number. “Got it. Please be safe.”

Nigel kissed Lee again, and slapped his ass, once. “Put some clothes on, Sergei is coming to help me carry this.”

“Fine,” Lee said, aware he was still butt naked, and padded off to the bedroom to put something on. “Pour the hot water into my cup, please?”

“Yeah,” Nigel agreed, and poured water into Lee’s cup as he watched him walk away, admiring the way his firm, smooth ass moved. It was a shame there was no time for distraction. 

Lee pulled on a pair of shorts and sandals, a polo shirt, and walked back out. “Better?” he asked, going to take the cup from Nigel.

“A little,” Nigel sighed, and gave Lee a look-over, then went to answer the door at the rhythmic knock. “We’ll talk about it when I’m back,” he said with a wink.

“Somehow, I think this talk has something to do with my wardrobe,” Lee said, kissing Nigel once more and then stood out of his way.

Nigel grunted and opened the door to let Sergei in, who nodded at them both, and began to carry the heavy cases out. Nigel grabbed the remaining cases, and kissed Lee. “Back soon,” he promised.

“Bye,” Lee said, and looked at Bucky who just stared at him, wagging.

Nigel smiled back at Lee, and closed the door with a sigh. Bucky grunted, not happy that one of his people was gone, and went to the door, trying to scratch his way out to get Nigel and bring him back.

“He’ll be back, settle down,” Lee said, and got the leash. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Bucky recognized the word and ran in a circle before he sat to get his leash put on, wagging quickly.

“Thought so,” Lee said, and leashed the dog, and then pocketed his phone and wallet, and hit the button for the elevator. Once in they descended down to the lobby, where he lead them both out to look around the grounds a bit.

An hour later, Nigel’s phone rang in Lee’s pocket, displaying Sergei’s number. 

Lee hit the code on the phone and brought it to his ear, still out and about, walking around the area of the hotel, no further. “Hello?”

“We’re done,” Nigel said into the phone, in a relaxed tone. “Heading back to the hotel. Are you there?”

“We’re walking around outside, but still on the grounds,” Lee explained, reaching to pet Bucky’s head. “I can meet you in front if you want?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect. No coughing?” Nigel asked, quietly, hopefully.

“Only a little,” Lee said, not about to lie about that, not now when they were close to getting a cure anyway. Hopefully. He was praying for it.

“Any blood?” Nigel asked, as he told Sergei to drive a little faster, in Romanian.

“Just a bit, it’s fine,” Lee insisted turning away from the phone to cough into his shoulder. 

“No big … chunks?” Nigel asked as he and Sergei approached the front of the hotel. Nigel stepped out of the SUV before it stopped completely, looking for Lee. He was dressed like Lucas, a sweater on over his tight shirt, glasses on, hair combed to one side.

“No, no… chunks, just splatters,” Lee said, walking out the front door, coughing again as the Texas heat hit him.

Nigel hung up the phone and jogged over to Lee, examining his face for signs that he needed help again. “Hey…”

Lee hung up the phone and handed it back to Nigel. “Hi. I’m okay. Still standing.”

Nigel breathed a sigh of relief, and hugged Lee to him, which moved the thin, wire-framed glasses on his face as he did. “Good.”

“You couldn’t have dressed like this when trying to get the Movement to accept you?” Lee asked, touching the glasses on Nigel’s face.

Nigel laughed, and rolled his eyes. “Fuck, no. I didn’t want them to fucking accept me,” he replied. “Just you.”

Lee palmed down Nigel’s chest, and then hugged him, forehead against his cheek. “You were never going to let me stay with them, were you?”

“Of fucking course not,” Nigel whispered, and held Lee, relieved that Lee hadn’t had a coughing fit again and needed help while he was gone. “They were a bunch of assholes who didn’t fucking deserve you.”

“I never stood a chance then,” Lee said, and sighed heavily, wiping his mouth to be sure he didn’t have blood on his lips.

Nigel kissed Lee again, then thumbed a tiny speck of blood from his chin with a sad smile. “You sure as shit didn’t. Want to go find a house?”

“Yeah. This place is nice but a home would be nice to come back to after…treatments.” Lee wrapped his arms around his husband tighter. “And then find a car.”

“A car, okay. House and car,” Nigel said as he walked Lee back to the SUV.

Lee got in and then Bucky hopped up, wagging. “When we get those, being here will be easier.”

“We’ll get them today,” Nigel promised, hardly the sort of man to deliberate about things. He liked decisions made, quickly and without wavering. “Did you eat?”

Lee shook his head. “You said we would get breakfast when you got back.”

“Fuck, okay,” Nigel spoke in Romanian to Sergei, who nodded. “We’ll find a place, right now. You need food,” Nigel said, a little like an old Romanian grandmother. He was worried about Lee.

“When you see a place you want to try, Sergei will go there,” Nigel said, not very familiar with American restaurants.

“I just… I mean breakfast fare is fine,” Lee insisted, looking out the window to see if any spot looked good. “What’s a waffle house?”

Sergei heard Lee, and made a sharp turn into the waffle house, tires squealing as Nigel held onto Lee, and Bucky, making sure they didn’t fall over. He parked the SUV, and looked back at them. “Waffle Haus,” he said, with a nod.

“This will be fine,” Lee said, brows raised curiously to see if it was any good inside. Honestly, waffles sounded really good

“Alright,” Nigel said and opened the door, holding it for Lee and Bucky.

They entered the quaint looking waffle house and the woman behind the counter gave Lee a look at the dog. “No animals unless it’s a service animal.”

“Can we sit outside?” Lee asked, brows raised, though he didn’t see any outside seating either.

“Sorry, hun, no outside seating around here.” “He’s a service animal,” Nigel said, convincingly, and slipped the woman a one hundred dollar bill, smoothly.

The woman looked ready to open her mouth when she looked at the money and then pocketed it. “You guys must really want some waffles,” she murmured and grabbed some menus, leading them to a back booth, where Lee slid in and Bucky up next to him. 

“He want a menu too?” The woman asked.

“No, he’s fine, thank you,” Lee said and looked over the menu. “Orange juice though for me, please.”

“Sure, hun, and you?” She turned to Nigel.

“Coffee, black,” Nigel said, as he glanced at the menu.

“Alright, I’ll be back,” she said, and left to get their drinks.

Lee looked at the menu, wide eyed. “They have a variety of hashbrowns. _Hashbrowns,_ Nigel. Those are _just_ potatoes.”

Nigel looked closer at his menu, at a picture of hashbrowns. “Good. Potatoes are fucking healthy, they’re a vegetable.”

“No they aren’t,” Lee pointed out. “It’s tuber, a carbohydrate.” Lee shrugged. “But that hashbrown bowl looks pretty good.”

“Tubas are fucking vegetables?” Nigel asked, squinting at Lee over the table.

Lee grinned. “Tubers. A root. Technically a veggie, but not.”

Nigel gave Lee a look, then just shook his head and looked back at the menu. “If it grows in a garden, it’s a fucking vegetable, or some shit. Better than a plate of bacon, I guess.”

Lee shrugged, feeling like explaining to Nigel was just going to waste his breath, since he didn’t listen anyway. “Yeah…”

Nigel set his menu down, and looked at Lee. “Tuber…” he repeated, trying the new English word. “Means a potato.”

“It’s a type…” Lee shook his head. “It’s just a potato.” 

The waitress returned with his orange juice and Nigel’s coffee. “Decided, fellas?”

“Eggs over easy, bacon and … tubers,” Nigel said, handing the menu back.

She raised her brow at Nigel and then Lee. “You want ‘tubers’ too?”

“I...I want the hashbrown bowl, with the gravy.”

“Good choice, kid,” She said and left once more.

“With gravy?” Nigel asked, impressed, and sipped his coffee, looking at Lee over the rim.

“I’m giving it a try,” Lee said, wishing he’d gotten the waffles now as he planned, but the potatoes were calling to him.

“Good,” Nigel said with a smile, and sipped his coffee, then stretched in his seat as Bucky leaned against Lee in the booth. “You might love it, get addicted,” he laughed.

“It’s just gravy,” Lee murmured, sipping his juice, and then turned his head to cough into his shoulder.

Nigel went serious the second Lee coughed, and handed him a napkin. “The more you eat, the happier I am.”

Lee took it and wiped his mouth, small flecks of blood on it. “Eating won’t fix me.”

“It’ll help,” Nigel sighed, looking at the napkin, then rested their legs together under the table.

Lee crumpled up the napkin in his fist and hid it under the table in his palm. “I wasn’t starved before.”

“No, but your body’s going to need energy for all this,” Nigel said, with a soft air of tired worry about him. He wasn’t sleeping much. He woke up constantly to watch Lee sleep, to look things up on his phone that he didn’t fully understand, but what he did understand scared the shit out of him.

Lee sighed, setting his juice down. “I’m trying. I can’t just stuff myself full.”

“I know, I know,” Nigel nodded, “if I was sick, you’d say the same thing, right?” Really, Nigel thought, he should be the sick one, not Lee.

“Of course,” Lee said, sure that he’d be praying a lot harder than he was now for Nigel, too.

“I read about it,” Nigel admitted, into his cup of coffee. “What people have to eat while they get treatment…”

“And what do I need to eat?” Lee asked, swallowing down the need to cough again, since it seemed to rattle Nigel too much.

“Some people think vegetables, fruits, but most people just say eat whatever you want to eat just to get enough,” he said, looking at Lee’s throat as he tried not to cough.

“Which is it then?” Lee asked, clearing his throat. He took another drink of water. “I ate perfectly healthy for years.”

“Exactly. So, I think it’s just eat whatever the fuck. Your body’s going to use it up,” Nigel said with a shrug of his wide shoulders as a strand of silver hair floated into his eyes.

Lee reached to move the hair back, and smiled at Nigel. “Then I’ll eat. Please stop fretting.”

Nigel smiled back, and sighed at the touch, then caught Lee’s hand in his own and held it. “Thanks.”

“I don’t want you getting sick with worry over me,” Lee said, knowing just how stubborn he could be about things like this.

“I never get sick,” Nigel assured his husband as he finished his coffee, and gave a withering look to a couple who stared at Bucky on the way by. “He’s a fucking service dog!” Nigel snapped at them.

“Calm down,” Lee said, making Bucky lay down so he wasn’t as noticeable. “Keep not sleeping and you’ll get sick.”

“I used to sleep about one night a week,” Nigel said, as someone refilled his cup. “I was on enough cocaine to kill a fucking bear … but…”

“You’re not on cocaine now,” Lee pointed out, brows raised toward Nigel as their food was set down in front of them and a whole line up of ketchups and hot sauces were, too. “Thank you,” he said to the waitress.

“Sure thing, hun,” she replied and walked off.

“Does she call everyone hon?” Nigel asked, as he picked up his fork and started eating, hungrier than he realized.

“Probably,” Lee shrugged, having just ignored it. He looked down at his bowl of food and dug in with his fork, mixing all the ingredients together.

Nigel held a bit of bacon over the table for Bucky, which Bucky ate, happily, then sipped his coffee. “That’s just how people are, here?”

Shrugging again, Lee stuffed hashbrown mess into his mouth. “I don’t know,” he said, after swallowing, and then went in for another bite, and then another.

Nigel watched Lee eat with a little smile. “Good?” he asked, and tossed Bucky another bit of bacon.

Lee nodded, licking his lips. He was hungrier than he thought, not sure when the last time was he’d eaten, probably something on the plane. “It’s really good.”

“Gravy too?” Nigel asked, with a glimmer of hope in his eyes. If Lee could be eased into eating meat now and then, it would be easier to feed him enough protein while he was getting treatment.

“Gravy too,” Lee murmured, already half done with his bowl of deliciousness. He held his fork up with a bite on it, bits of sausage inside of it and slathered with gravy. “Try it.”

Nigel smiled, and leaned over to take the bite, humming as he chewed, and swallowed. “Fucking good.”

Lee grinned, and then fished out another bite for himself. “We might have to come back.”

“Whenever the fuck you want,” Nigel promised, and offered Lee a tiny bit of bacon with his fork. “Want to try?”

Leaning over, Lee opened his mouth for the bit, and took it and ate it slowly. “Salty, but good.”

“Bacon is fucking amazing,” Nigel nodded, then laughed as Bucky gave him big eyes over the table, and tossed him a little piece, too. 

Lee chuckled and finished his bowl of food, and then set it aside to drink his juice. “It’s not bad, but I don’t think I want more right now.”

“Take it slow, bacon is powerful shit,” Nigel said with a wink, and devoured his breakfast quickly.

The check was laid out on the table discreetly, for whenever they were ready. Lee finished his juice and someone came by to pick up the dishes. “Powerful, huh?”

“Probably my favourite meat … besides steak. I love a good thick steak, still red inside,” Nigel said and laid down another hundred under the check for the waitress, then stood. “Ready?”

Lee pushed Bucky out and then stood, thanking the waitress as they left and she cocked a brow at the money left. Lee let Bucky do business outside. “Where’s the house?”

Sergei waited by the SUV, and after Bucky relieved himself, he opened the back door for Lee, the dog, and Nigel. “About half an hour away, I think? Twenty minutes? I don’t fucking know, not far,” Nigel said.

“How far from the hospital?” Lee asked, curiously, getting in.

“All these houses are pretty close. There are three we can see today. They’re all less than half an hour from the hospital, some are really close,” Nigel said, and showed Lee a little map on his phone with three red flags in it for the house locations.

“Nothing huge right?” Lee asked, not used to extravagances like Nigel had.

“Hm?” Nigel asked, after a second of quiet thought.

“The houses, they aren’t huge?” Lee asked again, leaning in against Nigel.

“Things are big here,” Nigel said, non-committally.

Lee sighed. “Are there pictures?”

“Yeah, but I want you to be surprised,” Nigel said, as he wound a long arm around Lee. “First impressions and all that.”

“Afraid I’m going to make up my mind before getting there?” Lee rested his shoulder in up against Nigel’s side.

“Maybe,” Nigel said with a little smile. He loved it when Lee snuggled up to him like that, able to fit into the spot under his arm perfectly, like they’d been carved out of the same piece of something.

“Fine, I’ll be patient,” Lee agreed, with a little yawn, breakfast having made him pleasantly full.

“You’re a fucking angel,” Nigel said, as Sergei took a turn, and drove down a wide, residential street for a while. 

“Hardly,” Lee murmured, rolling his eyes. The neighborhood didn’t seem too bad at least. He expected a lofty sort of thing or penthouse because of Nigel’s tastes.

Nigel watched Lee’s face as they rolled through the wide, quiet streets and huge lots. “Nice neighborhood, can’t hear kids screaming.”

“Big houses,” Lee pointed out, some of them bigger than parts of the compound.

“Yeah, little houses tend to have shitty security,” Nigel said with a smirk as they passed what looked to be a few small mansions partially hidden by trees and gates.

“Bigger is better?” Lee asked, not really thinking so. “We don’t have enough stuff to fill something this big.”

“We’ll get stuff,” Nigel said, looking at the houses as they drove by until Sergei slowed and turned into a long driveway that led to a surprisingly modern, crisp looking house in the middle of a big lot. 

Lee watched as they pulled up, actually a little surprised by the look of the place. It wasn’t too… much, it looked sleek from the outside anyway. “This is it?”

“Yeah, this is it,” Nigel said with a smirk. “We can look at something fancier if you like-” he teased, as he opened the door to step out.

Lee hushed Nigel with a kiss and then got out, leash in hand to lead Bucky with them. “No this looks fine…”

Nigel went to the mailbox and took the key out where the relator left it for them after he said they’d rather look around alone, and he walked up the neat, spare walkway and opened the door to reveal a large, but not pretentious looking interior full of straight, neat lines and warm-toned wood accents, with windows everywhere.

“It’s very open,” Lee noted, gazing into the house without ever having to open the door yet. It was furnished, too, for showing. “Maybe they could just sell us the furniture…”

“I’m sure they’d consider it for the right price,” Nigel said as he held the door open for Lee. The house was roomy but not cavernous, modern, but not cold. “You like all the stuff?”

Lee walked in and nodded, so far so good. “It’s nice, not too cluttered. Sleek lines, not messy.”

The living room looked made for light. Sunlight poured in through partially drawn sheer blinds that diffused the light, softening the Texas sun. The furniture looked comfortable, and modern, obviously professionally decorated. “Nice windows, nice fireplace,” Nigel added and looked in at the big, white and gray stone kitchen. “Fucking huge kitchen…”

“I might have to learn to cook,” Lee said, coyly, looking at everything, trying to take it all in at once. “I _do_ like the furniture too.”

“Big backyard, you could do some gardening,” Nigel said, and walked down the hall to find the master suite. “Come see this!”

“There are literally windows everywhere,” Lee said as he followed Nigel, Bucky at his side.

Nigel nodded at a sleek, large white bathtub that looked a little like an egg that sat in front of tall windows which overlooked a very zen looking fountain and rock garden. “With fences that high and fucking solid, we barely need curtains,” Nigel chuckled. Sure enough, the fences were enormously tall and built like solid walls rather than with slats. They had all the privacy they needed.

“Oh,” Lee whispered, stopping right there to stare at the elegant but simple tub, and the peacefulness about the whole scene. “I love it.”

“It looks like a big egg,” Nigel mused, looking at the tub as Bucky sniffed the cool, smooth edges.

“Perfect for soaking after jogs,” Lee mused, touching the sleek tub with one hand, walking around it. “If we keep everything in it, I’d love it.”

“You already love it,” Nigel said, knowingly, and looked at his phone. “Is there a point to even looking at the other houses?”

“If they aren’t like this one, no,” Lee pointed out with a flirty grin at his husband.

“There’s a pool in the backyard,” Nigel said, and pulled his phone out to send a text saying they’d take it. Lee started treatment tomorrow, time was of the fucking essence.

“It is hot here,” Lee pointed out, loving it more by the second. “I haven’t swam in a pool in a long time.”

Nigel didn’t bother haggling. They didn’t have days to go back and forth, and as much as the house was, it was a drop in the bucket for them. He threw in some extra for the furnishings, and sent the offer in. “Made the offer.”

“You what? Right now?” Lee asked, looking over Nigel’s shoulder at his phone. “ _How_ much?”

Nigel licked his lips, and shrugged, “Five million,” he told Lee. “With the furniture and shit all included.”

Lee’s eyes went wide. “Five million? For… a house.” It was big, and luxurious, of course, but it was still a lot more money than he’d ever had in his life.

“Yeah, for a big fucking nice, safe, clean house with everything in it,” Nigel said, calmly. “Pay for the best, you get the fucking best.”

“It has a security system then?” Lee asked, opening the door out to the patio from the bedroom to look around.

Nigel nodded and followed Lee into the huge back yard full of neat green grass and trimmed shrubs. “Of course, and a gate out front, no one can just fucking wander in.”

“That is nice. With all the glass it would need to be secure and safe, and private,” Lee said evenly, letting Bucky sniff around. “Lot’s of room for Bucky, too.”

Bucky sniffed at the grass, then pawed at it, still not familiar with lawns yet after where he had lived before. “Look at the pool…”

They walked over to the big shimmering pool, and Lee bent down to stick his hand in. “Perfect temperature.”

Bucky leaned down to paw at the water, then jumped back, not sure what to think. “He’ll be jumping in there, soon,” Nigel said, arm around Lee’s waist as they explored the yard.

“Once I’m in, I’m sure I’ll get him in,” Lee said, petting Bucky’s head, over the soft velvety feel of his fur, and then leaned back into Nigel.

Nigel’s phone rang, and he picked up. “Hello? Yes. We’re here. Bring the papers, and we’ll sign,” he said, and hung up. “We’ve got the place.”

“Really? No one else looking?” Lee asked, turning around to meet Nigel’s eye.

“We went over the asking price, I didn’t want any fucking quibbling about a few thousand here and there. I wanted the fucking house,” Nigel said and pulled Lee closer. “Welcome home.”

Lee wrapped his arms around Nigel, letting the leash go so Bucky could explore or stay close. “You’re spoiling me.”

“We’re going to have a hell of a time, I’m giving you the best chance I can,” Nigel said, sincerely, and softly. 

“I appreciate it,” Lee commented, just as sincere, well aware that if he had found out in the movement, they’d try to hide it as they had Steve’s, though Cal was sure not as much effort to save him would have been made.

“Whatever you need: waffles, gravy, this house? It’s yours. Treatment sounds fucking grueling, you’re going to be doing all the work, stuff like this is all I can do,” Nigel said, quietly, his mouth setting in a grim line. He hated that he couldn’t take care of Lee’s cancer the way he’d take care of anything else. Cancer couldn’t be bought off, it couldn’t be shot, or intimidated, or beaten bloody with fists. Nigel could do nothing but watch, really. 

“You’re the best man I know,” Lee whispered, meaning every word of it. Where Nigel might have been rough, his heart was in the right place, at least where Lee was concerned. Someone cared about Lee’s well being for once, and not just Cal worrying over everyone else.

Nigel smiled a little, sadly. “That says shit for the quality of men you know,” Nigel said, with a soft chuckle.

“That’s not surprising, you’ve seen most of them,” Lee noted, with a weak smile.

“Yeah, you’ve had some shit luck,” Nigel agreed, and kissed Lee on the lips, then palmed the side of his face. “I just want you happy.”

“And I am. I am,” Lee whispered against Nigel’s mouth. “I finally am.”

It broke Nigel’s heart that Lee was finally happy … and riddled with cancer. “Good,” he whispered, and kissed Lee again, deeply.

“Once we sign,” Lee started to say between heated, longing kisses, “we should christen the place.”

“Yeah?” Nigel whispered back, with a deeper kiss, his hands closing in the back of Lee’s soft shirt.

 

“On the bed,” Lee groaned softly, biting at Nigel’s lips, giddy with anticipation of owning his first real home with his _husband._ “The counters, the bathroom…”

“Fuck …” Nigel purred, as his hands gripped Lee’s narrow hips. “Our bed, our counters, our bathroom…”

“All of it. A lot of rooms to christen,” Lee whispered seductively, running high on breakfast fumes and lust.

“All of it,” Nigel promised, “the pool …” he moaned, backing Lee up against one of the windows of the house as they kissed, heatedly.

Lee ran his hands under Nigel’s shirt, up his chest, overly fond of his chest hair the more he allowed himself to be forward with what he loved about his husband. “Oh,God, the pool…”

“Our pool,” Nigel whispered as Lee groped his chest. Nigel responded by palming Lee’s ass, firmly.

“All of it’s ours now,” Lee groaned, sucking on Nigel’s lips and then his tongue lewdly, undoing the buttons of his shirt, palming down his chest.

“Can’t keep your hands out of the fur, can you?” Nigel whispered, with a moan in his voice as Lee undressed him.

“Can’t keep my hands off you in general,” Lee replied, huskily, sea-blue irises meeting Nigel’s amber ones. 

“Not going to fucking complain,” Nigel whispered.

Fingers skating over Nigel’s shoulders, Lee wound his hands around the back of his head and pulled him closer for another heated kiss, caging himself in the confines of Nigel’s frame. “How much time do we have?”

“Who knows, the fucking relator could-” the doorbell rang in the house, and Nigel smiled. “They’re here.”

“Fuck,” Lee sighed, and quickly did up Nigel’s shirt, though that was hardly the least of either of their worries.

Nigel just laughed, and kissed Lee again, fixing his rumpled clothes before he pulled the glasses from the bank out of his back pocket and put them on, then smoothed his hair down. “Lucas is buying the house,” he reminded Lee.

“I’ll try to remember to call you that,” Lee said, having just gotten used to calling himself something else, but he’d manage.

“Just for a few minutes,” Nigel said with a smile, and checked his reflection in the glass, then kissed Lee’s cheek and walked to the front door to answer it.

Lee nodded, following after his husband as he adjusted his shorts, uncomfortably. They were buying a house, a real house, _their_ house. Lee was still trying to grasp being married, let alone buying things together.

Nigel fixed his hair again, smoothed down the front of his jeans, and opened the door to let the agent in. “Hi,” she said with a big smile, shaking their hands, “that was quite the offer, they were very happy with that,” she said to ‘Lucas’.

“Well, I knew what I wanted,” he answered.

“We. We wanted,” Lee interjected sidling up to Nigel’s side.

Nigel smiled, and took the pen that the agent offered him. “It’s a beautiful house, I think you made a great choice. I’ll get you both to sign here … here, and here …” she said, pointing out the various spots.

Lee waited for Nigel to sign first and then did the same, assuming his name was still Lee at this point. He handed the papers and pen back, hand touching Nigel’s lower back.

“Great, I will send these off, you’ll get the deed in a few days. Congratulations. Here are the keys, if you want, there are instructions for the security system, you have someone on call twenty four hours a day for pool maintenance and security,” she said, and picked up her bag.

“Thank you,” Lee said taking the keys and instructions, looking through the booklet earnestly.

“Give me a call if you need anything else,” she said, and Nigel walked her out, and waved Sergei in. As the agent drove off, Nigel and Sergei talked as Sergei looked into the house and nodded approvingly, then left again. Nigel closed the door, and locked it with a smile, then walked back to Lee. “It’s ours. Officially. Sergei is going to check us out of the hotel, and bring our bags.”

“I was going to ask about our things,” Lee said, and then wrapped his arms around Nigel’s shoulders, kissing him softly on the side of his mouth.

“They’ll come,” Nigel promised, and kissed Lee full on the lips, glasses still on, making him look far more polished than usual.

“I keep expecting soft, nice things to flow from your mouth when you look like this,” Lee admitted, hands palming down Nigel’s chest once more.

Nigel laughed, and shook his head. “You’d be so fucking bored with that,” he purred, and pulled Lee closer by his waist.

“I don’t want you soft,” Lee admitted with another kiss to Nigel’s perfect mouth. “I love you hard and commanding.”

Nigel gave a little groan, and backed Lee into the large stone island in the kitchen, then lifted him and put him on it before kissing him again. “A pair of glasses isn’t going to fucking change that…”

“Fuck, I hope not,” Lee murmured, kicking off his sandals to the floor, fingers climbing down Nigel’s shoulders to the buttons on his shirt.

“Where were we?” Nigel asked, and tossed his glasses on the counter, then started to peel Lee’s shirt off, between slow, probing kisses.

“Here,” Lee whispered kissing Nigel again, and then shrugged off his shirt and then Nigel’s, pushing it over his broad frame.

Nigel shucked his shirt off, and pulled Lee closer by the waist of his shorts, then undid them as their lips melded again, bodies heating.Lee lifted hips and let the shorts drop to the floor, leaving him in his boxers, and then got rid of those too.

“You are so fucking gorgeous,” Nigel whispered as he gripped Lee’s cock, stroking it in one hand. He kicked his own shoes off, chest heaving.

Lee smiled, loving the honesty of when Nigel said it, all the love in the world felt from just those words. Lee groaned, leaning back, ass off the counter. “And all yours,” he dared say.

“All I ever wanted,” Nigel moaned, and nipped at Lee’s lips as he stroked him, slowly, with a strong hand.

Lee reached and undid Nigels jeans once more and pushed them down with his feet. “Oh?” Such conviction in his husband voice sent ripples of desire right through him, stiffening his cock once more.

“All I’m ever going to want,” Nigel moaned and squeezed Lee’s cock, kicking his jeans off.

“Good,” Lee said, reaching for Nigel’s cock to work him up, but they were both already so hard. “We need the lube…” he whispered against his husband’s mouth again.

“Fuck,” Nigel sighed and pressed them together, stroking with one hand. “Back in the fucking hotel.”

Lee looked around, wondering how equipped the house really was. “Oil?”

Nigel opened a few cabinets and found a bottle of walnut oil, likely used to oil the woodwork. “Here,” he murmured, and poured it over their cocks.

“Better than nothing,” Lee mused, spreading his thick thighs apart to jut out his hips and cock, palms flat to the counter.

“It’ll fucking do,” Nigel moaned, and reached around to brush his fingers over Lee’s ass before he pressed them in. Lee hummed and pushed himself off the counter just enough, holding his own weight, to take Nigel’s fingers in deeply.

“Fuck,” Nigel moaned, as he curled his fingers, driving them up and in, spreading his fingers.

 

“That’s good, keeping doing that-” Lee managed, already worked up from earlier, head lolling back on tense, tight shoulders.

“You love it when I finger you,” Nigel grunted into Lee’s ear, “don’t you?”

“Yes,” Lee gasped, eyes hooded as he writhed and wriggled his hips down onto Nigel’s fingers.

“Good, I love feeling that tight, hot little ass of yours from the inside,” Nigel moaned, sweetly, his accent even thicker than usual in Lee’s ear as he bit the lobe, and slipped a third finger into him.

Lee gasped once again, being stretched wide was more and more pleasing by the second as his skin flushed hot and sweaty. “Nigel-”

Nigel watched Lee’s eyes, the way they went stunningly blue when Lee was writhing around his fingers, played like a beautiful instrument. He pulled his fingers out, and without delay, pulled Lee down, over his cock, Lee’s legs hooked over Nigel’s forearms.

“Better-” Lee managed with a slow huff as he was impaled, grinding down on Nigel entire length. “Oh, much better…” He steadied himself with his elbows to the counter, leveraging himself against his husband.

“Much-” Nigel agreed, breathlessly, and arched up, into Lee, then laid him back on the cool stone of the kitchen island to fuck him with sharp snaps of his hips.

Lee relaxed back and reached his arms to grip Nigel’s forearms, heat coiling through his core and down this thighs quickly. “”Fuck, oh fuck. Harder-”

“You like it hard, don’t you?” Nigel groaned, and slapped one of Lee’s pale ass cheeks, sharply as he drilled himself into Lee, the blunt, short nails of his other hand digging into Lee’s hip.

“Always,” the brunet gasped, moaning around the word as every bit of pain and thrust was taken in stride, only putting him that much closer to coming.

Nigel reached Lee’s cock with his free hand and squeezed it, stroking it hard and fast. “Come for me.”

Lee lifted his hips in time with Nigel’s thrusts, up into his fist, eyes half hooded as he finally felt the spark shoot down his spine and rocket through his loins. “Fuck, Nigel-!” He came in bursting waves, spilling over Nigel’s fingers and his own stomach.

Nigel watched as Lee came, under him, and let his come flow over his bent fingers, glazing them. He fucked Lee through it, harder and harder, then raised his hand to his own mouth to suck the come off.

“Look at you,” Lee managed in another huff of a few breaths, still coming down from blissful high, waiting for Nigel to join him there.

Nigel’s eyes went from deep brown to black, and half-lidded. He moaned, then moaned again, harder, hissing as his body clenched tight. “Baby-” he managed, and then gasped, shaking as the orgasm shot through his body like a beautiful supernova, and he filled Lee.

“There, yes…” Lee clenched tight around Nigel, taking him in all the way to the hilt, holding him just there. He leaned up and kissed Nigel, slowly. Nigel almost fell into the kiss and clutched Lee’s hips as he rode the orgasm out. It was so good that it was nearly painful. Finally, he felt the overwhelming blast of bliss fade out and soften. He opened his eyes, panting, and stared at Lee, love-struck.

“One space down,” Lee whispered, biting a soft kiss into Nigel’s lips, hands on his neck and back of his head.

“Goddamn it, I love you,” Nigel whispered back as he enjoyed the feeling of Lee biting his tingling lips.

“I love you, too,” Lee murmured against Nigel’s mouth, arms tight around him now.

Nigel nuzzled Lee for a moment, then kissed his throat, slowly, and pulled Lee into his arms to carry him to bed. “Hang on.”

“What else would I do?” Lee laughed, using all limbs to hold on to his husband, kissing his face over and over again.

Nigel carried Lee with a smile to their new bed, and tossed him onto it, playfully, then laid over him as sunshine poured through the huge windows, and onto their skin. “Good fucking question.”

“I am very thankful right now for the furniture,” Lee grinned, gazing up at Nigel, sure there was never a more beautiful man, or human being.

“Or I’d have just put you on the floor?” Nigel asked with a grin. The sun lit him up from behind, making his ashy hair gleam and his skin glow a warm bronze.

Lee sometimes wondered if it was Nigel who was the angel that saved him, not the other way around. “You might have had to.”

“Luckily, I don’t. We have a nice bed, we’ve got sunshine,” Nigel murmured as he brushed his hands over Lee’s neck, over his shoulders and chest, adoring him.

“I love this house,” Lee admitted, all the light that it provided was serene, putting the often tense man at peace just being there.

“I knew you did. The second we pulled up you got this … look,” Nigel said with a smile. The corners of his eyes and the lines around his mouth came alive when he smiled.

“What look?” Lee asked, smiling brightly up at Nigel, forgetting about all that cancer stuff, the Movement-- everything but Nigel.

“Just this look, like you were lit up inside, like you loved it the second you fucking saw it but didn’t want to say anything in case I said no,” Nigel chuckled. “I wasn’t going to fucking say no.”

“I’m used to having things taken from me,” Lee admitted, head cocked to the side as he ran a hand through Nigel’s silvery hair.

Nigel swallowed hard, and kissed Lee’s lips, softly. “If anyone tries to take anything from you, ever again, I’ll beat the shit out of them,” he promised.

“I know you will,” Lee chuckled, absolutely in love with the man above him. “How did I get so lucky to have found you?”

“You dug through a pile of rubble, I was the fucking prize at the bottom,” Nigel joked as he nuzzled Lee, just as intensely in love with the blue-eyed man.

“I’d do it all over again, too,” Lee whispered, touching Nigel’s face with one hand. “I’d never stray from the life we have.”


	12. Chapter 12

After their things were delivered, Nigel decided they would use the black SUV for now, and Sergei flew home, to Romania. The next day came quickly, too quickly. Nigel laid awake in bed thinking about Lee’s first meeting with his medical team, wondering what would happen if they said he was beyond help.

Lee rolled over and put his arm around Nigel, curled into his side, the sun coming up and cascading morning orange and yellows over their bodies. Lee breathed in deeply, and then brought his arm over his mouth to cough, twice.

Nigel rubbed Lee’s back, helping him as much as he could, hoping it wouldn’t wake him yet. “Shh…”

Humming, Lee gripped Nigel’s side tightly and gazed up at him. “Did I wake you?”

“No. The sun did,” Nigel said, looking worn, and a little sad. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Lee murmured and kissed Nigel’s bare chest, looking out their see through walls into the yard. “Today’s the day.”

“Today’s the day,” Nigel repeated, softly, holding Lee with one hand in the middle of his back, feeling every breath he took. “Are you nervous?”

“Yeah,” Lee admitted, wrapping a leg around Nigel’s hip.

“About what?” Nigel whispered, and ran his hand over Lee’s thigh.

“All of it,” Lee sighed, tilting his chin up to look at Nigel, snuggling closer.

“I kept thinking of what we would do if they said they cannot help,” Nigel admitted, softly.

“Is… that likely?” Lee asked, thinking this whole time maybe with enough money, they could buy anything, any _cure_.

“I fucking hope not,” Nigel said, and pulled Lee in, closer as the rising sun settled over their skin. 

Lee, despite himself, prayed silently for something to work out. “It’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure it will be fine, it’s the best hospital in the world for this. Someone will be able to help us,” Nigel said, and kissed Lee, gently. 

“That's true. It'll be fine,” Lee agreed, crawling over Nigel to straddle him, forearms beside his head, gazing down at him.

Nigel wrapped both arms around Lee with a sigh, and rubbed his back. “We’ll find a way.”

Lee rested his forehead to Nigel’s, gazing at him. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Hungry?” Nigel asked, even if he’d rather stay in bed with Lee.

“I could eat,” Lee murmured, stretching. “We don’t really have food in the house yet.”

“We could get something on the way,” Nigel said, as Bucky leapt up on the bed to wag at them.

“We have time?” Lee asked, turning to look at Bucky with a chuckle. “He must want out.”

“We have time. It’s early,” Nigel sighed with a look at his phone. 

“I’ll shower and then we can run. Bucky coming with us?” Lee asked, rolling off of Nigel and landed on his feet beside the bed with a stretch.

“Bucky’s coming everywhere,” Nigel said, as Bucky jumped off the bed, glued to Lee as usual. He looked up at him with bright, green eyes, and gave Lee a doggy smile before leaning against his leg.

“Good,” Lee said as he walked to the bathroom, only time for a shower this morning. “I guess that’s showers, too.”

Bucky answered that question by hurrying to the shower to be the first one in it. “That’s a yes. Better than a dog who won’t let us fucking clean him,” Nigel reasoned, shuffling after Lee, looking at the healing biopsy on the back of his neck.

“Crazy dog,” Lee sighed and turned the water on Bucky, letting it warm up. “Coming in too?” he asked, looking back at Nigel.

“Why not?” Nigel said, with a shrug, and kissed Lee’s shoulder as he stepped in, then stretched his neck under the spray, which made the joints pop, loudly.

Lee got in after them both and shook his head, rubbing Nigel’s shoulders before wrapping them around him. “I like showers with you.”

Nigel grunted and closed his eyes when Lee rubbed his shoulders, smiling. “We’ve never had a bad one.”

“Nope,” Lee whispered and kissed Nigel’s neck, finding the shampoo for his hair, bottles they stole from the hotel, and lathered up Nigel’s silvery hair.

“I love it when you play with my hair,” Nigel whispered, smiling as he bent his head forward for Lee’s hands. He absolutely melted when Lee’s fingers brushed his scalp, it felt like a whole body massage.

Lee chuckled, and then massaged harder, making Nigel’s scalp tingle with the fancy shampoo. “Yeah? I’ll do it more often.”

Nigel wrapped his arms around Lee, practically purring and moving his head as Lee massaged his scalp. “Mhm?”

Lee kissed him instead of answering and then tilted his head back to rinse the suds away carefully, not to get it in Nigel’s eyes. Bucky licked at the water on the marbled walls, barking once.

“Shhhhh,” Nigel muttered when Bucky’s bark echoed off the walls. He kissed Lee, slowly, and cupped Lee’s face with both hands, cherishing the feeling of his stubble.

Lee hummed this time, and wrapped his arms around Nigel as their kissed, wet under the spray, thinking nothing of what the morning would offer away from the warmth of the shower. “Don’t mind him…”

Nigel chuckled, and picked up the soap they’d brought from their hotel, and washed Lee’s back, massaging his muscles. “Who?” Nigel asked, innocently, like Lee had made him forget they had a dog.

“Shhhhh,” Lee teased, leaning in closer to Nigel, their hips pressed together as Nigel washed Lee, though he knew it was just an excuse to touch.

Nigel could not touch Lee enough. His hands were addicted to the feeling of Lee’s smooth skin, every inch of it. He held Lee while they slept, and usually kept one hand on him at all times wherever they were. “You have such smooth skin…”

Lee hummed, taking the soap from Nigel to lather his hands and then started to wash his chest, over his shoulders, up his neck. “For now.”

“I’ll never get tired of touching it,” Nigel purred, and backed Lee up against the smooth wall.

Lee grinned, all too aware that they had more sex now than they ever had when he was in the confines of his the Movement, too deep in their belly to allow himself the freedom to enjoy anything. He wrapped a leg around Nigel’s waist, pulling him into a deep kiss.

Nigel groaned, and lifted Lee up with both arms so that Lee’s legs wrapped around his waist. He was hard again, already, throbbing as he held Lee up, under the spray, his heart already starting to pound. 

Lee reached for the bottle of lube on the shelf and handed it to Nigel, biting and sucking kissing into his mouth. “Take me.”

Unpacking their lube had been the first thing Lee and Nigel had taken from their bags after Sergei dropped them off. Priorities… He grabbed the lube, and slicked his cock, then lowered Lee over it, slowly.

Slicking himself as he bore down on Nigel, Lee held tight to his shoulders, flushing under the hot spray. “There-”

“There-” Nigel repeated, and watched Lee work himself over his cock. He moaned, and cupped Lee’s ass, spreading Lee’s thighs over his arms as he arched his hips and pressed up, slowly.

“Good…” Lee groaned, panting hard as he felt Nigel breech him completely, heat bursting through him.

“Yeah-” Nigel moaned, starting to rut harder into Lee, hard enough for the arches of his hip bones to bruise Lee’s ass.

Lee arched back into the wall, pressing down and forward into Nigel with each passing sweep of hips. “Fuck, yes harder-”

“Always harder for you-” Nigel whispered, hair hanging in his eyes as he fucked Lee harder, pinning Lee’s hips to the wall with both hands as he hammered into him.

“I just need it that way…” Lee managed, already the swell of orgasm seeping into this spine and lower back as he moaned, panting hard.

“So do I, baby,” Nigel moaned, as his nails dug into the flesh of Lee’s ass as they fucked against the wall. “Fuck. Gonna come…”

Lee gripped Nigel’s shoulders hard as his body tensed, overflowing with heat and bursting all but at the seams. “Fuck-” Nigel pressed his face against Lee’s throat as he came, shaking and flushed. He pressed himself as deep inside Lee as he could, filling him deeply as he climaxed with a shuddering gasp. Lee held Nigel close like that until they were done gasping and groaning, riding out the pleasure waves into stillness.

“Now I’m ready for breakfast,” Lee murmured.

Nigel laughed out loud, breathlessly, and kissed Lee’s throat up to his ear, then brushed their lips together. “Orgasm first, then breakfast.”

“Got to work up that appetite,” Lee sighed, putting his feet back on the ground, proceeding to clean himself up before turning the water off. 

Nigel smiled, and kissed Lee as the water washed them off, then looked back at where Bucky laid in the shower, almost napping under the warm spray. “He’s so used to us fucking that he falls asleep.”

“That’s a good dog,” Lee said, and pet Bucky with his wet foot before grabbing two towels for them.

Bucky woke up a little and stretched, then followed the couple out of the shower. Nigel dried himself, quickly, then dried the dog, and tossed his towel into a hamper. “He’s come a long fucking way since Bucharest.”

“We both have,” Lee mused and dried off quickly, tossing the towel with the other and went to their bags they hadn’t unpacked fully to put on clean shorts and a t-shirt.

“You have,” Nigel agreed as they left the bathroom. His stomach rumbled as he dressed, pulling on his jeans from yesterday, and his light blue shirt covered in dogs.

“Waffles or should we go somewhere else?” Lee asked, wallet in his pocket and sandals on.

“Waffles. You already know you like it there,” Nigel said, shoving his feet in boots.

“As long as it close to the hospital, that’s fine,” Lee said, leashing Bucky and heading for the door. “I’m starved now.”

“It’s on the way,” Nigel replied, and went to the door to set the alarm system.

Lee went to the car and waited, and once it was unlocked he got Bucky into the back and then crawled into the front seat himself. His stomach growled ferociously, remembering he had hardly eaten yesterday after finding the house.

Nigel got in, and started up the SUV, then drove it down their long driveway, and pressed a button on a clip that sat on the sun visor to open their gates, which he closed and locked with another button after they drove through. “I like that fucking gate.”

“Nice and secure,” Lee said, a little reminded of the Compound, honestly. But he’d always been safe in there, after Steve was gone.

“No one can even look in our windows. I like that,” Nigel said, and looked back at Bucky. “I like having a big fucking yard for him, too. We need a dog door so he can just go in and out whenever he wants.”

“I’m sure we can contract someone to do that,” Lee suggested, knowing it would be someone Nigel knew or picked, or no one. That’s just how Nigel worked.

“I’ll figure it out,” Nigel said and reached over to hold Lee’s hand. He didn’t want some asshole coming in and fucking up, or someone who tried to start shit, or steal from them. He felt safe at their home, he wanted to keep it that way.

“Okay, you do that,” Lee said as his stomach garble again at him.

“I can hear your stomach growling,” Nigel said with a chuckle, and a look at his husband’s stomach.

“I need three of those hashbrown bowls and a plate of waffles,” Lee said, so famished he was sure he’d eat it all.

Nigel laughed, and looked at Lee. “With gravy?”

“Yes, and maybe sausage this time,” Lee replied, squeezing Nigel’s hand. He was slowly working into new foods, at least for now, both of them aware that his body was going to need it.

“Yeah? That’ll be good,” Nigel said with a big smile. Lee had come a long way from all that tofu bullshit.

It would be difficult to keep to a vegan lifestyle with cancer, though not impossible, but Lee wanted to make it as easy for Nigel, too, as possible. “I hope so…”

“If not, I’ll eat it,” Nigel said, to take the pressure off. He was able to remember that Lee had some issues with eating in front of people, being watched.

Lee was admittedly working on that, and he thought he was doing pretty well, eating out and all. “No, no… I’ll eat it.”

“Okay, up to you, gorgeous,” Nigel said, as he turned off the main road.

“It’s not like it’ll be bad for me,” Lee said, and squeezed Nigel’s hand three time.

Nigel gave Lee a little look, and squeezed his hand back as he pulled into the waffle house parking lot. “Protein is good.”

“To a point. Grease isn’t,” Lee pointed out. “Clogs your arteries.”

“I’m still alive,” Nigel chuckled as he climbed out, and held the door for Lee on the other side. Bucky hurried into the front seat to come out with Lee.

Lee rolled his eyes once at Nigel, but smiled, as he got out and helped Bucky, too. They walked into the Waffle House once more, and the same waitress gave them both a look.

“You three again.”

“Us again. Do you have a table for us?” Nigel asked, his hand on Lee’s back.

She looked Nigel over and nodded, leading them to the same booth once more. She set down their menus and brought out the drinks they ordered last time and even a bowl for Bucky with water. “Take your time.”

“Sure,” Nigel said with a little smile as they sat down, and opened his menu. 

“Nicer than last time,” Lee pointed out as Bucky lapped up his water, this time under the table at his feet to do so. He opened the menu. “Maybe I should actually get waffles this time instead.”

“Get anything you fucking want,” Nigel said with a little smile. “Yeah, it’s amazing what a nice tip will do.”

Lee decided on the waffles with sausage on the side, just to prove to Nigel he was going to eat it. The waitress came and took their orders and the menus from them. Lee leaned on the table with his elbows.

“When’s the appointment, again?”

“An hour,” Nigel said, confidently. The appointment time was etched into his brain, and had been since it was made. “It’s nearby.”

“Okay. I don’t want us to be late.” Lee rubbed a hand over his face and then drank some of the juice. Luckily, service was pretty fast here.

“We’re not going to be late. I promise,” Nigel said, and reached over the table to lay his hand over Lee’s, holding it. 

“Nervous,” Lee said, chewing the inside of his cheek, and then took another sip of juice. “I don’t want all this to be for nothing.”

“It won’t be,” Nigel assured his husband. His early morning moment of doubt and anxiety was long gone now. “This is the best place in the fucking world and we’ve got more money than anyone they’ve ever met before. That’s a good combination.”

Lee shrugged, feeling a little bad for those in his position who didn’t have the money. “That’s true…”

“You’ve had a lot go wrong in your life, don’t feel guilty because now you have an advantage in a shitty situation,” Nigel reminded him.

“I’m…” Lee sighed and sat back. “I feel a little guilty. I don’t _feel_ very deserving.”

“What have you ever done that’s so bad that you don’t deserve to be taken care of when you’re sick?” Nigel asked, and brushed aside what he was sure Lee would say right off, with one hand. “And _fuck_ that guy we put under the pig,” Nigel whispered, “he deserved that.”

Lee closed his mouth after Nigel mentioned it first and kept it shut. “Then, nothing, but I mean… I could have been nicer, better…”

“You helped people, didn’t you?” Nigel said, staring directly into his husband’s eyes.

“Yes, that was… the main mission,” Lee said, taking another sip of the juice, knowing that Nigel was going to say he deserved all this help now for all the help he gave. It was just hard to justify.

“If I was sick, really sick, and we could save me with all this that we’re doing … would you say I don’t deserve it?” Nigel asked.

“No,” Lee said, canting his head, seeing Nigel’s point “I’m biased though.”

The waitress came back with another orange juice for Lee and set their meals down in front of them.

“Enjoy, fellas.”

Nigel nodded his thanks, and looked at Lee over the table with a soft smile as he picked up his fork. “So am I. Sue me.”

“Sue you? Take all the money you’re using on me anyway?” Lee teased, and poured syrup all over the waffle, foregoing the butter provided.

“It’s half yours, anyway,” Nigel said, and shoved some egg and bacon into his mouth.

“I guess.” Lee cut the waffle and then took a bite, and then picked up a sausage and dipped it in the syrup and ate that too.

“So, really, you’d be suing yourself a little,” Nigel chuckled, and tried to watch Lee eat sausage, no pressure…

Lee took another bite with syrup, and then another, before going back to the waffle. “It’s really good.”

“The … sausage?” Nigel asked, glancing over with a little smile.

“Yes,” Lee said and cut in the other one, taking a bit of it with the waffle this time. “All of it.”

Nigel’s smile grew, and he watched Lee now, then leaned over the table to kiss him. “Better than tofu?”

“A little,” Lee said against Nigel’s mouth, sharing the taste of his breakfast with sticky lips.

“A little …” Nigel laughed, and tossed a piece of bacon to Bucky. “You’ll be having steak with me, soon.”

Lee shook his head. “A little at a time. I like _this_ , this is good.” He finished his waffle and then his second glass of orange juice. He excused himself to the bathroom real quick and left Nigel to pay the bill once more.

Once again, Nigel left a recklessly generous tip, and waited for Lee and Bucky, who had gone with him, of course. Nigel stood outside of the bathroom door, back against the wall and checked the time. They’d have just enough time now to get to the appointment.

Lee walked back out and took Nigel’s hand with his freshly washed one. “All set. Nervous stomach.”

“You puked?” Nigel asked, as he took Lee’s hand.

Lee chuckled. “No, no. Just had to pee. You never feel the over need to take a piss when nervous?” They walked out, Bucky following along next to them, and then into the SUV once more.

“I’m not nervous that much,” Nigel said as they got into the SUV. He started it up, put his arm around the back of Lee’s seat, and backed out, into the parking lot, then started down the street toward the clinic.

“Guess you wouldn’t be, since you’re not the one with… tumors hiding inside of you,” Lee said, mostly to himself.

Nigel sighed, and looked at Lee. “I’m worried. You fucking know that,” Nigel said, quietly. “I just meant I’m not nervous in general.”

“I’m nervous about what they’ll find, how bad it is,” Lee said, swallowing thickly.

Nigel was silent for a moment as he drove, thinking about that. That had been what had made him wake up at four in the morning with a churning stomach. “Whatever they find, we’ll handle it.”

“I know,” Lee said, trying to keep positive about this, as he knew that if they didn’t --if he didn’t-- then things would turn sour fast.

They drove together, in silence, and very shortly, they arrived at the clinic. It looked like the photos they’d seen, nice, at least from the outside. Nigel found a place to park in the patient lot, close to the doors. “Alright.”

Lee got out, and then Bucky. He reached out for Nigel’s hand before they walked in. “This is it.”

“We’re supposed to check in at the front desk,” Nigel said, as he took Lee’s hand, and they walked through the doors that parted in front of them to reveal a large, clean looking lobby with lots of plants and light.

Lee saw the desk and lead them over, leaning up against the counter on his forearms. “I’m here for a consultation?”

“Did you have an appointment time?” the receptionist asked, as he looked at the computer in front of him. “Yeah, right now. Lee Vaduva,” Nigel said. “I have it here, have a seat in the chairs, and the doctor will be with you right away, Mr. Vaduva.”

“Thank you,” Lee said and tugged Nigel over with Bucky to the chairs, leaning over his knees as they waited. “As if we’d walk in without an appointment,” he muttered under his breath.

Nigel tutted and kissed Lee’s cheek as they sat down, then rubbed his back. “Gotta cough?”

“Chest hurts a little,” Lee admitted, having been trying to keep the coughing down, holding it in, not to worry Nigel more.

“Okay, won’t be long until we’re in, you’re probably just nervous as Hell,” Nigel murmured, rubbing Lee’s back with one hand, again, worrying over him.

“Yeah, told you.” He sat back straight and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. An older man in a white coat stepped out of the hallway, and looked at Lee and Nigel. “Lee Vaduva?” he asked.

“That’s me,” Lee said, standing quickly, Bucky’s leash in hand. “This is my husband, Lucas.”

Nigel hadn’t thought of the glasses, but just shook the doctor’s hand. “And who is this?” the doctor asked, looking at Bucky with a little smile.

Lee wanted to be safe, so fake names would do since the money was all in Lucas’ name. “This is Bucky.”

“Hi, Bucky. I’m doctor Sanche,” the doctor said, as he offered his hand to Lee to shake. “My office is just over here.”

Lee shook and the let go, following the doctor while he took Nigel’s hand again. “Great…”

The doctor held the door to his office open for Lee and Nigel, and gestured for them to sit down, then sat behind his desk and opened a file. “I received your files from Spain. How are you feeling, lately?”

“Same, coughing a little more, sometimes less,” Lee answered, taking a seat, where Bucky tried to crawl into his lap.

“More blood?” the doctor asked, as he looked at Lee’s x-ray, then his biopsy report.

“Sometimes,” Lee said, “The harder coughs usually do.”

“Are you on any medications right now?” he asked, a pen out to take notes.

“No,” Lee answered, simply. 

“Not even vitamins?” the doctor asked, as he wrote down Lee’s replies.

“I never thought I needed to,” Lee replied, shrugging. “I grew up eating every color of the rainbow, it wasn’t really necessary.” 

“And you don’t smoke, you don’t drink?” the doctor asked.

“No smoking. I drink a little wine now and then, but nothing harder than that,” Lee said, holding Bucky in his lap awkwardly, and then finally let him down.

Bucky sat on the floor, but stayed close to Lee as the doctor looked over his file, thoughtfully. “I won’t lie, you are in stage four, and there is no stage five,” the doctor said, gently, looking at Lee. “Melanoma is an aggressively metastasizing cancer, and it’s already reached your lymph nodes, and from there, your lungs. I don’t think that there is much we can do for you in terms of conventional therapy alone … however,” he said, and set the reports and films down. “We have a few clinical trials that could be expanded to include you, and may offer some hope for keeping you in good health much longer than could be expected with surgery and chemotherapy alone.”

“For… much longer, which isn’t saying much, is it?” Lee asked, feeling numb from the inside out, hands tight around Bucky’s leash.

“The treatment is highly experimental, and to be honest, we have no idea how much longer it may give you. First, we’d do surgery to remove the large growths from your lungs, and anywhere else we can, then we’ll shrink the remaining cancer as much as possible with chemotherapy, possibly radiation. After that is when the novel part of your treatment would begin,” the doctor said, and got a large pamphlet from a folder on his desk, then gave it to Lee to look at. “Essentially, what we’d like to do is harvest some of your immune cells: Cytotoxic T cells, to be exact. These cells are natural cancer killers, so to speak. However, sometimes these cells have a difficult time finding the cancer cells. We would take the cells into our research center, alter them a little to enhance their cancer fighting abilities, and then release them back into your body. In animal trials, the results have been staggeringly positive, even in advanced melanoma. Of course, those were animal studies, and it would be irresponsible of me to guarantee that it will work exactly the same in a human body, but it is promising.”

“Any other people?” Lee asked, feeling himself go completely number. He hid it well enough, swallowing down his fear. “It sounds like my choice at this point…”

“You’d be a member of a small group undergoing the same therapy,” the doctor said, with a nod. “I think at the moment it is the best choice you have. It is the choice I’d make.”

Lee looked at Nigel. “What do you think?”?”

Nigel chewed his lower lip, and took the pamphlet, looking it over. He hated himself, in that moment, for not being smarter, not knowing what all this meant. “Can we think about it?” Nigel asked, “what could go wrong? What could happen with this … experimental shit?” Nigel asked. “Well, it is experimental. There may be side effects. There will definitely be side effects to Lee’s chemotherapy and radiation, of course, that’s been known for years. This new immune therapy could result in an auto-immune disease, for example, that’s where the immune system attacks it’s own body by accident. There is a chance it will not be enough to reduce the remaining cancer cells,” the doctor opened a cabinet and pulled out a long paper, stapled together. “These are the results of the animal studies. Out of a hundred cats and dogs, two did not recover, five developed autoimmune diseases, and the rest made a complete recovery. As I said before, I cannot promise that our human trials will be the same. It could be better, it could very well be worse. I’d be irresponsible to promise a certain rate of success.” Nigel thought about it, and looked at the paper. “What the fuck happened to the animals?” he asked, curiously. “They’re here, most of them, for research,” the doctor said. 

“I wanna see one of the survivors,” Nigel said, bluntly. “I want to see what the fuck happened, with my _own_ eyes before you put all this shit into my husband.”

“Even if it's the only option?” Lee asked, but nodded, if Nigel wanted proof, then they should be able to see. 

The doctor looked astonished, and looked between them. “You want to see one of the animals who received this therapy? In person?” he asked. “Yeah. In person, a bunch of papers is one thing, I want to see proof. This is my husband’s life we’re talking about,” Nigel said, solidly, shoulders back as the light from windows around the office caught his high cheekbones. The doctor blinked for a moment, then put his hands on his desk, tapping his fingers. “Okay, okay. I’ll see what I can do. Our research facility is in this building. If you’ll wait here, I’ll be back with proof, and someone who worked in the trial if I can manage it. I might be a few minutes,” he said, and stood up, going to the door before he left the couple alone in his office. Nigel sighed through his nose, shoulders relaxing, and looked at the pamphlet again. “They can fucking write anything they want, we’re a couple of suckers as far as they know. I want to _see_ this shit.”

“I guess you have a point,” Lee sighed, and then took Nigel's hand. “People will believe anything if you sell it right.”

Nigel thought of Lee’s days as a ‘salesman’ and nodded. “We’re a little tougher to please, but I’m not wasting your time on bullshit.” He squeezed Lee’s hand, protectively. He didn’t want to say it, but Lee didn’t … have a lot of time.

“Not much left to waste, according to the results.” Lee knew it was bad, but he didn’t know it was going to be this bad. He’d just have to live the rest of it to the fullest.

“What’s the most fucked up about this is that you didn’t do a fucking thing wrong. I did drugs, I smoked … I should be the one in your place,” Nigel sighed. “Doesn’t make any fucking sense.”

“Price to pay, I guess, for believing in something not so… real,” Lee offered, though a small part of him still believed in something, it definitely wasn’t the Light, not after this.

“Lots of people believe in shit that isn’t real. That doesn’t mean they deserve this fucking cancer,” Nigel said, with his typical blunt honesty.

“I guess not. Just unlucky then, I guess,” Lee said, sitting back so Bucky could crawl back into his lap with a sad look at Lee.

Nigel was about to say something when the door opened and the doctor walked back in with a woman in a white lab coat, an animal crate in one hand, which she put on the desk. “Alright, I asked, and we assembled what we think might show you what the treatment can do, at least in animals. This is FN28, a cat. We got him from a shelter and under experimental conditions, he developed melanoma,” the doctor explained, and showed Lee and Nigel a photo of a big, pissed-off looking tabby cat. The next photo was of the same cat, but thinner, and with a piece of fur shaved around a growth on his skin. “He deteriorated, quickly, and we harvested his immune cells, then put them through the same treatment we’ll give your cells if you agree.” The next photo showed FN28 in a miserable state: rail thin, listless, laying at the bottom of a cage with an iv in one leg. “This was him at two weeks post treatment, then a month, and then six months,” the doctor said, giving Lee and Nigel three photos that showed a marked improvement in FN28’s health. He opened the crate, and reached inside, only to be growled at. “Sorry, he’s not really sociali- oww.” The doctor pulled his arm out, looking at a bite on his hand.

Bucky whimpered and Lee held him tighter. “I wouldn’t be either if I survived all that poking and prodding,” he said with a gentle, uneasy grin.

“He comes out when he wants to come out,” the lab assistant said, giving the doctor a look. Slowly, a pair of big gold eyes looked at Lee and Nigel, and then the big, tabby tomcat from the photos sauntered out, eyeing them all before he laid on the doctor’s desk. “As you can see, he’s a little, uh … feisty, but definitely in good health,” the doctor said, as he pressed a napkin to his hand.

“Will he stay in good health?” Lee asked, wondering if this worked at all, would it cure him or just give him more time?

“We think so. He seems completely normal, medically,” Dr. Sanche said, giving the cat wide berth as he sat at his desk, a safe distance away. “How do you get him back into the carrier?” Nigel asked. “He’ll go in when he’s ready,” the assistant said, and sat the carrier on the desk. The big tabby looked at Lee, then Nigel, and looked like he was about to go to sleep. 

“He’s very docile otherwise,” Lee pointed out, but he’d never had a cat, so knowing what to expect from this one compared to another? He had no idea.

Nigel just chuckled, and let the cat smell his hand, then pet his chest, which made him purr and roll to the side, stretched out. “I like him. He doesn’t take anyone’s shit. So, alright, he looks pretty good,” Nigel sighed, and looked back at Lee. “What do you think?”

“I haven’t any other choices,” Lee said, “it’s this or die, or this and die a little later.”

Nigel nodded and gave Lee’s hand a squeeze with his own ringed hand. “Alright. Then I’ll submit your paperwork. I’ll be your oncologist as well as oversee your involvement in the study. I’d like to schedule you for surgery as soon as possible to remove the tumors from your lungs, that will require a hospital stay here, I’d say at least two or three weeks before you can begin chemotherapy outpatient treatments.

“As soon as possible,” Lee said, wanting to get this started up now, before they changed their mind. He had half a mind to leave altogether and just disappear, not even cause Nigel this sort of pain.

“In that case, give me a moment and I’ll see what I can get booked,” the doctor said, and let himself out of the room. Nigel looked away from the napping tom cat, and met Lee’s eyes. “You okay?”

“Is this really how we spend my last however many days together?” Lee asked, quietly. “If it doesn’t work, have we just waited everything?”

“You … don’t want to do this?” Nigel asked, surprised hurt in his eyes. 

“I do, I want more time with you. I’m just scared it won’t work,” Lee sighed, squeezing Nigel’s hand. “I’m going to do it for you. For us.”

Nigel swallowed hard, speechless. “If I wasn’t around, you wouldn’t try? You wouldn’t want the treatment?”

“If you weren’t around I’d have nothing to stay here for,” Lee said, canting his head. “I probably wouldn’t even know I was dying at all.”

“If you don’t want to-” Nigel was interrupted by the doctor walking back in, and stopped talking, clamming up. “Two days from now, we can get you in for your lung surgery, at six a.m.,” the doctor said.

“I’ll do it,” Lee said, not letting Nigel say no for him. Lee was going to fight this for them, it was the best thing he’d ever had. He would have to make the best of everything, every day.

The doctor nodded with a smile, and stood to shake the couples hands, “I’ll see you then. A nurse will call with instructions for how to prepare for the surgery.”

Nigel listened with a closed look in his eyes, breathing slowly as he shook the doctor’s hand, then held the door for Lee and the dog.

Lee walked out with Bucky, and toward the exit, waiting for Nigel at the door, his hand out. “You’re quiet.”

Nigel took Lee’s hand in his own, and walked to the SUV, still quiet as they got in. He shut the door, and sat behind the steering wheel, staring at the clinic with intense eyes. “I should say that if you don’t want to fight, you don’t have to,” he said, quietly, but clearly. “You’re going to get your fucking lungs cut up, get your body pumped full of chemicals, get radiated …” he sighed, and swallowed hard, then looked at his husband. “But I guess that makes me a selfish bastard. I’m not going to say it’s okay if you don’t want to fight. _You have to fight_.”

“Either way I’m going to go down in pain, why not spend a little more of it with you?” Lee offered, getting into the SUV, Bucky in his lap this time, staying close. “I don’t want to leave you yet, but I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“How the fuck are you going to hurt me by not leaving me?” Nigel asked, with a deep frown on his handsome face, a thick furrow between his brows.

“You have to watch me go through it,” Lee pointed out, petting Bucky. “That won’t be easy, either.” Nigel looked back out at the endless blue sky, lit by a blistering sun, and squared his jaw. “None of it’s going to be fucking easy, but if you just … gave up, or you just fucking walked away …” Nigel licked his lips, unable to come up with words for that sort of pain.

Lee patted Bucky into the backseat and moved over to Nigel, crawling into his lap between him and the steering wheel, still parked. Straddling Nigel, Lee gazed at him, up close, forehead to forehead. “I won’t walk away. I’m not giving up.” As much as it seemed like something that would be easier and far less heartbreaking in the end.

Nigel had a sore spot that went down into the core of his armor-clad personality. He was afraid that he was just the kind of person people _left_. His throat went tight, and he looked over Lee’s shoulder, heart beating fast. “ _Everyone_ … leaves me,” he managed.

Cancer and death from it weren’t things that Lee could control, but he could fight, at least, and show Nigel he didn’t want to leave. Mind made up, he would do just that. “I’ll do my best to fight this, Nigel. I don’t want to leave you. You _know_ that.”

Nigel shifted his jaw and met Lee’s eyes, breathing harder than usual as he fought to control his emotions. “You don’t? You’re fucking sure about that?” Maybe Lee was sick of him and now that he was going to go through all this, he wanted Nigel gone. That little voice in Nigel’s head whispered possibilities that made his heart sink.

“The last thing I want is for us to end, for it all to be over. We just found out less than a week ago I had cancer, We’re both processing still. But I’m going to fight it as long as I can,” Lee explained, hand over Nigel’s heart.

Nigel swallowed hard again, and put his hand over Lee’s, keeping it there, then pulled him to his chest with hot tears in his eyes, heart hammering hard against Lee’s ear. “When Gabi left, I destroyed our fucking house with a crowbar, then burnt it to the ground. I sobered up five days later in another country,” Nigel confessed. “If you left me … all of that over someone who doesn’t even matter to me anymore would look like nothing. I think I’d fucking … _die_ ,” he said, through a strangled throat.

“So long as you try to keep a level head so we can both get through this, I’m sure we’ll buy a bit more time for me,” Lee said, hopeful, as he had to be when Nigel got like this, which wasn’t all that often, thankfully. 

Nigel took a shuddering breath. It was strange. He didn’t default to rage with Lee. It was … sadness that came through, instead, and made his hands shake hard. That had never happened before, with anyone else. Nigel bit his lower lip until he tasted blood, and nodded, tanned arms circling around his husband more tightly. 

“I need you, I can’t do this alone, Nigel,” Lee whispered, listening to quickening thud of Nigel’s heart, all but curled into his lap, wrapped around him, hard to tell where one began and the other ended.

Nigel took another breath, and closed his eyes, starting to calm down. “You won’t, baby,” Nigel promised, as he stroked his hand over the back of Lee’s head. “You won’t. I fucking promise,” Nigel whispered.

“Okay,” Lee said, feeling vulnerable admitting how much he needed someone else, honestly.

“It’s going to be fucking rough but I’ll be there. I’m not going to leave your fucking side,” Nigel whispered, sincerely.

“I know,” Lee said, nuzzling his nose into Nigel’s neck softly.

“You’re not leaving. I’m not leaving…” Nigel said, calming down as he rubbed Lee’s back.

“Surgery in two days,” Lee murmured, having never gone through anything like that in his life. He’d never so much stayed at a hospital either.

“We’ll do anything you fucking want until.then,” Nigel promised as he reminded himself not to crush Lee with his arms.

“Oh? Like what? What’s there to do in Texas?” Lee chuckled, and sat up a bit to look at Nigel, to watch his sad eyes.

“I don’t know, go pet cows or some shit,” Nigel said, managing a smile.

“Cows?” Lee laughed, kissing Nigel’s jaw up to his lips. “Did you want to look for a new car?”

“That’s what you want to do with your day before surgery? Not go drink fucking expensive wine or fireworks or something?” Nigel asked, his head tilted.

“Maybe we find some wine on the way to?” Lee asked, not sure what he wanted, but he did know he wanted it with Nigel.

“Okay,” Nigel agreed, and kissed Lee’s lips, softly and sweetly, then rested their foreheads together for a long moment. 

“I love you,” Lee said, breathing easily, now.

“Love you too, Baby, more than anything. Let’s get a real car, then go get some wine, okay? Is there anything you want to eat? Something you’re not going to get in the hospital?” Nigel would bring Lee anything he wanted, anyway, of course. Hospital food was straight up shit.

“I’m pretty simple in tastes,” Lee offered, and crawled off Nigel lap to buckle himself in-- they couldn’t drive like that.

Nigel leaned over and stole three more kisses from his husband, then closed his eyes as Bucky poked his head through the gap between the seats and licked his face, quickly. 

Even Bucky wanted Nigel happy. It was cute.

They drove to a few car lots, but nothing stood out, so they left, and found another with muscle cars, fast cars that Lee had never even thought to drive, bigger and fancier than Nigel’s in Romania.

Cars were usually tiny in Romania, so Nigel’s car in Romania stood out, as it was a normal sized American car. This dealership, however … they had muscle cars. Nigel smiled as they got out of the SUV, and he looked around, letting out a low whistle as he walked straight to a few shiny, newer model cars. “Fucking look at these…”

“Big and beautiful,” Lee said with some admiration, though he hardly knew too much about cars, never having grown up with them as objects like some.

Nigel admired a big, black mustang, running his hand over the top of it, and looked inside. “What a massive fucking engine something like this must have,” he mused as his silver hair blew across his eyes. 

“This is your idea of a big comfortable car to drive me around in?” Lee asked, brows raised, smirking a little as Nigel all but drooled.

“It’s big and fucking comfortable, right?” Nigel said, and opened the passenger door to look at the leather seat, which looked cushy. “Try it out.”

Lee sighed and indulged Nigel, getting into the car, which was hot from the sun. “It’s okay. Leather is.. Hot.”

“Yeah, but it’s fucking leather,” Nigel said and got in the driver’s side as Bucky jumped up onto Lee’s lap. “Air conditioning would fucking fix that, if the car was on,” he said, his dark eyes lit up as he put his hands on the steering wheel.

Lee couldn’t really say no here when Nigel was giving him the best chance at life possible. “If you want it, but you’re sure and don’t want to look around anymore?

“Yeah, okay, let’s look at some other cars,” Nigel sighed, and leaned over to kiss Lee on the cheek. 

“Just look, if you decide you like this one…” Lee said, and got out, carrying Bucky in his arms, muscle straining, but in no pain.

“Can you carry him alright?” Nigel asked as a sales woman approached with a big smile. 

“Hey, y’all!” she said, waving, “are you finding what you’re lookin’ for?”

“Here comes the wolves,” Lee murmured, setting Bucky down just fine, and took his leash in hand. “My husband likes muscle cars. That’s what we’re looking for.”

“Oh, well we’ve definitely got that,” she said. The woman’s hair, nails, and makeup seemed designed to be so large that they would scare off predators in the wild. “Why don’t y’all come into the showroom and have a gander? It’s got air conditioning…”

Nigel took Lee’s free hand in his. “I want something modern, comfortable for my husband, enough space for the dog,” he said, bluntly, as they followed her toward the glassed in showroom.

“New, preferred,” Lee said, knowing that negotiating a used car was going to take them hours.

“New,” Nigel agreed as they stepped inside, and he laid his eyes on a big silver muscle car in the middle of the show room. “ _That_ one,” he said, decisively, walking toward it.

“What is that?” Lee asked, quietly, to Nigel.

“Big, American, fast,” Nigel said as he waved off the saleslady, and leaned in the window to release the hood latch, then opened it, and looked under the hood at the motor. He closed it, and walked around the passenger side, opening the door. “Try it.”

Lee raised one brow and then got in, letting Bucky crawl over him to the back. It was comfortable enough. “It’s okay…”

“Better than the other car?” Nigel asked, as Bucky crawled in and made himself at home on the deep, curved back seat, stretching out with a heavy sigh.

“It’s a little bigger,” Lee pointed out. “It’s up to you. I’m not going to notice much.”

“Want to take it for a test drive?” the saleswoman offered, holding the keys out. “I just need some ID and a couple papers signed,” she said. Nigel took the keys, showed her Lucas’s passport, and signed the papers before climbing behind the wheel. 

Lee canted his head at Nigel, and then shut the door on his side. “She’s not coming?”

A garage door opened opposite the car and Nigel started it up. “Nope,” he said, decisively, and drove off in the new car, powerful engine roaring as he did. “Not if she wants the fucking sale.”

Lee laughed, albeit a little nervously. “I think the law is that she should be with us…”

“Are you fucking kidding me? She has to babysit us?” Nigel asked, as he drove out of the lot, and rolled down the street.

“So you don’t steal the car,” Lee reasoned, knowing his husband wouldn’t risk that. “That’s just how dealerships usually do it, but if you’re buying, I’m sure she won’t care.”

“She’ll get a nice commission and forget all about it,” Nigel said as he shifted gears with a smile.

“So you want this one?” Lee asked, holding onto the door as Bucky stuck his head out the window.

“I like this one, handles well, big enough for the dog, nice engine.”

“Then… let’s buy it,” Lee suggested, wanting Nigel to get something good out of this, no matter the outcome.

“Yeah?” Nigel asked as he took a corner with a big, boyish grin that showed off all his crooked teeth.

“Yeah. You love it, it’s comfortable, why not?” Lee asked, shrugging his shoulders. “You deserve nice, too.”

Nigel stopped at a traffic light, and looked at Lee with shining eyes, then kissed him on the lips for that. “I have you…” he purred, and made a sharp u-turn when the light turned green, which the car managed effortlessly.

“And because you do have me, you’re getting this car,” Lee said with a little smile. 

Nigel changed lanes smoothly, still smiling, and squeezed Lee’s hand. “I’ve wanted a fucking car like this since I was a fucking kid,” he confessed, headed back to the dealership. “I found a toy car, in an alley once. It was silver like this. I think I had that fucking thing until I was _twelve_ …”

“Now you get a real one,” Lee mused, head canted as he watched Nigel, and smiled at the he was lit up.

“Yeah, I do,” he said, unable to stop grinning as he turned back into the dealership lot with a rev of the engine. A car like this in Romania would have stuck out like a sore thumb, not a good thing for what he did. But here, he could have it. “You don’t mind riding around in this flashy thing?”

“If you like it, I like it,” Lee said with a bigger smile. “It’s just a car to me.”

“I love it,” Nigel said as he pulled up to a stop outside the showroom, then leaned over to kiss his husband, softly. “I’m happy to drive you everywhere in it.”

“I should hope so. What are going to do with the SUV?” Lee asked, against Nigel’s lips, softly.

“It’s a rental, from the airport. We’ll just return it whenever,” Nigel said, “or call them to pick it up or whatever they do here. You could drive it, I could follow you and we could go get wine after we take it back.”

“Just as easy to make them come get here. One less thing to worry about,” Lee offered, though he’d gladly drive it back if he had to.

“You don’t want to take it on the freeway,” Nigel said with a knowing smile and parked the beautiful silver car, then kissed Lee.

“I didn’t say that…” Lee replied, “but it is a little scary. I’ll do it if you want me to.”

“No, Baby, we’ll get them to come get it,” Nigel said, and kissed Lee again before he got out. “Want to stay here while I pay?” he asked, like he was talking about a fast food meal, not a car priced in the hundreds of thousands of dollars.

“They have to do paperwork, Nigel, it’s going to take a while,” Lee said, getting out of the car to walk Bucky around either way.

Nigel got out and gave Bucky a scratch behind his ear, “okay, I’ll be back out soon,” he said, and headed inside. Bucky sniffed around until he found a patch of grass near the building and relieved himself, then followed Nigel’s scent to the door.

“Are we going in?” Lee asked the dog, and opened the door to let them back into the building, thankfully air conditioned.

Bucky walked in ahead of Lee, and followed Nigel’s scent to a closed office door, then pawed at it, and looked up at Lee.

Lee knocked first, he’d be polite after all, and waited. “Just be patient,” he told the dog.

The saleslady opened the door and gave Lee a gummy smile, “Come on in, we’re just gettin’ the papers signed. So you two are new to Houston?” she asked and gestured for Lee to have a seat next to Nigel.

“Yes,” Lee said, taking a seat next to Nigel, and pet Bucky’s head so he’d sit at his feet.

“How long have y’all been here?” she asked, her smile still plastered on as Nigel signed papers as fast as he could.

“Less than two days,” Lee answered, feeling uncomfortable with the woman.

“That’s good, it’s a wonderful place to live. Y’all are married? That’s nice. My cousin got married to his boyfriend this fall, it was nice,” she said, through the same smile.

“How nice for him. We married in Spain,” Lee offered, idly.

“Aww, that sounds romantic. Got any family here?” she asked, as Nigel put the papers on her desk and took another stack with a roll of his eyes.

“No. Is that important to buying a car? Being intrusive?” Lee asked, brows furrowed together, his patience growing thin.

Nigel smirked, and the saleswoman’s smile evaporated, “No, not at all, just makin’ conversation. Excuse me,” she said, “I’ll bring some coffee…”. She stepped out, closing the door behind her, and Nigel laughed.

“I thought for sure we were under trial or something,” Lee sighed, sitting back now that she was gone, relaxing.

“Fucking nosy,” Nigel agreed as he kept signing papers with a sigh. “What the fuck do I have to sign all these fucking papers for? I’m just fucking buying it. Not a fucking loan.”

“Bill of sale,” Lee said, shrugging. “Almost done though, it looks like.”

“Last one and we can get the fuck outta here,” Nigel said, and signed, then tossed the papers on the desk and stood, stretching. “Rental company will come get the SUV, we’re good to leave.”

“Good,” Lee sighed, and stood up with Nigel, a little light headed. He caught himself on Nigel’s shoulder. “Got up too fast.”

Nigel’s long arm shot out and caught Lee by the waist, steadying him. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah,” Lee said, looking at Nigel up close. “I need some water maybe.”

“We’ll get some,” Nigel promised, and helped Lee out to the car as they passed the saleswoman. “Everything’s on the desk. I have the keys,” he said on his way by as she tried to remind him about insurance and plates. That could wait. He helped Lee into the car and went back into the showroom, then came back with a bottle of water, and handed it to Lee.

“Thanks,” Lee said, taking the bottle of water and drinking it down quickly in a few guzzles. “Get what you need, I’m okay.”

“Are you fucking sure?” Nigel asked softly, bent down to look Lee in the eye where he sat. “Is it too hot out?”

“It’s warm, just give me the keys, and I’ll get the air going,” Lee suggested, hand out for the keys.

Nigel sighed, and gave Lee the keys, then touched his cheek with one hand. “I’ll get some fucking plates from this nosy bitch and be right back, okay?”

“Okay, it’ll just be paper work, the plates themselves come later on from the DMV,” Lee said, turning the car on and the AC blasted right away. “Another bottle of water, too, please.”

“I’ll bring one,” Nigel said, and leaned over to kiss Lee’s forehead, then shut the door for him, and strode back into the dealership

Lee let his head fall back against the seat as Bucky made himself comfortable in the back. Lee closed his eyes for a second, dozing off.

Fifteen minutes later, Nigel came back out, and climbed in the car, looking at Lee for a moment before he put the water bottle in his lap, and kissed his temple. “You okay?”

Lee opened his eyes, a little startled. “Hm? Yeah, yeah, fine. Sorry, the heat got me a little worn out I guess.”

A worried look crossed Nigel’s eyes, softening them. “Want to go home and take a nap? It’s not late yet, we’ve got lots of fucking time, no rush…” He did his best to sound unconcerned.

“No, let’s go out as planned, I can nap later. Lots of time later,” Lee insisted, opening the bottle of water.

“You’re fucking sure?” Nigel asked, looking into Lee’s eyes.

“Yes, I am fucking sure.”

Nigel nodded, and touched the side of Lee’s face. “Okay,” he agreed, then backed out of the parking space and headed out of the lot. “I think I found somewhere to get wine.”

“Yeah? Good?” Lee asked, stifling a yawn and then drank some of the water, slower this time.

“Yeah, good reviews and shit, anyway,” Nigel said, sneaking a look at Lee as hey headed downtown.

“That’s good,” Lee smiled. “I don’t know much about wine yet so I’m sure we’ll not notice anyway.”

“They put together little … trays of different wines for you to try. You can try and find whatever the fuck you like that way, plus … they have beer and food, so hey,” Nigel said with a smirk.

“Nice for you,” Lee said with a growing smirk, reaching over and touching Nigel’s arm, knowing he needed both hands for driving this car.

“Mostly for you, though,” Nigel said with a grin, and looked at Lee before he took the freeway, speeding up smoothly. “We can sit outside with Bucky, get a little fucking sun...”

“There’s enough of it here,” Lee said, getting used to the freeway, though he mostly kept his eyes on the dashboard.

Nigel managed the wheel with one hand and took Lee’s in his, squeezing it. “Just on the freeway for a minute.”

“I know,” Lee murmured, looking down at their hands.

“Were you ever in an accident or shit like that? A crash?” Nigel asked, curiously. His thighs flexed as he shifted gears, taking his hand from Lee for a moment, then took Lee’s hand again, trying not to notice that it felt a little thinner than usual. Then again, maybe he was imagining it. 

“Not that I recall. My parents were terrible drivers,” Lee mused, looking at Nigel.

“I can fucking imagine. Don’t worry, I’m not going to crash us. I drive fast, but I’m in control,” Nigel reassured Lee as he slowed down, going into the city’s core. It was even hotter here, heat waves bouncing off of the concrete sidewalks.

“I thought New York summers were bad,” Lee sighed, watching the waves in a distance create little mini mirage puddles on the streets.

“Looks fucking brutal,” Nigel sighed, and looked back at Bucky. “I’ll carry him in. Don’t need burned paws.” He parked the car, smoothly, and opened his door, greeted with a wall of heat when he did so.

Lee made a face at the heat, and nothing like Spain, and got out. Bucky jumped out and whimpered. “Oh stop,” he said, letting Nigel get to Bucky.

Nigel picked the pit bull up, easily, and carried him toward a small, but cozy looking bar, where they seated themselves at a table in a courtyard, under the shade of a tree. “Been to a bar before?” he asked Lee, genuinely curious.

“A few times for business meetings for the Movement,” Lee said, shrugging as he took a seat, letting his long legs stretch out under the table. “Never drank in one, though.”

“Another first with me,” Nigel said with a dashing grin as he let Bucky down and sat opposite Lee, admiring him. He couldn’t deny he was competitive about what Lee got to do with him, first. He couldn’t help it.

“Another first,” Lee chuckled, and then leaned to cough into his arm, giving Nigel a look. “Keep track?”

“Yeah, I fucking keep track. Something wrong with that?” Nigel asked, after licking his lips and smiling at Lee with his eyes. “I … like to be the one you get to discover shit with. I just … do.”

“I don’t mind. You helped me find who I was, what I was missing out on,” Lee mused, just as a woman came and gave them a few menus to look over.

Nigel took his menu, after making sure the waitress wasn’t checking Lee out, and looked it over as he petted Bucky with his foot where the dog lay between them in the shade. “So did you … for me,” Nigel admitted, softly, and looked at Lee over the menus. “I was ready to die, then you showed up.”

“We’ve been good for each other,” Lee said, looking over the extensive menu, brows raised. “Lots of cheese.”

“Some meat, too …” Nigel said with a little smile, and stared at his husband. “You like cheese now.”

“I do. That baked brie sounds interesting,” Lee mused to himself mostly. “I wonder what wines go well with that…”

“You could ask, I bet they know here,” Nigel said, as he closed his menu, already decided.

“That’s true,” Lee said and folded his menu up. The waitress came back, expectantly. “I want the baked brie and a few tasters of which ever wines you think go well with that.”

“We can that do, sure,” she said, and looked at Nigel.

“A pint of this-” he said, pointing to a beer on the menu, “and the meat platter,” he said, handing the menu back, “and a bowl of water for the dog. It’s fucking hot out here.”

“You got it,” she replied and took the menus and walked off. Not more than a minute later the bowl with water for the dog came out and was placed by Bucky.

Nigel thanked her, his eyes once again following hers closely to make sure she wasn’t going to flirt with Lee, then relaxed again when she walked off, and petted Bucky’s back as he drank. “Not a bad place.”

“Not everyone is out to get me, you know,” Lee said, watching Nigel carefully, head canted as he leaned back in his chair.

Nigel raised an eyebrow at that, “what the fuck does that mean?”

“I watch you watch people,” Lee grinned, and touched his sandaled foot to Nigel’s, fondly.

Nigel looked down, and licked his lips, then smiled a little, sadly. “Yeah, I do…” he admitted. “So what?”

“Nothing.” Lee sighed. “I’m not going anywhere. You are stuck with me.”

“I know you’re not going anywhere,” Nigel muttered, tapping his long fingers on the table. “I’m just … careful. I can’t explain it. I don’t want to fucking take chances and lose you to someone else.”

“I married _you_ ,” Lee said, thoughtfully. “You have to trust me at some point.”

“I _do_ fucking trust you,” Nigel said, hands spread, frustrated with trying to explain the choking tangle of feelings that welled up inside him. “I know you’re not that sort of man, I fucking do. I don’t know why the fuck I stress about this shit.”

“Sorry,” Lee said, seeing Nigel struggle, leaning forward he pressed his palms into his thighs.

“I just …” Nigel tried, staring at the top of the table with a furrowed brow as he did his best to untangle his thoughts, arms folded over his chest. “I’m not … you know…” he shrugged, like Lee should be able to guess what he meant.

Lee nodded, looking at the table as he chewed the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. “Yeah. I mean,” he sighed. “Just know I love you, I married you, and I’m sticking around for you. That’s got to mean something.”

“I know. It does,” Nigel said, and went quiet as the waitress put their order on the table, and left them to it. Nigel picked up his beer and took a long swallow, relaxing a little. “I think there are people who are … easy to love. Everyone likes them, they just … they’re easier to be around, lovable, soft … I know I’m not one of them. Never fucking have been, never fucking will be. I’m more like one of those porcupines, not a _puppy_ or some shit.”

“I’m not really a puppy either,” Lee reminded his husband. “At least I don’t think so. And so what if someone does think so, I don’t know them, and I don’t care to.”

Nigel looked at Lee as he drank, and thought that over as he put the glass down. “What if you want a fucking puppy instead of a porcupine? What if you get fucking sick of me?” Nigel muttered, almost under his breath, accent thicker than usual.

Lee raised his brows as he sniffed at the wines set out before him. “What if the porcupine is really just a dog that needs to be loved under all the spikes?”

Nigel smirked a little at that, and had to admire Lee’s determination to see the best in him. It was sweet. “That would make a fucking ugly dog…” he chuckled, then tilted his head. “That’s what you think? I’m a gentle thing under all this armor?”

“I know you are, at least to me. That’s all that matters,” Lee pointed out, solidly and spread some of the brie onto the provided baguette.

“You’re different,” Nigel said, and speared a piece of thinly sliced prosciutto with a small fork, then ate it with his fingers.

“Different, maybe,” Lee offered, and put the bite into his mouth with a pleased hum, slowly getting over his phobia of eating in front of others.

“How is it?” Nigel asked, watching Lee eat as he drank his beer, the dark amber color of it matching the lightest glints in his eyes.

“It’s really good,” Lee said, taking another bite, and then offered the next bite to Nigel.

Nigel leaned forward, and opened his uneven teeth before he clamped the bit of bread and cheese, taking it. He chewed and swallowed, nodding. “Not bad. You’d like France. All sorts of shit like that…”

“Yeah? Maybe when this is all over and I’ve run Steve to the ground with all the built up bad Karma he has coming,” Lee offered, tasting one of the white wines, which went very well with the cheese. Nigel smiled at that. “France would be a nice reward for that. Good wine?” He liked hearing his husband talk about the future. He liked hearing him assume that there was going to be one.

Keeping positive was all they had now, and Lee had to be the brunt of it. “It’s very good, from the little experience I have with wine.”

“What’s it called?” Nigel asked, and offered a little bit of the fancy meat to his husband to try.

Lee leaned to take the offered piece and then looked at the tray of sample glasses and what was written. “Chardonnay, from France it looks like.”

Nigel fed Lee the little slice of meat, and nodded. “Nice. Finding out what you like is good. I know what to spoil you with later.”

“Yeah, this isn’t too bad, sorta grassy?” Lee wasn’t sure what he was tasting, but it wasn’t terrible.

“Grassy?” Nigel asked and leaned forward to smell the wine. It just smelled like … wine, to him. 

Lee laughed. “There are tasting notes here that say it has a grassy quality, and crisp apples.”

“How much fucking grass have you eaten that you can taste that?” Nigel teased, and sipped his beer, eyes sparkling over the rim.

“It reminds me of fresh cut lawns, a little,” Lee pointed out, with a little smile and drank some of the wine and then ate more cheese.

“Huh. What’s this remind you of?” Nigel asked, curiously, pointing to a dark red wine at the end. Lee seemed … good at tasting wine, if that was a thing.

Lee picked up the red one, and sniffed it and tasted it as the instructions said to. “Figs and cherries.”

Nigel smelled the wine when Lee was done. “You might be some kind of fucking wine savant.”

“What? No,” Lee smiled, and took another sip, thoroughly enjoying the complexity.

“Yeah, some fucking wine _genius_ or something. I can’t taste shit in wine,” Nigel said, proud of Lee’s newfound talent. 

“What do you taste?” Lee asked, sitting back to enjoy the day, and took up one of the other sample wines to taste.

“I don’t know … wine. Just … kind of … “ Nigel shrugged and gestured to his beer. “This is just beer to me.”

“Nothing great?” Lee asked, head canted just so as he watched Nigel. “Never tried anything else?”

“I usually just drink whatever I see first, I’m not picky,” Nigel laughed, and opened the menu, then handed it to Lee. “Here, you pick one out for me.”

“I know nothing about beer,” Lee said, but then again, he knew little about wine, too. He looked over the list. “What about this Belgian tripel?”

“Sure, I’ll try anything,” Nigel said, enjoying the quiet time they had together right now. He had no idea when they’d get to do this again after Lee had surgery, but tried not to think about that. 

“Okay. You get that and tell me if there’s a difference or if it’s just ‘beer’ to you,” Lee said with an amused grin, resting their feet together under the table.

Nigel ordered it from the passing waitress, and handed her his empty glass. He didn’t look this time to see if she was looking at Lee. “Okay, we’ll see. Maybe I just need something a little nicer than the fucking swill I usually like.”

“Maybe you do,” Lee said with a little smile. “I’ve never enjoyed beer much even when I did drink.”

“Did you ever enjoy it when you drank? Or just drink to get wasted?” Nigel asked, having done his share of both.

“Wasted. That was probably a big issue with it,” Lee replied, with a sigh, and finished one of the small tastes and set the glass aside.

“You don’t want that now, though, do you? I used to get wasted just so I didn’t throw myself off a building. I figured that was better. I could always wake up with a hangover, better than not waking up at all,” Nigel said, matter-of-factly.

Lee shook his head, looking down at the next little glass of wine as he swirled it around the bowl. “No. I drank to forget, to cope. Just made me angrier.”

“You had every fucking right to be angry,” Nigel said, and leaned over to kiss Lee on the cheek, admiring him in the warm glow of the sun that persisted, even in the shade. “Did you fight when you were drunk?”

“I don’t remember much. Probably, when I was younger, mostly,” Lee said, without conviction. It was a long time ago, and he was far from that man now.

Nigel chuckled and took his beer when it arrived. “Me too. I’d just wake up … bloody.”

“Yeah. I stopped getting that bad around the time Steve really helped me on the path of the Ladder, really focus on that instead, but I still fell off a few times,” Lee explained, sipping the new wine.

“Ladders are like that,” Nigel said, his eyes darkening at the mention of Steve as he drank. It occurred to him that maybe he should have Steve, from the top of a ladder, and let him choke to death, slowly, which made him smile a little. “This is good shit.”

“Better than the usual? Lee asked, glad to change the subject.

“It’s ... “ Nigel took a sip and thought about it. “It doesn’t taste like fucking grass, that’s for sure. I don’t know … kind of like oranges?”

“Oranges isn’t bad,” Lee pointed with a little smiled and leaned over the small table. “Can I try?”

Nigel offered his glass, but leaned over at the last moment and let Lee taste it off of his lips, instead. Lee licked Nigel’s lips and smiled against them.

“Mm, little citrusy.”

Nigel kissed Lee again, over the table, and sat down with a little more color in his tanned face. “It’s nice.”

“Something new for you to order more often?” Lee asked, sitting back again, watching his husband with tired blue eyes.

“Yeah, I can branch out,” Nigel said, and fed Bucky a bit of meat, then set the plate aside. “Let’s finish up, go home.”

Lee ate one more bite of the cheese and asked a passing server to box up the rest and get the check. “Good idea.” He drank down the last of his wine, luckily not enough to make him too tipsy.

Nigel finished his beer quickly, paid, and took Lee’s hand as they went back to the car. “Tired?”

“Little bit. Feeling run down.” Lee took his boxed cheese and meats, and followed Nigel and Bucky out to the car, and then got in.

“It’s been a hell of a week,” Nigel said, before going to his side to get in after he shut the car door for Lee’s side, like a fucking gentleman.

“Just going to get better,” Lee sighed, reaching behind him to get Bucky to settle in his seat.

Nigel started the car, and drove off, back toward their house. “The sooner we start, the sooner you’ll get better.”


	13. Chapter 13

Lee woke the day of his surgery nervous and a little more tired than usual, but he figured his body was starting to run out of time, and that feeling only pushed him to get out of bed and dressed for it. He was up before Bucky, and got him out to use the bathroom while he made Nigel coffee.

Nigel rolled over in bed, and opened his eyes. Today was the day Lee would have the tumors removed. He didn’t like the thought of Lee being cut into, but it was that … or die. Nigel got up, and shuffled out into the kitchen to smell coffee, then saw his husband and Bucky through the window and watched them for a moment, took a picture of them with his phone, and stepped outside. “Coughing?”

“Not too bad,” Lee answered, looking over his shoulder at Nigel, the exhaustion showing in his eyes, which he knew would only get worse once they started treatment.

Nigel walked over, wearing only a pair of boxers, and wrapped his arms around Lee from behind. “Hopefully this will be the last day you have to cough like that.”

“Fingers crossed,” Lee whispered back, leaning into Nigel and kissed his jaw.

“You’re not allowed to eat, so I won’t eat. I’ll eat when you can,” Nigel said, softly, rubbing Lee’s chest with one hand.

“At least have coffee, I made it for you,” Lee sighed.

“Okay, okay,” Nigel murmured, but didn’t let go of Lee, just held him, maybe a little too tightly.

“Or take it with us,” Lee turned and hugged Nigel tightly, nose against his neck, sighing softly. 

“The fucking smell isn’t going to drive you crazy?” Nigel asked, one palm rubbing Lee’s chest. There would be a big slice in that chest after today…

“No. It's fine,” Lee whispered, kissing Nigel’s neck softly. “Everything will be fine.”

“I’ll take it with us, when do we have to be there?” Nigel asked, as Bucky ran around the yard after a bird.

“About an hour,” Lee said, already dressed and ready to go, he was nervous and in that, he’d been ready for a bit now.

“Okay. I’ll throw some clothes on,” Nigel murmured, and kissed Lee’s jaw before going into the house with a heavy feeling in his chest.

“Okay,” Lee said, following Nigel in to pack his coffee to go for him.

Nigel got ready quickly, in jeans and a grey shirt, then grabbed Lee’s pillow, and some loose pajama pants, a shirt. “Did you pack some shit?”

“No, not yet. I don’t know what to pack…” Lee said, frowning into a glass of juice.

“I can always bring whatever,” Nigel said as he threw a few things into a bag for both of them. He knew damn well he wasn’t going to be home much, either.

“Is Bucky coming?” Lee asked, bending to pour food in his bowl just in case.

“Yeah, I checked. You’ll have a private room, so he can be there.”

“Oh, okay.” Lee instead picked up the bowl to take it to the door, so Bucky would follow.

Bucky followed, his long pink tongue hanging to the side as he did. Thankfully, the hospital allowed well behaved pets in private rooms, and Nigel was glad that Bucky was quiet, as long as he was calm. 

“We got everything? I have your coffee,” Lee commented, opening the door for Bucky, who grabbed his leash off the key rack right by the door.

Nigel sighed, looking at the house they’d barely been able to enjoy. “Yeah, got everything.”

“We’ll be back, it won’t be that long,” Lee said and got into Nigel’s new, expensive car, popping the trunk for the bag.

“A few weeks, they said. Lung surgery is a big fucking deal,” Nigel sighed, and put the bag in the back for Lee, then hugged him, tightly, his heart thudding hard against Lee’s chest.

“It’ll be quick, go by fast,” Lee insisted, hugging Nigel tightly. “We just need to be positive.”

It would go by fast for Lee, of course, but Nigel … Nigel knew he’d have to wait. “Yeah, I know. Let’s get going,” he said, against Lee’s short hair, and took a deep breath of it’s scent before he let go.

Lee kissed Nigel’s neck and then got in, buckling up and giving Bucky a pet in the back. He took a deep, deep breath, holding it for a second and then let it out slowly. “Okay, let’s do this.”

“Okay,” Nigel agreed, then got in and started the beast of a car up with a soft roar from the engine. “I wish it was me having this done instead. I’m already covered with scars,” Nigel tried to joke.

“There is a first for everything, and it’s okay with me. It’s the first step,” Lee reasoned.

Nigel knew how bad it was going to hurt. He’d been sliced open before, shot, burned, bones broken … he almost considered bruises and blood a close, personal friend. Lee hadn’t been through all of that, mental suffering? Yes, but nothing like what he faced, and Nigel knew it. “I’ll make sure they give you the good shit.”

“Nothing to addictive,” Lee said with a smile, hoping that everything turned out alright after the surgery. In that last few days, he’d done a lot of soul searching, quiet time, and coming to terms with what was going on with him. He had to turn a new leaf and not look back.

“You’re not going to get addicted, lots of people take heavy painkillers and don’t get addicted,” Nigel said, with a little smile, and took Lee’s hand. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Lee said, squeezing Nigel’s hand as they pulled out of the drive and onto the street.

“Have you ever broken a bone or shit like that?” Nigel asked, curious. He wasn’t sure if Lee had even had _drugstore_ painkillers before, let alone the shit hospitals gave you.

“No. I’ve been beaten, but never had anything broken to the point of needing to be mended,” Lee answered, quietly.

 

“Who the fuck did that?” Nigel asked, with a deep frown. “When?”

“Months and months before I met you,” Lee answered, “John Ridge. That was his name. I’d gone to talk to him about his son, getting him reformed and off drugs, he was mad because Sarah had taken him and his wife out of country to do it. I.. got in his face and left, he sent his man after me in the driveway.”

Nigel just shifted his jaw at that, and one hand tightened a little on the wheel before he shifted into another gear. “Ever get payback for that shit?”

“No. His son did get better, but I never press charges or anything,” Lee answered, taking a deep breath and sighing it out. “I… pretty much let him do it.”

“Why?” Nigel asked, the wheels already turning in his head. It would take a couple text messages, that was all, and John fucking Ridge would learn a lesson.

“Garner sympathy from some people. I was there on Sarah’s behalf,” Lee replied. “It was a stupid thing to do, in hindsight.”

Nigel stiffened a little at the mention of Sarah, but didn’t say anything about it. “Yeah. Maybe it was. Pity is bullshit compared to self-respect. But, having you beaten was a stupid fucking thing for him to do, too.”

“He didn’t see me as a threat at the time,” Lee reasoned, and touched Nigel’s thigh, squeezing it for reassurance. That was his old life, not his new one.

“Well he was a fucking idiot,” Nigel said, and put his hand over Lee’s trying to forget that Lee had been trying to get _Sarah_ to feel sorry for him. He willed himself to snap out of it, and squeezed Lee’s hand. “And he’s going to learn his lesson, someday.”

“What goes around comes around,” Lee commented, hoping Nigel didn’t dwell too long on it.

“Exactly. Don’t Buddhists call that something?” Nigel asked, as he slowed to turn a corner.

“Karma,” Lee said, smiling over a little at Nigel. “Don’t linger on it, please.”

“I’m not lingering,” Nigel said, innocently.

“It was long before I met you, and I was grasping at straws to make any kind of human connection that wasn’t… _wrong_ ,” Lee explained.

“I know,” Nigel said, and kept his eyes on the road. He couldn’t help the emotions that raged around in his chest at the slightest thing, but he could keep them _inside_ , at least today, of all fucking days.

“You’re the only good thing I’ve had in my life,” Lee whispered.

Nigel took a deep breath, and squeezed Lee’s hand as he turned into the hospital parking lot. “Same,” he said, as he ran his thumb over the side of Lee’s hand, and pulled into a spot, then leaned over and kissed Lee on the lips. Sarah could go _fuck_ herself. 

Sarah was the very last thing on Lee’s mind, if she was there at all.

Lee got out, grabbing the bag from the trunk and getting Bucky’s leash.

People he considered Lee’s exes, people Lee had once wanted lodged themselves in Nigel’s mind and would not leave, no matter what Lee said to reassure them. He pushed that thought to the side as much as he could, and got out, to take the bag from Lee, already stressed underneath, no matter how calm he was acting at the moment, he felt like a volcano, everything building and building underneath. “Ready?”

Lee was starting to feel like maybe he shouldn’t do this with Nigel as tense as he was right now. He nodded anyway. “Yeah, if you are…” He wouldn’t be conscious for a while, let alone able to talk Nigel down from doing anything stupid.

Lee going under, thoughts of him trying to impress Sarah, the same old doubts scratching at his brain, it was all building up. “As ready as I’m fucking going to be,” he said, able to feel his palms sweat a little, and the tips of his long fingers tingle as they walked into the building, then followed signs to the surgical wing.

They got there and Lee filled out a form or two and then sat down with Nigel as they completed his intake. “I’ve never been admitted to a hospital before for more than anything minor before all this happened.”

“It’ll be okay. It’s a lot of laying around, lots of sleeping. The beds are _shit_ ,” Nigel said, and noticed that Bucky was sitting with him now instead of Lee, leaning on his legs.

“Yeah,” Lee sighed, shifting his jaw, wringing his hands a little known his lap.

“It’s going to be okay, though. I was in a shitty hospital in Romania. I’m sure the beds here are good,” Nigel said, and then pulled Lee into his lap, arms around him as he looked up at him, biting the inside of his cheek which only made his cheekbones sharper. “These are good doctors, not quacks,” he said, reassuring them both. 

Lee licked the inside of his teeth and nodded. Quacks. He sighed. “Best in the world. That has to mean something.”

“Romania sure as fuck doesn’t have the best anything in the world,” Nigel laughed, and rubbed Lee’s back, smiling at him with his crooked teeth and soulful eyes.

“A reasons I brought you to the US despite everything wrong here too,” Lee said with a sad smile.

“I’m just returning the favor, now,” Nigel said, softly. 

“I am grateful,” Lee whispered as he rested their foreheads together.

“You saved my life,” Nigel sighed, and kissed Lee until the door opened and a nurse walked in with a weary look on her face and a chart in her hands. 

“Lee Vaduva?” she asked. “I’m Claire. I’ll be your nurse today.”

“Yes, that’s me,” Lee said, kissing Nigel’s cheek and then slipped off his lap. Nigel stood behind Lee with a sigh as Claire held the doors open for them. “Come on in, we’ll get you settled in pre-op.”

Lee followed, taking Nigel’s hand, assuming he’d be able to come until the very last moment. “Thanks.”

Sure enough, Nigel was signed in with Lee, and they were shown to a private room with a bed in it and a locker. “So, have you eaten or drank anything since midnight last night?” the nurse asked, as she got a wrist band ready for Lee.

“I had a little juice this morning ,but it was a sip, nothing else,” Lee said, having forgotten at the time, but it was mostly to get the dry mouth, stressed feeling washed away.

“Okay, a sip should be okay, but I’ll tell the surgeon anyway. Did you take any medication this morning?” she asked, and started to take Lee’s blood pressure, then wrote it down and readied a thermometer.

“I don’t usually, no,” Lee answered, sitting as still as possible to let her do her work, since she was very focused.

“Good, good. Any allergies?” she asked and used the digital thermometer, which she put in Lee’s ear, clicked, and looked at the reading, then recorded it.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Lee replied, stoically.

“He’s never been in a hospital or taken painkillers or anything, so who fucking knows?” Nigel pointed out and Claire stopped. “You’ve … never been in a hospital? Even an ER?” she asked Lee. “Are you vaccinated?”

“I don’t really know. Where I lived before we had our own nurses and doctors, never a need for a hospital unless it was worse than a scrape,” Lee explained.

“Where did you live?” Claire asked, and made notes in Lee’s chart, wheels turning in her head as she listened. He was going to start chemo soon, then immunotherapy and radiation, vaccines might not be possible at this point.

“It was an encampment. Religious,” Lee murmured, not wanting to give away too much, but didn’t want this to hinder treatment either.

“Okay,” Claire said, nodding, and recorded it. “Sounds interesting. You’ve never had antibiotics, nothing like that, right?” They had no way of knowing what he might be allergic to, it was going to be a crap shoot to prescribe. “No idea what your blood type is? Are you against transfusions … religiously? Because you may need one with this sort of surgery,” she said, gently.

“I left for a reason,” Lee explained. “I don’t know… I’m not sure it was ever recorded and if it was, my mother likely had it, but her place was burnt down.”

“That’s okay, we can find out fast. But you’re okay with getting a transfusion if you need one? Most people are fine with it, but some religions don’t like it: Jehovah’s Witnesses, that sort of thing,” she said, making absolutely sure that Lee was consenting to all of the necessary treatment.

“It’s fine, not issues,” Lee said, once again. “Do what you have to, I haven’t anything to lose.”

“Okay, no issues,” she repeated and wrote a note in his chart. “I’ll send a tech to draw some blood. Go ahead and change into this, you can put all your belongings in that locker there, and they will be moved to your room after you’re brought into the OR. Is this your … husband?” Claire asked, nodding at Nigel.

“Yes, this is my husband, and that’s Bucky,” Lee answered, taking the things to change in with a skeptical brow.

“Nice dog,” she said with a nod, and then looked at Nigel, and said nothing. “I’ll need your number for next of kin. We’ll call you as soon as he’s in the recovery room and then you can come see him. You and the dog can both see him when he’s in his private room on the ward,” she promised.

“He can’t stay?” Lee asked, knowing that Nigel wouldn’t likely be leaving anyway.

“Well, we are going to give you a light sedative in this room, that will just be enough to relax you a little bit. When the OR is ready, we’ll take you from this room to the operating room. They can stay with you until then,” she promised, and wrote Nigel’s cell number down as he said it.

“Okay,” Lee said, understanding. “Thank you.”

“I’ll be back soon,” she said, and let herself out. 

Nigel walked closer, hand on Lee’s back. “Not so bad?”

“Not yet,” Lee said and stripped down, handing his clothes off, he got into the ones given to him. “These are awful.”

“Nice view of your ass,” Nigel said with a little whistle at the gap in the back as he stuffed Lee’s clothes into the bag for him.

Lee frowned. “No one is going to see that right?”

“No, you’ll be laying on your back,” Nigel said, confidently, but tied Lee’s gown shut at the back for him, firmly, and kissed his neck.

“Good.” Lee turned and kissed Nigel on the lips. “What are you going to do?” “I don’t fucking know. Take the dog for a walk, wait around,” Nigel said with a sigh.

“You should eat. The coffee is in the car, I forgot. Fuck, I’m sorry,” Lee sighed, too, resting his head against Nigel’s shoulder, getting more and more nervous.

“I’ll get it later, don’t worry,” Nigel hummed, and moved around to hug Lee properly. “It’s going to be okay, Baby. You’re going to go to sleep and wake up without tumors.”

“That’s a good thing,” Lee said with nod, hoping there weren’t any other tumors anywhere else.

“You’ll wake up, I’ll be there, then you’ll just sleep a shitload,” Nigel said with a little smile. “It’ll be really fucking boring,” he promised.

“You should find a book to read,” Lee offered, head canted, tightening his arms around Nigel’s shoulders.

“Yeah? What book?” Nigel asked, with a little laugh. He wasn’t exactly a bookish man. 

“I don’t know, pick one. I am not the best person to ask about books,” Lee sighed. “There might be some in their gift shop.”

“You’re worried I’m going to freak the fuck out,” Nigel said, knowingly, with a fond little smile that lifted the corner of his lips.

“Won’t you? I mean, I didn’t answer my phone for one day and you drove all the way to the compound to find me,” Lee offered, knowingly.

Nigel licked his lips, and tilted his head. “You always answer your phone.”

“I know. It was my fault, but you did freak out, a little. Just a little. I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be here,” Lee promised.

Nigel swallowed, and took a deep breath. “I’m not going to freak out,” he said, shifting his weight a little from one foot to the other, eyes shifting to the side as he wondered if Lee could actually hear his heart hammer.

“You will, in some form, and it’s okay, but please be careful,” Lee whispered, nuzzling his nose against Nigel’s neck.

Nigel sighed and closed his eyes, arms sliding around Lee’s waist. Lee was starting to know him better than he knew himself. “Not going to do anything stupid. I have the fucking dog with me,” he said, as the lab tech let herself in, and set up to take some blood.

Lee nodded, and then took a seat again so the tech could take some blood. He held on to Nigel’s hand. “Okay, don’t let Bucky do anything stupid.”

“I’m not going to. It’s only a few hours,” Nigel muttered, but kept squeezing Lee’s hand as his blood was drawn and labelled. 

“What about the hours and days I’m out or sleeping?” Lee asked, not looking at the blood coming out of his own body, but rather focused on his husband.

“As soon as you’re out of the fucking surgery, I’ll be fine,” Nigel whispered, sincerely. “I just don’t like … all this cutting and sewing and shit. I just want you on the other side of it, and I want to hear that you’re okay.”

“I’m going to be fine,” Lee insisted, knowing he needed to be positive for Nigel.

“I know,” Nigel whispered, as the tech left, and Nigel held Lee again, close to his chest. 

Lee kissed Nigel passionately, holding him. “I love you.”

Nigel cupped his hand over the back of Lee’s head as they kissed, and held it longer, then kissed Lee again, after he spoke. “Love you too. You’ll be okay.”

“I will be,” Lee smiled, and then snuggled into Nigel. “Go get something to eat when I go in, okay? I mean it.”

“Okay, okay. Promise,” Nigel said, and looked up when the door opened and Claire walked in. “Okay, we’re ready for you, Lee,” she said and handed Lee a little cup with a pill in it. “Just put that under your tongue, it’s a light sedative.”

“It just dissolves?” Lee asked, quietly, putting it under his tongue.

“Yeah, it just takes a second to dissolve, and then you’ll feel more relaxed,” she said, and took the brakes off of Lee’s wheeled bed. Nigel lifted Bucky in his arms, letting Lee see him. “We’ll see you soon,” he promised.

Lee laid back and petted Bucky. “Don’t get in trouble, Buck.” Bucky licked Lee’s chin, and Nigel put him down, gently, then kissed Lee’s lips. “We won’t,” he promised, staring at Lee. “Relaxed?”

“Yeah,” Lee said, his eyes and body starting to go completely limp and relaxed.

“Good,” Nigel said with a smile, and kissed Lee again, then stepped back with a sigh as Claire started to wheel Lee out of the room. “We’ll call as soon as he’s in recovery.”

Lee waved, completely relaxed now, head back against the pillow, letting his eyes close. He had never felt this relaxed in his life, not once, not even when on the 6R retreat.

Nigel waved back, and touched Lee’s hand as he was wheeled by. “See you soon, gorgeous.”

“Love you,” Lee murmured, giving one last little wave until he was out of sight completely. 

***

“Baby?” Nigel’s voice said, and his big, warm hand stroked Lee’s short hair under the white lights of the recovery room. “They said you did good. Everything is okay, they got most of it out,” Nigel whispered, lips close to Lee’s ear.

“Most?” Lee gasped, hoarse lyrics, swallowing thickly. He groaned once, aching in new ways.

Lee was ashy pale, and looked as weak as a baby. He had a mask over his mouth and nose, and his blue eyes looked bloodshot. Nigel had a visceral reaction to seeing him like this when he walked into the recovery room, Lee looked dead until he had moved. “Yeah, they said ninety-nine percent of it. The rest will go under chemo, they said,” he murmured, and touched Lee’s shoulder, then took his hand and kissed his freezing fingers. “How do you feel? Does it hurt?” Lee had three IV pumps running, one of them helping a bag of strong pain medications into his system.

“I feel like shit. My chest hurts,” Lee whispered, taking deep, deep breaths. He blinked at Nigel. “You okay?”

“Yeah, baby, I’m fine now,” Nigel murmured, and rubbed Lee’s hand with his own to warm it up. “Don’t breathe too deep, you got staples in your lungs.” Nigel waved the nurse over with his free hand.

Lee groaned a little at that, really unprepared for the amount of pain he actually would be in today. “It’s horrible feeling.”

“He’s in pain,” Nigel said to the recovery room nurse, who nodded, and adjusted the flow of medication for Lee, then left to get something additional. “I know, I mean, I don’t know but ... “ Nigel sighed, his dark eyes scanning Lee’s face. “We’ll fix it.”

The nurse came back with a syringe, which she fed into one of Lee’s other lines. “That should work fast,” she promised.

Lee’s tired, bloodshot eyes followed the nurse’s movements. “Thanks.” Then he turned his head ever so slightly back to Nigel, fingers barely able to squeeze his hand. “It’s okay. Didn’t think I’d get out of this easily.”

Nigel sighed, and his breath smelled faintly like cigarettes. “The drugs will kick in and you’ll be fine. The doctor said the tumors were big, but easier to get out than he thought, but he had to take a lot of your right lung.”

“Oh, that’s great…” Lee murmured, unable to smell Nigel’s breath luckily, at least not yet, still breathing through the mask over his mouth.

“It’s gonna be a while before you can go jogging,” Nigel murmured, and brushed his hand over Lee’s hair as the nurse came to his bedside.

“We’ll take you to your room now,” she said, undoing the locks on the wheels before she started to push the mobile bed out of the unit and into the clean, quiet hallway. Nigel stayed close, touching Lee’s arm the whole time with one hand.

“Bucky is okay?” Lee asked, not worried about the jogging at the moment, the world mostly blurring and spinning around him as they moved.

“Yeah he’s napping in the room they have waiting for you,” Nigel said, as they all got into a white elevator that the nurse used a keycard to open.

“He was okay?” Lee asked, worried about both husband and dog, honestly.

“Yeah, we just went to a long walk, had a little lunch in a pub or something. A texas pub,” Nigel said, and held Lee’s hand as the elevator rose, quietly.

“Just lunch?” Lee asked, eyes closing again, like it was almost too much to keep them open.

“A couple drinks,” Nigel admitted, “three drinks, then we walked back here to wait.” The elevator opened to a quiet floor, and the nurse pushed Lee’s bed down the hallway smiling to herself about the conversation. Lee’s private room was large, with big windows, and a couch large enough for Nigel to sleep on. Bucky raised his head and wagged when they brought Lee in.

“No fights?” Lee asked, dragging his eyes open once more, looking at Nigel and then Bucky when he finally saw him.

Bucky put his paws on the edge of the bed when the nurse locked it in place, and Nigel lifted Bucky with both arms, so that he and Lee could look at each other. “See, mutt? He’s okay.” He let Bucky lick Lee’s hand, then put him on the couch. “No. Not one.”

“Good,” Lee said with a little smile. “He been whining?”

They had both been unhappy while Lee was in surgery. “Yeah, growly as fuck, too, almost took a piece out of some guy in the pub,” Nigel laughed. The nurse hung Lee’s medications and IV bags, then raised the head of his bed a little bit, and let herself out.

“Bucky got in the fight?” Lee asked, moving a little as he was adjusted, trying to get a better look at his husband and dog.

“Not a fight, just lunged at some guy he didn’t like. Something set him off, no idea what. It’s all fine, Baby, don’t worry,” Nigel assured him as he pulled up a chair and let Bucky, who was all soft eyes now, climb into his lap.

“That’s not good, he doesn’t do that much anymore,” Lee sighed, a deep ache in his chest for abandoning Bucky like that.

“Probably reminded him of the assholes he came from somehow,” Nigel said. “We were both worried,” he admitted and petted the big, brown, scarred up dog who leaned on his chest and watched Lee, adoringly.

“You’re his new best… friend,” Lee said, trying not to cough, but his throat was dry, and his chest heaved something awful, burning.

Nigel could hear the rasp in Lee’s voice and poured him a little water into a cup from a jug of ice water that sat on the nightstand, then gave it to him with a straw. “Something like that. He’d rather have you.”

Lee shrugged, mostly halfhearted that this point with his exhaustion. He pulled the mask off his face to sip the water, grateful for it. It was then he could smell the faint smokiness around him, coming off Nigel, and his brows furrowed.

Nigel watched Lee and moved to help him keep his head up while he drank, setting Bucky on the ground to do so. “You must be thirsty as fuck.”

Lee reached his hand up to touch Nigel’s and then drank the whole cup, parched. “Feels like something was jammed down my throat.”

“Probably some tube or something,” Nigel murmured, and poured more for Lee, handing it over.

“Thanks,” Lee said, drinking that, too. “Tube?”

“For breathing, I had one once when I was shot, woke up with it in my throat and tried to rip it out,” Nigel explained, off-handedly, and kissed Lee’s jaw, then his lips, very gently.

“Oh,” Lee sighed and finished that glass of water, too. He rubbed his fingers against Nigel’s pulse gently.

Nigel turned his head and kissed Lee’s warming fingertips, then nuzzled his face. “Glad you’re awake.”

“Less scared now?” Lee asked, enjoying a few minutes without the mask on, gently tugging Nigel closer to see if he could get a better whiff of him.

Nigel looked as though he was going to protest and say he wasn’t scared, but he just sighed and closed his eyes as he rested their faces together. “Yeah. I am.”

“You’ve been smoking,” Lee whispered, half lidded eyes gazing at Nigel, resting his palm against his neck.

Nigel pulled back a little, eyes open, and frowned at his husband. “No,” he protested, immediately, then sighed. “Okay, I had … a couple.”

“I don’t want you to end up here with me,” Lee said, quietly, but did not accuse any further.

That seemed to affect Nigel more than Lee being angry. He looked down, then kissed Lee’s forehead, and cupped his face with one hand as he looked at him. “I threw the rest of the pack away. I was just … nervous. I needed something.”

“I know,” Lee said, other hand coming to rest over Nigel’s, leaning his head into his palm. “I want something good for us, in the future. Together, neither one of us sick.”

“I know. It was just one time. I was pacing outside the fucking hospital waiting for my phone to ring, going crazy. It kept me sane, for a while,” Nigel said, and brushed his thumb over Lee’s cheek. 

“No more?” Lee asked, managing a small smile.

“No more,” Nigel promised, and smiled back, so in love with his husband that he would jump off of a rooftop if Lee asked him to.

Lee pulled nigel down for a kiss, just a soft one, barely there. “Good. I love you.”

Nigel felt his heart beat a little faster at that, lightly, and he smiled against Lee’s lips. “I love you too, Baby, more than anything. No more cigarettes.”

“This was the worst of it, yeah? You shouldn't need them,” Lee insisted, rubbing the back of Nigel’s neck slowly.

Nigel nodded, and kissed Lee’s cheek, again, then rested their faces together. “Yeah. Just slipped, that’s all.”

“That's okay,” Lee said, the high of the drugs making him far more relaxed.

“Still in pain?” Nigel asked as he noticed Lee’s pupils, and the way he relaxed in the bed.

Lee shook his head, slowly, almost lazily. “I think it’s kicking in.”

“Do you feel like you’re floating?” Nigel asked, with a big smile, amused at the sight of Lee on painkillers.

“Yeah, something like that. Out of body sort of thing, but I’m right… _here_ ,” Lee whispered, like it was a secret.

“Yeah, baby, you’re right here,” Nigel said, with a gentle touch to Lee’s shoulder, and then sat on the edge of his bed very carefully. “Why are you whispering?”

“Am I?” Lee’s eyes were wide and yet exhausted all at once.

“Yeah,” Nigel whispered back, his dark eyes crinkling with a smile. “Are you tired?”

“I don’t know. Wasn’t I just sleeping?” Lee asked, confused.

“You were knocked out, but that’s not really … sleeping. You don’t have to sleep, it’s okay,” Nigel assured Lee, his mouth twitching at the corner as he tried not to smile too much.

Lee reached his hand out for Bucky, to get him up on the bed near them. “I’m not sleepy, just… tired, a little. But I’m okay. I’ll be okay. Please don’t worry…”

Nigel picked up the dog and held him so that Lee could see him. “You just got your chest cut open and a shitload of lung sliced out, I’m going to fucking worry.”

“I know…” Lee sighed heavily, and resisted the urge to touch his chest. “Have you seen it? Is it bad? Am I awful looking?”

“You’re not awful looking, no, it’s just going to be a line. Here, look, this is a fucking ugly scar,” Nigel said, and lifted the side of his shirt to show Lee the gruesome scar that went all the way up the side of his torso.

“I know, I’ve seen that one,” Lee said, reaching to touch it with his finger tips.

Nigel smiled, and leaned a little closer so that Lee could touch it. “I know, just thought you should see what you’re not going to look like. Your scar will be skinny and straight. You’ll still be gorgeous.”

“You’re gorgeous,” Lee flirted with a flirty smile.

Nigel laughed and let his shirt drop down again. “You think so? Extra gorgeous with your blurry vision?”

“You’re always gorgeous,” Lee insisted, batting his reddened eyes.

Nigel touched Lee’s face with his hand, softly. “You’re fucking biased. You’re married to me.”

“You can’t throw that argument at me, I use that on you,” Lee murmured, eyeing Nigel with a little smile.

“Where the fuck do you think I got it from?” Nigel asked as he helped the dog settle beside Lee, snuggling him through the blankets. 

Lee slid his hand down Bucky’s fur and smiled. “Stealing my material?”

Nigel replaced the oxygen mask over Lee’s mouth and nose for him. “So fucking sue me.”

“Afraid I’ll stop breathing?” Lee asked, muffled.

“Yeah, I fucking am,” Nigel said, honestly. “Terrified.” Lee wasn’t going to remember this, after all.

Lee canted his head slightly, and smiled at Nigel through the mask. “You’re cute.”

“No one’s ever called me cute, in my whole fucking life,” Nigel laughed. He’d been called hot, terrifying, deranged, and a psychopath … but never cute.

“No? You’re adorable, even,” Lee sighed, completely uninhibited. 

Nigel laughed again, and his hair fell into his eyes as he managed to turn a little red under his tan. “I think on this shit going through your veins you’d walk up to a fucking grizzly bear and pet him.”

Lee hummed and snaked his hand under Nigel’s shirt, fingers going through his thicket of fur on his chest. “You’re _my_ grizzly bear.” “Your bear?” Nigel asked as he laughed, unable to help himself as Lee caught a hand full of his chest hair. 

“Mine,” Lee reiterated, tugging on it gently, not much grip in his fingers yet. “Definitely all yours, baby,” Nigel said, and leaned in, kissing Lee’s forehead. “Your bear.”

“My bear,” Lee repeated back, sighing happily. “My… bear. My bear.”

“You are high as a fucking kite, but I love you,” Nigel said, fondly, as Bucky started to snore next to Lee. The sound of Lee calling Nigel his bear through the oxygen mask was both funny and sad at that same time to Nigel’s ears.

“Am not,” Lee sighed, eyes closing for a second, trying to clear his head. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“Yeah, perfectly fucking normal,” Nigel chuckled. “You’re cute when you’re fucked up on painkillers.”

“I’m not fucked up…” Lee said, looking at Nigel once again, narrowed, bloodshot eyed watching him carefully.

“Okay, what’s six times two smart guy?” Nigel asked, softly, one hand rubbing Lee’s thigh through the blanket.

Lee hummed at the touch, eyes closing a little. “Can’t think when you’re distracting me.”

“Because you’re high,” Nigel smiled, and touched Lee’s stomach instead.

“Am not,” Lee whispered, peeking out from half hooded eyes at Nigel, stomach tensing a little. “Okay, maybe a little…”

“More than a little,” Nigel said, and moved his hand back to Lee’s thigh, afraid he was hurting his husband in his delicate state.

“I like your hands on me, you know,” Lee murmured, commenting.

“Yeah, I know,” Nigel said, massaging Lee’s leg, slowly. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, feels nice,” Lee hummed, eyes half closed again, blissfully. Anything Nigel did was good to him.

All that mattered to Nigel at the moment was that Lee was alive, for now. He could feel, and talk, and Nigel would do anything on Earth to keep it that way. “Surprised you could feel that with all those drugs running through you. I thought you’d be numb to your fucking toes,” Nigel said and reached his hand back to tap Lee’s toes where the blankets had moved to expose them. He covered them, gently, tucking them in. 

“It’s a different feel,” Lee said, not sure how to explain it, but he wiggled his toes for Nigel. “See I can move them.” Not that Nigel asked.

“Lung surgery usually doesn’t fuck up your toes, but that’s good,” Nigel said with a smile. He had never imagined that he could care so much about someone, even whether or not their fucking toes were cold, of all things. “Hungry?”

“I don’t know. Can I eat yet?” Lee asked, not sure how long he’d been out or if there was a time frame. His stomach did growl a little.

“We’ll ask. Maybe you can have some ice cream or whatever,” Nigel said and pressed the button to page Lee’s nurse. His nurse that they had when they first came in stuck her head through the door a moment later. “Can he eat yet?” Nigel asked, bluntly.

“Yeah, something small to start, some people get nauseated after general anesthetic. Toast? Jello? Some juice?” she offered.

“All of it,” Lee laughed, “No jello.”

“Good choice, I’ll be right back,” she said and walked out. 

“What the fuck is jello?” Nigel asked.

“It’s wiggly and gross an made from cows bones,” Lee said with a shiver, making a face.

Nigel looked disgusted, and poured Lee more water. “Fucking American food…”

“It’s nasty,” Lee sighed. “Poor cows.”

“And this is some fucking dessert? Made of cow bones? For kids?” Nigel asked, after looking at pictures of it on his phone. Jello looked bright and childish and sounded sinister.

“It’s gelatin,” Lee explained. “I’m pretty sure it’s in Romania, too.”

“I’ve never had it,” Nigel chuckled and stretched a little bit. “But it looks … creepy, fake, you know?”

Lee watched Nigel and smiled lazily as he stretched, reaching out to touch his tummy. “Yeah, I know.”

Nigel looked at Lee’s hand on his stomach and laughed. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Come here,” Lee begged, pouting a little, trying to reach a little further.

Nigel moved closer, carefully, quite aware that Lee was hooked up to monitors and IV lines, and he didn’t want to yank any of them out. “What do you want, Baby?” Nigel asked, amused.

“I want to touch you and see you, and feel you…” Lee smiled behind the mask, only just vaguely aware of where he was and why in the moment, the drugs coursing hard through his system.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, okay?” Nigel promised, and took Lee’s hand to kiss his knuckles, then put Lee’s hand against his chest.

“Good. Because I can’t go anywhere…” Lee sighed, curling his fingers gently into Nigel’s shirt over his heart.

Claire came back in with a plate of toast and a cup of juice and laughed to herself when she saw the couple. “Having a good time?” she asked Lee as she moved the head of his bed up so that he could eat without choking.

Lee’s gaze roved over to the nurse, almost forgetting where he was for a moment. “Hmm?”

“You’re in a hospital,” she explained as she moved a table closer, and put Lee’s food on it. “Where do you think you are?” Claire asked, used to patients fresh out of general anesthesia on heavy drugs.

“I…” Lee blinked, back in the know of where he was now, and shook his head, letting go of Nigel as he moved to sit up a little more to eat. “Just out of it.”

Claire looked at Nigel with an amused smile, “he’s going to be confused for a few hours, just keep reminding him where he is, keep it simple. It will pass,” she said as she took Lee’s blood pressure quickly before he started to eat. Nigel nodded, but looked concerned, and opened Lee’s container of juice for him. “Got it. Here, baby…”

Lee picked up a piece of toast and bit into it before taking the juice and sipping on it. “Mm,” he hummed, as though the food was the best thing in the world.

Claire recorded Lee’s blood pressure and wrote down what was on his monitors, then let herself out as Lee ate. “Good?” Nigel asked, intently focused on the little lines in Lee’s face that formed for a microsecond when he smiled a bit, and the length of his eyelashes.

“Yeah,” Lee murmured around another bite, and then looked at Nigel as he stared intensely at him. “Something on my face?”

“No, just looking at those fucking baby cow eyelashes of yours,” Nigel said with a smile, fondly. “They’re so fucking long.”

“Baby cow?” Lee laughed through his bite, and then drank some of the juice, slowly. His head was fuzzy still, all very disorienting, but with his focus on eating and Nigel, Lee was doing okay. 

“Yeah, long and curly,” Nigel said, as he reached over to smooth down Lee’s growing hair. “Cute as hell. Your eyes were the first thing I noticed about you.”

“Really?” Lee asked, disbelieving of that one. “My eyes? That why you called me Blue Eyes?”

“All I could see for a while was black, then I opened my eyes and everything, the whole city was dusty, all grey and fucking brown and black. My skin was covered in dust, the cars, everything. Then I looked up at you … _blue_. All I could see was blue, like it was the only color in the fucking world.” Nigel said, with a little smile.

“Fated,” Lee murmured, remembering when he found Nigel, it was like something pulled him right to the rubble he had been under.

“Maybe,” Nigel said, softly, and thumbed the delicate, dark lashes under Lee’s eye. 

“You don’t think the universe brought the events together that it did on purpose? It wasn’t just luck that I was there that day,” Lee said, trying to concentrate his thoughts, to get his point across, even if Nigel was looking at him like he was nuts.

“I think I got lucky as fuck,” Nigel said, frankly. “But I don’t think anyone has a plan for our lives. It’s just random shit.”

“Yeah? Make our own luck and all that?” Lee asked, finishing the second piece of toast and feeling less light headed and weird.

“Exactly, we just make it up as we fucking go along,” Nigel said, and kissed Lee’s cheek. “We just got lucky, really fucking lucky.”

“I’ve always been lucky since I met you,” Lee whispered.

“So lucky that you’re in a hospital bed?” Nigel asked.

“Minor set back,” Lee chuckled, lightly, still too achy to move much more than that.


	14. Chapter 14

A couple of weeks later, Nigel and Lee had settled into a routine: Nigel would wake up and go out to get them breakfast from the waffle house, with Bucky, and wake Lee up with it so that he could sleep as long as possible. He was healing well, but Nigel knew he needed the rest. He always left a note on the white board opposite Lee’s bed, letting him know they’d be right back. As per their routine, Nigel and Bucky woke up where they slept on the couch together so that Lee could have his bed to himself if he had to move, and got ready, left a note on the board, and left to get breakfast.

When Lee woke that morning, it was to someone talking outside the room, his eyes focusing on the white board with a smile that quickly diminished when he realized he knew the voice in the hall, smooth talking his way in to the room.

“That man’s real name is Calvin Roberts, I cared for him since he was a boy-”

A nurse opened the door to look in on Lee. “Someone’s here to see you, but we can have him leave if you want.”

Before Lee could answer, Steve pushed through, gently, giving Lee a look of despair when he saw his condition. “The Light has given you this challenge, you should have never left, Calvin.”

“I’m not Cal anymore,” Lee said, his heart beating faster the closer Steve walked, his fingers tight in his blanket.

“Yes you are. You will always be Calvin.” Steve stepped up to the side of the bed, reaching to touch Lee’s head, which he moved away from.

“Nurse, please get him out,” Lee asked, distressed now, the machines beside him starting to beep loudly.

“Calvin, I can _heal_ you, let me touch you, you know what powers I possess…”

The hammer of a gun pulled back behind Steve, and it’s muzzle pressed into Steve’s spine. Nigel had crept in, with deadly quiet, and stood right behind the white-haired man. “Get your motherfucking filthy hands away from him, or I’ll blow a hole right through your fucking spine,” Nigel hissed, quietly as Bucky sat at the door, growling, his hackles up.

Steve’s hand went up, no longer leaning over Lee. “You’d shoot a man in a public place? A hospital for all to see? Go ahead, you’ll be taken away and Calvin can return to his home with you gone.”

Nigel grabbed Steve by the back of the neck, and cracked his skull against the wall next to Lee’s bed, then tossed him to the floor, and put a foot over the back of his neck, gun aimed at his head. “You’re a confused old man. You fell down…” Nigel seethed, and yanked Steve up again, then spun him around and shoved him against the wall, hand over his throat. “Besides …” he said, and waved the gun. “Silencer.”

Steve swallowed, shaking, trying to push Nigel off. “What… does a man… like you want… with Calvin?”

Nigel started to laugh, like Steve told a good joke, and shook his head. His eyes held a venomous, reckless black gleam in them. “That’s none of your fucking business. Don’t worry. I called your son. He’ll take you home, so I can come see you … in private, and we can _talk_ ,” Nigel said with heavy significance in his words. “But what I want with him,” Nigel said, nodding at Lee where he laid in the bed, “is a fuckton better than what you wanted him for. He told me all about it, and you’re going to pay for it … old man. That’s the problem with getting old, I think, the second someone says you’re _senile_ … who’s going to believe a fucking thing you say?”

Bucky was on the bed with Lee now as Steve no longer looked at him, but Nigel, a fear in his eyes that Lee had never seen before.

“Everyone is worried about him. Let him go home…” the older man tried, one more time.

Nigel’s face only grew colder, wolfish, and more severe as Steve spoke. He stepped closer and put the gun under Steve’s chin. “He’s home. I want you to do one thing before you go, you fucking piece of human trash, okay? I want you to look at my husband, and do your fucking best to scrape up some goddamned _remorse_ for what you did to that little boy, and I want you to fucking apologize to him for it, like _your life depends on it,_ because … it fucking does,” Nigel said, his voice as fraught with hatred as a stretched thin bridge cable, his finger itching to pull the trigger and fuck the consequences. “I want to see some mother-fucking sincerity, Steve. You put him through Hell to make yourself feel like a big man, didn’t you? You’re not the big man now. There’s no God, and there sure as Hell is no fucking light … but there is _me_ , and there is this fucking gun.” Nigel held Steve’s gaze, commandingly, then turned him to look at Lee, a hand on the back of Steve’s neck, angry enough that he thought of just snapping his neck, then and there. “Say you’re _sorry._ ”

Steve, though once a soldier, was older now, frail and fragile from his own stint with cancer, stood there helplessly, looking at Lee with the fear of God in him. “Calvin, my boy, why did you never tell me how I hurt you? Our agreement, don't you remember?”

“No,” Lee said through gritted teeth and a tight jaw. “That agreement became obsolete the moment you took it back and gave it to Eddie, who endured _nothing_ of the torment you put me through.”

“Calvin, you must understand, the Light has chosen him-”

“FUCK THE LIGHT!” Lee raised his voice, agitated now, beyond annoyed, irritated. “It wasn't ever the Light. It was you, and you decided that Eddie was a better leader. He was losing his faith, what better way to get him back to Sarah, then to give him what she wanted.”

“I'm so sorry, Calvin. Sorry you have lost your faith, I can help you get it back-”

“No, get out,” Lee said with nod at Nigel to get Steve out of his sight, blood pressure already sky-rocketing.

Sergei came into the room just as Nigel strong armed Steve toward him. “ _Papa_! Where you have been?” Sergei said from the doorway and flashed a dark smile at Steve as he stretched his arms out to take him by the shoulders with crushingly strong hands. “We have been worrying!” Nigel pocketed the gun, quickly, hiding it in his waistband, but kept a firm grip on Steve as they led him out together and he explained to Claire, who was standing in the hallway behind Sergei, “he’s a good friend of the family, but _very_ confused, it’s sad. He thinks he’s the head of some religion or something named after him. We’ll take him home before he hurts himself. Poor old man … he could run into _traffic_ , and not know what the fuck he was doing. Come on, let’s go,” Nigel said, and he and Sergei lead Steve out, down the hall in an unbreakable grip as Claire watched. Bucky was laying over Lee’s legs, growling softly as Steve was taken away, and calmed when he was gone. “Wow … sorry. We should have better security than that. He’s got alzheimer’s or something?” Claire asked, moving to shut off the alarms on Lee’s monitors.

“Something like that,” Lee said, trying to a ready his breathing, taking long and deep breaths, centering himself.

“Okay, we’ve got to get your blood pressure down,” Claire said, after taking it, and looking at the reading. She offered Lee a glass of water, watching him. “He really upset you…”

“Very old friend of my family, but not a favorite,” Lee answered, taking the glass of water to drink it and bring himself into better standing, slowly calming down.

“We won’t let him back in, I’ll talk to security,” Claire promised as Bucky moved closer to Lee to lick his face, softly, then laid by his side. “Must be reassuring to have this big guy here. It’s nice that people can have their pets with them.”

A text made Lee’s newly purchased phone buzz on the bedstand. It was from Nigel: _Back soon. Everything is going to be okay._

“Yeah, Bucky and I need each other,” Lee said softly, and then reached for his phone, and glanced it over and texted back with an ‘okay’.

Claire took Lee’s blood pressure again, and recorded it. “That’s better. I’m not worried about you blowing staples inside your chest now. How’s the pain level?”

“Bearable,” Lee replied, hand over his chest in one spot, but it wasn’t hurting as it had week ago just after.

“Okay, then buzz when you need something for it. I’ll be around the corner,” Claire said, and let Bucky snuffle at her hand, getting to know him. “Is he a rescue?” she asked, observing his scars.

“Yeah. Got him in Romania. He was in bad shape,” Lee explained giving Bucky’s head a pat.

“Is that where you got your husband?” Claire asked, with a gentle smile, and let Bucky lick her hand.

“Sort of,” Lee said, not wanting to give too much information away. 

“He seems like he loves you a lot, both of them,” Claire said, and poured Lee some more water.

“They do, I think,” Lee said and took the water. “Sorry for the uproar so early.”

“I’ve seen worse,” Claire said, dryly. “I used to live in Hell’s Kitchen, in New York.”

“That would be worse,” Lee said with a lighter laugh. “I don’t feel too bad now.”

“Yeah seeing a family … whatever? Not a big deal. I was a trauma nurse, so as long as no one’s running around naked and covered in blood, this is just another day at work.”

“Lucky it didn’t end in that,” Lee murmured, sighing once before finishing the water.

“I saw a woman’s boyfriend and husband show up to visit her here at the same time. That was interesting…” she said, not in a rush to leave Lee until she knew he was calm again.

“Very awkward,” Lee said, aware that Claire knew enough that Lee had grown up in some weird situation. “He wasn’t really a friend. He… helped raise me when my parents wouldn’t. Not that it was any better than my parents.”

“Oh,” Claire said, and seemed able to guess around Lee’s tone of voice and expression. “Sorry he got in. It won’t happen again, I can give security his name and picture,” she promised.

“He’s got his charms and way about him. Not your fault. I don’t know how he even found me, honestly,” Lee said, calmer now than he had been, Bucky warm against his thigh.

“People like that always have their ways, but no, no one should know you’re in here unless you told them,” Claire said, her forehead furrowing as she thought it over.

That was troubling, and Lee would have to bring it up to Nigel later, figure out where the leak had come from. “Well , he’s gone. But if anyone comes looking for ‘Cal’ just say he’s not here.”

“No problem, I’ll ask how he got past security. All visitors have to sign in,” she mused, and headed to the door. “You’re feeling better?”

“He’d write himself in as a religious head,” Lee explained, “sort of like a priest.” He nodded. “Yeah, thanks…”

“Good, get some rest. I’m sure Lucas will be back with waffle house food,” she said with a smile, and let herself out.

Lee just nodded and laid back, his heart still feeling like it was pounding in his ears. He groaned, and let Bucky rest his head over his stomach, where he pet him. So much for less stress.

An hour and a half later, the door to Lee’s room opened, and the familiar smell of Nigel’s cologne and waffles washed in as Nigel entered. He looked like he’d had a shower, and changed clothes. “Hey,” he said, softly, as he petted Bucky with one hand and stood next to Lee’s bed.

“Hm?” Lee had drifted off back to sleep again, once his body had decided that the fuss was enough, he had gotten exhausted all over again.

Nigel leaned down and kissed Lee’s lips, then brushed his hand over Lee’s face. Nigel’s fingers smelled like soap.

“You smell clean,” Lee said, opening his eyes a little, peering up at Nigel.

“I took a shower,” Nigel said, and kissed Lee’s face again, smiling at Lee. “How are you?” Nigel seemed relaxed, all traces of his fury from anger gone. Nigel’s nails were trimmed down, cleaned underneath, perfectly.

“Better now,” Lee said, Bucky’s head still on his stomach as the dog looked up at Nigel.

“Everything is taken care of,” Nigel promised, softly, then laid a kiss on the top of Bucky’s head, to reassure him.

“I told Claire to make sure no one else comes in looking for ‘Cal’ and if they did, to steer them out. She felt bad he got in,” Lee sighed, watching Nigel. “Somehow they find out I was here.”

“Someone here must have leaked it,” Nigel said, as he opened Lee’s food and handed it to him with a plastic fork. “We’ll find out, don’t worry,” he promised, calmly. “Now, eat. You’ve got a fucking lung to heal.”

Lee hardly felt like eating after the commotion, but Nigel was right and he wouldn’t stop hounding until he did. He picked up the fork and cut into the waffles and sausage eating both with one bite. “Yes, I know.”

“You’re okay?” Nigel asked, as he pulled his chair closer to Lee’s bed. A rare clear calm was in his eyes, like he’d just let out the demons for a while, and knew his mind would be quiet for a long time after, like the mirror-glass surface of a lake after a big storm.

“Yeah. Claire and Bucky helped me calm down,” Lee said drenching a piece of waffle with syrup. He shifted his jaw as he chewed. “I had hoped to never see him again face-to-face.”

“You never will,” Nigel promised, as he watched Lee eat, and opened his own container to share a bit of bacon with Bucky. “He’s dead.”

“Dead… dead?” Lee asked, quietly, having seen Steve on his deathbed before, only to see him up and walking around again like a zombie.

“ _Dead_ , dead,” Nigel promised, quietly, and seriously. “Saw to it myself.” Bucky lumbered into Nigel’s lap, and leaned on his chest to try and win more bacon from him.

Lee watched his dog go, for food of all things, and poked at his own with his fork. “Good.”

Nigel licked his lips as he watched Lee, quiet for a moment as he stretched his long legs out and rested his feet on a part of the bed near the very corner. “You … want to know what happened?”

“I… don’t know. I trust you,” Lee said, looking down at his food.

“I taught him how it feels to have a promise made, and broken,” Nigel said, looking at Lee.

Lee could assume a lot of things with that, honestly. “He’d deserve it.”

Nigel sat back in his chair, considering, and chewed the inside of his cheek before he spoke. “We stripped him down, tied his hands to the top of a fucking ladder. I told him if he apologized, on camera, for what he did to you, I would let him go. He believed me, he apologized … and then I cut off his dick and his balls, and told him this is how it feels to have your trust thrown away.”

Lee swallowed hard at that, almost sorry he missed it. It meant freedom, at least from Steve, but maybe now the Movement would let him be. “Did he mean it?”

“It sounded like it, but … who knows. He’s a liar,” Nigel said, quietly. “Then I gutted him, let it all spill out while he watched, and let him die like that. He’s gone, his body is gone, that’s it. It’s over.”

“Nothing left,” Lee sighed, not unhappy in the least, but relieved more than anything else. His chest felt like it unclenched from the inside out.

“Nothing left. Ashes to fucking ashes,” Nigel said, and leaned closer to give Lee a gentle kiss on the lips. “I took a video, if you wanted to see the whole thing, but it’s … well, you know what happens.”

“I don’t want to if he doesn’t mean it,” Lee said, touching Nigel’s clean face, keeping him close.

“When you feel up to it, you can watch and decide if he does or not. You knew him better,” Nigel said, referring to Steve in the past tense for the first time. “Sergei is cremating him right now. No matter what you see on there, he’s gone. He’s _gone_.”

“Gone,” Lee repeated, sighing heavily. “Thank you. It’s… over, finally, right?”

“Over,” Nigel said, reassuringly, and rested one hand very gently on Lee’s chest. “He’s never coming back.”

“One less thing to keep me up,” Lee whispered. His nightmares usually had something to do with Steve, no matter how well he was doing otherwise. Steve was always under some rock, somewhere.

“I should be the only thing keeping you up,” Nigel said with a smirk and a twinkle in his eyes, and kissed Lee, again. 

“I can’t wait until you are that thing again,” Lee chuckled with a smirk back at Nigel.

“Soon enough, Baby, soon enough,” Nigel whispered, and kissed Lee’s mouth, softly, fully, holding it for a long second as his silvery hair brushed Lee’s face.

Smiling against Nigel’s mouth, Lee kissed him back with syrup stained lips. “You’re the best husband ever.”

“I slay your enemies and bring you fucking waffles,” Nigel said, quietly.

“I’d have helped if I wasn’t hooked to so many machines,” Lee said with a soft pout against Nigel’s mouth.

“Yeah, I know. I tried to do what I thought you’d want. I thought of keeping him in some fucking hole until you were better, but that’s too risky,” Nigel sighed.

“It’s fine. He’s gone. That’s what we wanted. I can break the truth about him later, he doesn’t need to be alive for that,” Lee commented.

“No, he doesn’t,” Nigel said, as though he hadn’t thought of it before, and smiled at Lee. “Something to recover for.”

Outing Steve would mean the Movement would suffer, people who were helped might not be helped any longer, but maybe someone else could step in and make that better. It just couldn’t be Lee, he couldn’t be near it anymore. “Exactly.”

“That and waffles with gravy,” Nigel said, and used a fork to feed Lee another piece. 

“It’s really good gravy,” Lee said and took the bite, chewing slowly.

“Something else to live for … gravy,” Nigel purred. “I’ll let you fucking lick it off my chest.”

“When I’m better?” Lee chuckled, biting his lip at the thought.

“Yeah, when you’re better,” Nigel whispered, “and I always keep my promises. I didn’t even have a cigarette.”

“Not one?” Lee whispered, smiling. He was proud of Nigel, knowing the smoking was the hardest part to quit, especially with how stressful the last few weeks had been.

“I thought about it,” Nigel admitted, “especially after a kill, but I didn’t. I wanted to be able to tell you I didn’t,” he said, proudly, his chest out a little, ready to be adored for it.

Lee rubbed his hand up Nigel’s chest, rubbing it where it was puffed out. “I’m very proud of you.”

No one had ever been proud of Nigel before, not for anything, not for all his work, not for getting rich, not for staying alive. Lee was proud. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Of course I am.” Lee had learned he couldn’t change a lot about Nigel, and he’d accepted that just recently. He was proud Nigel wanted to quit smoking on his own and was holding to it.

Nigel lit up inside at that, and kissed Lee’s cheek. “Thanks, baby. I told you, I’m done.”

“I believed you, and I still do,” Lee said, taking a lot bite of his food before putting it aside for now.

Nigel helped Lee put his food aside, and handed him a cup of coffee. “You’re the only person I’ve ever met who believed I could do shit,” he said, quietly.

“Someone has to,” Lee explained, matter of factly, and sipped the coffee, having grown used to it here since Nigel started to bring it, especially with a little sugar.

“I mean it, you make me feel like I can … do … things. I could be different, if I wanted to. Gabi always made me feel like a fucking idiot who’d never be more than a thug. I think even if I said I wanted to do something … weird, something fucking ridiculous, you’d be honest with me. You’d probably tell me I could,” Nigel said. In this moment, in a crack between blustering and bouts of possessive love, Nigel was … raw, vulnerable.

“You can do anything you put your mind to,” Lee said, and scooted a little, opening one arm for Nigel to sit with him and Bucky, closer.

“Well not … anything,” Nigel said, and moved closer to Lee, sitting with him, careful not to lean on his chest.

“Why not? What do you have in mind you don’t think you could do?” Lee asked, having had a lot of time to think about things while healing.

Nigel was silent for long moment, looking at the sheets over Lee’s thighs. “Stupid shit,” he said, with a shrug. “Maybe just … learn some shit, you know? Not school, really, but I’m sick of feeling like a fucking idiot compared to everyone who knows a lot more, stayed in school, all these doctors…”

“You can learn anything you want. There are videos you can look up, I’m told, on just about anything,” Lee explained, touching Nigel’s thigh with his free hand.

“I dunno. Whatever, first priority is getting you better. I’ll think about that later, stupid idea anyway,” he said.

“It’s not stupid,” Lee insisted. “I don’t have a degree either, but I learned and taught myself everything, even if it means nothing to the government or society.”

“I don’t give a shit about that,” Nigel said, and laid his head next to Lee’s for a moment. 

Lee smiled at Nigel, gazing. “Whatever you do want to do, I’ll support you.”

Nigel gazed back, “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you know that?”

“I’m glad. You deserve it,” Lee whispered, pressing their foreheads together.

“You’re a fucking angel,” Nigel said, seriously.

Lee laughed at that, softly. “No…”

“You fucking are,” Nigel said, “you pulled me out of rubble and gave a shit when no one else would have.”

“Someone had to,” Lee said with a small smile, pulling Nigel close again to kiss him.

Nigel kissed Lee slowly, and warmly, still careful not to bump or touch his chest, but got as close as he could as he brushed their tongues together. Lee hummed into the kiss and touched Nigel’s chest, grasping his shirt.

“Feeling better?” Nigel purred, between slow kisses. This was as close as they had been in days.

“Yeah. You always help me feel better,” Lee whispered, eyes half closed as their lips parted and met in sync with each other.

“Same,” Nigel said, softly, his own heart starting to beat a little harder.

“I’ll be out of here before we know it, and back home,” Lee said, softly, enjoying their closeness.

“In our own bed, with room for both of us to sleep,” Nigel murmured, and slipped one arm under Lee’s head, letting him rest against his bicep.

“I miss sleeping next to you,” Lee admitted, resting his head back against Nigel’s arm, gazing up at him. “Bucky’s an okay bedmate, but you’re better.”

“Thanks. He snores louder,” Nigel said, staring back at Lee with soft eyes. 

“Definitely louder than a bear,” Lee chuckled, softly, bright blue eyes finally looking less haunted than they had hours earlier.

Nigel nuzzled his husband’s nose, and sighed, then kissed him again, glad that he was finally free of Steve, for good. “Careful, I’m going to get competitive.”

“Over snoring?” Lee whispered, amused.

“I can make _anything_ a competition,” Nigel laughed.

Lee laughed loud and hard at that one, and pulled Nigel into a kiss again. “I love you.”

The sound of Lee laughing like that was beautiful, especially in a hospital room, especially with all they had before them. “Yeah? Why? Because I’ll fucking out-snore our pit bull to impress you?”

“Because you’d want to. No one’s done that for me, or wanted to,” Lee explained, having realized a long time ago just how much Nigel did for him, and vice versa.

“Of course I would,” Nigel said, with a little smile. “I love you. I want to fucking impress you. Can’t have you getting bored and marrying one of these doctors or something.”

“I would never marry a doctor,” Lee said, brows raised at the notion. Steve was a doctor, or said he was, anyway. “Plus, you could never bore me.”

“I could bore you, when I get old and we’ve been together for years and I’m wearing … _glasses_ or some shit,” Nigel said, with a smile.

Lee laughed again, the sound bubbling up from his chest, eyes squinting slightly. “Maybe, maybe not.” No one had ever made him laugh like Nigel did, not ever.

“All my chest hair is going to be white,” Nigel warned Lee with a smile, “and I’ll get fat.”

“I’ll love every inch you put on,” Lee whispered, grinning toothily at Nigel as he patted his belly.

“Why the fuck do you like my stomach so much?” Nigel asked, with a smile, unable to help it. Lee was like sunshine, just being around him like this made everything warm and bright.

“I like every part of you,” Lee insisted, already much happier looking without Steve’s shadow shrouding him.

“Every part? Have you even looked at every fucking part?” Nigel teased.

“Is there a part I’m missing?” Lee asked, head canted.

“My elbows, maybe,” Nigel said, with a little smirk.

“Your elbows?” Lee raised one brow. “ I’ve washed you in the shower…”

“Okay, you know everything,” Nigel said, then paused, and tilted his head. “You know I have a gold tooth, right?”

“I’ve seen a glint of it, never had you show it to me,” Lee explained, now looking at Nigel’s mouth a little more closely.

Nigel opened his mouth, and showed Lee his gold tooth at the very back of his mouth. “It got knocked out in a fight.”

“Is that an implant or a crown?” Lee asked, having had perfectly straight, even teeth his whole life, and never having gotten _that_ badly beaten to have a tooth knocked out.

“What? What are those? This is just … a tooth. I don’t know. I’m a king now? I get a fucking crown? I’d be a hot king,” Nigel said and shrugged.

Lee laughed. “If the tooth was fully knocked out, you probably have an implant, a gold one, I guess,” Lee shrugged. “But you would be a hot king.”

“Implant, then. I got hit in the face with a bowling ball,” Nigel laughed, and shifted his jaw.

“And all you got was an implant? Your jaw was okay?” Lee knew a little about injuries, mostly from seeing so many battered that came to the Movement for refuge.

“I think so? It clicks now,” Nigel said and opened his mouth wide, which made his jaw pop a little.

“It’s been a while, I’d assume you’d hurt more if it were worse,” Lee sighed, touching Nigel’s jaw. There was a lot he didn’t know about his husband, but slowly he it was all weaving a perfect story together.

“It hurts a little but only if I eat something sticky, and chewy. That’s why no vegetables,” he said, “makes my jaw hurt.”

“Vegetables are chewy?” Lee laughed, “Crunchy maybe, or just really horribly steamed.”

“No, like … raw,” Nigel said and rested his head closer to Lee. “I also have a shoulder that cracks like that. I was hit by a car and I couldn’t use it for a while, then I think I got it into the … you know, into the shoulder-hole, and it worked again, but it was really swollen for a long time, and it clicks now.”

“I’d say get it looked at, but probably too late for that,” Lee murmured, brows furrowed.

“It’s just … part of me now. I have lots of fucked up parts. Did you notice my toe?” Nigel asked, with a raise of his eyebrows.

“Should I have?” Lee asked, brows raised once more as he looked down Nigel’s chest to his feet.

Nigel toed off one shoe and his sock, and showed Lee his right foot. He was missing a toenail on his right big toe. In it’s place was waxy, pinkish-white scar tissue that looked like a burn. “My ugly fucking toe.”

“Oh,” Lee laughed. “I thought maybe you dropped something on it as a kid, and then the nail fell off. That happened to someone once at the compound…”

“No, it was ripped out with pliers,” Nigel said, as though that happened to everyone at least once. “I was young and stupid and got on the wrong end of a bad deal.”

“Pliers?” Lee frowned, pretty sure his childhood was better now than Nigel’s.

“Yeah, like those … you know,” Nigel mimed pliers, “big tweezers. It was fucking painful but I learned not to be such a fucking moron. Only cost me a toenail. I don’t feel it anymore.”

“I… guess that’s true,” Lee said, sighing a little. “Made you who you are, right?”

“Taught me a fucking lesson, besides, I ended up killing those guys later, so … hey,” Nigel said, with a shrug, and touched his nose to Lee’s. “Got even.”

“I should really be bothered by this killing thing, but I’m… not anymore,” Lee said, aware he could never do it himself, but he accepted it with Nigel.

“I think it’s because you know I don’t fucking go out and kill nice people,” Nigel said, honestly. “I don’t do it for fun, if it has to be done …” he shrugged. “It’s part of life. I’m not killing because it’s a rush. In my world, that’s just the way it is. You fuck with me? I’ll put you down. If I didn’t, I’d have everyone in Bucharest after me.”

“That’s true. Someone has to get rid of the people worse than others,” Lee agreed, touching Nigel’s face. “I couldn’t do that.”

“I know,” Nigel said. “You’re too sweet.”

“No, it’s definitely not that. Just… too afraid, I think,” Lee reiterated. “Either way, I couldn’t.”

“Too much of a conscience?” Nigel asked, and rested his bare foot against Lee’s through the white sheet.

“I barely kept myself together after Silas,” Lee reminded Nigel. “Who knows what would have happened if the police found him first,” he whispered.

“I wasn’t going to let that happen,” Nigel whispered back, and cupped Lee’s face with one hand. 

“I know. We’ve been fated since I found you, I knew that much,” Lee whispered, gazing at Nigel with his sea-blue, bright eyes.

“Maybe we were. Maybe we both put in time in our miserable fucking lives and it paid off when you pulled me out of what would have been my grave.”

“This is our … heaven on earth?” Lee smiled, not one to believe so much in that these days, but if this was what Karma brought him… for all the good he _tried_ to do, all the crap he’d been through...

“In a hospital bed?” Nigel asked as he stroked his free hand through Lee’s short hair. 

Lee’s smile only faltered a little. “Well, for now…”

“Only for now,” Nigel nodded, and kissed Lee’s lips, distracting him with his mouth.

Lee grasped Nigel’s face and kissed him harder, determined to live, to get past this, to get past all of it. “For now.”

“I promise, _when_ you’re better, _when_ you’re able to come home, we’ll do everything you’ve ever wanted to do. We’ll go anywhere in the world you want to go, you can paint all day if you want to, you’ll never have to work,” Nigel said, whispering it, trying to give Lee hope.

“I forgot about painting,” Lee sighed, frowning a bit, eyes on Nigel, and only Nigel. “I’m going to be fine.”

“Yeah, you are,” Nigel agreed, with a little smile. “We’ll look back on this someday, and maybe not fucking laugh, but we’ll look back at it afterward. This is just a speed bump.”

“Just a speedbump…” Lee agreed.


	15. Chapter 15

Lee healed from his surgery in a matter of weeks, and the time had finally come to begin his chemotherapy treatments. The morning of his first day of treatment, his oncologist knocked on the door, and let himself into Lee’s room, which now looked like a little home since the couple had basically moved in. “Good morning, got a minute to talk about today?” he asked.

Lee nodded, aware this was coming, but looked forward to being able to going home. “Yeah… what else have I got to do?”

“You just have to show up,” the doctor said as he walked in to find Nigel packing their things. “But I wanted to make sure you’re aware of what to expect after your treatments.”

“And what is that?” Lee asked, to be sure he was ready.

“You’re going to be tired, and nauseated,” the doctor said, “obviously. Chemo is kind of like killing off your whole lawn to get rid of weeds, and hoping only the lawn grows back. This is going to be very taxing on your body. Also, most people are familiar with the fact that most people lose their hair with chemotherapy. It will grow back, but I would be surprised if you do not experience that.”

“Lose my hair…” Lee said, honestly not worried about it, but maybe worried what Nigel would think, giving him a quick look.

Nigel just looked back at Lee, and moved closer to him, arm around his waist. “What else?” “You will become sick, very easily,” Dr. Sanche explained, “your immune system will become suppressed for a time. It’s important that you don’t eat any undercooked meat, don’t visit with school age children, and avoid anyone with any symptoms of illness. Your family members will have to be careful to wash their hands, frequently, and your … dog, Buster?” the doctor guessed, trying to remember. “Bucky,” Nigel corrected.

“Just make sure he’s got his shots and he’s kept clean.”

“We should take Bucky to the vet then, to be sure,” Lee commented, to Nigel. The rest? Family? Lee had none, so he wasn’t too worried.

“Yeah, yeah I will,” Nigel promised, staying close. “What about food? What should he eat? How much?” The doctor handed Nigel a few pamphlets. “These should cover that. With chemo patients, it’s hard for them to keep food down, so anything is better than nothing.” 

Nigel took them with a sigh, and nodded, “Yeah. So, we can go home after this treatment?” “Yes, and come back in three days for the next one. The nurses will give you his schedule.”

“Thanks,” Lee said with a frown, not liking the sound of any of it, but he was determined to keep a level and positive attitude about this. He’d had a lot of time and lot of reading and researching done in his stint here.

“So, you have an appointment with me in a week. I’ll see you then unless you have any questions,” the doctor said.

“Not at the moment,” Lee said, with a nod. “We’ll finish packing up and head to the chemo room.”

“Alright, then I’ll see you next week,” the doctor said with a nod, and let himself out. “I’ll take him to the vet after you’re home,” Nigel promised. “Sergei will come take our things home, everything is ready there. It’s been cleaned, no dust, no fucking germs,” Nigel promised, pacing back and forth as he looked at the pamphlets.

“Who cleaned it?” Lee asked, getting dressed, finally, out of the stupid hospital gown.

“Uh…” Nigel said, and moved to give Lee a shirt. “Some … associates. They do a lot of cleaning.”

“Okay…” Lee took the shirt and put it on, and then his shoes, tossing the gown on the bed with the dirty sheets.

“Excited to get the fuck out of here?” Nigel asked, watching as Lee wore normal clothes for the first time in about a month.

“Yes. The white walls are starting to get to me, and there is only so much day time television I ever want to watch again,” Lee replied with a chuckle. “I want my own bed and to be able to sleep with you.”

“Me too, and shower with you,” Nigel said with a little smile as he shouldered some bags.

“Yes, that, too. I really need a good shower,” Lee mused, smiling flirtatiously over at Nigel.

“So could I,” Nigel said, and kissed Lee on the lips. “No more nurses coming around with shit to do to you.”

“That’ll be nice.” Lee wrapped his arms around Nigel, gazing up at him. “Do you think it’ll be as bad as they say?”

“Hopefully just like having a bit of a fucking hangover,” Nigel said, and sighed, his hands coming to rest against Lee’s back.

It was wishful thinking, obviously, but Lee knew if he wanted things to be better, he had to be convinced they were, so he would. “Yeah. Though, I’ve had some horrible hangovers.”

“We’ll find out,” Nigel said, and went to open a door at a soft knock. Sergei was outside, and Nigel handed over the bags, so that they didn’t have to load up the car and haul everything back.

“Yeah.” Lee let the bigger man take all the bags, with a nod of thanks, and then slipped outside the door with Bucky on his leash.

Nigel wrapped his arm around Lee again, walking with him as they went down the hall. “One step closer to going home.”

“Just a few more hours,” Lee said, leaning into Nigel as they made their way to the chemo unit, each step feeling closer to home and yet heavier all at once.

The arrows on the wall led to the treatment center, and Nigel pushed the doors open. He walked with Lee to the front desk, and they were directed to a room with a lot of recliners and IV poles. A few patients sat in recliners, hooked up to machines, a couple of them asleep.

Lee was then told to take a seat, which he did, and Bucky curled up at his feet. “It could be worse,” he whispered to Nigel.

“If this was Romania, you’d be in a fucking lawn chair,” Nigel joked.

Lee laughed. “That’s true. This is luxury compared.”

“And some fucking chicken would be walking around or some shit,” Nigel said. He sat on a stool next to Lee’s chair as a nurse came over and started an IV in Lee’s arm, and offered him a blanket.

He took the blanket, but kept it folded for now, not sure he would need it with how warm it was. “Thank you.”

“How long does this take?” Nigel asked the nurse.

“About three or four hours, then you’re free to go,” she said as she hooked Lee’s IV up to his arm.

“Just like that?” Lee quipped, sighing heavily once as he watched the nurse set him up for the first of a very long line of horrible days, he was sure of it.

“Just like that,” she said, and started the line running, then smiled and walked back to her station.

“How long does it take to make you feel shitty?” Nigel asked, eyeing the fluid in the IV bags.

Lee chuckled at that. “I’d rather not know. I’m sure it’ll hit me hard when it does.”

“Let me know,” Nigel said, seriously, and helped Bucky up onto Lee’s lap.

Holding the dog, Lee nodded so far not feeling much of anything but the cool drip of the chemicals just starting up through his veins. “So far so good.”

“Good. Do you want anything?” Nigel asked, as he watched the clear liquid drip into Lee’s arm, and wished he knew what to do, how to make this okay.

“No… well, maybe some water?” Lee asked, petting down Bucky’s soft head as the dog settled, laying over his thighs.

“Sure,” Nigel said, and got up to go to the vending machine with a look over his shoulder at Lee. He came back a moment later with a cold bottle of water and handed it over. “I read a bit on all this stuff, didn’t really understand much of the complicated shit, but I guess it kills off any cells that grow really quickly…” Nigel still wasn’t comfortable reading a lot, was convinced that he wasn’t going to understand anything medical, especially, but he wanted to know what the fuck was going to happen with Lee.

“That sounds fun… so it kills off cancer cells,” Lee said, head canted. “Or that’s the idea.”

“Yeah and your hair grows fast, so does the lining of your stomach, hence the puking,” Nigel said, as he reached over to pet Bucky’s head.

“Which is why it all… comes out,” Lee said, frowning a little. “I might go bald, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Nigel said, and shrugged his shoulders.

“Be terribly ugly,” Lee murmured, watching Nigel. “No hair, super skinny…”

“Bullshit,” Nigel said, flatly. “You barely had any fucking hair when I met you, anyway, and I don’t care how skinny you are. I’m still going to want to fuck you.”

Chuckling loudly, Lee pushed on Nigel with one foot. “You’re full of it.”

“I’m fucking not,” Nigel said. “I’m still going to want to try and get in your pants. I’m fucking shameless.”

“Always have been,” Lee chuckled, starting to feel that chill he was told about and put the blanket over him and Bucky.

Bucky made sure his large, scarred head was sticking out of the blanket and stayed settled, happily as Nigel pulled the lever on the recliner so Lee could relax, then took his leather jacket off and put it over Lee’s chest. “You love it.”

“I do,” Lee admitted, cozy now and reached his hand out for the water Nigel had gotten him. “Going to just watch me for four hours?”

“Yeah,” Nigel said with a little smirk. “You got a problem with that?”

“No, you watched me for over a month, what’s another four hours?” Lee grinned, wiggling his feet at Nigel under the blanket and guzzled the water down.

“Exactly. If you can nap, nap, or watch a movie on my phone or something,” Nigel offered.

“Might nap.” Lee was always tired after the surgery, and he was sure this wasn’t going to be much better.

“Okay, then nap. I’ll wake you when we can go home,” Nigel said, and Bucky hunkered down to nap, familiar with the word, wagging under the blanket.

Lee laughed at the door and then rested his head back, and was soon snoozing away, never once flinching or moving.

Hours later, Nigel touched Lee’s face with his hand, and frowned at how much warmer his hand was than Lee’s face. “Baby…”

Long lashes fluttering open, Lee smiled at Nigel. “Hey. Time already?”

“Yeah, baby, time already. How do you feel?” Nigel asked as a nurse came over to disconnect Lee from his IV. Bucky jumped off of Lee’s lap, and stretched.

“Tired and cold,” Lee said, waiting until the nurse had him disconnected and then slipped Nigel’s jacket on and handed the blanket back.

Nigel waited for Lee, and held doors for him as he and Bucky followed, then stepped out into the sunshine. “How does it feel to be outside?”

“Warm,” Lee said, leaning into Nigel, one arm around him, his free hand holding Bucky’s leash. “Free.”

Nigel gave Lee a gentle squeeze, and opened the car door for him. “We can sit in the backyard for a while, if you want.”

“Might be nice after being cooped up for so long,” Lee said and got into the car, Bucky jumping into his lap and then into the back.

“Bucky can chase some fucking birds,” Nigel said, and got in his side, started the big silver car, and backed out of the parking lot with a little smile. “Home for three days.”

“And only here four hours when we do come back,” Lee pointed out. “It won’t be too bad.”

“Not bad at all, it’ll go fast. I’ll strip next time, keep you entertained,” Nigel said with a smirk as he shifted gears.

“I’d like to be the only one entertained,” Lee said, with a smile. “Can’t give all the patients a show.”

“Maybe they have a private room for couples or something,” Nigel joked.

“Maybe if we asked real nice, right?” Lee touched Nigel’s arm, just to touch, glad to be going home, to possible real food.

“Who knows? Maybe they have one with a big bed, and I can get naked and wrap myself around you to keep you warm,” Nigel teased.

“That sounds really wonderful,” Lee groaned, biting his own lip as he gazed over at Nigel through thick, long eyelashes.

“Anytime,” Nigel promised with a warm smile, and reached over to take Lee’s hand in his own as they hurried home. “Are you cold now?”

“Not too bad, warming up,” Lee said, squeezing Nigel’s hand, wrapped up in Nigel jacket, despite the heat out.

“Good,” Nigel said, and looked over at his husband wrapped in his jacket. “We’ll start bringing a blanket in the car.”

“Yeah, good idea.” Lee sighed, starting to feel his stomach start to roll, and he heard it audible wrench.

“You okay? Need me to pull over?” Nigel asked.

“No, no… it's fine. I need some water I think.” Lee said, swallowing down bile that dared to come up his throat.

“Almost home,” Nigel said, and drove a little faster.

“Don’t speed, I’m fine, really,” Lee insisted, holding his stomach as weaves of nausea hit him hard with each jolt of the car moving faster.

Nigel slowed down, and took a corner as gently as he could. “Okay just roll down the window, breathe …”

Lee groaned a little but rolled the window down, getting some air into his face, into his lungs, which burned a little to breathe deeply like this with. He coughed, covering his mouth with a little groan.

Nigel pulled over, quickly, and reached over Lee to open his door for him. “Okay…”

Lee unbuckled fast and got out, huddled over with his hands on his knees, puking whatever breakfast was left in his system out all over the side of the hot Texas freeway. After a minute straight, he wiped his mouth and just stood there, hunched over.

Nigel got out and walked around to Lee, hand on his back as he puked. “You okay?” he asked, feeling helpless.

“Yeah,” Lee murmured, wiping his mouth with his hand again, trying to make sure he got it all off his face. “Sorry. Didn’t want to puke in the car.”

“It’s okay,” Nigel said, and rubbed Lee’s back with one hand. “Are you okay for the ride home?”

“Yeah. I don’t think there’s anything left to bring up, honestly,” Lee groaned and coughed once more to get the rest out, if anything at all. He righted himself, taking a deep breath.

“Okay, baby,” Nigel said and helped Lee back to the car where Bucky waited to inspect Lee.

“I’m okay, Buck,” Lee sighed, and let the big dog come into his lap for now and curl up there.

Nigel got into the car and started to drive slowly. “We’ll bring something next time.”

“Something?” Lee asked, brows raised. “Crackers you mean?” Nothing sounded like it would settle the way his stomach lurched at the mention of any kind of food.

“You’ll see,” Nigel promised and drove more smoothly along the freeway. “Weed is good for these things.”

“Oh yeah.” Lee hummed, remembering he felt pretty decent after having a bite of brownie when he couldn’t sleep weeks and weeks ago now.

“I’ve got some stuff at the house,” Nigel said, taking an exit. “Think you could manage a brownie?”

“I hope so,” Lee murmured, holding to Bucky like he was trying to hold in his stomach.

“We’ll figure it out,” Nigel promised and drove very slowly and smoothly to their house, through the gate, and stopped with Lee’s door as close to the door as possible. “There, finally fucking home.”

Lee rushed to get out, to find his feet on non-moving land once more, sighing as the garage door opened and he went in that way. He immediately got himself a glass of water from the sink, guzzling it down.

Nigel left the car out, and followed Lee in with the dog, then watched him guzzle water down, and handed him a cold bottle from the fridge. “Wanna lay down?”

“Yeah… head is spinning,” Lee murmured, cracking open the cool water.

“Okay, come on,” Nigel murmured back, and guided Lee into the bedroom where a breeze blew through the room from one of the large, open windows. The house was immaculately clean, not a smudge or a fingerprint left anywhere, and the faint smell of bleach wafted through the rooms. “Lay down.”

“Smells like the hospital,” Lee bemoaned, and flopped down on the clean, white linen bed.

“That’s just from the cleaners,” Nigel said, and opened two more windows to get rid of the smell as Lee flopped down into their bed. They hadn’t been home long enough for the bed to be familiar, but it was soft, and dressed in crisp, clean linens. “Still feel like puking?” 

“Not as much.” Lee drank the bottle of water down in a few log gulps, and then curled into the covers, crinkling as he moved under just the top layer.

Nigel took Lee’s shoes off for him, and rubbed his feet for a moment as he watched him. Bucky jumped up, onto the bed, and curled up against Lee’s back. “What can I do, Baby?” Nigel asked, that empty feeling of helplessness washing over him again.

“Just stay.” Lee reached out for Nigel, and tugged him down with him. “You don't need to worry about me so much.”

“Don’t worry?” Nigel asked and laid down next to Lee, one arm around him.

“I’m glad you do, but maybe I just need you to be here, with me,” Lee said, quietly, latching his leg over Nigel’s hip.

“Okay,” Nigel said, and let Lee curl into him. “Whatever you need.”

Honestly, Lee wasn’t sure what he needed yet. This was all as new to him as it was Nigel, and like everything else, they’d have to stumble and fall a few times before they got it right. They had months of this to look forward to.

“Should I get a fucking bucket or something in case you’re sick again?” Nigel asked, then remembered the weed.

“I don’t know I have much else to throw up,” Lee murmured, nuzzling his face into Nigel’s neck, far more affectionate than he had been just months ago.

Nigel basked in the affection, and snuggled close to Lee. “I’m just fucking relieved you’re home.”

“Me too. This much more comfortable, even if I’m nauseated,” Lee whispered, eyes closed so his whole body relaxed into Nigel.

“Do you want some weed? That’ll get rid of the nausea and we can go watch some fucking birds or something once you’re a little stoned,” Nigel offered, voice deep and soothing against Lee’s ear.

Lee laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s do that.”

Nigel kissed Lee’s cool cheek and climbed out to bed to go to the kitchen. He came back with a little plate of chocolate chip cookies and a big bottle of water, and sat near Lee with them. “Thought you might be sick of brownies, so I got these too.”

“Cookies?” Lee looked at them, he hadn’t had real cookies in a long time. He sat up and took one, taking a few bites of it, and then finished it, hoping he didn’t regret it. 

“They’re gonna be strong, don’t do more than two,” Nigel said, and took one for himself.

“I barely ate half of the brownie, I doubt two is even a good idea,” Lee said, taking the bottle of water from the nightstand to wash it down.

“Good point,” Nigel said as he finished his own cookie and put the plate aside so Bucky wasn’t tempted by the cookie left. “I don’t want you so high that you’re having a shitty time.”

“I’ve been up there before, it’s just been… a long, long time,” Lee admitted, slipping off the bed with his water and wrapped his arms around Nigel.

“How long ago?” Nigel asked, watching Lee closely in case Lee needed to rush to the bathroom. 

“Ten or more years,” Lee explained, looking up at Nigel as he hugged him.

“Was it on purpose?” Nigel asked, holding his husband gently, waiting for the drugs to kick in.

“Yes. The Meyerists believe it’s sacred, and that smoking it helps open your mind, broaden your spectrum,” Lee explained, eyes closed. “Let’s go sit outside.”

“Okay,” Nigel said, and walked Lee outside, to a couple of loungers by the pool. He turned the chairs to face the tall trees and bushes of colorful flowers along their tall fence, and laid in one, room for Lee to lay with him if he wanted to.

Lee crawled in next to Nigel, curling up with him there, just a bit of sun on their toes, no where else since he was to avoid a lot of it. “Much better. Fresh air.”

“Fresh air, flowers, blue sky,” Nigel said with a smile, then heard a massive splash behind them. “Bucky found the fucking pool.”

“I think he likes water,” Lee commented, turning his head to see the big dog paddling around.

Bucky had a big smile on his face as he paddled around in the pool, in slow circles. “A little fucking bit. That will make giving him lots of baths a lot easier.”

“Yeah, he’s always in the shower with us anyway,” Lee laughed, gazing up at Nigel, chin tilted up to meet his eyes.

“Cleanest pitbull in the world,” Nigel chuckled, and watched Bucky swim, then looked at Lee. “We’re all happier at home.”

“He’s able to get out and about, I’m not stuck in a hospital bed, you’re not stuck on a crowded couch,” Lee agreed, leaning up to kiss Nigel properly, his head beginning to swim a little, his mind clouded, just a little.

Nigel kissed Lee back starting to feel relaxed and warm inside as they snuggled. “No comparison. Tomorrow, we can wake up in the same bed, I can make you eggs or some shit, some coffee… The waffle place is going to wonder what the fuck happened to me.”

Lee chuckled at that and held Nigel tighter, smiling boyishly against his mouth. “We’ll go back on chemo days.”

“Load you up before your treatments?” Nigel asked with a little smile, and nuzzled Lee’s neck, inhaling the smell of his skin as a few birds landed in the flowers to watch them.

“Get as much in as I can before barfing later? Yeah.” Lee all but laid over Nigel, comfortably.

“I’ll just get you higher than fuck before chemo,” Nigel said with a smile, rubbing Lee’s back.

Lee laughed, straddling Nigel’s thighs. “That’s… a great idea before going to a hospital.”

Nigel smirked up at Lee, and ran his hands over Lee’s thighs. “Just say you’re tired,” he laughed.

“They have to be smarter than that,” Lee retorted but kissed Nigel again, slowly this time.

“If they’re smart they would keep their fucking mouths shut,” Nigel said, and kissed Lee, holding the kiss for much longer this time, savouring it as his head spun, pleasantly.

Lee grinned into Nigel mouth and groped his chest shamelessly. “That's true.”

Nigel responded by undoing his shirt for Lee’s groping hands with a smile. “Better?”

“Yes,” Lee whispered, his voice suddenly too loud sounding in his mind. He bit down Nigel’s jaw to his neck.

Nigel groaned at the bites, and stretched out in the lawn chair. The world narrowed to just him, and Lee, nothing else. “Fuck …” he moaned, “missed your mouth, Baby.”

Lee palmed down Nigel’s chest slowly, slithering down between his thighs, and bit Nigel’s nipple. “Mm, missed this… us.”

Nigel’s body responded to Lee’s touch with ravenous hunger, and he arched his back as his cock sprang to attention, throbbing already under his worn jeans. “So did I,” Nigel breathed as he peeled Lee’s shirt off, urgently, and cupped Lee’s face with both hands to tilt his head up, and kissed his lips, soundly.

Lee groaned, toeing off his shoes and shimmying out of his jeans, and then placed himself right over Nigel once more. “It’s been too long.” Nigel did the same, kicking off his jeans. He wriggled out of them and pulled Lee down against himself, heart beating hard in his ears. “Way too fucking long,” he moaned, grinding his cock against Lee’s smooth ass. “Still gorgeous,” he whispered, palming Lee’s chest.

“Even with all these scars?” Lee asked, knowing Nigel would love every piece of him no matter how many he had. It hardly mattered either way.

“They match mine,” Nigel whispered and leaned up to kiss Lee’s freshly healed scar, the one that ran down the center of his chest.

“Scar twins?” Lee laughed, and bent to kiss Nigel once more, harder this time as their hips ground together, both of them worked up after months of nothing.

“Not quite, almo-” the words were lost as Lee’s mouth pressed over Nigel’s. Nigel reached between them and groaned as he grasped their cocks together. “Been so long it feels like I’m a fucking teenager,” Nigel whispered, stroking them. 

“Never last at this rate-” Lee agreed, fucking into Nigel’s fist, against his cock, already feeling the pent up passion begin to boil and beg to erupt.

“I don’t fucking care, we can do it again,” Nigel moaned, and squeezed Lee’s cock against his own. His thumb rubbed over the tip of Lee’s cock, urging him on. 

After a few more whips of his hips, Lee was coming undone, panting and groaning as he spilled across Nigel’s chest and down his knuckles.

Nigel followed, groaning loudly, and rocked against Lee. Their come slicked them both, making them wet and sticky. “Fuck … fuck …” Nigel moaned, breathlessly.

Languid now against Nigel, Lee sighed, resting their foreheads together. “Needed that,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Nigel sighed, both of them high and relaxed, messy. “Wanna rinse off in the pool?” Nigel asked after a long pause. He stroked his hands down Lee’s back, over his spine.

Lee chuckled and nodded his head, it was warm enough out and Lee wasn’t cold anymore, his head floaty feeling. “Sure.”

Nigel laughed at the way Lee nodded, and stared at him for a moment. “The sun makes you look like you have a fucking halo or something,” Nigel said, mellow and fascinated by the way the sun hit Lee’s short hair.

“What?” Lee laughed, raising his brows as if trying to see behind himself, though impossible as it were.

“You look like a fucking angel,” Nigel said with a chuckle, watching Lee trying to look for his own halo.

“I don’t see anything,” Lee answered, head canted now at Nigel, pool long forgotten.

“Right there,” Nigel said, patting the light around Lee’s head before he leaned up to kiss his lips, distracted by his husband’s features when the light hit them. “You are so fucking _beautiful._ More beautiful than any woman I’ve ever seen.”

Lee laughed against Nigel’s mouth at that. “Men aren’t… beautiful.” But, Lee flushed anyway at that, curling up against Nigel, closer once more.

“You are. If I met you in a bar or something? Like strangers? I would just put you over my shoulder and fucking carry you home,” Nigel said, wistfully.

“That’s all?” Lee asked, only vaguely aware they were both completely high off the cookies they had eaten. “Just take me home?”

“Yeah, I’d just finish my drink, walk over, tell you my name and then carry you home,” Nigel said with a smile in his eyes. Everything was warm and fuzzy around them, cozy. All of the hard edges had been sanded off of the world for the moment.

“Then what?” Lee asked, as if it were some sort of bedtime fairy tale story, another world, where this one wasn’t as terrible as it was lately.

“Then I’d carry you here, and show you Bruno … Barkley … “ Nigel looked at their dog swimming laps in the pool with a big smile. “Whatever his fucking name is I’d be like: it’s our fucking dog, you live here now.” He looked at Lee, and touched his face, fingertips skimming over his lips. “And I’d just … make you stupidly fucking happy for the rest of your life. You’d become Lee, and I’d become Lucas, and we’d just fuck and lay around in the sun all day.”

Lee started to laugh, brows furrowed in as he tried to think of something to come back to that with, but he couldn’t think of a damn thing. Instead, he kissed Nigel for it, warmly on the mouth. “That sounds like heaven…”

“Yeah, it does. You would never be sick, you could run every fucking day, and keep all your hair,” Nigel promised, running his hand over Lee’s hair as he stared up at him with bloodshot, relaxed eyes. “You could grow it down to your fucking shoulders if you wanted. I bet it’s curly as fuck.”

“My hair is too curly to be long,” Lee said with a shake of his head, but then leaned into Nigel’s warm palm. “Sounds like a good life…”

“How curly?” Nigel asked, and curled a tiny piece of Lee’s hair against his finger, fascinated. 

“Very curly, wavy, thick,” Lee explained. “I’ve only had it long once…”

“When the fuck was that?” Nigel asked, almost jealous that someone else got to see his husband with long hair.

“I was… fourteen I think. It was to my chin,” Lee said, with a little smile.

“Oh my fucking god I bet you were gorgeous,” Nigel sighed, and smiled back at Lee, imagining it. “I’m _pissed_ I didn’t get to see you.”

Lee laughed hard, holding his chest a little, shaking his head. “No… I looked like such a hippie.”

“I bet you looked like a fucking choirboy,” Nigel teased, smiling widely at his husband. “And everyone had a fucking crush on you.”

Lee ducked his head, shrugging. “I don’t know about that.”

“You would have been … fucking radiant. When I was fourteen, I was a bag of bones with bad teeth and a smart mouth,” Nigel said, softly, still completely transfixed by staring at his husband, basking in his good looks. 

“Bad teeth?” Lee asked, palming down Nigel’s chest once more, fingers through his thicket of fur there, grasping at it lightly.

“Yeah, they’re still jacked up,” Nigel said with a sigh, and ran his hands down Lee’s sides to his waist. “I wasn’t fucking cute. I was already six feet tall,” he laughed, remembering. “Had hair down to my neck…”

Lee grinned at the thought and kissed Nigel slowly, eyes half hooded. “I’d’ve still fucked you.”

“Yeah?” Nigel asked, with a big smile, and kissed Lee back, wrapping one long, gracefully muscled leg around Lee. “We would have raised Hell,” he whispered, through a smirk, “I would have stole you from that fucking cult.”

“I probably needed that,” Lee sighed, happy to be wrapped up in Nigel.

“We would have run the fuck away, and never looked back,” Nigel promised, stroking his hand over Lee’s back as the sun beat down on them both, still naked and high. “I would have fucking loved you, as much as I do now. I was _meant_ to.”

“We’d be horrible for each other,” Lee chuckled, leaning his forehead against Nigel’s. “Bad influences, but perfect for each other nonetheless.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have done so much heroin,” Nigel mused, gazing at the blurry image of his husband. “If I had someone like you around… I was fucking lonely,” Nigel admitted under the soothing haze of weed in his system.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have drank so much,” Lee said, aware that Nigel would have only wanted to have done that with him. “Maybe not.”

“Maybe it would have been happy drinking,” Nigel replied, as he snuggled Lee to his side, both arms around him now as he stroked Lee’s back, almost obsessed with the smooth, satiny feeling of his skin.

“Maybe,” Lee agreed, nuzzling his nose into Nigel’s neck, taking in a deep breath of him. “You smell so good.”

“What the fuck do I smell like?” Nigel asked, with a little smile as he leaned his head back, letting Lee smell him as much as he wanted to.

“Musk, and _you_ ,” Lee whispered, biting at Nigel with a little chuckle. “I like it.”

Nigel hummed, and smiled at the feeling of Lee’s teeth against his skin. “You always smell like the outdoors, even in the hospital.”

“Good thing?” Lee asked, biting a little harder, like he couldn’t get enough of Nigel’s taste.

“Yeah, really good thing,” Nigel said, and groaned as he arched up higher into Lee’s mouth.

Lee licked over the bit spot and groaned, eyes closed, tasting Nigel’s musky salt there. “Thought so.”

“Fuck… bite harder,” Nigel groaned, writhing under Lee. Both of his strong hands clutched at Lee’s back.

Lee did, biting down into Nigel’s neck, suckling the flesh as he raised bumps with it, groaning, tasting the tinge of copper. “Mmn…”

“Yeah,” Nigel moaned. Usually he preferred to do the marking but right now he loved the feeling of Lee’s teeth.

Lee wrapped his arm around Nigel’s shoulders and bit into him harder, sucking and bruising his skin, hips grinding down into Nigel’s growing hard all over again. “Nigel…”

“Christ, Lee,” Nigel groaned, and rutted up against Lee’s pelvis, the friction between them sending sparks through Nigel’s nerves. “Wet me.”

All nausea forgotten, Lee slid down between Nigel’s legs and lapped at his cock, taking in the dried spent from it earlier, and then sucked him down in one go, groaning roughly around his thickness.

Nigel’s thighs spread at the feeling of Lee’s mouth, and he gasped, cursing under his breath in Romanian as he looked down to watch Lee suck him in. “Baby …” he groaned, one hand petting Lee’s short, shiny hair.

Lee’s bloodshot eyes drifted up to Nigel’s, watching him with every long stroke of tongue he passed over his length and down his balls, once and then twice, slow and then fast, tasting every inch of him.

“Fucking perfect,” Nigel moaned, and pulled Lee up to him, impatiently, and pressed his fingers against Lee’s lips. “Wet them,” he whispered, a gleam in his hazy eyes.

Lee laved his tongue around Nigel’s fingers, making sure to soak them thoroughly as their eyes met. He rutted down into his husband’s hips, impatiently. “Mm…”

Nigel’s eyes sparkled, darkly, and he curled his long fingers against Lee’s tongue, then pulled his fingers out of his beautiful mouth, slowly. “You know goddamn well what I’m going to do with these, don’t you?” Nigel asked, and cupped Lee’s ass with both hands, teasing his cleft with wet fingertips.

“Yes-” Lee managed, spreading his thighs apart, rolling them back against slicked fingers. “It’s been too long.”

Nigel pressed his fingers into Lee, slowly, watching his features as he eased them inside, and bent them just so to stroke his fingertips against Lee’s long-neglected prostate. Lee’s head fell forward with that, body shaking and unfurling at the touch.

“There…”

“Missed that?” Nigel asked, his eyes half-closed, lips parted as he fingered Lee, slowly, while the sun beat down on them both.

“Yeah,” Lee breathed out slowly, pressing down into Nigel’s fingers, flushed from head to toe. “Missed all of you.”

 

Nigel spread his fingers inside Lee, slowly, being gentle with him for now, playing his nerves like an instrument as he felt himself get harder and harder with every flush that passed over Lee’s skin. Lee let out a huffed groan, mouth dropping open, head on his husband’s shoulder.

“Gorgeous,” Nigel moaned, fucking Lee slowly with his fingers before he pulled them out, and rubbed his cock against Lee’s ass. 

Lee sat back, taking Nigel’s slicked cock slowly inside of himself, working him in with a few whipped motions of his hips. “Nigel…”

Nigel arched up, pressing himself into Lee, slowly, shuddering with pleasure as he penetrated him for the first time in far, far too long. “Lee-” he moaned, hands flexed against Lee’s hips, holding him still. 

The brunet's body coiled with heat on first contact, wound tight like a fine tuned instrument. Gasping, he pressed his hands into Nigel’s chest for leverage, toes curled under his weight to rock down slightly. “Fuck, that's nice…”

Lee was still sick, but he had mended for now, and Nigel knew any moments like these would have to be stolen from the times when Lee felt well enough, there might not be a lot of them. “Yeah?” Nigel groaned, and helped Lee ride him as he started to thrust, slowly.

“Yeah,” Lee whispered, feeling higher than a kite, every inch of him hot with pleasure. He felt good now, there was no counting on later.

Nigel started to thrust harder, faster, unable to resist the urge as he scratched Lee’s ass with both hands, then slapped it. It elicited a groan from Lee, as his head hung forward, bliss slowly taking over his whole body, inside and out. He scratched his own fingers down Nigel’s chest, over his nipples, pinching them.

“Baby-” Nigel moaned and watched Lee, able to feel himself winding tight, ready to snap. “Fuck…”

Lee ground down harder, riding Nigel to the brink of his own orgasm, finally letting it wash over his skin and burst at his core. “Nigel-”

Nigel’s hand found Lee’s cock and stroked him through it as he started to shake beneath Lee, overheating and then exploding into white hot bliss before he fell back against the lounge chair, still buried deep inside Lee.

Lee came soon after, spilling all over Nigel’s fingers once again, gasping for breath as his body peaked beautifully at the top and then collapsed him against his husband. “Fuck…”

Nigel reached for his husband, and pulled him close. Their chests rested together, scars nearly intersecting as they lay there, catching their breath. “Christ…”

“Needed that,” Lee murmured, breathing heavily as he tried to bring it down a notch, catching his breath.

“Me too,” Nigel grunted, and rubbed Lee’s back, then kissed his cheek, looking up at him, worried. “You okay?” They had got a little carried away and a little guilt crept in.

Lee nodded his head, resting up against Nigel, still growing used to the only really have one lung thing, and it would be harder to do some things without compensating. “Just winded. I’m okay.”

“Okay, good,” Nigel purred, and kissed the top of Lee’s head, tenderly. “If I have to take you back to the doctor and tell him I fucked you too hard…” 

Lee chuckled, maybe too hard, at that, and shook his head. “Just a lot of changes.”

“Let’s go in the pool, rinse off,” Nigel suggested, stroking his hands down Lee’s sweaty back, almost petting him.

“You said that before,” Lee said, but this time he got up and off Nigel, stretching, taking a few steps backwards toward the pool.

Nigel followed, still as lovestruck as ever, and high as they moved to the edge of the pool, naked. “Yeah, but you fucking distracted me.”

“How rude of me,” Lee murmured and fell back into the water, where Bucky paddled over to sniff at him.

Nigel watched Lee, then jumped into the water with surprising grace, and swam over to Lee with a few powerful strokes of his arms and legs, then surfaced, his sharp features even sharper now that they were wet. “Exactly, fucking rude,” Nigel smirked.

Lee smiled at Nigel and wrapped himself around him once more, hands pushing his hair back, gazing down at him in awe. “Do you know how handsome you are?”

Nigel just let Lee push his hair back, and smiled at him. “I’m okay,” he said, through a chuckle, and wrapped his arms around Lee’s waist. The truth was, although Nigel was infinitely aware of the power he had over most women and some men, he didn’t see it. All he saw were the scars that dotted his features, and his fucked up teeth.

“You’re perfect. With your alluring eyes, and seductive smile, sharp features…” Lee said, prattling on as he doted on Nigel, kissing his forehead gently, and then his lips, utterly lost.

Nigel beamed at Lee, and kissed him back, slowly as he held him in the cool water of the pool. “You make me sound pretty fucking good,” he murmured, brushing his lips over Lee’s before he kissed him again.

“You are pretty fucking good,” Lee answered, biting at Nigel’s bottom lip. “Taste good, too.”

Nigel felt his breath catch in his throat when Lee did that, and let his hands skim down to Lee’s ass through the cool water. “What part of me?” Nigel purred, returning the little bite.

“All of you,” Lee whispered, boldly, hardly a thing Cal would have said ever, Lee's moments as a new man were really starting to show, drugs or no.

“I fucking love it when you say those things,” Nigel purred between kisses, intoxicated by his husband’s new, bold demeanor.

“It’s the truth,” Lee whispered, smiling between their kisses, utterly in love.

“You never used to say shit like that,” Nigel said, softly, approvingly as they floated together in their private oasis.

Bucky paddled around them, enjoying himself as the two of the rested their heads together, like they were sharing secrets.

“I don’t feel I need to censor myself anymore,” Lee whispered.

“Never fucking censor yourself around me,” Nigel whispered back, and kissed Lee’s throat.

“I’m definitely not, now,” Lee admitted. “No one left to judge me, to make sure I’m not saying the wrong things…”

“Fuck, no,” Nigel assured Lee, and nuzzled him, then bit his neck, softly. “I just want you to be fucking honest with me.”

“I am, and will continue to be,” Lee promised, sealing it with a kiss.

“You’d never keep anything from me? Never talk shit behind my back?” Nigel asked, softly, enchanted by the moment of intimacy with Lee, the feeling of trust.

“Why would I? I love you,” Lee answered, nuzzling his nose against Nigel, trusting him completely, and there was nothing now that would change that, nor come between them and their bond forged.

“Sometimes I can’t fucking believe it,” Nigel said, with a crooked, slow smile. “Luckiest man in the world.”

“Fate has brought us together,” Lee said, his warm and buzzing.

“If there was a fucking way to thank fate, I would,” Nigel smiled, and thumbed Lee’s lower lip.

“Just be thankful in general, the universe is listening,” Lee said, softly, smiling. 

Nigel rolled his eyes, but kissed his husband’s jaw, then his lips. “No one’s fucking listening, baby.”

“You don’t know that,” Lee sighed, giving Nigel a look. 

“If someone is fucking listening, and they let you get sick? I’ll fucking kill them,” Nigel said, loyally.

“There has to be a balance somewhere,” Lee insisted, but didn’t push beyond that, kissing Nigel’s cheeks fondly.

Nigel nodded and held Lee close before he swam backward, with Lee against him. “You’re my fucking universe.”

Lee lit up at that, wrapping his legs around Nigel’s waist.” Is that right? Your whole universe?”

“The only fucking universe I care about,” Nigel said, honestly. His passionate heart was a satellite that revolved around Lee, obsessed with him.

“So sweet of you,” Lee smiled, touching Nigel’s heart, palming over his chest.

“You’re the only one who ever sees my sweet side,” Nigel purred, still floating around with Lee, happily.

“Better than the mean side,” Lee chuckled, lazily.

“My mean side is the last thing a lot of bastards see,” Nigel agreed. 

“Glad I’m not a bastard,” Lee laughed, closing his eyes as he let their face rest together. “You know, I love you lots.”

Nigel half closed his eyes, unable to stop looking at Lee completely. “How much?” he whispered. There was a part of Nigel, the part that revelled in the rush of power killing brought, that had an insatiable need to hear Lee tell him that he was loved. Nigel needed it like some monster with an insatiable appetite needed to feed. Someday, perhaps, it would be enough.

“More than anything in the universe,” Lee whispered, kissing Nigel’s cheek, and then his jaw, to his ear.

“More than wine?” Nigel asked, with a light smile against his lips. He kicked his legs slowly, swimming them around the pool in lazy circles.

Lee laughed, nodding his head, nuzzling Nigel once more. “More than wine.”

“Just tell me everyday, that’s all I fucking need,” Nigel said, letting them float together as they cuddled in the cool water, which was romantic … until Bucky swam by them, splashing madly with his large paws.

“I will-” Lee started to say before spurting water out of his face, and then laughed. “Bucky!”

“Mutt…” Nigel sighed, and swam them to the edge of the pool. “Let’s go dry off, maybe get some food in you.”

Lee nodded, pulling himself out the pool with two still very strong arms, dripping wet. “I could eat now, I think.”

“Good,” Nigel said, helping Bucky out of the pool before he climbed out. “We’ll see what the fuck is in the fridge.”

“Is there anything?” Lee asked, since they hadn’t been home for a while.

“We’ll probably have to order something,” Nigel said, still hazy and a little high as they wandered into the house, naked. 

“Uhm… pizza?” Lee asked, having not had that one in a long, long while, but it sounded amazing.

“Yeah, pizza,” Nigel said with a grin, and flopped down on the couch, arms out toward Lee. “Remember our first pizza together? You barely had anything.”

“I didn’t eat cheese then,” Lee reminded and went to sit with Nigel, plopping down next to him, in his arms.

“And look at you now,” Nigel said, proudly, as he pulled Lee close, then kissed his neck before he found his phone where he had tossed it on the leather couch. “Here, find a place.”

“How should I know what’s good?” Lee asked, looking through yelp reviews and pictures of places.

“I don’t fucking know, look at stars or something? How many fucking pizza places can there be?” Nigel asked, as he pulled a blanket off the back of the sofa and over them both.

There was a lot, but Lee was looking at all the reviews and pictures, and finally settled on the one that had a pizza he thought he just needed to have. “This one. With the veggies all over it and the meat.”

“Okay,” Nigel agreed with a smile while Bucky rolled on the carpet to dry himself, then fell asleep on his back, paws in the air. “Get whatever the fuck you want.”

Luckily, the pizza place had an ordering website and Lee did that, adding in chicken wings for Nigel. “Anything else?”

“Beer,” Nigel said, with a little stretch. He stroked his fingers through Lee’s hair, admiring how it was starting to grow.

“I don’t think beer can be delivered,” Lee said, looking over the website choices very carefully.

“Damn,” Nigel sighed, “then I’m good. Why the fuck won’t they deliver beer?”

“It’s alcohol,” Lee reasoned, shrugging, but typed it in the box suggestion anyway, just to see if they would, Nigel would pay for it either way.

“America...” Nigel said with a little roll of his eyes, but smiled at Lee. “How the fuck are high rich people supposed to drink?”

“I put a request to buy some to the driver,” Lee whispered, and sent the order in. “Maybe they’ll do it?”

“Maybe,” Nigel agreed, and stretched under Lee, then curled their legs together. “You feel better? No more puking?”

“For now, yeah,” Lee said, with a dopey little smile on his face, setting the phone down. “Thirty minutes.”

“I’ll have to put some fucking pants on,” Nigel sighed, and traced Lee’s smile with his fingertips, adoringly. “Eventually …”

“Not yet,” Lee sighed, and nudged against Nigel’s hand like a cat wanting attention.

NIgel smiled and petted Lee’s stubble-coated face before he kissed him, on the lips. “No, not fucking yet. We’re home, we can do whatever the fuck we want here.”

“Until the food arrives,” Lee whispered, snuggling into Nigel.

“I’ll just put some fucking money on the gate,” Nigel joked, and rolled over so that Lee was snuggled between him, and the back of the couch.

“How will we get the food?” Lee asked, only mildly concerned, gazing at Nigel with bloodshot eyes.

“Bucky,” Nigel offered, and started to laugh, his crooked teeth showing in an unguarded moment. “He’ll fucking go get it.”

“Dog slobber all over the pizza and wings? Possibly beer?” Lee laughed at the thought, shaking his head.

“You got wings?” Nigel asked, surprised. “Chicken wings, right? Not … fucking _tofu_ wings?” Nigel asked, looking at Lee with a big grin. 

“Yes chicken wings, tofu wasn’t even an option,” Lee said, rolling his eyes at Nigel. “I know you like meat.”

“For me?” Nigel asked with a flush across his high cheekbones, and kissed Lee on the mouth, touched by the simple gesture. “You are the fucking best husband I’ve ever had.”

“You didn’t think I’d forget you, did you?” Lee asked, quieter, against Nigel’s mouth. Truth was, Nigel was everything to Lee, and keeping him happy was a priority.

The pot they’d ingested made Nigel softer than usual, more sentimental, and he kissed Lee again. “I fucking love chicken wings,” he murmured, fondly, It was a simple thing, but Nigel wasn’t used to being considered by anyone. It had been just him against the world for so long, even when he’d been with someone else. With Lee, it was different. “You really fucking love me.”

“Because I knew you’d want wings over pizza? Yeah, maybe,” Lee grinned, bigger and brighter, incredibly high. He, too, was more squishy like this, mellow.

“No one’s ever ordered me fucking wings before,” Nigel whispered, and kissed Lee’s lips. “I’d marry you right now if we weren’t already fucking married.”

“Marry me again?” Lee licked his lips and tugged Nigel over him, kissing him softly.

“I would fucking marry you right fucking now, naked, in a blanket together, before the goddamned chicken wings got here,” Nigel whispered.

“Marry me then,” Lee laughed, higher and higher the more time passed he had nothing else in his stomach.

“Til death do us fucking part,” Nigel whispered with an intense stare into Lee’s eyes. His pupils were wide, making his already deep brown irises look black.

“Oh, I like that,” Lee whispered back, and kissed Nigel softly for it, eyes never closing, gazing right back at his husband. He could never ask for anyone better.


	16. Chapter 16

It was weeks into treatment when Lee started to notice the spots on his scalp starting to wash away under the water one morning as he showered. He’d mentally tried to prepare himself for it, but seeing the what had been growing out hair pieces go down the drain was enough to set him on edge. It’d all been easy, for the most part, give or take the nausea. Lee finished up and stepped out of the shower, looking more closely at the balding patches with frown.

Nigel was drying Bucky off after his shower, and looked up at Lee. “What’s wrong?”

“Do we have clippers?” Lee asked rubbing at some of the spots where the hair came off easily.

“Clippers? No,” Nigel said, and stood up, looking at the little bald spots before he put his hand on Lee’s shoulder. “It’s … hardly fucking noticeable.”

“I don’t want to look… weird. Just shave it all off, you know?” Lee said, swallowing when Nigel got closer to see.

Nigel looked, and touched the bald spot, when he did, his finger brushed more of Lee’s dark hair and it fell out, like loose threads. “You’re sure that’s what you want?” Nigel asked, looking at his husband in the mirror. Lee’s stubble was getting patchy as well, his eyebrows a tad thinner. 

“Better than looking like I’m old and balding,” Lee sighed.

Nigel nodded, and wrapped both long arms around Lee from behind, looking at him in the mirror over his shoulder. “Okay, I’ll go get some,” he agreed, trying not to notice how much thinner Lee had become over the last week or so.

“I look awful,” Lee said, not sure how Nigel could still want to look at him, especially with the noticeable weight loss, too.

“No, you look handsome as fuck,” Nigel said, reassuring Lee with a kiss to his hollowed out cheek, holding him tighter. “Look at those eyes.”

“You’re biased,” Lee whispered but turned in Nigel’s arms to wrap his arms around his shoulders.

“I’m in love, why the fuck shouldn’t I be biased?” Nigel asked, looking at Lee up close, with a sigh. 

“I don’t want you to see me like this,” Lee said, his features gaunt now, he looked fragile in Nigel’s arms.

Nigel sighed, and gave Lee a serious look. “I want to see you, every fucking day, no matter what the fuck you look like, the same fucking way you’d want to see me no matter what I fucking look like. Right?”

“Right,” Lee agreed, knowing it was petty to feel down about his looks, not one to have cared much before, but he was always naturally attractive too.

“What if I lost the fucking belly and was bald? Do … you want me to shave my head too?” Nigel asked. “I’ll do it.”

“No, No…” Lee said, touching Nigel’s hair. “Don’t do that, it’ll just… make me sad.”

Nigel flashed a sad, crooked smile, and rested his forehead against Lee. “Okay. I’ll keep it … especially the fucking chest rug.”

“I need to be able to live vicariously through you,” Lee admitted, raking his nails down through Nigel’s chest hair with a sigh.

Nigel smiled, and looked at Lee’s hands in his chest hair. “Okay, you can, don’t worry, it will fucking grow back,” Nigel promised, refusing to think about the possibility that Lee would die, first.

“I know. When I’m better,” Lee insisted, trying to keep up the facade as much as Nigel.

“When you’re better, Blue Eyes,” Nigel agreed, using Lee’s old nickname before he kissed him. “I’ll get some clippers. Anything else?”

Lee shook his head, smiling a little at the old nickname, and nuzzled against Nigel once more. “No, that should be fine.”

“Wine? Greasy American food?” Nigel teased.

“Wine at least. Gotta live it up on non-chemo days,” Lee teased back, but there was some merit to it, as no matter what he ate, he wasn’t keeping the weight on.

“Red to help your blood?” Nigel asked, as he thumbed the little lines next to Lee’s eyes.

“Yeah. I like reds better anyway,” Lee whispered, leaning into Nigel’s touch a bit more.

“Any particular kind?” Nigel asked, reluctant to leave Lee right now.

“Doesn’t matter, something good,” Lee said, and then sighed. “I can get dressed and put on a hat, we’ll go together?”

“You’re sure?” Nigel asked. Lee looked tired, of course, a little less energy every day.

“Yeah,” Lee said, letting go of Nigel to get some clothes on finally. “We’ve got a hat somewhere, don’t we?”

“Somewhere,” Nigel said, and turned away to go find something for Lee’s head. 

Lee put on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, both baggy, and then his sandals, looking ridiculous, but at this point, he hardly cared. He found a beanie in the sock drawer, and then it wasn’t cold out, he put it on. He ran cold these days, anyway.

Nigel wrapped Lee in his leather jacket, and zipped it up for him, then smiled. “Warm?”

“Yeah,” Lee said, “I look silly.”

“You look fucking gorgeous. If I’d never seen you before, I’d fucking hit on you,” Nigel said with a roguish smirk, cupping Lee’s face with both hands, then kissed his lips. 

“Looking like this?” Lee chuckled against Nigel’s lips, holding him at his elbows, melting into his affection.

“Those fucking eyes would kill me, no matter what,” Nigel said honestly, and thumbed Lee’s sharp cheekbone, gently. 

“It’s always been in the eyes, huh?” Lee smiled a little wider at that; Nigel always made him feel better.

“And the lips,” Nigel smiled.

Lee nuzzled Nigel’s face and then gathered his things off the dresser. “Good to know.”

“And the fucking cute nose, and the … ears,” Nigel admitted, smiling as he gazed at his husband.

“My ears?” Lee pulled the hat down over his ears a little more.

“They’re fucking adorable,” Nigel said with a smile, and gave one a gentle tug.

Lee scowled a bit and then pushed the beanie even more over his ears. “Stop that… they are not.”

“Shh, let’s go,” Nigel said, and tugged Lee’s beanie up a little. 

Lee rolled his eyes but took Nigel’s hand, unable to be mad or upset with him. He tutted for Bucky, who followed.

They got in the car, which Nigel kept immaculately clean for Lee’s sake, with a blanket, water bottles, and an emergency bowl in the back for chemo days. Although Nigel had never given a fuck about it before, he was scrupulous about everything being as germ-free as possible, these days, for Lee’s sake. 

Lee couldn’t wait until these days were past them, when they didn’t have to worry. Once in and heading to the store, he realize he should have stayed home, for Nigel’s sake. The store was a risky place to be.

They got to Target, and Nigel parked as close to the store as possible. “They have clippers, right?” Nigel asked, looking at the huge store.

“I don’t know,” Lee said, but he’d heard the store had a lot of things, so why not clippers?

“We’ll give it a fucking shot,” Nigel said, and squeezed Lee’s hand before he climbed out of the car.

“Can’t hurt,” Lee agreed, getting out, and then waited for Nigel, and then helped Bucky out, who now had his own vest to let him into any store.

Nigel took Lee’s hand, and walked with him into the store after pulling his Lucas glasses out of his pocket, and put them on. It made him feel like he didn’t stick out quite so much when they were out somewhere “normal”, and honestly, he actually saw a little better though the weak prescription. “I’ll get more of those fucking … wipes, the sterilizing ones for the counters and shit.”

“Yeah,” Lee said, grabbing a cart, and tying Bucky’s leash to it. He took one of the wipes provided and wiped the handle down so he could push it, and lean at the same time, not to over exhaust himself all at once.

Nigel watched him, closely, and tossed the wipe in the trash, then walked with his arm around Lee. “Tired?”

“When am I not these days?” Lee asked, and knew it was mostly because of the weight loss and his deteriorating body. He leaned in to Nigel as they pushed the cart, even if they didn’t need it. “I’ll be fine. I’ll nap later.”

“Chemo tomorrow, you’ll need your fucking rest,” Nigel murmured, and grabbed more lysol wipes as they passed them, throwing three packs of them into his cart.

Down a new more aisles was the shaving and hair trimming, and Lee stopped to look. “There’ too many choices…”

“Get the nicest one,” Nigel said, not wanting Lee to get a cut from a shitty pair of clippers.

“The most expensive you mean?” Lee asked, though some of them seemed to do the same thing, just different brands.

“Yeah, one that won’t cut you or anything,” Nigel said, protectively, as he looked at the most expensive pair.

“I guess that makes sense,” Lee said, “Get that one.” Nigel tossed the clippers in the cart, and kissed Lee’s neck from behind. “What else? More pajamas? Your old ones are sliding off … not that I fucking mind.”

“Not sure it matters how anything fits,” Lee sighed, but pushed the cart toward the wine.

“Don’t want your pants falling off your ass when you go to chemo,” Nigel said, “no one else needs to see my husband’s perfect ass.”

“We’ll look for something,” Lee conceded, and gave Nigel a look as they went through the wine aisle. He picked out a few reds, nothing fancy.

Nigel smiled a little, and followed Lee, then tossed a 6 pack of beer into the cart. “Shopping in America is fucking ridiculous,” he chuckled.

“Why is that?” Lee asked as Bucky leaned against his leg.

“Everything is so fucking huge, and you have so much choice. In Romania, you go to the store on the corner and take whatever the fuck is there,” Nigel said, as they made their way, slowly, toward the clothes for Lee’s shrinking frame.

“Oh. I guess I never paid too much attention,” Lee shrugged, their basket looking a little odd with the clippers, beer, wipes, and wines. “I don’t think anything here is going to fit…”

Nigel looked at a rack and picked out the smallest size of a pair of flannel pants. “These?”

“I guess…” Lee couldn’t be picky, he knew that. “It’ll work for chemo days.”

“Good enough for now,” Nigel said, softly, and kissed Lee’s neck, again. “Anything else?”

“We got enough food at home?” Lee asked, just to be sure. “Dog food?”

“I think so, yeah,” Nigel sighed, and kept his arm around Lee’s waist. “Anything you want to eat?”

“What you want to get I’ll nibble at,” Lee sighed, nothing ever sounded good these days, which was discouraging to say the least.

“There’s _nothing_ you want?” Nigel asked, with a gruffly worried tone. 

“Nothing sounds good. I’ve thrown up the majority of things I like and that’s sort of ruined it,” Lee explained, looking at Nigel over his shoulder, who seemed much bigger than him these days.

Nigel sighed, his mouth shifted to one side, then nodded. “If you think of anything, we’ll get it fucking delivered,” he promised. “Let’s go home.”

“Okay,” Lee said, pushing the cart to the check out, getting behind in line with a woman who had a toddler in her cart, who was cute enough but has snot dripping from his little nose while his mother put all her things on the belt.

Nigel looked at the kid, and then looked around. “We’ll go to another line, that kid is fucking sick,” he said, a little too loudly, trying to keep Lee back.

“It could be allergies,” Lee whispered, but the mother turned to look at them both with scowl, but then looked a bit longer at Lee, and gave her son a tissue and pushed the cart ahead between them, keeping her son away from Lee.

Nigel glared back at the mother, “I’m not taking that fucking chance,” he said, keeping Lee as far from the snotty kid as he could.

“There’s probably ten people in this store who are sick,” Lee pointed out, “and we’ve touched a lot of things.” He opened the container of wipes and wiped his hands with it and then the cart again, just to make Nigel less paranoid.

“Kids are the fucking worst, though, fucking incubators for germs and shit,” Nigel muttered, and took some of the wipes to wipe the conveyor belt, just to be safe. He didn’t want germs on their stuff, either.

“It’s fine,” Lee said as the mother was rung up, keeping her son away from them. Lee put their things on the belt with a sigh.

Nigel gave them both a look, as though the mother was going to ambush Lee with her sick baby at any moment, and stayed between them like a protective bear. “He’s got cancer,” Nigel explained to the huffy mother, “he can’t be around kids or get sick.”

“I assumed,” the woman said, paying for her things and set her bags in the cart. “Maybe he shouldn’t be out and about with _you_.” She huffed away, pushing the cart and the snotty nosed kid with it.

“What the _fuck_ did you just say to me!?” Nigel seethed, following her. 

“Nigel!” Lee said, his eyes wide, not wanting to leave their things, so he grasped at his husband’s shirt.

The woman turned. “You know he’s sick, anyone can tell looking at him. He should be resting not out here with you. Just a thought, since you voiced your own over my son.” She went back to pushing the cart out the door.

“Maybe you should wipe your son’s snotty fucking nose, maybe you should get a fucking babysitter to mind him when you’re out if he’s sick, for fuck’s sake, not parade him the fuck around like that, getting everyone else sick, you self-centered bitch!” Nigel thundered, his eyes sharp and dark.

The woman shot him a look and then one to the security guard as he left, but said nothing else. The guard looked at Nigel, and behind them Lee was trying to pay for everything, putting the bags into their basket once more. 

Nigel glared after her, and shifted his jaw before he shot the security guard a look, then walked back to his husband and cleaned his hands with the alcohol gel left for customers on the ledge. “Bitch…” he muttered.

“You’re overreacting,” Lee said under his breath, pushing the cart toward the door. He was sure they’d be lucky if they were let in again after that.

Nigel huffed as they walked out. “For telling some bitch not to bring her snotty, sick kid in where he can make other people sick?” he muttered, still fired up. “Not like I fucking shot her…”

“It’s free country,” Lee pointed out. “He just had a runny nose. She’s mother, she has to get her errands done at some point, sick kid or not?” Lee pushed the cart to the car, Bucky staying very close to him.

“So, what, you’re not fucking allowed to go out in public because she can’t find a goddamned babysitter?” Nigel asked, irritated.

“You don’t know her situation,” Lee said, sympathetically, putting the bags into the trunk and then helped Bucky in after untying his leash from the cart. “She wasn’t right either though in what she said, but it’s fine.”

“You’re damn right she wasn’t right in what she fucking said,” Nigel muttered, and slammed the trunk shut. 

“You don’t need to take it out on me,” Lee said, getting into the car with a scowl at his husband.

Nigel gave his husband a puzzled look, and got in. “I’m _not_ taking it out on you.”

“Please stop being… grumpy over it then, you’re…” Lee spread his hands around them, “making the air feel weird.”

Nigel squinted at Lee, “making the _air_ weird?”

Lee leaned into the door with his elbow. “Never mind.”

“I’m not fucking mad at you,” Nigel pointed out. “I’m just mad.”

“I know,” Lee murmured, looking out at the parking lot through the window. “Let’s get chinese food.”

“Okay,” Nigel sighed, and started the car, then pulled out of the parking spot. “Are _you_ pissed at me?”

“No. I’m feeling a little bogged down by the negative energy, is all,” Lee explained, shrugging. “It’s fine. I’m just hungry.”

Nigel sighed, and nodded as he drove. “Where’s the nearest Chinese place?”

Lee pulled out his phone, looking through for the nearest place. They had a menu and he sent in an order. He got ordered a lot of things they both liked. “It’s down the street. We’ll get it to go.”

“Okay, you already ordered?” Nigel asked as he drove in the direction Lee indicated. 

“Yeah. Got that pork dish you like, with the plum sauce,” Lee explained, trying smooth over the tension that hungry between them.

Nigel gave Lee an affectionate look, “is that what that shit is called? Plum sauce?” Lee did that, he noticed what Nigel liked, and remembered it for him. The little gesture softened Nigel’s anger at the “inconsiderate” mother who brought her sick child to the store. He just wanted to protect Lee, at any cost. He wanted to keep him, he was _desperate_ to keep him.

“Yeah. That's what it says.” Lee smiled over at Nigel, touching his arm gently. “And some spring rolls, wonton soup…”

Nigel stopped at a red light and leaned over to kiss Lee. “How the fuck do you defuse me like that? You mention pork and fucking plum sauce and … I’m not pissed anymore?” he said, with wonder. Fuck, he didn’t have that kind of control over _himself_.

“You like only a few things: food, beer, and me. We already have the beer and me, so adding in the food was the only way you'd calm,” Lee teased.

Nigel started to laugh, and took his glasses off, tossing them onto the dash before he started to drive again. “Like I’m a zoo animal and you’re my fucking keeper,” he chuckled.

“I think you keep me more than I keep you,” Lee admitted, sure that without Nigel he'd have given up long before now, he wouldn't have gotten this far.

“You really think so?” Nigel asked, curiously. He never thought of himself as someone who took care of anyone but himself … until Lee got sick. He moved his hand off the shift stick, to take Lee’s hand, his fingers caressing the stones in Lee’s ring.

“Yeah. You made all this treatment possible. Do you think I would have done it on my own?” Lee asked, just as curious. He’d been taking care of others for years.

“I fucking hope so,” Nigel said, then paused, “you … wouldn’t? You’d just let yourself die?”

“I don’t know. The way things were heading, if I hadn’t had you, I might have. If I was still stuck there, and Steve took my work from me?” Lee shrugged, it wasn’t pleasant to think about.

Nigel squeezed Lee’s hand in his own, and shook his head, then raised Lee’s hand to kiss his dry, thin fingers. “But you have me, and the son of a bitch is _dead_ ,” he reminded his husband. “That’s the way it should be.”

“EXactly,” Lee agreed, with a grin. He sighed, happily, watching Nigel dote. How had he gotten this lucky? Nigel might not believe in something more powerful than them, but Lee thought _something_ was out there.

Nigel spotted the Chinese restaurant and pulled up. “I’ll go in and fucking get it, okay?”

“Okay,” Lee said, with a small smile and let go of Nigel’s hand. “Don’t cause a scene.”

“The only time I fucking cause a scene is when someone starts shit with you,” Nigel said, honestly.

“And I can handle my own...most of the time,” Lee said with a teasing grin, and leaned to kiss Nigel’s cheek. “Hurry up.”

“I know, I know, I … can’t help it,” Nigel whispered, and kissed Lee again before he got out, making sure to lock the car for him and Bucky before he strode into the restaurant.

Lee admired Nigel’s as sas he walked away, leaning against the car door now as he did, chin in upturned palm. Bucky crawled over the seat to sit in Lee’s lap. “Well, hi there.” 

Bucky stayed in Lee’s lap, licking his chin as he watched people walk past the car, until Nigel came back out with a bag in hand, and got in. “Smells fucking good,” he said, then looked at the big dog in Lee’s small lap, “looks like you have a guard…”

“Yeah, he doesn’t like when you leave me,” Lee said with a chuckle, and helped Bucky back over the seat so he could hold the hot food Nigel had in hand.

“He’s a good boy,” Nigel said as he got in, and handed the food over, then backed out of the parking space. 

Lee held onto the food and reached to pet Bucky and gave him a treat from his pocket for him. The smell of hot food wafted up at Lee and his stomach gurgled. “Hungrier than I thought.”

“Have a roll or something now, we’ll be home soon,” Nigel said, nodding at the bag as they headed back, to the house Nigel was starting to love, because every wall, every inch of it was saturated with Lee’s presence.

Digging into the bag, Lee pulled out the little cup of sweet and sour for the rolls and dipped one inside of it, stuffing half of it into his mouth. “Mmm.” Bucky shifted closer, sniffing at Lee’s roll with a pleading look in his eyes as Nigel drove. 

“No,” Lee said with a mouthful of food, and dipped the rest of the roll into the sauce and stuffed it into his mouth and put the rest away. “Greedy dog.”

Bucky licked at Lee’s jaw to get the sauce off, and wagged against the back seat. “Down, down, boy, don’t lick his mouth.”

Lee laughed, shaking his head. “Get down,” he said, trying to be scolding, but couldn’t help but chuckle at their dog, who had come such a long way.

Bucky whimpered in protest, but laid on the back seat as Nigel pulled into the drive of their house. “Good boy, good listen.”

Lee opened the door and then reached behind him to pet Bucky to get him to follow him out. “C’mon.” He went to the trunk to pop it open to get everything else.

Bucky jumped out behind Lee, loyally, but followed the bag of food very closely. Nigel took the bags before Lee could get them, and closed the trunk. “I’ve got them.”

“Okay….” Lee said with a look at hs husband as they walked inside, through the garage this time, and into the house. Lee set the food up on a high counter toward the middle, watching Bucky closely as he gathered a few plates.

Bucky did the one trick he knew, he sat down, quite perfectly, and looked up at Lee with huge, shining eyes. “Look at this,” Nigel laughed, unpacking the food as he watched Bucky try to charm Lee into giving him some food by making himself cute.

“He knows what gets to me,” Lee sighed, setting down the plates. “Can dogs even eat chinese?”

“Why the hell not?” Nigel asked, and brought food to the table, then tossed a bit of pork to Bucky, which Bucky caught, wagging, his eyes lit up at his prize. “It’s just pig.”

“Yeah but some of its fried,” Lee pointed out, but made a little plate for Bucky, too.

“It’s a little treat, we won’t give him lots,” Nigel said as Bucky watched Lee dish up their food, his floppy ears perked forward, shifting weight from one big paw to another.

Bucky got a smaller plate with just a few pieces of pork, and then he dished up Nigel’s with all pork and some rice, and his own with mostly rice and some pork. “One treat leads to another…”

“He had a shitty life before he came here, let’s spoil him a little,” Nigel said and took his plate with a smile from Lee, stealing a kiss from his lean cheek when he came close. “Fuck, we all did, didn’t we?”

“Mhm,” Lee said, handing Nigel a fork as he knew he hated chopsticks, and then sat down, opening his own chopsticks and tearing them apart.

Nigel took his fork with a little smile, and dug in. “I think you calm me down because you remind me that you know me,” Nigel said, trying to explain as he ate. He swallowed some of his pork, and looked at Lee, “you remember all these little things about me and then I remember that you fucking care enough to pay attention… it’s nice.”

“It’s what you do with someone you love,” Lee pointed out, shoveling some rice into his mouth with his chopsticks. On that he stood again and went to the fridge to get out the beer, and handed one to Nigel.

NIgel took the beer, and Lee, pulling him into his lap for a kiss, then looked at him. “I fucking love you.”

Lee grinned against Nigel’s mouth and brought his own plate around the table to sit with Nigel as they ate. “I love you, too.”

“Did you ever think you’d end up with someone like me?” Nigel asked, happiest when Lee was near him like this, close to him.

“No,” Lee admitted, “I thought… I’d end up alone, honestly. Glad to have been proven wrong.”

“Me too,” Nigel said, “I thought I’d end up dead, or alone. You stopped both of those things,” he said, feeding Lee a little bit of food.

Lee ate the offered food with a hum, shaking his head. “Fate has brought us together. I’m not one to toy with that.”

Nigel fed Lee another bite, trying not to think about how cruel fate would be to bring them together like this … only to take Lee away. He swallowed hard, and took a swallow of his beer, nodding.

Lee nuzzled Nigel’s jaw as he chewed. He felt good right now, his stomach was taking the food well today, and he knew he had to calorie up for tomorrow. “You are everything to me.”

Nigel looked up at Lee, gazing at his thin face, the patches of missing hair near his temple, then his eyes. “You’re everything to me too, gorgeous. Still want to do your hair after food?”

“Yeah. I can’t be looking like a patchy old man,” Lee laughed, and picked at the food on his plate, eating a little bit of the pork.

“You don’t,” Nigel said, loyally, gazing up at Lee as they ate. “Your eyes will look fucking huge with your hair gone. Bluer than ever.”

“A smaller, frail looking Mr.Clean?” Lee asked, having watched enough televisions on his hospital stay to have seen a lot of commercials.

Nigel laughed at that, and shook his head, then kissed Lee. “Way more handsome than that guy.”

“Only by a little. He’s got a lot of muscles,” Lee pointed out with a laugh and stole another roll from the bag, dunking it in the bright red sauce.

“I don’t like that many muscles,” Nigel said, as he watched Lee eat, happily. “You have the right amount.”

“Oh? The ones I’ve lost you mean,” Lee laughed, trying to flex, and there was some still there but they were fading fast.

Nigel leaned over and kissed Lee’s flexed arm, with a soft smile. “You’ll get them back, baby. You can swim in the pool, run every morning, do whatever the fuck you want when you’re better.”

“When I’m better,” Lee sighed, not that he had the energy right now to do any of those things. An outing to Target had taken it out of him.

“It won’t be long, a little more chemo, then you get that special therapy,” Nigel assured Lee, trying to keep his spirits up.

“True. Just have to get a little further,” Lee said, unable to eat anymore, set his plate aside, hugging Nigel around his shoulders.

Nigel held Lee to his chest, food forgotten now, and nodded. “Just a little more. We’ll get there,” he promised, softly, and rubbed Lee’s back, able to feel his spine very easily through his shirt.

“Without complication,” Lee whispered, turning to straddle Nigel, all but wrapping himself around him, able to do so far too easily.

“Yeah, I fucking hope so,” Nigel said, and ran his hand over Lee’s waist, looking up at him before he hugged him with both long arms. 

“No more trips to the store maybe, just to be safe,” Lee offered, wanting to put Nigel’s worries to rest, not make them worse.

“Okay,” Nigel agreed, and hugged Lee closer to him. “For now.”

“Neither of us needs that stress or worry,” Lee commented, resting against Nigel, eyes closed.

“We sure as fuck don’t,” Nigel said, enjoying.the moment.

If Lee had his way, he’d fight this to the very end just for Nigel, and that was something, at least to him. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Nigel said, with a soft smile, nuzzling Lee “It’s gonna be okay, Baby.”

“Yeah, it is,” Lee sighed, but smiled at Nigel as he crawled off. He set to cleaning up the garbage and putting the extra food in the fridge so Bucky didn’t get crazy.

Nigel watched for a moment, preserving the image of Lee like this in case everything got worse, and never got better. He stood up, and started to help, letting Bucky lick their plates clean before he put them in the washer. “Want me to shave your head for you or … do you wanna do it?”

“No, I… I want your help,” Lee said, touching Nigel’s waist. “I trust you.”

Nigel stepped closer, and kissed Lee’s forehead with a little smile, touched. “You can trust me,” he agreed, and took a bottle of wine, then took a corkscrew to open it for Lee.

Lee got two glasses and then took the bottle and the key to uncork the bottle. He poured the red liquid into the glasses and then nodded to the clippers on the counter. “Okay, let’s do this.”

“Okay,” Nigel said, and drank a long swallow of wine, then tore the box open and pulled the clippers out. “Here? In the kitchen?”

“Bring them to the bathroom,” Lee said as he walked that way with his wine. He’d need it.

“I feel like I’m going to do a job,” Nigel said, looking at the clippers in his hand.

Lee raised a brow back at Nigel and set his wine down. He took off his shirt. “A job? You often give haircuts first?”

Nigel laughed, and shook his head. “No, not usually,” he joked, and kissed the back of Lee’s head. “Ready?”

Lee took a long sip of his wine, letting his coat his tongue before swallowing. “Yeah, now I’m ready.”

Nigel flicked on the clippers, which made a low, buzzing sound, then raised them slowly to shave a little hair off of the back of Lee’s head. The dark hair fell off like feathers, and Nigel stared before doing a little more. “You’re okay?”

Lee bent his head forward a little, nodding. “Yeah, just do it.”

Nigel ran the clippers over the back of Lee’s head, in a clean, straight stripe that went to his forehead, and smiled at him in the mirror before he continued, carefully, smoothing his hands over Lee’s newly bare skin as dark hair fell in heavy clumps to the floor.

“I’ll need another shower after this,” Lee chuckled, trying to be a little more happy about it, but honestly, it was anything but that.

“We’ve got a shower,” Nigel said, and shaved the right half of Lee’s head, slowly, focusing on keeping it all as neat as he could. He wasn’t usually meticulous, but he wanted it nice, for Lee.

“Yeah, I know,” Lee chuckled, raising his eyes to look in the mirror, only half his hair gone. “I look.. ridiculous.”

“Don’t want to just fucking leave it this way?” Nigel asked, looking back at Lee, over his shoulder.

“No! Too old for radical hair styles,” Lee laughed, leaning on the counter with his palms.

“Alright, but you look like a fucking badass,” Nigel said, trying to lighten the mood before he shaved the rest off. “I wouldn’t fuck with a guy with that haircut.”

“But you would still fuck me, right?” Lee asked, flirtatiously. 

Nigel smiled, and kissed the back of Lee’s neck. “I would always fuck you,” he promised, and finished shaving, then dusted Lee’s head off with one hand and looked at him in the mirror.

“How’s it look?” Lee asked, and then stripped out of the too big sweats.

“Good,” Nigel said, with a nod, looking at Lee as he stripped down. Lee looked more delicate now, more fragile … he looked like a _cancer patient_. Nigel started the shower, warm, and looked at Lee again. “Smoother.”

Lee laughed, getting in to rinse all the hairs from his neck and head. “By the time we’re done with this I might be smooth all over.”

“I could get used to that,” Nigel said, and put the clippers down before he started to strip. He undid his shirt first, then jeans, and pushed them off of his long limbs before he stepped in, with Lee.

Lee washed the very fine small hairs on his head to get the last bits off, lathering his head with the shampoo. “Oh really?”

“Yeah,” Nigel said, and ran his hands over Lee’s bare, bald head under the spray. “It feels nice, actually … soft.”

“Really? It’s not creepy?” Lee made a face at Nigel, but leaned into his touch.

“No, it’s not fucking creepy,” Nigel said with a scoff, then kissed Lee, on the lips, to prove it.

Lee didn’t argue, he just moved into Nigel’s arms, kissing him back slowly. “I’ll believe you.”

“Your eyes look even bigger now,” Nigel purred, between slow, deep kisses, still as madly attracted to Lee as ever, with or without hair.

“Mm,” Lee murmured against Nigel’s mouth, wrapping his thin arms around his shoulders to flush them together, chest to chest.

Nigel grunted back as his cock went stiff against Lee’s thigh, and he ran both hands over Lee’s ass, kneading it slowly as he kept them together under the spray.

“Oh, hello there,” Lee teased through a whisper as dove back into Nigel’s mouth for another long kiss, hands scratching down his chest to his hips.

“See? I’ll never stop wanting you,” Nigel groaned, and arched his hips up, toward Lee’s hand, enjoying the scratches.

“At least we’ll have that,” Lee replied, playfully, and stroked Nigel’s cock in his fist, and then took them both in one palm.

Nigel sighed, and let his head fall back in bliss at the touch. His ass flexed as he drove himself against Lee’s palm, and kissed him again, hungrily. “Good…”

“Still wanna fuck me?” Lee asked, biting the words against Nigel’s jaw as he worked them both up, panting against his skin.

“Of fucking course I do,” Nigel growled, and pinned Lee against the smooth tile wall for another feverish kiss.

Reaching up on the sill, Lee got the lube in his free hand ready, always a willing participant when it came to Nigel wanting to ravage him. “Good, I want it hard.”

“Christ-” Nigel swore, his voice rumbling in his chest when Lee said that. He grabbed the lube, and a moment later, two slick fingers worked their way into Lee, bending and twisting as their tongues tangled. “I fucking love it when you talk dirty.”

“Yeah?” Lee breaths, gasping at Nigel’s fingers deep inside of him. “Work me open-- wide open-- just for you, got to take that big cock…”

Nigel growled in Lee’s ear and flexed his fingers, spreading them as Lee’s hand worked over them both. “Yeah, gonna rail you fucking hard against the wall…”

“From behind or in front?” Lee panted, getting turned on more and more every second, heat starting to pool in his lower back.

“Behind, to start,” Nigel said, their lips brushing as they spoke in the steam. He pulled his fingers out, and moved Lee with powerful hands, turning him around before he pulled Lee’s hips out so that his ass arched, then entered him with a freshly slicked cock.

Lee groaned, hands on the wall to support himself, spreading his thighs in a wide stance to take all of Nigel up inside of himself. “Perfect-”

“Tight,” Nigel gasped in Lee’s ear, his breath ragged as he closed his hands around Lee’s hips and pressed himself in, all the way, admiring the way Lee responded, every flex and quiver of his body even sexier under the sheen of water on his skin.

Lee’s head dropped against the tiles, ass jutted back as he pushed against Nigel’s hips. “Nice and hard-”

Nigel wasted no time at all in giving Lee exactly what he wanted. He plowed into Lee with vigorous passion, both of them too caught up in the moment for teasing. “Spread your legs,” Nigel ordered.

Lee let out a hefty laugh through his rapid panting, and spread a little more, ankles to the sides of the shower. “Better?”

“Yeah,” NIgel moaned, and slapped Lee’s ass sharply with one hand as he drove himself deeper into Lee, and curled one hand around his shoulder. “Christ, you’re hot-”

Lee leaned, his back arched and curved as Nigel took him as rough and hard as he wanted, never telling him no. “Fuck, Nigel-” 

Nigel gripped Lee hard enough that his fingers would leave pink marks that would darken in the next day, but he knew Lee wanted it, he loved it. “Goddamn it-” he moaned, having to stop himself from coming right there. He pulled out, turned Lee around, and kissed him as he lifted his lean husband up against the wall and pressed into him again, fucking again.

Mouth gaping open, Lee;s head fell back against the tiles this time, watching Nigel through half lidded eyes, pupils dark enough to overshadow the blue. “Right there,” Lee groaned, feeling Nigel’s cock in a whole new way like this, pressing fervently against his prostate.

“There-” Nigel agreed as their bodies crashed together with abandon, forgetting for a moment how delicate Lee was, how easily he bruised. All that mattered at the moment was the feeling that they wanted to cling to each other, to feel this, forever.

Lee started to shake and shudder, his body convulsing with orgasm as he gasped and groaned, spilling over his stomach as he fisted himself in time with Nigel’s fucking. “Shit-”

“Yeah-” Nigel started to gasp when he came, buried deep inside of Lee, and clutched his hips tightly as he closed both honey-brown eyes and spilled. He swayed like he just took a hit of heroin, and then rested his head against Lee’s shoulder, breathing hard, sweating. “Fuck…”

“Nigel…” Lee managed, gasping for breath, to bring it down slowly. “Fuck, I love you.”

“Love you too,” Nigel whispered, breathlessly, and brushed their lips together, unable to kiss just yet, both of them breathing too hard.

Lee hummed, heart pounding in his chest. How he got this lucky, and so unlucky at the same time, he hardly knew.

They calmed together, under the warm spray, and Nigel shut the water off, letting Lee’s shed hair wash down the drain. “You look good,” he assured Lee, still close, still holding him.

“Not too bad for a sick man?’ Lee chuckled with a weak smile.

“Not fucking bad at all,” Nigel said, and pulled Lee out of the shower, then wrapped him in a towel.

Lee smiled at that, his eyes bigger like this, his smile less guarded somehow across his gentle features. He tugged the towel around him and stepped out, Bucky waiting for them.

The mirror was fogged over now, hiding their reflections as Nigel kissed Lee again, admiring him as he wrapped a towel low around his hips. “Better now?”

“Yeah. I think so,” Lee said, batting his eyes a little at Nigel, at least he had his long lashes left for flirting.

Lee’s lashes looked even longer now, almost fake and fluttery around his blue eyes. “Did you see yourself yet?”

“No, the mirror is fogged up,” Lee teased, and kissed Nigel’s cheek softly.

Nigel held Lee from behind and reached over to wipe fog from the mirror, so that he could see himself, shorn, one of Nigel’s arms across his thin chest. “There.”

Lee saw a very sick looking man, but didn’t say that. “What am I looking for?”

“How your fucking eyes stand out,” Nigel said, nodding at Lee’s reflection in the mirror, like his beauty was obvious.

“They’re alright,” Lee said, and looked at Nigel instead in the mirror. Lee yawned, and then turned to hug Nigel. “I’m going to nap.”

“Okay,” Nigel said, as he hugged Lee who was smaller every day in his arms. “Want company?”

“Besides Bucky?” Lee asked with a little smile. He walked to their bedroom and pulled on some boxers before sitting on the side of the bed, Bucky hopping up with him.

Bucky jumped up eagerly to snuggle next to Lee and to sniff at his bald head, curiously, then licked it, and laid against Lee’s shoulder. Nigel smiled at them, “Is there space for an old Romanian bear there?” he asked, not sure if Lee remembered calling him that when he was first out of surgery, or not.

“Old what now?” Lee asked, grinning at Nigel as he rolled over to make room. He didn't’ remember a lot of that time while coming to, nor the drugs in his system.

“When you came out of your surgery, you called me your _bear,”_ Nigel chuckled as he laid down, still in his towel, and rested on his side so that he could look at Lee.

“Bear? Are you a bear now and I don’t know it?” Lee laughed, lighting up when he did, with new life in him each time Nigel made him do that.

Nigel’s throat squeezed when Lee lit up, and he smiled, staring at Lee’s delicate face. He knew Lee was going to make it. He had to … but it felt like he was watching autumn, the way leaves changed, and fell, and a chill began to set in. “Yeah, you fucking said so. I’m your bear. I don’t know what the fuck you meant by that,” Nigel said, and pulled the blanket over Lee.

“I don’t know either,” Lee said and moved over to snuggle himself against Nigel, head on his hairy chest, running his frail, cool fingers through the grey.

Nigel gathered the covers up against Lee’s back, and kept him in his arms as Bucky snuggled in, closer, then closed his eyes. “Fucking nonsense, but it was funny.” It had been sweet too. Nigel had a little fuzzy, warm feeling in his chest whenever he saw anything related to bears … of all the fucking things.

“Maybe like a teddy bear? Or a grizzly?” Lee asked, eyes closed as he thrummed his fingers through Nigel’s chest hair, absolutely adoring it.

“I think you mentioned both of those,” Nigel chuckled, letting Lee luxuriate in his chest hair all he wanted to. “I wasn’t going to fucking correct you, you just had your fucking chest ripped open,” Nigel said, and put a palm on Lee’s chest, over the scar.

“That was very kind of you,” Lee said, quieter this time, started to drift off easily against Nigel, trusting him inevitably, enough to allow himself the rest, and then some. No one was better to him than Nigel.

Nigel sighed, and held Lee to his chest, the smile dying from his eyes as he felt how little space Lee took up in his arms now, how easily he could be broken. When they began this fight, Nigel somehow pictured Lee beating and surviving cancer as he had been: strong, stubborn, young. But Lee was frail now, bald, and delicate in ways Nigel couldn’t imagine. It didn’t seem like a fair fucking fight.

Lee snuggled in closer, head resting in the spot between Nigel’s chest and shoulder, arm over his ribs, one leg over his hips, effectively pinning him to the bed while he slept.


	17. Chapter 17

A few more weeks passed without much of a hiccup, and Lee stayed in as much as possible, no one was allowed over, and everything was sterilized. They ordered out sometimes, usually often since neither one wanted to cook. It worked for them, for now.

As the sun bore in on him one morning, Lee rolled over, his whole body feeling like someone had hit him with a truck, aching from head to toe, and his head throbbing. He tried to swallow, but it felt like there was gravel stuck in his throat. So, he stumbled out of bed, padding over to the bathroom to fill a little cup with water, nearly stumbling over Bucky on his way.

Bucky woke up, instantly alert, but calmed when he saw that it was Lee. The big brown dog followed Lee to the bathroom, sniffing the air at his bare ankles with intense focus like he could smell something strange on Lee’s skin. The big, scarred dog left the bathroom and went back to the bed, pawing at Nigel until he woke up, then led him to Lee. “What the fuck is going on?” Nigel muttered, dishevelled and half-asleep as he looked at his husband.

“Nothing, it’s fine,” Lee said, his voice hoarse and nasally, only then realizing it was hard to _breathe_.

Nigel woke up fully, and touched Lee’s forehead, then swore. “You’re fucking burning up.”

Sweating, his clothing stuck to his skinny form, eyes drowsy and red as he looked up at Nigel with bloodshot shot eyes, nose red. “I think I'm sick…”

“Fuck.” Nigel wet a towel in the sink and used it to wipe the sweat off of Lee’s face and head. “We have to take you to the emergency room.”

Nodding slowly as his body burned up from the inside out, Lee leaned into the cool wet towel. They had been so, so careful, he didn't understand how this happened. “I’ll get my shoes…”

“Come on, shoes, and we’re going,” Nigel said, trying to stay calm despite the rising tide of stress inside him, fear making him feel like he could lose control at any second right now. Lee caught something. They’d been so fucking careful, so fucking clean… Nigel guided Lee out, down the hall, toward the front door as sweat dripped off of him. Lee had to stop a few times, Bucky at his feet, pressed against his legs as if trying to help him stay upright.

Nigel let Lee catch his breath, then just grabbed his keys from a hook near the door and went back to pick Lee up in both arms, carrying him with heartbreaking ease out of the front door, to the car. Lee didn’t weigh much. “When did this start?”

“Just woke up like this,” Lee breathed, boney arms around Nigel’s shoulders, head resting against his neck. 

“It’s okay, we’ll get you whatever you need,” Nigel promised, swallowing over the wave of self-hatred for letting this happen. This was his fault, he probably fucked up somehow, didn’t wash fruit right or something… fuck …

“Nigel…” Lee hummed against his throat. “It’ll be fine. Okay? It’s… it’s a setback. That’s all. You didn’t… you didn’t do this.”

Nigel got the car open and set Lee inside, in the passenger seat, looking at him with worry in his dark eyes. “Don’t say that.”

“I’m gonna be okay,” Lee insisted, sweating through his pajamas they bought the other week, feet bare, and yet it still felt like there was just too much on him.

Nigel nodded, and touched Lee’s face, then closed the car door once Bucky was in, hurried to the other side, and got in. He drove quickly, toward the clinic. “Did you puke?”

“No, not yet,” Lee whispered, reaching behind him and under the seat for a bottle of water, which he tried to open but couldn’t seem to get it. 

Nigel reached over and opened the bottle, then shifted gears. “We were so fucking careful…”

“Could have been anything. Delivery isn’t that safe, take out…” Lee sighed, it had just been so easy, to convenient. 

Nigel swallowed and shifted gears, speeding up toward the hospital with a tense jaw. “Should have hired a fucking cook.”

“Another person in the house,” Lee offered, knowing there was no way they could have been one hundred percent safe.

“I should have figured something out,” Nigel said, his accent thicker than usual, upset, and trying to hide it as they raced toward the cancer center. His own heart was speeding as he worried that Lee might not ever go home again.

“It’s fine,” Lee whispered, resting his head against the glass which was cooler than the rest of his body, eyes closed. “I’m not upset.”

“Baby, keep your eyes open, okay?” Nigel asked, clearing his throat of a squeeze that gripped it when he saw Lee like that, with his eyes closed, head dropped to the side.

Lee breathed out through his mouth, slowly, his nose stuffed up, as he opened his eyes a little to watch Nigel, able to feel the tension and panic in the air. “Okay, okay…”

Nigel’s heart skipped a beat when Lee opened his eyes, and he had to swallow hard. “Just keep looking at me, okay? You like looking at me, right?” he asked, as he took a turn around a corner, fast.

“Yeah, I am,” Lee said, though his eyes were drowsy, and the water in his hand went untouched.

Nigel kept stealing looks at Lee when he could, and took his thin hand, holding it tightly as he drove. Finally, he pulled into the parking lot, and stopped the car close to the main doors. “Stay there, I’m carrying you in,” Nigel said, and got out, going to Lee’s side of the car to do just that.

Lee sat up and reached for Nigel when he came around, Bucky following him out of the car and staying very close to them, even if no one had his leash. “Could just get a wheelchair.”

Nigel just shook his head and picked Lee up, out of his seat, then closed the door with his foot and carried Lee into the clinic. “I’ve got you.” The receptionist looked up, confused for a second before Nigel spoke. “He’s sick. He needs to see someone, right now. He’s fucking burning up.” The receptionist nodded, able to recognize them from Lee’s treatments, and got up to lead them down a hallway, to a treatment room. “Here, put him in here on the bed, I’ll get someone right away.”

Lee let go of Nigel to be sat down on the bed there, and looked up at his husband as Bucky leaned against Nigel’s legs. “How long do you think this will take?”

“Hopefully not fucking long,” Nigel said as he put Lee on the bed, and wiped sweat out of his eyes, again. 

Lee’s nurse from before stepped into the room, and set her jaw when she saw Lee’s state. “Hey, not feeling so good?” she asked, as she scrubbed her hands in a sink, and gloved up, then walked to the bed.

“No,” Lee admitted, eyes sunken in with dark circles under them, skin flushed. “I woke up like this. Haven’t been anywhere.”

Claire checked Lee’s temperature as she took his blood pressure. Nigel paced, trying to look at the readings, even if he didn’t know what they meant. “Yeah,” she sighed, looking at the temperature. “Looks like you’re running a fever. I’ll page your doctor to come in, and get an IV started in the meantime. Have you been vomiting? Coughing?”

“No vomiting yet. A tickle in my throat, no coughing yet, either,” Lee said, trying to swallow, but that felt harder than it had before, too.

Claire turned on a small flashlight that she kept in her pocket, and used it to look inside Lee’s throat. “Oh, yeah. That’s getting inflamed. You probably caught something, I’ll take a swab, I know the doctor will want one.” She turned to the cabinets to get a swab and Nigel stood near Lee, hovering. “How the fuck did he get something? We were so fucking careful, I washed my hands all the time, bleached the fuck out of everything, washed all the fucking fruit and veg before he had any…” Nigel said, tension thick in his voice.

“ _Lucas_ ,” Lee said quietly, touching his husband arm. “Shit happens.”

“He’s right. You can do everything right and viruses still get around,” Claire said, softly, then took a swab of the back of Lee’s throat when he opened his mouth, again, and packed it up for the lab. Nigel swallowed again, gritting his teeth before he looked at Lee, with a helpless feeling that made his chest feel hollowed out. “I fucking know, but …” he sighed.

Lee reached and took Nigel’s hand, making a face after having his throat swabbed. “Don’t beat yourself up, please. I need you.”

Nigel took Lee’s hand as Claire wrote in Lee’s chart, and then stepped out of the room, leaving them alone. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” he promised, making eye contact with Lee, after hard swallow. 

“I’m going to be okay,” Lee insisted, he wasn’t going to let this kick him when he’d made it this far, and he still had the other treatment to go.

Nigel nodded, and touched Lee’s throat with his hand, softly. “We just … this is not what you fucking need right now.”

“No, it’s not. But it’s happening anyway,” Lee sighed, wrapping his arm around Nigel, his hot face against his chest.

“You were supposed to get the fucking miracle treatment …” Nigel whispered, and hugged Lee to his chest, his heart pounding underneath.

“And I still will,” Lee said, turning his head to cough once, aware that getting a cold was probably the worst possible thing right now, but they had to believe it would get better. It _had_ to.

Nigel moved so that Lee could cough against his shoulder, and rubbed his thin back with one hand, through Lee’s sweat-soaked shirt. “Yeah…”

“I’m sorry I worry you,” Lee whispered, slumping against Nigel’s form, more miserable feeling than he was letting on, feeling tired and exhausted, worn down.

After a knock at the door, Lee’s doctor walked into the room, interrupting the couple as he looked at Lee’s chart. “Lee, Lucas, so it looks like you’ve caught something,” he said, while Claire came in again, washed and gloved her hands, and went to Lee’s side to start an iv. 

“That seems to be the consensus,” Lee murmured, mostly against Nigel. 

“What the fuck does he have?” Nigel asked, gruffly and protectively. “We’re not sure, and at the moment, it doesn’t matter, but I think it’s a good idea to admit Lee for at least a little while,” the doctor replied. “You basically don’t have an immune system at this point, we’re going to have to do everything we can do help you through this.”

“Thank you, that would be helpful,” Lee sighed, keeping his hand in Nigel’s, keeping him close.

“I’ll get the lab in here to draw some blood, and soon we’ll move you up to a reverse isolation room,” the doctor said. “What the fuck is that?” Nigel asked, with a frown. “It’s a room on a ward that’s kept even cleaner than usual, people have to wear a gown, gloves and mask to come in to protect Lee from their germs, there are extra measures in place,” the doctor explained. “Can he still get his next … treatment? The special stuff?” Nigel asked, as his eyes focused so intently on the doctor that they looked about to burn holes through him.

“Honestly, I’m not sure,” Dr. Sanche admitted, “I’ll have to review his blood work and talk to a few other specialists. I hope so.”

Lee sighed heavily, arm around Nigel’s waist. He’d hate to disappoint Nigel and everything they had done be for nothing. “One thing at a time…”

“We’ll figure out what you’ve caught first, and treat that, then address how we’ll handle the next therapy.” 

Nigel sighed, and touched Lee’s arm as Claire got an iv started. “Yeah…”

“That sounds like a plan,” Lee said, just wanting to get things going, to hopefully get over this as soon as possible and get the worry out of Nigel.

“I’m sorry,” Nigel said, quietly, to Lee, against his ear.

“It’s fine,” Lee whispered, letting the nurse get him set up on fluids.

Claire left again, and the couple was alone. “I promised that it would be okay…” Nigel sighed, grimly.

“And it’s going to be,” Lee said, trying to keep them both afloat in the pool of desperation and misery that was starting to fill their lives.

Lee’s wedding ring was loose on his finger now, almost hanging off of it. Nigel brushed his thumb over the band, then kissed Lee’s sweaty forehead. He really thought that he had this handled, until this morning, now their plans were up in the air. “Yeah, it’s gonna be. At least they have nice rooms here,” he said, trying to keep his panicked, raging heart quiet, for Lee’s sake. He’d put his fist through a wall later.

Bucky whimpered at their feet, and Lee smooshed his sweaty face against Nigel’s neck, as his husband felt cooler than he did right now. “True…”

Nigel held Lee, then picked the large dog up, and put him on the bed with Lee so that Bucky could see him properly. Bucky sounded about as calm as Nigel felt inside. “This is just a delay, we’ll get through it. You’ve got doctors and nurses and shit here.”

“Exactly. They won’t let a cold kill me,” Lee said with a drowsy, sleepy smile as he pet Bucky.

“No, no they won’t,” Nigel said, as he bit the inside of his cheek, and swallowed hard, watching Lee. Claire came back in, and stopped short as she looked at Bucky. “Oh, guys … I don’t know if you can have him upstairs in this ward,” she said, with a frown.

Lee hadn’t gone a day without Bucky since he left the Movement. “He’s a therapy dog,” Lee murmured. “We don’t know anyone here that can take him either. He doesn’t… he won’t do well without me, us…”

“Why the fuck can’t he come?” Nigel challenged, stepping between the nurse and the dog that Lee had bonded to so strongly. “He’s a dog, Lee has to go to a clean ward. Bucky is going to have to go outside to go to the bathroom several times a day,” Claire argued. “No one’s ever had a dog with them on that ward.” “Well we’re going to be the fucking first. Bucky isn’t going anywhere. We’ll figure shit out!” Nigel exclaimed, his temper starting to flare.

Bucky put his head in Lee’s lap, looking up at him with big, sad eyes, like he knew. Lee sighed. “We really don’t have anywhere for him to go. What if we got some fake turf? Puppy pads?” It wasn’t sanitary, but Lee was desperate to keep Bucky.

“We’re not fucking getting rid of him, don’t worry,” Nigel said, sternly, and looked at Claire, glaring. “He’s our fucking family. He’s not getting fucking shipped off somewhere. Lee needs him as much as he fucking needs me!” Claire put her hands up with a sigh, “look, we’ll … consider the options, but in the state Lee is in, having a dog poop in the same room is not a good idea.” Nigel raised his jaw, thinking it over, eyes sharp and dark. “Is there another room on the ward?” he asked. “Yeah, but … you can’t have _two_ rooms,” Claire said with a sigh. “I’ll fucking pay for it,” Nigel declared, phone out. “One room for Lee, one for Bucky to shit in. I’ll clean after him every damn time and wipe paws and bleach my hands, or whatever the fuck I have to. I don’t care how much it costs. I’ll pay fucking double, whatever the _fuck_ it takes.” Claire took a deep breath, her eyes and Nigel’s locked as she thought about it. “I’ll talk to the head of the ward, I’ll see what I can do,” she finally promised.

“Thank you,” Lee said quietly, hunched over to hug Bucky’s head to reassure him.

Nigel nodded, and petted the dog, softly, while Claire turned to use the phone on the wall to call the ward manager for a talk. “He’s coming with us, don’t worry,” Nigel whispered to his husband.

“He’ll freak out with anyone else,” Lee sighed, reassuring Bucky with soft pets.

“You’ll freak out without him,” Nigel agreed, and leaned down to give Bucky a little kiss on the head. He’d grown to love the mutt, somehow.

“I might,” Lee agreed, starting to sway a little, exhausted and aching from head to toe.

“Then it’s going to be okay, baby. Lay down, rest,” Nigel whispered, holding Lee’s hand.

Lee nodded, and curled up with Bucky, cuddling him his to chest as he laid down, making sure he kept touching Nigel in some way, still sweating. “Okay…”

Claire hung up the phone, and turned back to Lee and Nigel. “The manager thinks you’re crazy, but since Bucky is a therapy dog for the patient and you’re willing to pay a _ridiculous_ amount of money for another room … okay,” she said.

“Thanks,” Lee said, once more, mostly out of it now as his eyes were half closed, drifting in and out.

“I put some Tylenol in your drip, that will help your fever soon, let me know if it doesn’t,” Claire said, and gave Lee a little light surgical mask to wear for the trip to his room. “Put this on while we go to the clean ward, you can take it off as soon as we’re there, just a precaution.”

“Okay,” Lee said and put the mask on, completely spent, but he sat up again, aware he’d have to walk to get there. Unless Nigel carried him again.

“No, no, we’re going to wheel you,” Nigel said with a nod at the chair in the corner, which he brought to Lee, and unfolded. He moved to his husband, and helped him off the bed, into the chair, all but carrying him into it, anyway.

Lee patted Nigel’s chest for that and then opened his arms for Bucky, who got down and gently got into Lee’s lap. “Okay. All set.”

Nigel nodded, and pushed Lee out of the door Claire opened, then followed her down the hallway, and into an elevator, which took them to the third floor. The third floor seemed even quieter and cleaner than the rest of the hospital. Claire stopped them outside of double glass doors, and had Nigel wash his hands while she gave Lee gel to clean his. “Everyone has to wash their hands before they enter the ward, and we bring as little equipment in from outside as possible,” she explained, and went in to get a clean, white wheelchair for Lee to transfer into, which Nigel helped with.

Lee rubbed his hands with the gel and then moved over, barely able to keep a hold on Bucky, but they managed.

They moved into the space between the glass doors, which closed, trapping them as a whoosh of air passed overhead. “That’s the filters to keep outside air outside,” Claire explained, as the doors opened to show them a long, wide, white hallway. “Your room is just this way,” she said, and walked them to the end of the hall where she opened a door to reveal a large, very clean room with a nice view of the city through the big windows, and a queen sized bed.

It was nice for a hospital room, Lee thought, and let Bucky down to sniff around a bit. “It’s got a view at least,” he joked.

“Yeah, these are pretty nice rooms,” Nigel agreed, as he moved to help Lee out of the wheelchair, into the surprisingly large bed while Claire hung his IV bag from a pole built into the bed. “They’re made for extended stays, so they’re a little more like a hotel room,” Claire explained.

“Hopefully not too extended,” Lee sighed, no longer sweating and overheated.

Nigel helped Lee into the bed, and put a pillow behind his back, then sat down beside him as Bucky jumped up, onto the bed, and settled in next to Lee’s thin legs. “I’ll be right back,” Claire said, and let herself out. “Yeah, hopefully not too fucking long,” Nigel murmured, and held Lee’s hand in his, looking at his profile against the white walls of the room.

“See? Already better. Fever is down I think,” Lee whispered, but his eyes were half closed, hand clammy in Nigel’s.

“Yeah, it’s down,” Nigel agreed, and wiped Lee’s forehead with one hand, gazing at him. “I fucking love you.”

Lee smiled up at Nigel. “I love you, too.”

“Want anything?” Nigel asked, not sure what else would help his husband right now. 

“Water, please,” Lee said, parched, his lips cracking and dry, pale.

Nigel got up and found a jug of ice water waiting on the side table, unwrapped a sterilized cup, and poured some into it for Lee. “Here.”

Lee sat up and took it, drinking the cup down in two gulps. It only just began to quench the thirst of the desert in his mouth. “More?” He wiped his mouth, handing the cup back.

“Here,” Nigel said with a little smile as he poured more, and helped Lee hold the cup. “Wonder what the fuck you have…”

“Could be anything, even a simple cold would destroy my system,” Lee murmured, drinking down more water with a pleased, sated sigh.

“Whatever the fuck it is we’ll get you better,” Nigel assured Lee. “Just a set back.”

“That’s right,” Lee said, sitting back in the bed once more, not sweating at all now, but he did look a little pale.

Claire came back in, wearing gloves, a mask, and a gown, with a tray of supplies. “Okay, are you able to cough anything up?”

Lee had just started to have a cough, so he shrugged. “Not yet. I… can let you know?”

“Sure, that’s to send to the lab, and I have to take a nose swab, this might be uncomfortable, but it will only last a second,” Claire said as she uncapped a long, very thin swab, and looked up Lee’s nose.

“Go for it, can’t be any worse than anything else I’ve had to do,” Lee said, tilting his head back a bit.

“Okay, when I count to three, swallow. One, two … three-” Claire said, and slipped the skinny swab up Lee’s nose, to the back of his throat, and out again, then put it in a vial. “There, done. We’ll be able to tell if you have the flu, or most viruses, actually,” she explained. 

“What’s the fucking difference?” Nigel asked, “Is a virus worse than something else?” “Well, a virus, most of the time all we can do is just support him through it. If it’s bacteria, we can give him an antibiotic,” Claire said, headed to the door. “Do you need anything in here?”

Lee made a face, his nose and throat feeling weird after that, and shook his head. “More water, I’ll probably drink it all.”

“I’ll send some in. If you can cough something up, cough it into that jar I left there, and ring the call bell,” she said over her shoulder, as Nigel laid next to Lee in bed. Claire let herself out, quietly.

Lee nodded and then settled in against Nigel, gazing up at him with very tired blue eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“What the fuck are you sorry for?” Nigel asked, with a little confused frown that brought his eyebrows together under his ashy hair where it spilled over his forehead.

“Being back here,” Lee sighed, frowning a little.

“I don’t give a shit where we are. We’re fucking together,” Nigel said, with his own, profanity-laced sort of sentimentality as he gazed at Lee.

“I know. I’m just sorry more shit keeps happening. That’s all,” Lee explained and then wrapped himself around Nigel.

“That’s just life, Baby,” Nigel murmured, and held Lee to him with one arm, cradling him with it where they lay. “Life is just shit happening, and it’s our job to try to hang on. It’s not your fault that you’re sick. I’m the one who was supposed to keep you from getting sick like this.”

“Can’t control everything in the universe,” Lee said with a sad smile. “It’ll be okay though. It has to be.”

“Yeah, it has to be,” Nigel agreed, quietly, and kissed Lee’s forehead, very softly. “It just fucking has to be.” If there were a person he could beat to death, threaten, or confront to make Lee better, Nigel would have done it by now. If he could have given Lee the life in his veins to make him better, Nigel would have done it, without a second’s hesitation. There was nothing, however, to do but … watch.

“Mhm,” Lee said and started to fall asleep against Nigel, but right as he did, his chest heaved and he reached over for the jar and spit up the gung, coughing it out.

Nigel helped Lee sit up, able to feel Lee’s spine protruding against his arm as he held him up while he coughed. “Okay, there, get it out. Fuck … that’s a lot,” Nigel sighed, his stomach sinking at the gob of green and white Lee spat out.

Lee groaned and put the lid on the jar and hit the call button to summon someone to get it. “Yeah, more than I thought.”

“Water? Need to rinse your mouth?” Nigel asked, already leaning over to pour some for Lee. 

Lee reached for the cup, nodding, and then sipped it once and then drank it down. “Better, thanks.”

“You need some sleep, some food,” Nigel said, with exhausted concern.

“In that order?” Lee laughed, lightly, and then laid back, exhausted and he’d hardly done anything.

“You tell me,” Nigel said. Lines appeared in Lee’s thin face when he laughed, and vanished as quickly, but Nigel could see that Lee was weak, exhausted.

“I’ll take a nap first, I can’t keep my eyes open,” Lee sighed, and curled into Nigel once more.

“Okay,” Nigel said, and settled back into the bed, arms open so that Lee could curl into him to sleep. “Then c’mere.”

Lee rested his head against Nigel’s chest, arm around him, and one leg, hardly weighing anything against Nigel’s now much larger form. “You’re always comfortable.”

“Your fucking favorite pillow,” Nigel said with a little smile, and pulled blankets up over them both. He swallowed hard, wondering how many people had closed their eyes for nap in his room, and had not woken up.

Lee smiled a little at that, fingers twirling against Nigel’s chest, and then grasped it gently. “Always.”

“We’ll get you some food when you wake up,” Nigel promised, and laid a hand on Lee’s back, to feel him breathe, in case Lee stopped, suddenly.

Lee nodded and then moved his head into Nigel’s chest to cough once, and then settled, his breathing going to a much smoother, less ragged pace as he fell asleep.

Nigel stared at the ceiling as he held Lee, counting his breaths until he fell asleep next to him.

***

Lee woke, thankfully, hours later, struggling to get up as his stomach churned horribly, hungry and yet sick feeling all at once.

Bucky lifted his head, and barked softly to wake Nigel, who opened his eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked Lee, as he sat up quickly.

“Stomach,” Lee groaned, frowning as he tried to get out of bed to the bathroom, but the IV made it difficult.

Nigel leapt out of bed with long legged grace, and grabbed a basin with one hand, then gave it to Lee. “Puke…”

It all came up , yellow bile filling the basin with a few wretches, and then a little bit of dry heaving. Finally Lee stopped, wiping his mouth with his augh. “Thanks.”

Nigel grimaced, but had seen Lee throw up many times by now. “Better?” he asked as he set the basin aside and handed Lee his cup of water.

“Yeah,” Lee murmured and took the water, drinking the taste down in the back of his throat.

Nigel buzzed the nurse, and wiped some sweat off of Lee’s forehead. “Have to go to the bathroom?” Lee looked so weak that Nigel wasn’t sure he could walk by himself.

“Not anymore,” Lee sighed, and sat back on the bed, the fever was slowly crawling back into his skin.

Nigel pressed the call button again, and poured Lee more water. “Just came on all of a sudden?”

“Yeah,” Lee said, rubbing a hand over his face and drank more water. His body was so dehydrated all of it was being absorbed.

Claire came in, gowned, gloved and masked, and sighed when she saw the basin of vomit. “Oh no, not getting any better, is it?” she asked, and took the basin to empty in the bathroom. “Any diarrhea?”

“Thankfully no,” Lee sighed, wondering when his medical privacy went right out the window.

“Good, that’s the last thing you need. Results came back, you’ve got a rhinovirus, which is a common cold. It’s nothing for most people but for you, it’s going to be a big deal. There’s not much we can do except keep you hydrated, control the fever, and try a couple medications.”

“I never knew a cold could feel so awful,” Lee said, huffing a breath as he coughed into his shoulder.

“Well when you don’t have an immune system to fight it off, it does,” Claire sighed, and changed her gloves before she took Lee’s temperature. “He’ll get better though, right?” Nigel asked. Claire just shifted her jaw a little. “Something like a cold is very, very serious for someone in Lee’s condition. We’ll do everything we can.”

“Whatever you need to do, I’ll do it,” Lee insisted, awake for the time, but his body felt like a giant throb.

“Okay, that’s the spirit,” Claire said, as she hung a new bag of fluid for Lee. “The doctor is going to come see you soon, to talk about the immune therapy. If you’ll stretch out your arm, I have to take a little blood so he can see the results.”

Lee was determined to fight this, he’d never lost without a fight, and he wasn’t going to start now. He held his arm out for Claire, his other taking Nigel’s. “Sounds good.”

Nigel squeezed Lee’s free hand as Claire opened a sterile needle, and attached it to a hub, then wrapped a blood pressure cuff around Lee’s arm and inflated it before she took a few samples. “Do you think you can eat? Waffles are on for breakfast.”

“I’ll try. I might not feel hungry, but I’ll manage to get something down,” Lee answered, aware that eating was half the battle when sick like this.

“Good,” Nigel murmured, and kissed Lee’s temple. “I can go get you something from the waffle house,” he offered, but Claire shook her head while she labelled tubes. “Sorry, in this ward we can’t allow outside food in here. It’s for his own good, the cashier could have the flu, or it’s not cooked right…”

“She’s got a point,” Lee sighed, looking at Nigel sympathetically. “That might be how this happened.”

Nigel looked guilty, then angry. “I did everything I fucking could. No one told me you couldn’t have takeout, I thought restaurants would be better than me fucking up eggs…” he said.

“I didn’t know either. But now we do,” Lee insisted, touching Nigel face, apologetically. “I can eat waffles from here, it’s okay.”

Nigel chewed the inside of his cheek as he looked at Lee, his face burning red with shame at the thought that he’d made Lee sick when he was supposed to be taking care of him. “I’ll order some waffles,” Claire said, and let herself out. “If I fucking _knew_ I wasn’t supposed to get you fucking take out I would have hired some sort of cook or something,” Nigel said, unused to the heavy, strangling feeling of guilt.

“It’s okay. I didn’t know either. I asked you to,” Lee sighed, frowning as he palmed at Nigel’s chest. “Let’s focus on getting me out of here, okay?”

Nigel’s chest was rising and falling quickly, but he focused on Lee’s eyes, and took a deep breath. “Okay. You don’t blame me?” Nigel asked, softly, almost like a kid who’d been worrying himself sick about something for a long time. 

“I don’t. We both made the choices,” Lee insisted, drinking some more of the water in his cup. “I’m not mad.”

“Okay,” Nigel sighed, and rested their heads together, then passed Lee a box of kleenex from the table when he heard him sniffle. “Sorry. I’m … I’m just worried.”

“I know. You’re allowed to be,” Lee insisted, and took the tissue to blow his nose, three times, and then tossed into the garbage.

“You’re the only person I’ve fucking worried about since my brother died,” Nigel admitted, as he held Lee close, against his shoulder, keeping him upright.

Lee curled back into Nigel, and held on tight. “I just don’t want you getting sick too. That’s the last thing we need.”

“I never get sick,” Nigel murmured, and pulled Lee into his lap, arms wrapped around him, like a wall keeping the rest of the world away from him, in his delicate state.

“I hope that’s true,” Lee whispered, wrapping himself around Nigel, nuzzling into his neck, breathing shallowly.

“I wouldn’t lie to you, baby,” Nigel purred, and handed Lee more kleenex. “I’m a fucking tank.”

Lee chuckled at that, and then coughed into Nigel’s shoulder. “My tank. My bear…”

Nigel rubbed Lee’s back and smiled at that. “Yeah, your fucking tank bear.”

“I’m picturing a bear in army fatigues,” Lee murmured, content to lie on Nigel unmoving, as his body relaxed.

“Too bad I’ve never been in the army,” Nigel said with a smile, and kissed the top of Lee’s bald head. “You’d like me in a uniform?”

“You’d look amazing in anything,” Lee crooned, through a stuffed up nose, sounding a little hoarse.

“Not _anything_ ,” Nigel laughed, and offered Lee more water, making sure there was ice in this cup of it. 

Lee curled the other way, legs over Nigel’s lap, and arm over his shoulders, as he drank the offered water, cooling on his completely empty stomach. “Pretty much anything.”

“What would you like to see me wear the most?” Nigel asked, curiously, happy to turn the conversation to something Lee could lose himself in.

“Anything tight and revealing,” Lee whispered, eyes bright as he looked at Nigel up close. “My favorite are those jeans you have that hug your ass really nice.”

“Which ones, the light ones?” Nigel asked, smiling widely. “I’ll wear them all the fucking time when you’re out. I’ll buy eight fucking pairs.”

“Yeah? Eight? One for everyday plus an extra?” Lee chuckled, resting his forehead against Nigel’s.

“Yeah, in case you make me come in them,” Nigel whispered, in a throaty voice.

“Ohh,” Lee groaned at that, biting his own lip. “Good idea.”

“So, I’d need extra,” Nigel smirked. “What about shirts?”

“The nice white ones that spread over your chest are great,” Lee whispered, day dreaming now about Nigel in those very clothes, watching him as he walked around their house, Bucky following everywhere he went.

“The white?” Nigel asked with mild surprise as he leaned over again, getting more water for Lee. Lee’s lips were parched, already, his body drying up like a sponge.

“White looks nice against your tan,” Lee said, touching Nigel’s skin on his neck, over the tattoo there.

Nigel closed his eyes, and let Lee’s thin, cool fingers ghost over his neck. “I’ll wear white for you all the time,” he promised. He realized he was bargaining now, promising Lee whatever he could if he would just … _live_.

“All the time?” Lee let out a chuckle that turned into another cough, and that escalated into a coughing up more gunk from his lungs.

Nigel helped with gentle pats on the back with the width of his large hand, and gave Lee more kleenex to spit into. “Yeah, white shirts, tight jeans, anything you want.”

“Spoiling me,” Lee hummed, wiping his mouth with the tissue and tossed it into the sterile garbage can.

“I’m going to do more than spoil you,” Nigel promised, as he handed Lee his water, again. Lee seemed to be fading right in front of his eyes. He was weaker today than he was yesterday, and Nigel wasn’t sure how much of Lee was left to lose.

“Oh yeah? I hope by that you mean fucking me hard,” Lee crooned in a whisper and drank down the water, then leaned back against Nigel.

“Against every goddamned piece of furniture we own,” Nigel promised, smiling at Lee with a little sparkle in his eyes. 

Lee drank all his water, and rested against Nigel, fever coming down once again. “You're the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“Same, baby, same,” Nigel whispered, and wrapped his arm across Lee’s chest, closing his eyes. There was a knock at the door, and the doctor came in, gowned, gloved and masked, just as Claire had been. “Morning…”

Lee looked over, hoping it was food, now that the nausea was out of his stomach, it was growling pretty hard. “Morning.”

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Sanche asked, as he nodded at Nigel and Bucky, then pulled up a chair to talk to Lee, clipboard in hand.

“Little better, actually,” Lee answered, quietly, though he hardly looked better, whatever he threw up eased his stomach.

“I’m sure your nurse already told you, but you’ve got a cold, which could be life-threatening for you,” he said, plainly, but compassionately. 

Nigel swallowed behind Lee, and went tense, holding him tighter.

“Yeah, she mentioned that,” Lee explained. “I told her I’m willing to do whatever I can to prevent that.”

“Good, that is exactly what I was hoping to hear. I talked to the research team about your immunotherapy, and whether or not we can give it to you in this state. They said that honestly, they didn’t know. No one has ever received this therapy when they were infected with something else. There is a chance that it could compromise the results, but if we wait until you’ve recovered from the cold, which could be weeks, we might miss our therapeutic window and the therapy might not work at all.”

Lee nodded and looked at Nigel briefly. “No, I’ll… I’ll do it. What’s it going to hurt?”

“We don’t think it could hurt you, but as I said, this is unprecedented. We really can’t say exactly what effect it might have,” the doctor said, cautiously.

“Right. That’s… understandable. It’s do or… die, really,” Lee sighed.

“Yes, unfortunately, and even more unfortunately, I can’t guarantee the same success rate that we discussed earlier,” the doctor said, apologetically.

Lee looked at Nigel again. “What do you think?” He wouldn’t do anything without Nigel’s say so, without hearing his thoughts on it. It wasn’t just Lee doing this, they were together.

Nigel already looked like he’d made up his mind. “The treatment. At least you have a chance that way, right? You’ve got no fucking chance if you don’t.”

Nodding, Lee agreed silently and then turned back to the doctor. “let's do it.” He would need a miracle, but at this point, maybe that's all there was left.

“Alright,” the doctor nodded, and added a note to Lee’s chart, then stood. “We’ll get that ready, and give you the new cells this afternoon, I’m glad you agreed. I think this will be your best chance. Do you have any questions?”

“No, but thank you,” Lee said through a stuffed nose, which he reached for a tissue to alleviate.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow, and we’ll see how your body is reacting to the therapy,” the doctor said, nodded at them both, and let himself out. Bucky wagged, and moved closer to Lee to sniff at his kleenex as Nigel let out a long sigh. 

“Maybe this new shit will give you superpowers or something,” he joked, quietly, and tossed Lee’s used kleenex for him.

Lee laughed. “Maybe. Who knows.”

“I’ll just be fucking happy when you can come home, we can lay around, travel, you can paint…” Nigel said, wistfully.

“I haven’t painted since Spain,” Lee sighed, leaning into Nigel again. “We’ll get there though.”

“Spain, Italy, fucking China. We’ll go wherever the fuck you want to go, wherever you’ve ever wanted to go,” Nigel promised.

“Travel the world for a while, come back and settle in Texas?” Lee laughed at the thought, it was almost ridiculous, but it was something to look forward to.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Where do you wanna go, Baby?” Nigel asked, rubbing Lee’s back.

“Never been to China or Japan,” Lee mentioned, and someone knocked on the door once, bringing in his breakfast.

“Sounds good, Japan is supposed to be fucking nice. We could see the fucking mountains, Tokyo, flowers…” Nigel said, as he got up to take the tray from the gowned and gloved server, then brought it to Lee, and set it in front of him.

Famished, Lee dug right in, almost forgetting the fork all together, and scarfed down the waffle. “That might be nice. Drink lots of tea.”

“I’ve never been there, we’d get to see it for the first time, together,” Nigel said, and laughed. “I’d be a fucking giant.”

Laughing, Lee shook his head, honestly feeling better by the second. Maybe it was the meds, maybe it was Nigel. “They aren't _all_ small.”

“I’ve never met any asians taller than me,” Nigel said, like that was irrefutable proof. “You’d better learn how to say ‘my husband is a fucking giant’ in Japanese.”

“I don’t think I’d need to tell them that if they can see you,” Lee said with a playful side eye, and drank some of the juice provided.

“Doesn’t hurt,” Nigel said, smiling a little. 

“Too tall, they won’t see you?” Lee batted his blue eyes at Nigel as he finished his waffle and started on the side of bacon, having grown to love it.

Nigel kissed Lee’s cheek. “Just a good idea to point me out, so no one gets any ideas.”

“Oh, I see. You think all the Japanese people will want this?” Lee said, gesturing to his scrawny, sick self.

“Yeah, of course they would,” Nigel said, protectively, and picked up a forkful of waffles to feed Lee. 

Lee rolled his eyes, knowing better, and let Nigel put more food in his mouth. 

“I’d have to make sure no one carried you the fuck off,” Nigel joked, as he fed his husband, slowly, trying not to focus too much on how sad it was that Lee ran out of energy in the middle of his favourite meal. At least he was eating meat…

“Carried me off where?” Lee asked, chewing, which did take a lot of effort, but with Nigel distracting him it seemed to be easier.

“I don’t fucking know, some tiny ass apartment that smells like fish,” Nigel joked, crudely, and kissed Lee’s ear as he chewed.

“You are ridiculous sometimes,” Lee said, shaking his head but then leaned into Nigel’s lips, loving the feel of his lips there.

“I am fucking not,” Nigel teased, and gave Lee the lightest nip against his earlobe, tugging very gently. “I’m serious, all the time,” he purred. He loved that Lee got his strange sense of humor.

“Yes, all the time,” Lee sighed, but smirked at hs husband, tugging his ear away. “If you eat me there will be nothing left to save.”

“I can’t help it. You’re fucking delicious,” Nigel whispered, and gave the side of Lee’s throat a tiny, soft bite, just enough to tease him.

Lee ate the bacon, the last piece, and then rested against Nigel. “I love you, you know.”

Nigel swallowed hard, and let Lee rest against him, then rested his palm over Lee’s heart in his thin chest. “I fucking love you, too, Baby…” He loved Lee so much that it physically hurt to see him like this.

“I’m going to live, and we’re going to fuck a lot, because I want to,” Lee said with a wry, wary grin up at Nigel.

“You promise?” Nigel asked, as he gazed down at Lee. No matter how sick he was, his eyes were still that unearthly shade of blue that had grabbed Nigel’s attention the first moment they met.

“Yes. I’ve come too far to give up,” Lee said, nasally and congested, he still meant every word.

Nigel gave Lee a kleenex, and kissed his temple. “Good. I … don’t know what the fuck I’d do without you.”

“And you don’t have to think about that,” Lee insisted.

Nigel’s arms tightened around Lee, and he swallowed, closing his eyes. Not many people had meant much to him, and he had lost every single one. It was hard to believe he wasn’t going to lose Lee, too. “Okay,” Nigel agreed, quietly, as he nuzzled Lee’s jaw. 

Lee kissed Nigel’s jaw, and set his food aside, finished for now, eating what he could. “I’m lucky to have someone like you.”

“You could have anyone you fucking want,” Nigel said, as he put the plate on the floor, for Bucky to lick as a little treat.

“I could maybe, but I wanted you, and I got you,” Lee reiterated, a small smile playing across his thin lips.

“Yeah, you got me,” Nigel agreed, and kissed Lee on the lips, lightly, then rested their faces together as he held Lee’s angular, fragile body. “No one’s ever got me the way you did.”


	18. Chapter 18

Later that afternoon, a different nurse and a technologist came into Lee’s room to give him his dose of the immune treatment. It was a surprisingly small bag of straw-colored liquid that fed into Lee’s arm through an I.V. line. “That’s it?” Nigel asked, eyeing the little bag of fluid. “I thought it would … I don’t know, be bigger than that.”

“We’re just giving him his cells back, trust me, there are billions of cells in this bag,” the technologist reassured Nigel and Lee.

“Not all good things come in big packages and large bows,” Lee explained with a little smile at Nigel.” You did, sorta, but this doesn’t have to.”

Nigel chuckled, and kissed the side of Lee’s face. “Talking about my big package?” he whispered, as the cells flowed into Lee’s body.

“Aren’t I always?” Lee whispered back with a raised brow at this handsome husband.

Nigel laughed outright, and kissed Lee again, arm around him as their last hope drained into Lee’s veins. “These days? You’re less shy about it.”

Set up, the tech left for now, and Lee snuggled the best he could into Nigel. “Nothing left to lose or worry about in telling you how I really feel.”

“I like it,” Nigel said, and looked up at the little bag as it drained. “Those are your fucking super cells… Are they fucking robotic? How do they know what to attack?”

Lee shrugged. “The cells of the body just know, I think. Hunt out the bad?”

“Fucking weird, but if it works, I don’t care about anything else,” Nigel whispered, and rubbed Lee’s chest, over his surgical scar.

Lee knew it _had_ to work, as it was his last hope draining into his arm, through his veins. “It’ll work.”

Nigel pulled Lee into his lap, gently and carefully, then pulled the blanket over him. “It will,” Nigel agreed, finally willing to have faith in something. When Lee met him, he refused to have faith in anything, or anyone. Now, he was willing, for Lee.

“I wonder if I’m supposed to feel any different,” Lee murmured, mostly to himself, though he mostly just felt the cool drip of the IV fluids through his veins.

“I think it’s going to take a little while, right? the cells have to get to the cancer, then start fighting,” Nigel guessed.

“Right,” Lee said, nodding, and just assumed as well, but whatever they had to do, he hoped it worked.

“You don’t feel any different, though?” Nigel asked, hopefully, licking his lips. He laid back in bed with Lee in his arms, happy to share his warmth with him.

“Not yet, it’s only been five minutes,” Lee chuckled, though he did feel better, as if maybe the cold might subside. Nigel made sure Lee was covered up, and rested their feet together to keep Lee’s feet warm. “Hopefully you’ll just feel a little better every day, right?”

“Yes, exactly. Already feeling a little better from this cold now that the fever is gone,” Lee insisted, warming his feet with Nigel’s, despite the socks he had one and Bucky laying over them.

“Thank fucking god,” Nigel said, softly, and let Lee rest his head on his arm, like a pillow, gazing at him. “I can see it working,” he said, with a warm smirk.

“Yeah? What do you see?” Lee asked, curious, head back and chin tilted to look at Nigel.

“More fucking color,” Nigel said, “that little blush coming back to your cheeks.”

“Sure that’s not from the cold?” Lee teased a little, wrinkling his nose at Nigel, like a whole new person compared from the day they had met.

“No. You’re getting better,” Nigel declared, with a smile, and a light touch to the end of Lee’s wrinkled nose.

Smiling at that, nose less red already from being stuffy, Lee leaned and kissed Nigel softly on the mouth. “I really hope so.”

“I can fucking tell. I’ve been staring at you for months. I’m a fucking expert,” Nigel smirked, eyes twinkling again.

“An expert in Lee 101?” the usually brunet man asked, amused.

“I know every inch of you, every fucking facial expression, every laugh, the way you fucking snort in your sleep,” Nigel teased, fondly.

“What? I don't snort!” Lee laughed though, not offended, as he was glad Nigel knew those things about him and still loved him.

“You fucking do, just now and then when you move, or you take a deeper breath or something!” Nigel said, smirking as he watched Lee’s face light up. “It’s just a little snort.”

“You make it sound like I’m so noisy,” Lee chuckled, shaking his head.

“You’re not, just little fucking snorts, that’s all. Bucky fucking snores worse than you do,” Nigel said with a look at their dog.

“And you snore more than either of us,” Lee teased, color was coming back into his face, his skin, and not from fever or sweats.

“I don’t fucking snore at all,” Nigel said, surprised. 

“Like a bear,” Lee grinned, nuzzling into Nigel’s neck as he snuggled there, content and feeling much better.

“You like my snoring?” Nigel asked, with an amused smile.

“I _love_ everything about you,” Lee insisted. “As I’ve said many times before.”

“Even my temper?” Nigel asked, softly.

“Even that. It’s full of passion, even if it’s not right,” Lee explained, kissing Nigel’s cheek.

Nigel closed his eyes at that, and smiled. “Lucky me, then.”

“You’re very lucky, as am I,” Lee grinned. He couldn’t be happier, honestly, even in the situations they were in now.

“You feel lucky? Even like this?” Nigel asked, nodding to Lee’s IV pump and monitors.

“I do. I have you, and Bucky, and the best care around. How could I not feel lucky?” Lee asked, a smile spread across his face, eyes brighter now even.

Nigel touched Lee’s lip with his thumb, then kissed him, gently. “You really do look better already.”

“Fingers crossed,” Lee whispered, licking his dry lips first before kissed Nigel back.

“Doesn’t that mean you’re lying?” Nigel asked, against Lee’s lips, teasing him gently.

“Would you prefer ‘knock on wood’?” Lee murmured, slowly kissing Nigel back, enjoying the feel without having to gasp for air.

“Knock on wood,” Nigel repeated with a little smile, and kissed Lee a little harder, holding it longer than he usually would have.

“I’ve missed this,” Lee whispered, knowing he hadn’t had much strength to do much lately, and feeling a boost in it, he was going to enjoy, should it not last.

“So have I. I didn’t want you to have to gasp for breath after I kissed you,” Nigel admitted. “Scares the shit out of me.”

“Definitely getting better,” Lee whispered and kissed Nigel again, enjoy the soft, plush feel of his lips against his own dry ones.

“Maybe there’s going to be a fucking miracle.after all,” Nigel whispered, against Lee’s lips.

“Maybe so,” Lee said, feeling light all over again, floaty.

“You finally made me believe in something,” Nigel admitted.

“This is all it took? Cancer and a treatment?” Lee shook his head, and nuzzled Nigel’s jaw.

“Yeah, that’s all, you almost fucking dying,” Nigel murmured.

“Shh…” Lee hushed and kissed Nigel again. “I think everything is going to be fine, let’s leave it at that.”

“It will,” Nigel agreed. “It fucking will.” He rested his head on Lee’s, eyes closed.

Lee sighed, contently., snuggling into Nigel, nose under his chin. 

***

Days blurred into weeks in the hospital, and very slowly, Lee began to show incremental, but certain improvement. Finally, one morning, Lee’s doctor visited with the good news that Lee was ready to go home, and that they expected him to make a full recovery.

“We’re relieved you decided to stick with the immunotherapy,” the doctor said, with a smile.

“As am I,” Lee said, packing up the rest of his things, and some of his hair even had started to grow back, very, very lightly. The therapy had worked, and the cold gone within days of when he had it, luckily, making no other issues.

Nigel had already packed Lee’s things, there wasn’t much, most of it was for Bucky, but he was eager to get home with Lee. “So, we can go?”

“Yes, you’re free to go home, just come back for your checkup in six months,” the doctor said, and took his mask off. “You’re no longer under precautions.”

“Am I… in remission, or are we still waiting for that?” Lee asked, wanting a definite answer before they partied too hard.

“You are officially in remission,” Lee’s doctor declared, proudly. “Go live your life.”

Lee let out the breath he’d been holding and smiled brightly over at Nigel, lighting up from within. “Thank you.”

Nigel’s eyes shone, happy and honey brown, and he kissed Lee, long and hard as the doctor let himself out. 

Lee wrapped himself around Nigel, able to stand on his own two feet without much support now.

“Let’s go home.”

There would not be a funeral, after all, not for a long, long time. Nigel kissed Lee, teary with emotion, and nodded between kisses. “Can’t wait. Our own bed …”

“Just us,” Lee whispered, pressing their foreheads together.

“And a long life,” Nigel agreed, as he laced their fingers together. “When do you want to go to Japan?” he asked, as he shouldered the bag and walked with Lee to the door. Bucky followed them, excited that they were all leaving, together.

“A month? We can settle a little before we go?” Lee offered, leaning into Nigel just because he could now.

“Of course, whenever the fuck you want, Baby,” Nigel said, holding the door for Lee as they headed out, both of them smiling.

The only thing that sounded good at the moment to Lee was going home and taking a real shower with Nigel and sleeping in their own bed for hours, maybe even days. They walked out, Lee signed out at the desk, and then out of the lobby to the parking lot. Lee took a deep breath of fresh air.

“Feels good?” Nigel asked, staring at Lee as they walked to the car. The sun shone on Lee’s bald head, warming the skin there for the first time in weeks. 

“Yeah,” Lee said, tiny little hairs sprouting from his bald head, nothing seen too much but in the sun.

Nigel touched the tiny hairs, and grinned as he opened the car door for Lee and Bucky. “Already starting to grow again.”

“Little by little. I’ll look like a balding old man before it comes in fully,” Lee laughed and got in, tugging Bucky up with him.

“No, you’ll look like you got out of the army, or some shit,” Nigel said, and helped Lee with Bucky, out of habit.

Lee might have been better, but he’d loss a lot of muscle mass while sick, so getting Bucky up and in was still difficult. He kissed Nigel for the help. “Not quite.”

“It’ll be sexy,” Nigel reassured Lee, and kissed him back before he shut the car door for Lee, and went to the driver’s side, climbing in. 

“As you say,” Lee teased, and touched Nigel’s thigh once he was in. They were going home.

“What’s the first thing you want to do when we’re home?” Nigel asked, as he reversed the powerful car and then drove them out of the parking lot, onto the street. 

“Fuck you,” Lee said with a wide grin. He didn’t want to get too tired not to be able to do it later. “Gotta start building up my stamina somewhere.”

Nigel laughed at that, and looked at his husband, taking his hand as they sped up, on the freeway. “Fuck me?”

“Or the other way around. It doesn’t matter,” Lee insisted.

“ _Anything_ you want,” Nigel said, with a squeeze of Lee’s hand, and laced their fingers together. It had been so long that the thought of Lee doing anything to him at all made him hard as a rock in seconds.

“Really?” Lee asked, brows raised. He hadn’t taken lead in a long time, not since the name change over, since he rebuilt himself.

“Fucking anything,” Nigel promised, spreading his thighs under Lee’s hand. “I just want you. I don’t fucking care how.”

Lee grinned at that and pushed his fingers a little higher. “Yeah?”

Nigel leaned back with a little groan under his breath and flexed his thigh under Lee’s hand. “I haven’t so much as fucking wanked in weeks.”

“No? Not even our private bathroom while I was asleep?” Lee asked, flexing his fingers over the tight ridge of Nigel’s cock under his jeans.

“No, you were fucking sick, I was worried,” Nigel said, and arched his hips under Lee’s hand.

“Then you definitely deserve to be fucked,” Lee grinned, unzipping Nigel’s jeans, flitting fingers between the teeth there and stroking Nigel’s cock.

Nigel’s eyes half closed, and he groaned as he fingers squeezed around the wheel. “Have you been thinking about it for a while?”

“Maybe,” Lee murmured, taking Nigel from his jeans to stroke him with more fluid flicks of his wrist.

“Fuck,” Nigel breathed, “you’re going to make me come in the fucking car.”

“Don’t. You have to wait,” Lee said, slowing his strokes, thumbing just the tip.

“Lee-” Nigel moaned, and took the turn toward their house, sweating and flushed now, arching up.

Lee let go, wanting Nigel to last until they got into the house. Once parked, he got out, Bucky on the ground first, and went for the door. “Come on…”

Nigel stuffed himself back into his pants, and got out. He caught Lee in his arms at the other side of the car and kissed him hard, his heart beating hard in his throat with pent up passion. Lee groaned, arms around his husband immediately, his heart skipping beats just to kiss him like this again.

Nigel shuffled with Lee in his arms to the door and unlocked it behind Lee’s back as they kissed, then pushed it open with a grunt. Lee bit Nigel’s lip as they stumbled in, kicking the door shut once Bucky got in behind them. Lee tugged Nigel’s shirt up and over his head, and then pushed his own jeans down.

“Off, all of it.”

Nigel’s dark eyes sparkled and he stripped off his belt, then his jeans, boots and socks with it, until he was completely naked in front of Lee. “You too,” he murmured, tugging at Lee’s shirt.

Lee pulled his shirt off and stepped out of his jeans, boots and all, and kissed Nigel again. “Better?”

“Yes,” Nigel moaned, and pulled Lee to him, hip to hip, moaning as they rubbed together and stumbled down the hallway toward bed.

“Fuck-” Lee groaned, leading them there and then pushed Nigel down onto the bed, crawling over him. He reached into the nightstand for the lube. “You sure?” “Yes, yes I’m fucking sure,” Nigel insisted, as he pulled Lee over him, his entire body throbbing for more contact, for more of Lee’s skin against his own. 

Lee wet his fingers with the lube, pressing them into Nigel slowly, working him open. “Yeah?”

Nigel’s jaw dropped, and his head dropped back before he managed a moan. His body was tight, and hot, and clung around Lee’s fingers, already throbbing. “Fuck, yeah…”

Lee worked his fingers in slowly, working them and Nigel open, curling against the gland there as far in as he could manage. “Tell me when…”

Nigel looked up at Lee with nearly black eyes, and swore when he felt his husband’s fingers against his prostate. A sharp jolt of bliss shot through him like lightening. “Fuck-” he exclaimed, “there, fucking there … fuck …”

Nigel’s hair had grown during the months of Lee’s illness, and spread on the bedding under his head like a silvery pool.

Lee loved every inch of Nigel, grown out or not. He spread Nigel thighs with his free hand, slipping between them with his slender form and slicked himself up. Heat between them, his finger spread Nigel easily and he slipped them out, pressing slowly into Nigel, against the ring of tight muscle. Nigel gasped, wordlessly when Lee’s cock slid into him, and wrapped his long legs around Lee’s waist as his chest heaved. “Fuck …” he moaned, but nodded for more, for Lee to keep going. 

Lee moved slowly, at first, keeping an easy pace to see what his own limits were. Hips whipped fast as he got into the rhythm, harder, faster, with every grunt. “Nigel-”

It didn’t matter who fucked who. Lee was alive, their bodies were rutting together again, Nigel wanted this, forever. “Harder,” Nigel demanded.

Lee went as hard as he could, as fast as he could, sweating already glistening off his mostly bald head.” Tryin’.”

Nigel arched his hips, gasping when he felt Lee’s cock grinding against his prostate. He gripped Lee’s forearm with one hand, the blankets with the other. “Christ, right there…”

Lee pushed Nigel’s knees to his chest to get better leverage and drove down into him, with short, heavy bursts. Heat swelled in his spine, daring to explore too soon. “Fuck.”

Nigel was already perilously close when they started, he began to shake, hard. “Lee- Lee, fuck … Im-”

Lee hammered in a few more times, sweating dripping from his body on to Nigel, before he came in what felt like droves. “Nigel-”

Nigel finally allowed himself to come, with a force that made him feel like he was floating when it had released him. When he opened his eyes he looked up at Lee, holding onto him, tightly. “Needed that.”

“Yeah,” Lee sighed, wrapping himself around Nigel, “me too.”

They were sweaty and sticky, and Nigel smiled up at Lee, touching his cheek. “Color in your face again, gorgeous.”

Lee smiled, lighting up the touch, tender as it was needed. “Everything is going to be good now.”

“Yeah, yeah, it will,” Nigel sighed, and pulled Lee down to his chest, closing his eyes.

While in the hospital, Lee had written up an article about the Meyerists, and the leader that was now dead, or presumed to be. It was set to be published, anonymously, but it was Lee’s--Cal’s-- last toe in the water, and now he’d be free to live his life his own way, and cancer free.

“I love you,” Lee whispered, pressing a kiss to Nigel’s lips.

“Love you too,” Nigel whispered back, and nuzzled Lee’s face. “Time to have the rest of our lives.”

Lee sighed, contently, and curled around Nigel once he’d pulled out, tangled up in him and under the warm sun shining down through the window. He was never so happy as he was now.


End file.
